This is a one-shot inspired by the Canadian promo of 4X14
In case it's not clear enough, the italicized part is a flashback.
Enjoy ;)
Aria slowly got up, being careful not to wake up the man asleep beside her, before looking for her clothes. She quickly found and put on her shirk, but when her tank top was nowhere to be seen, she picked up Ezra's white shirt and pulled it on, her mind flashing back to the moment she had taken it off of him.
She walked toward the window of the small cabin and sat by it as her eyes went to the man still sound asleep in front of the fire, on the cover he had placed on the floor a few hours ago, right before they made love to each other.
A shiver ran through her body at the memory of the previous events, and she brought the sleeve of the shirt up to her nose before inhaling deeply as Ezra's scent filled her nostrils. She had missed his scent so much, his touch, his kisses; she had actually missed everything about him. But now, she wasn't sure if she should feel happy that they had finally reunited, or totally scared because of what this meant.
They had slept together; even though they were supposed to be broken up, even though she was dating someone else, and even though he was her teacher. They had broken a lot of rules since they had first met, but they had never had sex while he was her teacher. They wanted to be able to, at least, say that nothing sexual had happened between them while she was still his student, but now, even this was ruined.
Maybe she should have refused when, a few hours earlier, he had asked her to go to this cabin he knew, in order to try to figure things out between them. Of course, he was right; they did need to talk, considering how confusing their situation was, but going with him to a cabin in the middle of nowhere, alone, was definitely playing with fire.
She should have known that it was going to happen. Not because Ezra would try to win her back and talk her into doing this, but because, if she was perfectly honest with herself, she had to admit that she had been wanting that. Badly. So so badly.
She sighed and closed her eyes as her mind drifted back to a few hours earlier.
"So…" Aria awkwardly started, breaking the heavy silence as she uncomfortably played with the ring around her finger, needed something to focus on as she felt herself getting more and more nervous, dreading the conversation that they were about to have.
They had made coffee and talked about nothing in particular during a few minutes, until they both remained silence, knowing that they had to talk about the reason that had brought them here: their relationship or whatever was going on between them.
So there they were, sitting on the couch in the old cabin Ezra had taken her to, the only perceptible sound being the cracking fire that he had lit up in order to keep them warm.
"Ezra, I-" Aria started to say, deciding to make the first move.
"I want you back." The words left Ezra's mouth before Aria could add another thing, causing her mouth to slightly fall open in surprise.
She couldn't tell if she was happy to hear these words, or if she would have preferred not to hear them at all.
"Ezra…"
"Look," Ezra said, moving closer to her on the couch before taking one of her hands in his, brushing his thumb over the back of it. "The reason we broke up is gone, Malcolm..." he hesitated a few seconds before saying the words that were still painful for him. "is not my son. There's nothing which prevents us from being together."
Aria raised an eyebrow at him. "Nothing? Are you sure about that? Because the last time I checked, you were still my teacher," she stated.
"I could quit. It wouldn't be the first time," Ezra proposed.
Aria shook her head in negation. "Don't be stupid, Ezra. You need this job, you need money. You're not going to quit another job for me. I won't let you do that."
Ezra opened his mouth to protest but closed it, knowing that she was right. Even though he didn't have Malcolm in his life anymore, he still had bills to pay and didn't have any money left, and, of course, asking his mother was not even an option. Aria was right, he needed this job. But he needed her as well. He refused to wait six months to finally be able to be with her again, he wanted her in his life and now.
Aria watched as Ezra seemed to be lost in thoughts until he looked up at her. "Maybe…" He hesitantly started. "Maybe, I don't have to quit."
Aria furrowed her brows in confusion. "What are you saying? You want us to be together even if you're still my teacher?"
Ezra nodded in affirmation. "It'd only be for a few months, until you graduate."
Aria opened one's eyes wide and got up from the couch, standing in front of him. "But do you realize the consequences? Ezra, you could go to jail!"
"We'll be careful," Ezra insisted as he got up as well. "We did it before; we can manage to do it again."
Aria shook her head. "But it was different back then and you know it!"
Ezra knew what she was referencing to. Even if they had already dated while she was his student, they weren't having sex back then and had never crossed that line. He wished he could tell her that they could date without having sex until she graduates, but he knew he would only be lying to himself. There was no way that they could stop themselves, he knew they wouldn't be able to; he wouldn't be able to. He already wanted her so much.
"I know," he admitted. "But, Aria… I love you, and I want to be with you. Now. I'm sure we can manage to do it."
Aria sighed loudly before turning her back to him, unable to meet his gaze. She was totally lost. Part of her wanted so badly to believe him and comply, but another one was scared as hell and knew that it was a terrible idea. There could be so many disastrous consequences. One faux pas and his life would be ruined forever.
