Hello there!

This is the start of my new story. So far I've enjoyed writing it a lot and I hope you like reading it.

Enjoy!

Hannah x

11

I remember sitting with Bella on the Hogwarts Express because Andromeda had gone off with some of her Ravenclaw friends and I didn't know anyone else. Bella had some of her friends too, from Slytherin, and she introduced me as "my little sister who will hopefully not be such a disappointment". I felt pressured right away and spent most of the journey pressed against the window, barely speaking, just occasionally smiling and nodding whenever Bella said something nasty about people I wasn't supposed to like.

Her friends weren't all that horrible. I think it was the Carrows (Alecto was going to be in my year), Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape. Apart from Alecto, everyone was older than me. Bella and Lucius were in fourth year and Severus and Amycus in their third year. I remember that Severus was nice to me. He was probably the only one who could easily see behind the mask I had even when I was eleven. He was the only one who realised how frightened I was (well, Bella probably knew too, but in her eyes, this just made me weak; she proceeded to ignore me for most of the journey). Severus smiled at me and offered me a chocolate frog and I trusted him. Which says a lot because I usually don't trust people. Even when I was that small I didn't trust people, I'd seen too many others being tortured and abused by my own parents and sometimes Bella as well. And if you're only eleven years old and you don't trust your parents, who can you trust?

I think I was scared shitless by the prospect of the Sorting, because I knew very well what had happened to Andromeda. She'd done nothing wrong except being Sorted into a different house than Slytherin and in the Christmas holidays my parents punished her for it. I remember she could hardly walk for a week after and spent almost all holidays locked in her room, crying.

I only went to her once to comfort her. I was six and I didn't think she'd done anything wrong and I hated to see her cry and Andromeda was probably the only person in the world that I really loved so I went to her. I managed to make her smile for a minute before my parents found me. I was beaten, too, after that. She doesn't deserve your love, Cissy, Bella had explained. She's as good as a blood traitor and you know how our kind views those people.

Even now, years after that happened, I'm still astounded that Bella could say things like that when she was just nine, but I suppose it's just in her blood. Andromeda was never like that.

So the Sorting. Yes, I was determined to get into Slytherin, but not because I thought it was the best house for me. I was simply scared. And scared by the fact that I was scared because cowards and weaklings all go to Hufflepuff and Slytherins are strong and know what they want.

I know what I want, I thought frantically. I want to be good at stuff and I want to convince my parents that I'm a good girl and I want to go to Slytherin because that will make me a good girl. I wasn't very bright when I was eleven. I was just a kid playing by my parents' rules because I knew nothing else and because I was scared.

I was a wreck by the time we arrived in Hogsmeade and then it was just me and Alecto as Bella and Sev and the others went the other way.

"Don't worry, Narcissa, it will be fine", Alecto told me. I could tell that she wasn't worried about me at all, and that she was just babbling to keep herself calm and that she didn't realise what state of mind I was in. I've got to say this for Alecto, she wasn't cruel when she was a kid. At eleven, she was just a little pudgy with huge dark brown eyes and the air of a child who gets everything she wants. Later, when we were older, I learned... but that's another story.

We were herded into the Great Hall by Minerva McGonagall, deputy headmistress and head of Gryffindor, who was younger then but already looked strict and rarely smiled. Then the Sorting began... I was one of the first to be called forward.

I don't remember clearly what the Sorting Hat told me. But I remember very well that the word 'Gryffindor' was mentioned, which scared me out of my mind - that was the house where almost all blood traitors came from and Bella would hate me forever and by the way I wasn't brave at all, and the Sorting Hat seemed to agree with me, it laughed at my panic and sent me to Slytherin.

I sat down between Bella and our cousin Regulus who was in second year. Regulus was like us because his brother was in Gryffindor and in a way even worse than Andromeda. I saw her sitting among the Ravenclaws and caught her eye for a second. She smiled at me and I knew she was thinking of her own Sorting five years ago and she was happy for me and I was just relieved.

Alecto was Sorted into Slytherin as well and after that, I didn't pay attention to the Sorting anymore. I was suddenly quite happy and chatted with Alecto and Regulus and even got a smile from Bella, who even then didn't smile a lot, because she mostly glared at people. I didn't notice that I was starving until the food arrived and then I ate as if there was no tomorrow and we were led to the common room by the prefects and shown our bedrooms and I simply fell into bed and slept.

x - x - x - x - x - x - x

The next morning I was all excited and eager for lessons to start. Nothing was left of that fear I had the day before. Alecto was awake before me, she watched impatiently as I got dressed and then I raced her to the Great Hall, where we went for breakfast. I won the race, but not by much because Alecto was the closest thing I had to a friend and I didn't want to be mean right away. We got handed our timetables at breakfast and I saw we had Transfiguration first and we only had twenty minutes left and even though we had both brought our school stuff to the table with us we didn't know where to go and hurried up. But she stopped us just before we stepped out of the Great Hall.

