Lydia rushes through the front doors of the hospital. She walks directly up to the desk and asks a nurse
"What room is Stiles Stilinksi in?"
The nurse checks and replies, "upstairs in room 208."
Lydia says a thank you as she quickly moves towards the elevator.
Now that she's here, now that she finally worked up the courage to come, the elevator couldn't move fast enough. Stiles had been in the hospital for three days and this was her first visit. She had been working with the rest of the pack to try and find a solution, but that is no excuse. She was just scared. Scared of failing him.
As the elevator dings open she surges out and down the hall towards room 208. Now it's her feet that won't move fast enough. Why won't anything rid this awful feeling that his time is limited? That their time is limited.
She reaches the door and stops. She's close to tears and she knows she needs to get her emotions under control.
She's here for him.
She won't be much help if she is in a blubbering panic. She takes a few breaths and then she knocks.
Sheriff Stilinksi opens the door. "Hey Lydia." He greets her with a forceful smile that seems to take away what little energy he has.
"Hi. I just came to see if-" but she stops because her eyes have found the reason for her visit just past the man's shoulder. Without another word from Mr. Stilinski, she rushes past him and in to the chair by the bed.
This is another thing she was scared of. She's not sure if she subconsciously knew it before, but she definitely understood now, that seeing him like this was big part of her fear.
He is asleep, but he doesn't look like he's resting. All the color is drained from his face. He's always been a little scrawny, but he's lost at least fifteen pounds since she last saw him.
He is a ghost of his true self.
How can this boy, who she has always associated with such vitality, be like this? All throughout elementary and middle school, teachers had to practically tape him to his seat because he was overflowing with so much life. Yes she knows he has ADD, but she still always kind of admired that about him. He never seemed to have a lack of energy. You never had to guess what he was feeling because it was always clear on his face and in the fervent motions of his hands.
Even over the past few years she has associated him with energy and life. So much has changed, and granted he has grown up a bit, but this quality in him remained. Even when everybody around her turned out to be some supernatural being, even herself, he remained unabashedly human. She craved that and she recognized that his humanity is what brought her back and kept her sane.
So why couldn't she do the same for him?
This brings tears to her eyes so she's forced to rip her eyes away from his remembers they are not alone. His Dad is observing them from the corner. She meets his eyes with an embarrassed smile. The tears threaten to flow again because of the look on this man's face. The look that says his worst fear has happened, and not only once, but now twice.
She also horrifyingly realizes that she's stolen his chair.
"Oh I'm so sorry." She says as she moves to stand up.
"Don't worry about it." He moves towards her. "Please sit."
She obeys and looks back to Stiles again. The pain is still there so she turns back to the sheriff.
"Sorry I didn't bring you any food. I should have thought of that. I'm sure you're sick of hospital food by now."
"Oh no that's okay. I really like jello and cold sandwiches." He smirks.
She laughs and replies, "no really I can go get something for you. I really don't mind."
He looks at his son then back to her. "Well actually I should probably go home and shower and grab a few things. Would you mind staying with him?"
"No not at all."
"Ok great. The doctors say he's stable so everything should be okay and I won't be long. Thanks." He says, but he makes no motion to leave. He just stares at his son with this horribly painful look on his face.
Lydia realizes that he's scared to leave him. That if he leaves and something goes wrong, he might miss his son's lasts moments.
"Mr. Stilinski, I promise I'll look after him. He's going to be okay. You can leave your phone number here and I'll call you immediately if-," she falters "if I need to."
He looks surprised and says, "Am I that obvious?"
"It's just obvious how much you love him." She assures him with a smile.
He nods and scribbles down his number on a pad of paper and leaves it on the bedside table. He gives his son a quick kiss on the forehead and darts out the door as if he has to leave before he changes his mind.
Even though they really hadn't talked that much, Lydia feels weighed down with loneliness now that he is gone.
She takes Stiles's hand to remind herself that she isn't alone. He may not look the same, but the Stiles she knows is still in there and she has to keep it together for him. His hand feels cold and lifeless in hers.
She hated this. This wasn't supposed to happen to him. If somebody could remain untouched by all this supernatural crap, why couldn't it be him? Somebody who was always putting his life on the line for others. Hell, that's exactly what put him in this situation.
The night of the sacrifices still brings her terror. It wasn't only the fact that Deaton, Isaac, and her had to wait for hours for them to return that brought her such fear, but the responsibility of being somebody's emotional tether to reality. Half the time she couldn't keep herself in reality, how was she supposed to help somebody else do it? She knew that she couldn't be such a coward, and if her friends were willing to risk their lives for their parents she had to do this for them.
Deaton said a strong bond so she immediately thought she'd be helping Allison. Some people don't understand how they are such good friends, and she's not sure how she can explain it either, other than it just works.
However, Deaton doubled her panic when he said for her to go with Stiles. How could she be the one responsible for the most innocent of them all? They had gotten much closer that year. He was the only one to challenge and acknowledge her intelligence. She loved working with him to help out their pack that was slowly coming together. She also knew he had feelings for her, or used to.
When they kissed she felt something she couldn't explain and that terrified her. She took comfort in his constant presence and didn't want to lose it, so she pushed back those feelings until they were both ready to deal with them. That way maybe they'd have a real shot. But now? Now that just seems stupid.