"Aria, please, look at me," Ezra suddenly asked, gently touching her shoulder. She complied and turned over, locking eyes with him.
"We'll be really careful. I promise." He then reached out and delicately grazed her cheek. "It could be our secret." He whispered as his thumb gently ran over her soft skin.
Aria was unable to tear her eyes away from his as they intensively looked at each other, her body shivering under his touch.
"But aren't you tired of keeping secrets?" She softly asked him, her eyes never leaving his.
Ezra looked away from her for a few seconds as a shadow crossed his face before quickly looking back up at her, gazing into her big hazel eyes. "Not if it means I can be with the girl I love. Sometime, secrets are necessary."
Aria swallowed hard and her breath hitched in her throat as Ezra suddenly leaned toward her, getting closer to her lips. As she thought that he was about to kiss her, his mouth got down on her neck and a low moan escaped her lips as he pressed his mouth against her sensitive skin. When Ezra started sucking on her neck, all she could do was close her eyes as she felt her whole body shivering at the amazing feeling of his lips against her skin.
After a few minutes, Ezra gave up her neck and looked at her as he brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, causing a shiver to run throughout her body at the single contact. No one was able to make her feel that way, so vulnerable and full of desire with the slightest touch.
Unable to resist any longer, she suddenly attacked his lips as he tightly wrapped his arms around her thin waist. She eagerly opened her mouth when his tongue traced her bottom lip as they shared their first real kiss in a long time.
Throwing caution to the wind, Aria opposed no resistance when Ezra grabbed the edge of her tank top before pulling it over her head.
Once they were both fully naked, Ezra grabbed the cover lying on the couch, and placed it in front of the fireplace. Shivering, Aria lied down on it and moaned when Ezra joined her, intertwining his fingers with hers before kissing her deeply.
"What are you doing?" Ezra's voice suddenly pulled Aria out of her thoughts. She looked in his direction and found him wide awake, looking at her.
"Nothing," she answered as a small smile played on her lips. "Just thinking."
Ezra got up from the cover on the floor; put on his jeans before walking to her. He gently pressed a kiss on the top of her head and sat down next to her.
"Sorry for taking your shirt," Aria apologized. "I couldn't find mine anywhere."
A huge grin spread across Ezra's face. "Don't worry about that; it looks better on you anyway."
Aria smiled softly before looking through the window once again.
"Aria, what's wrong?" Ezra asked her, sensing that something was bothering her. "Do you… regret what we did?"
She remained silence for a few seconds before shrugging. "I don't know." She honestly told him, avoiding his gaze.
Ezra reached out for her hand causing her to look up at him. "Aria, I know you're scared, but we're going to be careful, nobody will find out. Trust me."
Aria closed her eyes as she sighed. "You can't be sure of that. And… it's not just that, Ezra."
"So what is it?"
Aria bit on her lip. "It's me, Ezra. I can't help feeling guilty. I mean, I just slept with my teacher and cheated on my boyfriend." She confessed as Ezra tensed at the word 'boyfriend', trying his best to control the jealousy that rushed through him at the mention of the guy who was currently dating the girl he loved.
"What kind of person am I?" She asked, her eyes filling up with tears.
She couldn't help but feel like she was exactly the kind of girl Connor and a huge part of Rosewood High thought she was: a slut. She had never felt bad about herself; even if she knew that dating Ezra was illegal, it had always felt right, but now she didn't know anymore. There was so much more at stake, and everything just felt so…wrong. She had hated her father for having an affair with his student and cheating on her mother, but at this moment, she honestly thought that she wasn't better than he was.
"Hey," Ezra said, gently wiping a tear that was falling down her cheek as he moved closer to her. "You are an amazing person, Aria. Don't ever doubt that."
She looked up at him, her hazel eyes filled with fresh tears. "Am I? Because it's not how I feel right now."
Ezra watched as some other tears fell down Aria's face and pain filled his own eyes. He hated seeing her like that, so sad and hurt. She was an amazing person, honest, caring and passionate; and the last thing he wanted was for her to think so little of herself.
He realized that he had put his own needs above hers. He had missed her so much and wanted her back so badly that he hadn't even thought of what this could mean for her. They had talked about what could happen to him if someone ever found out that he was sleeping with his student, but not of what it would be like for her. He didn't want people to hate on her and call her horrible names like this stupid kid had done in the locker room. And worse, he didn't want her to start believing them.
He cupped her face in his hands and wiped some tears away with his thumb. "Look, Aria," he slowly started. "I'm sorry; I hadn't realized that you were feeling like that. The last thing I want is for you to think so little of yourself because of us. I shouldn't have insisted like I did."
Aria's hands joined Ezra's on her cheeks. "Ezra, don't get me wrong, I wanted this, as much as you. And it has nothing to do with my feelings for you but... I just don't think that I can do that anymore. I mean, lying to my parents, to everybody, always being scared of getting caught… I don't feel strong enough."
