Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, He-Man, Frodo, or any of the super friends.
As a rule, I've tried to stay away from writing fringe-element stories – what happened to Voldemort when he went to Hogwarts, what the Marauders did at school, anything involving a Mary-Sue, etc. But I broke down – I had a good idea, about a scene I don't think I've ever seen done yet. So, I present to you:
Oblivion
"I'm going to kill the boy!" Vernon boomed, pacing the living room.
"Now dear," Petunia said, trying to calm her husband down.
"Kill him, I swear!" Vernon repeated angrily, completely ignoring her. "We clothe him, feed him, provide a roof above his head – for free! – and we don't get a word of thanks! And then he does this!" Vernon gestured angrily at Marge, floating up by the ceiling in the kitchen, blown up like a balloon.
"Don't lay a finger on him," Petunia whispered. Vernon gaped at her in disbelief until she continued, "You don't want a mob of them coming to wreck vengeance on us. I've seen what those monsters can do! And don't forget – his godfather is that murderer!"
"Godfather," Vernon spat angrily. "Let him come! He'll get what's coming to…"
Suddenly, the doorbell rang, making Vernon jump in alarm. Both of them peered cautiously out the Venetian blinds in the window, only to see four wizards in light grey robes.
"I told you!" hissed Petunia. "They heard you!"
Vernon turned white in panic, all his earlier bravado forgotten, and ran over to the coffee table. "Dudley! Get down here!" Vernon yelled in half panic.
"What's going on in there?" came a worried voice from outside.
Both Dursleys cringed, and Dudley came waddling down the stairs to see what his father was yelling about. "Quick, Dudley, help me!" Vernon ordered, gesturing to the coffee table. The pair, after several grunts and hollers later, managed to get the piece of furniture blocking the front door.
"Alohamora," came another voice. "What – that's odd. It didn't unlock – I still can't open it." Obviously the wizard didn't know the door was barricaded.
"Stand aside," came an authoritative voice. "I'll have to blow it open."
Vernon yelped, and then quickly struggled to move the table again – this time away from the door. Just before the wizard could finish his incantation, Vernon quickly threw open the door and stared nervously out at the four robed men.
"Sir, my name's Greg from the ministry of magic and we got a report of an accidental wandless discharge," explained the man in front. "We're the reversal squad."
Vernon stared some more, still saying nothing, although he was now trembling slightly. "Sir?" Greg asked kindly to Vernon.
Vernon couldn't find his voice. The wizard frowned and consulted a bit of parchment within his robes. "Hmmm… an engorgement charm it says. Should be easy enough."
"But which one?" chimed the wizard on his left, eyeing both Vernon and Dudley.
"Sir," Greg turned back to Vernon, "could you show us to Harry Potter? We need to sort this out."
"Harry," spat Vernon. "That freak ran off. Good thing, too, because if he didn't I was going to kill him."
"I…see…" Greg slowly said.
"Boss, I'm telling you, it's got to be the boy. There's no way that's normal!"
"Fair enough, Bert," Greg sighed. "Praegracilis"
Dudly shrank back in fear, but his jiggly body clearly hadn't gotten any slimmer.
"What!" cried Bert. "He is that fat!"
"He's not fat," screamed Petunia shrilly. "He's big boned!"
"I…see…" repeated Greg, trying to set aside both his amusement and frustration at the situation.
"Boss, what are we supposed to do?"
Greg sighed. "Sir," he addressed to Vernon, "which one of you did Harry hit with his engorgement charm?"
Vernon savagely pointed to the kitchen, and the four wizards cautiously made their way deeper into the house. "Ow!" screamed Greg. "Stupid dog!"
"You were never good with animals, Greg," another wizard chimed in, looking down at the vicious dog clinging to the leader's leg.
"Very funny. Ebrius!" Ripper's normally vicious eyes suddenly rolled lazily off to the left and he slumped down on his side.
Petunia and Dudley were both glad to see the aggressive little dog lying drunk on the floor, but Vernon angrily roared, "What did you do to my sister's dog?!"
All four ignored him, but at first nobody noticed anyone in the kitchen. However, suddenly a gurgling sound came from above the wizards, and they looked up to see the spherical bloated figure of Marjorie Dursley at the top of the high kitchen ceiling.
"Wow," Bert whispered, "the report didn't say anything about a levitation charm. Must be a good one to lift that much weight."
Vernon let out a strangled cry of protest, which was again ignored by the wizards. "Praegracilis. Degravo," intoned Greg at the floating blimp.
Aunt Marge suddenly burst into her 'normal' weight and came crashing down upon the kitchen table, actually making a few cracks in the solid oak top.
Bert looked around. Between Vernon angrily fumbling for words, Aunt Petunia trying to console a wailing Dudley about his weight, Ripper drunkenly pawing at floor on his side, and Aunt Marge threatening to find where each one of them lived, he whispered to Greg, "Boss, I think we might need some backup on his one."
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Well? How was my first post that wasn't Action/Adventure/General or Humor/Parody?
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