Well, this idea came when I was reading chapter 137 (I almost cried). So SPOILERS!!!!!!!
SIDE NOTE: In this fic I'm calling RealSyaoran Shaoran and CloneSyaoran Syaoran (I hate when they spell it Shaoran too), but it's only so nobody gets confused.
Disclaimer: If I owned Tsubasa Syaoran would be Syaoran and they would find all the feathers and get together! But I don't so that might not happen... LE GASP what if... (hopeless romantic sadness syndrome)
Envy
Sometimes he was jealous.
He couldn't even control himself, but Shaoran could. Almost every time he thought of her he was sent into fits of violence, lead on by his heartlessness.
He was jealous that Shaoran could see out of both eyes. A stupid thing to be envious of, but nonetheless, he had always wished. Wished to see Sakura with both eyes, to watch her every move.
Sakura. There were too many if onlys. If only he had confessed. If only he had protected her. If only he had more self-control. If only everything had turned out right. If only… he had never been created.
Ripping out another page his hands shook while raw emotions coursed through him. This next feather had to be somewhere in this library.
Syaoran was envious that Shaoran was there, next to her. Holding her. Guarding her. Jealous that Sakura was… falling in love.
He could only watch with patchwork eyes. He saw the embraces; saw that look on Shaoran's face. He could see it in the glances, if only Syaoran weren't in the way.
Here it is. Dragging the plume from the torn book he gazed at it. Tenderly he touched it with his fingers, cradling it in his hands. He caressed the fringe, his features softening.
Now, he was forsaken. Who could ever love someone without a heart? Who would ever want to save him? Searching, blindly, for her feathers because he loved her, even without a heart.
The princess would never remember their childhood; never remember all he did for her. But, without a heart he didn't actually feel the pain. At least he didn't really. He just knew what it felt like, and that still hurt sometimes.
At night he would pretend that he didn't have nightmares about her mournful eyes. Pretend she could still love him, even if it was hopeless. Even if his world was gone without her. In his dreams she would stand there, smiling, and everything in him would break down. Worse was when she was crying, because of him, because of all the pain he caused her. He pretended he was helping her.
But most of all he was jealous and completely envious of Shaoran because he was real, because he could be everything Sakura needed. Everything she would ever need.
Syaoran wished with all his might that he could be all that was necessary for her. All that he wasn't.
His knees hit the blood stained carpet, his back trailing a line down the wall. He cradled the feather, as gently as he could. It was the closet thing he had to the real thing. The closest he should ever get to his angel. He felt no pain even though crystallized tears fell on the ground. Even though he could see his shattered heart scattered on the floor. Even though he was all alone. And his course, heart shed, lone whisper hardly carried far, trapped within the empty library.
"I love you."
It makes me cry! Syaoran is kinda OOC for his VIOLENT RAMPAGE MODE but I think this is how he should be. And I did kinda twist the RSxS moments, but that's how Syaoran might view them. Also, Syaoran can sorta 'see' them, you know how realSyaoran saw what happened. Well Syaoran can see through Fai's eye, I guess...
I'm not all to proud of it, but I did like my original idea. I just always feel sad for poor CloneSyaoran. Now the drama with RealSyaoran and Sakura, JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND LADY!
Please review! I'm okay with constructive critizisum. I did make this in an hour and a half. Well now that that's said, I would like to thank my fellow hopeless romantic Nikey and my sister Katie. HAPPY B-DAY STEPHANIE!!
Yours till the fat white meatbun sings,
-Cinderella-Princess-