"Go on, Alecto, I'll find it", I said slightly nervously, because I wasn't sure if I would, but this wasn't a conversation anyone - and by that I mean anyone at all - should overhear.

"What is it?", I asked Andromeda.

She didn't smile as she had the day before. "So you got into Slytherin", she said.

"Yes, I did", I answered evenly, "I had to, didn't I?"

Now my sister smiled but her smile seemed forced. "Of course." She seemed a little distracted, probably by her memories.

She wanted to say something, but I cut across her.

"I know what you're going to say", I said, getting quieter with every word - if Bella heard what I said, she would... I don't know but it wouldn't be pleasant. "That I shan't let the Slytherin attitude corrupt me and so forth and that I should be brave and think what I want to think, not what Bella tells me to think..."

Andromeda smiled again, this time in earnest. "You're stronger than her, Cis", she whispered. "I know you are." I've always hated that nickname. Dromeda was always the only person allowed to call me that, it was Cissy or Narcissa for the others, but never Cis.

"I don't know what you're saying", I said. I was confused, Dromeda had said something about me not listening to Bella before but never that I was stronger, surely she didn't mean that? Bella was always the strong one and the loud and bossy one and she was always right. At least she thought she was.

"You have to decide for yourself what's right and wrong", Andromeda said.

"You told me that before. But what do you mean, me being stronger than Bella?" I've always been the little one. The small girl and the youngest in the family. Andromeda was always the old and wise one, even when we were tiny, and Bella was the strong one. I was the small one and never wanted to be small. I wanted to be better than the others. Stronger than Bella. How was I stronger than Bella?

"There's more than one kind of strength, Cis", Dromeda said. "Don't think just because she's louder that she's right. You have to listen to what your heart tells you."

At that point I was starting to get a little annoyed with her because she just told me stuff I've heard before and I was late for my lesson. "Do you know where Transfiguration is?", I snapped at her. Dromeda wasn't offended by my tone and pointed to a staircase on the right.

"Up those stairs, then left to the end of the corridor, up to the third floor and it's the second on the right", she said.

I ran because I was already late and I wanted to get away from her, who was she to tell me who to listen to anyway? She was worried about me, sure, but I was responsible for myself and I was old enough to know what I wanted, anyway.

When I burst into the Transfigurations room I saw that I wasn't as late as I thought I had been, the lesson hadn't begun yet but everyone else was there. The only free chair was in the front row next to a skinny Ravenclaw girl who must have been at the Sorting but I didn't remember her at all. She smiled shyly at me and I smiled back after a moment of hesitation, after all, I was still a little angry with Andromeda.

"I'm Emmeline", she introduced herself. She had long light brown hair and brown eyes and fair skin and an unremarkable face and she looked boring. I wasn't sure if I liked her.

"Narcissa", I replied, throwing my long blond hair back. Where was Alecto? I thought we were going to work together! She sat behind me next to a boy who looked so small I doubted he was even eleven. She shrugged and began to scribble something on a piece of parchment, which she passed me a second later.

I was late too, sorry!

I shot her a look, which was something between understanding and annoyed. We had still to find out which of us got the better share. The boy next to Alecto didn't look too exciting and Emmeline certainly wasn't. Or at least that's what I thought then.

The lesson started with McGonagall passing out matches, telling us to transfigure them into needles. I opened my book, I was sure there was something on this in there and noticed that Emmeline had already started, getting her wand out and muttering stuff at the match.

This just made me want to beat her, so I found the relevant section in the book, skimmed it - I had read it before but didn't remember it that well - and then finally started working on my match as well.

It was clear that Emmeline was better. Which to eleven year old me was a quite heavy blow. I wasn't used to being worse than anyone. Of course Bella and Andromeda could do more stuff than me but they were older. I was a Black, a daughter of one of the oldest pure-blood families there were, and Emmeline was probably half-blood or something. It was despicable that she was better than me, because I always want to be best at everything... I resolved to prepare better so I could get at least as good as Emmeline and didn't speak to her again in that lesson, even when she tried to help me.

x - x - x - x - x - x - x

It was that envy that kept me from talking to Emmeline for another two months and I could tell that it upset her. We were paired up for both Transfiguration and Charms, and despite my best efforts, she was always better than me, and I watched as she sent objects flying through the classroom and turned hairpins into flowers. She always tried to get me to talk, and never stopped. Asking what she'd done wrong. Asking others whether I was just generally a mean person.

So one day I came in and she was already there and looked at me and said, "Are you going to talk to me today, Narcissa?"

And I think it was the first time she said my name and I remember it so clearly because for the first time, she looked angry. She was never angry before, just mildly annoyed or sad and she never said my name before.