Ezra nodded in understanding, trying his best to contain his own emotions as he knew where all of this was leading to. He could see how much she was scared and hurt, and he knew what he had to do. No matter how much he loved her, he had to let her go. Again.
"I am so sorry, Ezra," Aria said, trying her best to hold back her tears.
Ezra pushed one of her long locks away from her face, replacing it behind her ear. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Aria. I told you, I just want you to be happy and if it means letting you go, so I'm willing to do it."
Aria leaned toward him and their lips met in a soft kiss as Ezra tasted her salty tears in the process.
They pulled away a few seconds later and pressed their forehead against one another before Aria shattered the silence. "Maybe, I should go now."
Ezra nodded and forced a smile, not wanting to show her how hard it was for him as Aria got up from where she was sitting.
She was about to grab her coat when she realized that she was still wearing Ezra's shirt. She looked for her tank top once again and finally spotted it on a corner.
She tried to unbutton Ezra's shirt in order to take it off, but her hands were shaking so much due to all the different emotions that were rushing through her at that moment, that she had troubles doing it.
As her tiny fingers struggled with the buttons, Ezra suddenly joined her and gently took her hands away from his shirt as his own hands replaced hers and started unbuttoning it, their eyes never leaving each other.
"Thank you," she whispered in a soft voice as he reached the last button and slightly shivered when his fingers brushed her bare skin.
He smiled softly as she took off his shirt before slipping on her tank top.
"So, I better go," Aria nervously said a few second later.
"Okay. So I guess I'll see you in class." Ezra awkwardly told her, forcing a smile.
Aria nodded as she bit on her lip to prevent herself from crying again. They looked at each other, not even knowing what to do. One hour ago they were making love and, now, they didn't even know if a simple goodbye kiss was allow.
Making a decision, Aria took a step closer and, rising on tiptoes, pressed a light kiss on his lips.
Ezra resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her and deepen the kiss, knowing that it was probably the last time that he had the opportunity to do it and, instead, barely grazed her cheek.
"Goodbye, Ezra." Aria pronounced the word that he had wished to never hear from her again, before walking to the door and disappearing.
Ezra watched as Aria got out of the cabin and out of his life as well. This time, he couldn't help but fear that it was the end, really the end. Sure, she would graduate in six months, but this was long enough for her to get over him, long enough to move on, long enough to fall in love with someone else. He couldn't ask her to wait for him, it wasn't fair for her and, as she had told him in the stairwell two months ago, she needed to move on. He realized that, even though he had told her to date someone else and move on, he hadn't really given her the possibility to really do it. He had never totally gotten out of her life, calling her when he needed comfort, and even trying to win her back. Part of him had never really believed that it was truly over between them. Even if he knew that she was dating someone else, and even before he found out the truth about Malcolm, he had always had hope that they would get back together. But now, he knew that it was time to let her go. For good.
Ezra was so deep in thoughts that he didn't even hear the small cabin door opening and didn't even realize that someone had stepped inside until the person spoke.
"It could be our secret, right?"
Ezra immediately looked up and surprise flashed all over his face when he spotted Aria in front of him.
"Aria? What are you-" He confusedly started before she interrupted him.
"I can't do that," she started, a small tear escaping her eyes before rolling on her cheek. "I can't leave you. Not again."
Ezra immediately got up and rushed toward her before enfolding her into his warm embrace, kissing the top of her head as his hands went up and down her back.
She slowly pulled away, locking eyes with him. "I know it's the smartest thing to do, but I just can't," she said as Ezra wiped some of her tears before placing a delicate kiss on her cheek.
"I have no idea what kind of person this makes me," she confessed. "Maybe I'm selfish, maybe I'm totally stupid and irresponsible, but all I know is that I can't really be complete without you. I love you and I need you."
A smile crossed Ezra's face as he held on both of her cheeks before kissing her deeply as she wrapped her arms around her neck.
They pulled away a few minutes later and faintly smiled at each other.
"Can we just... stay here for a moment?" Aria asked him.
Ezra nodded as his thumb brushed her cheek. "Of course."
He took her hand in his and led her back to the cover. They sat on it, and Aria snuggled against him as he ran his fingers into her long dark locks, both of them absently watching the cracking fire in front of them.
The reasonable part of Aria knew that she shouldn't have changed her mind but the other part, the one that was totally head over heels in love with Ezra had won once again.
She knew what they were both getting into. She knew that he was her teacher and was fully aware of the consequences this could have. She did know which risks they were both running, but as she had once told Hanna, Ezra was someone she was willing to take a risk for and, to keep a secret for.
I hope you enjoyed it. Please, drop a review, it's always nice to hear from you. ;)
xoxo
Twitter: HaleYeahEzria