How could she be so selfish and stupid to not realize that one of them could be taken away by the supernatural evils that continue to plague them?
How could she be so foolish about wasting time?
Yet again she reminds herself that this isn't about her and her bringing this up would probably make him equally frustrated, maybe even more so. She's here to bring him some comfort, anything really to lighten his burden.
All these thoughts are running through her mind, threatening to suffocate her. She decides to start thinking out loud to help calm her brain.
"I knew I should have gone with Allison. Maybe I would of even been okay for Scott," she kind of scoffs to herself. She realizes that Stiles probably isn't listening, but if the paranormal could work for her just this once and let him hear her in whatever dream world he's trapped in, that would be great.
"Or maybe I just suck at being an emotional tether to anyone. Deaton and Isaac seem to be pretty good at it. Allison and Scott aren't great, but they aren't lying in a hospital bed barely holding on. I mean seriously, what a great idea to put a girl, who spent almost a year in and out of reality, in charge of somebody's sanity."
"Yeah, that vet is an idiot." Stiles replies with a croak.
Her eyes are drawn immediately to his. She squeezes his hand as he gives her a weak smile, which she returns.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" She replies quietly.
"I've been better, but I'm just tired really."
"Haven't the doctors given you something to help you sleep? Well I guess that wouldn't necessarily get rid of your dreams. Have they tried imagery rehearsal treatment? It's been known in some cases to help people with post-traumatic stress disorder get rid of their nightmares, but I guess that's not exactly what you have. There has to be something-"
"Lydia" he interrupts her ramblings. "I just meant that I'm tired of all of it."
It kills her to hear him say it, but Lydia gets it. He's tired of fighting. He's tired of fighting things he's no match for, things he doesn't even understand.
"I know but you have to keep fighting. We're all working hard trying to figure this out and we will, but you have to keep fighting."
Stiles nods. "They should of sent somebody else, you're the best mind they've got." He has this look of deflation on his face and she suddenly realizes that he thinks she's here to check up on him and report back to the pack.
"They didn't send me. I wanted to come. I've been wanting to come. I was just scared. I don't want to let you down but clearly I'm the worst 'emotional tether' of all time" she tried to explain with a weak laugh.
"This isn't your fault" He replies.
She kicks herself because yet again she's turned this situation on her when it needs to be about him.
"It feels like it is" but before he can argue she continues, "but I'm not here to talk about my issues. I'm supposed to be here for you. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do" she says with a frustrated tone. "If there was anything I knew I could do to stop this I'd do it, but for the first time in my life I don't have the answer and that scares the shit out of me."
"Lydia it's-" Stiles tries to interrupt but she doesn't allow it.
"So what I'm going to have to ask you to do, and I'm sorry about this because I know it's what you've been doing for so long, even before this supernatural freak show stepped in" she rambles on "but I need your big heart to continue to beat for other people. You need to keep fighting for all of our sakes. We'd be lost without you."
She feels really embarrassed for this out of character, emotional spiel of honesty, but she doesn't care because if there's ever a time for it, it's now. She takes a shaky breath and says,
"I'd be lost without you. You keep me sane, Stiles. You're the only thing, the only person that has remained constant in my life. I know it's selfish of me, but please until I can find something to help you, please don't give up. We all need you. I need you here. I need you."
She's horrified when she realizes she's crying, but she continues to say "I need you" over and over again, almost hysterically. She just needs him to understand, to believe that she means it.
Stiles moves as if he's going to get up and comfort her, so before she fully understands what she's doing she's crawling on to his bed. She rests her head on him seeking her favorite source of comfort- the beating heart in his chest.
He turns his head and tilts her chin up to his face.
"Lydia, you've always been what I need."
His eyes are so honest and kind. He's too selfless for her. She's determined to be the same for him, for as long as he needs her.
So she puts her lips desperately on his, wanting to convey all she was feeling in a kiss. To her surprise, his lips reply with an amount of strength she didn't know somebody this tired could possess.
His body is weak, but it still responds to hers.
His lips are chapped but they still feel soft on hers.
His hands move uncertainly from her cheeks all the way through her hair, yet his lips are certain.
Her heart rate doubles when she recognizes that he is trying to convince her with his lips that he really understood and that yet again he would put others above himself.
That he would fight.
Fight for his life.
Fight for his dad.
Fight for the pack.
Fight for Scott.
Fight for her.
Fight for himself.
Fight for them.
All too soon, Stiles pulls his lips from her with a pained expression and rests his head back on his pillow closing his eyes.
At first Lydia feels guilty that she took that much out of him, but then she notices the large smile plastered on his face. Suddenly she realizes that his grimace wasn't one of regret or tiredness, but because he didn't have the energy to keep kissing her. This makes her stomach flip and an equal smile is soon on her face. She leaves a soft kiss on his lips and leaves a trail of them up his jaw all the way to his ear and whispers, "Thank you."
When Sheriff Stilinksi returns, this is how he finds them. Wrapped up in each other's arms fast asleep. He sets his things down quietly and walks closer to the bed.
He is elated to see that some of his son's color has returned and that he is sleeping with this peaceful grin on his face. As if this is the first restful sleep he's had in months. He grabs an extra blanket and drapes it over them. He exits without a sound, only a knowing smirk on his face.