I just walked to my seat and didn't look at her and got out my things for Transfiguration but all the time was debating with myself whether I was maybe going to talk to her after all. So McGonagall passed out buttons and told us that if we managed to turn them into sweets we could keep them and eat them. I've never had much of a sweet tooth but thought it was nice and began to practice on my own again, as always until I noticed that Emmeline wasn't even trying. And I looked at her fully for the first time in weeks and noticed that she was crying and before I could do anything she got up forcefully and excused herself and left the room, and I was just staring at the chair where she'd sat seconds ago and completely forgot about my button and just thought, oh shit, I made her cry.

And that's what broke my resolve, seeing her cry because of me and I realised that I'd never wanted to hurt her and that it was unbelievably silly and childish of me to not talk to her just because she was better and hell, she was supposed to be better, after all she was in Ravenclaw, wasn't she?

I couldn't concentrate anymore and by the end of the lesson my button hadn't even changed colour but I had a plan.

So as soon as the bell rang I jumped up and sped out of the classroom, ignoring McGonagall's calls behind me, and I ran to the Ravenclaw common room first which asked me an incredibly stupid question ("Why is there no I in team?") so I couldn't get in and I turned around and looked in all the toilets on the way from the Ravenclaw tower and the Transfiguration classroom and eventually I found her, she was sitting on a window sill behind a statue and she was still crying.

"Emmeline", I said. It was probably only the second word I ever said to her and I looked at her, worried. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to -" I hesitated just for a moment, because what exactly was I apologising for? I had chosen to ignore her, after all.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. It was stupid to ignore you. I'm sorry", I said.

She frowned at me, and I remember thinking that it looked cute. But I didn't show that. Instead I just looked at her and looked worried and waited for her to answer.

She stifled a sob and looked down. "It's not all your fault", she said eventually and she spoke so quietly that I hardly understood what she was saying.

I was dumbfounded. "Why not?", I demanded. It was my fault, after all, how could it not be?

"I got an owl this morning", she said quietly, reluctantly. "Two weeks ago our cat ran away and they found him yesterday, he was run over by a car. He's dead." She started to sob again.

"Oh", was all I could manage. When I got my Hogwarts letter, my parents bought me a snow white cat with red eyes and a single black dot at the end of her tail, and I named her Cassie. We also had owls. But the pets were never really important to me. Cassie kept me company and the owls were for getting letters to other people. But I never loved them the way Emmeline must have loved her cat.

"And then my favourite seat in the common room was taken and there was porridge for breakfast, and I hate porridge", she said with a small laugh, then buried her face in her hands and sniffed.

I started to like her a lot more because I hate porridge too and gingerly put a hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry about your cat", I said feebly because I felt I had to and because I wanted her to stop crying.

"And then", she added, still sobbing, "then you c-come in and d-don't talk and I just - I just think you don't l-like me -"

"I do", I said, a little helplessly. And was once again caught by surprise as she looked up and glared at me.

"Then why didn't you talk to me?", she snapped. I'd never heard her snap before and I'm pretty sure it was a really, really long time until I heard her snap again and it startled me.

"I..." I really didn't want to tell her but if I didn't she would think I didn't like her and I did. For now.

"I was envious because you're better than me", I admitted finally and squirmingly and hoped she would laugh but she didn't.

"And now you're not?" She sounded sceptical.

"I didn't want to make you cry", I said honestly. "And even if I am envious that's no reason to hurt you."

I spoke very quietly because nobody but Emmeline should hear me. Sympathy was not something my sister Bella liked and if she knew what I just said... but Emmeline smiled and suddenly it didn't seem to matter what Bella thought because Emmeline wasn't angry with me anymore and I had managed to correct the mistake I made. I smiled back.

"Can you forgive me?", I asked.

"I never thought I'd hear something like that from a Slytherin", Emmeline answered. She still smiled. "It just made my day a whole lot better..."

And it made mine a lot better, too.

x - x - x - x - x - x - x

So after that we were kind of friends, even though Alecto was still sort of my best friend. I went everywhere with Alecto and we shared a dormitory and we had all classes together, but when I was in Transfiguration and Charms, Emmeline was my friend too and she helped me and I actually got a lot better with her help and I discovered that she was really nice and had a sense of humour and wasn't at all boastful about what she could do. We met a few times in first year to do homework together and study for the exams because I was still struggling. From second year she played chaser for Ravenclaw and whenever they weren't playing Slytherin I would cheer for Ravenclaw. In third year we both chose Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes and she chose Divination as well. I was a little more grown-up by that point and considered taking Muggle Studies just to piss Bella off but decided against it. I went out on the first Hogsmeade weekend with Alecto and was quite surprised when Emmeline asked me to join her on the second weekend, but we spent the day together and it was really nice and I was completely oblivious to the fact that she might regard me as something more-than-just-friends.