A/N – Before you read this story, you should note:
This is set somewhere in-between Seasons 3 and 4, but with slight changes.
Elena is not a vampire - The accident at Wickery Bridge with Rebekah and Matt never happened. Therefore no emotionless-bitch-Elena and no sire bond stuff.
Alaric is alive and normal and human and stuff - I love him, and just had to include him. Plus, I'm a big bromance Dalaric fan :)
All the Original Family are alive, including Esther - Not Mikael, because he's a big meanie. And Esther is nice in this story.
Klaus was not desiccated -For obvious reasons: how can he swap bodies if he's already taking over someone else's body? And there is no way I'm adding Tyler into the mix)
This is meant to be humorous, so hopefully you'll find parts of this funny!
Oh, and Kennett are a major part of this! - #somuchKennettlove
And I think that's everything.
Disclaimer – As much as I would love to own Elijah, Klaus and Kol, I don't :(
"Seriously, Klaus, just go away. This isn't funny!" The young, blonde vampire yelled across the room.
"On the contrary, love, I find it very amusing," Klaus replied, smirking. He was winding Caroline up like a spring and he knew it, but she was just so adorable when she was cross at him.
"Don't they just make you want to grab them and lock them in a room together?" Bonnie Bennett asked her boyfriend, Kol Mikaelson, and he nodded in agreement.
"Oh, will you two just find a bedroom to take it out it? We all know you want to."
Caroline stopped shouting momentarily so that she could glare daggers at Kol, or more appropriately, white oak stakes.
"Okay, Kol, unless you want tonight to be the last night that you manage to get laid, I suggest you shut up. I know twenty-five different way to make you a eunuch, so don't even think about saying another word."
"Touché, I know twenty-six," Kol replied cheekily. "But the last one's a secret I'll take to the grave."
Bonnie elbowed Kol in the ribs. "I suggest you shut up, for both our sakes," she hissed, and Kol didn't dare to continue his teasing.
"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have hybrids to oversee and doppelgangers to plot against," Klaus said, making his way to the door.
"I won't let you hurt Elena, Klaus, I've told you before..." Caroline hurried after Klaus, and the front door slammed not much longer after that.
"You know what, Kol? I'm sick and tired of those two arguing," Bonnie said, after checking that both the vampire and the hybrid had left. "I'm putting a stop to this."
Kol smiled at his girlfriend. "Are we scheming again?"
"I think so," Bonnie flirted back, giving him a quick kiss. "I'll find something; there must be a spell to sort this out and make them realise their feelings for each other." She was already on her way to the kitchen to grab Emily's grimoire from off the counter and gently flick through the pages before she'd even finished talking.
"How about we simply lock them in a room together for a day or two?" Kol suggested, and Bonnie looked up at him, her brow furrowed in thought.
"It's a good idea," she mused, but then shook her head. "I'm not sure how strong I can make the barrier around the room, and with their combined strength, there's a possibility they could get out. Plus, I don't fully trust that they won't end up ripping each other's hearts out." She skimmed a further three pages before she found something promising.
"Listen to this," she motioned to Kol, who, although fully understand the complicated-looking writing and age-old handwriting, looked at the spell anyway. "'A spell to edit those around you and change them indefinitely'. It's a body-swapping spell."
Kol's face lit up with those last five words. "This is fantastic. If this doesn't work, I'm not sure much else will."
"While they're in each other's bodies, they'll have to accept their lives and they'll have to work together and co-operate in order to switch back. They can't hurt each other, because then they would be hurting themselves, and if they did anything drastic, they would feel the effects of it, which will hopefully stop them from trying to hurt themselves." Bonnie thought aloud. "I think this could actually work."
"We should have a trigger, a certain thing to happen before they can both return to their own bodies," Kol added, and Bonnie bit her lip.
"A kiss?" She asked, and Kol shook his head.
"Well, there's that, but it should be more than that. A kiss doesn't guarantee commitment, and that's what we're aiming for. Although I don't mind taking up your offer, darling, you look adorable when you do that."
Bonnie released her lip at once, and frowned at him. "Kol, I'm trying to think here. A little help would be useful."
"They should only be switched back after they declare their long-standing and undying love for each other. Then we know that they're serious, and our work will be done."
