A/N: well guys, there is not much to say about this. This will be my second One-shot collection the first one features the Akatsuki organization from Naruto. Please don't complain if you spot a pairing you don't like because that is annoying and I will most of the time ignore most of the deaths because I need most of those characters…

Science can't cook


The sun was shining brightly above the white sand desert of Hueco Mondo letting it glitter like snow while the white polished walls of Las Noches gleamed like ice blinding anyone who dared to look upon the palest directly. Inside the gigantic building sat the master of this place Aizen Sosuke together with Gin Ichimaru, Kaname Tosen and the Espada in the gigantic dining room waiting for they dinner to arrive. Aizen had the interesting idea, after Tosen held him a rather long talk about justice and the rest he had blocked out, that the cooking should be taken over each week by an other member of his beloved Espada. Today was they Octava Espada the one doing the cooking.

"Where the fuck is Pinky with the food I'm starving." growled a rather pissed looking Nnoitra.

"I don't know, but take your feet from the dining table Nnoitra." snapped Halibel the only female of the group.

"And what if I…" but seeing the famous female death glare directed at him he immediately shut up. "Man am I happy that Neliel never used THAT look against me…"

"Don't tell me someone needs to go and pick that crazy scientist up." Grimmjow said, but he had a funny feeling in his stomach about this dinner. The pitying look Ilforte gave him as he said that it was the turn of the blonde's younger brother to cook.

Suddenly the door to the dining room flew open and a rather proud looking Szayel Aporro Grantz strode inside with a cart containing the food still hidden on the tables. The pink haired scientist placed the food in front of the others still smiling.

"I'm terribly sorry that I only arrived now, but I also had an experiment running so I needed to check on that also well bon apetite." he said as everyone took the protection from they tables to finally start eating.

Suddenly the whole room fell in to death silence as everyone except the pink haired man and Tosen who was blind stared with horror filled eyes down at they "food" hoping that it was only a bad joke or a nightmare. Grimmjow was now sure that he KNEW what that pitying look from the older Grantz brother meant he KNEW that his brother can't cook. Meanwhile was to everyone's great surprise, if they would have looked everywhere else as the strange slightly blubbering green, brown, red mass in front of them, that Ulquiorra finally showed some emotions in this case fear, Nnoitra was poking the substance with suspicion and he was sure that it REACTED to pain, Halibel politely pushed her teller away and told Szayel that she was on a diet, but still thanked him for the cooking, Stark was sure that this food would follow him in to his nightmares, Yammy attempted to give some of his dinner to his dog, but it only sniffed on it once and then run away in panic.

"Is he sure that he didn't accidentally serve the experiment anstead of the dinner?" Stark whispered worriedly to Halibel.

"Something tells me not." she replied.

"Damn…"

"Well won't anyone try it?" Szayel asked in a confused tone before turning to a rather pale looking Aizen smiling. "Aizen-sama won't you try first?" he asked sweetly and everyone of the Espada threw a pitying look at they boss while said man wanted to murder the sniggering white haired man sitting on his left.

"Come on Sasuke it is probably delicious." Gin said with his usual smile ignoring the death glare he received.

"Alright…" Aizen managed to bring out as he carefully took a spoon full of the "thing" and took a bite.

Everyone waited anxiously a suddenly thump…

The whole Espada run to the end of the table to stare worried down at they master who had now the same shade on his skin as Ulquiorra's eyes and was twitching while laying sprawled out on the ground. Gin then turned sniggering to Tosen who tried to figure out what happened.

"You know Tosen you are both lucky and unfortunate to be blind." he said grinning.

"How come?" the other ex-Taicho asked.

"Well you are lucky to not see the "food" our dear Szayel Aporro made, but on the other hand you are unfortunate to not see Sosuke's expression at the moment." Gin finished while glancing down at his still twitching collegue.

"Uhm…I think I will drag him to the hospital wing and get his stomach cleaned out." Szayel said in a thoughtful tone as he grabbed Aizen by the arms and started pulling him out of the room.

"Well now we have the proof, science can't fucking cook." Nnoitra said as he threw a shuddering glance at the table.

"True so who wants pizza?" Gin asked suddenly.

"ME!" yelled all Espada in relief deciding that they would never let Szayel Aporro near the kitchen ever again and there was no doubt to it that Aizen-sama would approve of this decision…

…that is after he recovers from getting his stomach cleaned.

Owari