"I think we're probably pushing our luck with that one, however much I'd love to do that. We'll have to settle with a kiss for now, and cross any other bridges when we get to them , though I never knew you were such a romantic," Bonnie smiled, and Kol raised his eyebrows in return.
"Only for you, darling."
"I'll perform the spell right away, although I'll need something of each of theirs to bind them together so I can swap them. If I cover Caroline's, can you get something of Klaus'?" She asked, and Kol nodded. "I'll meet you back here in five," she added, but Kol had already gone.
Bonnie smiled and shook her head, making her way downstairs like a normal human being. What a show-off...
By the time Bonnie had made her way to Caroline's – thankfully empty – house and back to the Mikaelson Manson, Kol was sitting on the sofa, bored, and twining one of Klaus' necklaces between his fingers. Bonnie smiled, and he looked up, sensing her presence.
"Shall we start, then?" he asked, laying the necklaces on the coffee table in front of him next to a fat and half-melted candle that he'd placed there already. Bonnie put her handbag down on the floor next to her as she sat on the cream carpet, and pulled out Caroline's hairbrush from her bag, with strands of blonde hair still caught between the bristles. Laying the brush on the other side of the candle from the necklace and closing her eyes, she concentrated very hard, focusing her mind on the light that would be produced, and opened her eyes to see the very light she had just pictured glowing at the candle wick.
"Here." Kol pushed the open book further towards Bonnie, and drew his finger under the spell words. "Say it, Bonnie."
Bonnie closed her eyes again, and began to chant the words softly in Latin, opening her eyes every so often to memorise more and more of the spell. She brought her hands closer together, and as she did, the threads of hair came loose from Caroline's hairbrush, and began to wrap themselves around both the necklace and the brush, binding them tightly at both ends of the candle.
Bonnie opened her eyes, and checked the candle. "It's done," she said, satisfied. "When they wake up tomorrow, they will be in each other's bodies."
"I have to keep this safe, though," she added, motioning to the candle/necklace/brush combination on the table. "When we want them to swap back, we simply sever the hair and unbind them."
Kol gave her an evil smile. "I can only imagine Nik's reaction to being a girl, much less being Caroline. He won't be able to handle it."
"I'm more worried about Caroline being in Klaus' body. He's the oldest and most deadly hybrid of all time, and she's...well, she's Caroline."
"She'll get the hang of my brother," Kol replied confidently. "If anyone outside of our family can handle him, it's her." Then he grinned. "Oh, the amount of innuendos this situation is bringing into place is astonishing. I could get a good kick out of this, I tell you."
"This is not for your own amusement, Kol," Bonnie scolded, hitting the Original Vampire in the chest. "We are helping out two friends, or in your case, brother, in aid of them having the chance to spend a long and happy life together."
"And if they don't? What happens if they do end up tearing each other to shreds and this doesn't work out?"
"Stop it. You know as well as I do that they are a match made in Heaven."
"But-"
"If they don't get any closer after a period of say, three months, then we'll unbind them, okay? Then we'll make other plans, or leave them alone accordingly."
"Three months? That's a long time to be in somebody else's body."
"Bonnie sighed. "Well, something to add to the long list of similarities your older brother and my best friend share is their stubbornness. They're going to need a while to sort themselves out and get over themselves."
Kol took her hand. "I like you when you're being all... ruthless. You should be like this more often."
"What, like you?" Bonnie couldn't help the giggle that escaped then. "Kol, you want everything to be more like you."
"Well, a perfect world does sound quite good to me..."
Bonnie threw a cushion at him. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm even with you; your ego is astonishing. I'm surprised no-one's staked you yet over sheer irritation."
"Oh, they have, but it takes a lot more than that to spoil this pretty face," Kol teased. "Besides, this is the perfect opportunity to pay back Nik for a hundred and twelve years spent in a coffin with a dagger in my heart."
Bonnie shook her head at him, and got to her feet, dusting imaginary dust off her clothes. "I'm tired; can we go to bed? I'd like to be fully awake when we see Caroline and Klaus' first day of being each other tomorrow."
Kol took her hand, and with drooping eyelids and a tiredness that the body-swap spell had caused her, she let him pull both her and the slight twinge of guilt for what she had done up the stairs to bed.