James realising he's in love with Sirius; their first kiss; James and Sirius reuniting in the afterlife.
Prompt from youneednewgrowth [tumblr]
i. Sirius hated muggle public transport with a burning passion. Sirius also hated his parents and their anti-muggle beliefs. His hatred of his parents was greater than his hatred of muggle transportation. Which was why, instead of flying or using the Flu, Sirius was on the Eurostar train.
James was waiting patiently on the platform, knowing at any minute his best friend's train would pull up. He had not expected to be seeing Sirius until the return to Hogwarts. Sirius was supposed to be spending his summer holidays in Paris with his family. Sirius was also supposed to not be writing to any of his friends. So James supposed he shouldn't have been surprised when he got a letter from Sirius telling him to meet him at a muggle station and to have a spare room prepared for him.
James was bouncing on the balls of his feet, his black pants were too small and wearing a blazer made him feel uncomfortable. He was fifteen and still unsure of muggle clothing fashion. Everyone else was wearing jeans that seemed to be strangely wider at the bottom and coloured shirts. James didn't understand why kids nearby were looking at him like he was a freak. He was wearing the style that The Beatles wore when they first became famous; surely the muggles still liked The Beatles. They'd be stupid if they didn't.
Running a hand through his hair, he looked back up at the clock again; the train should've arrived a minute ago. Patience had now completely flown out the window. Why didn't Sirius just fly over? It would mean James wouldn't be wearing unfitted muggle clothing. It would mean James could still be in his pyjamas.
It was then the train pulled in. James frantically looked around to try and see which compartment Sirius would exit out of. James wanted to know why Sirius had left Paris. James was excited to be seeing his best friend again. Sure, he didn't usually get this excited about seeing Sirius but James just supposed it was because usually he was also nervous about the start of school. It was totally normal for him to be getting this excited about Sirius.
Stepping on his tippy toes, James finally saw his black haired friend. He had grown even taller in the month and a half they had been separated. James had grown even taller though, which was something James was happy about; teasing Sirius about his height had become a favourite for James. The crowd seemed to split in half and the two boys sped up their pace to meet each other.
Sirius smiled so brightly that James faltered in his pace; almost freezing mid stride.
Jesus Christ he was beautiful.
James shook the thought out of his mind as he continued forward. As soon as they were in close proximity, they were throwing their arms around each other gripping onto one another as if the other was the only thing keeping them planted on the ground.
James tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.
When they finally pulled back and Sirius was trying to cover up the fact his eyes were watering; James decided he couldn't hide it anymore.
James Potter was officially in love with Sirius Black.
ii. He was going to be sick.
James wasn't sure which part was worse and as he stormed off down the corridor he decided they were both equally terrible.
"James, wait!"
Of course it would be her chasing after him. James knew no matter who chased him down, he'd be disappointed with the result but it didn't mean it still didn't hurt knowing it was her and not him.
James also knew if he turned around he'd see his girlfriend – ex girlfriend? – with her shirt not buttoned up properly and her skirt skewered. He didn't want to see that. He didn't want to see her that way when it wasn't him who had unbuttoned them.
"Christ James, it was a dare!"
James almost – almost – stopped running away at the sound of his voice. He knew if he was to turn around now it would be his girlfriend and best friend both looking like messes. James wondered if Sirius had even been bothered to throw his shirt back on. He refused to turn around and look because no matter how angry he was; he'd still blush at the sight of Sirius shirtless.
"We didn't actually do anything," Lily yelled with frustration, clearly annoyed James wasn't listening to her side of the story.
James didn't want to hear any side. His story was enough. Some fourth year had told him a couple was doing the deed in an empty classroom and he had gone to break it up. He hadn't expected to walk in on his best mate and his girl.
"Moony didn't think we'd be able to scar Wormtail for life and so he dared us to," Sirius was sounding closer than Lily. Even though James was taller, Sirius had the ability to walk at a speed that rivalled Mrs. Potter's racing pace.
"Honestly, James you know we wouldn't do that to you," James almost couldn't hear Lily over the sound of Sirius' footsteps drawing nearer. Why didn't they just leave him alone? He didn't want to hear their lies. His best mate and his girlfriend.
He didn't know which one hurt more.
He didn't know who he was more jealous of.
Which only made it that much worse.
Being in love with two people at once was hard and confusing; James wasn't sure how he hadn't exploded yet. In love with his best friend and his girlfriend; surely that wasn't normal. Yet, to James, that was as normal as playing Quidditch.
They were finally at Gryffindor Tower and with the grunt of the password; James stormed into the common room. Remus and Peter were walking down the stairs, Remus mentioning something about how if Peter just grabbed a text book he left in class; Remus would help him with an essay. James logically knew that meant Sirius and Lily were more than likely telling the truth. James emotionally couldn't give a crap about logic.
"Prongs, you ok-" Remus stopped as he noticed Lily and Sirius chasing after him. "Shit."
Peter was looking confused between his friends, "what's-"
James didn't hear the rest of Peter's sentence, he was already sprinting up the stairs to their dorm room. He knew he couldn't lock Sirius out of his own dorm, but he would bloody well try his best to.
"I'll go," he heard Sirius volunteer to which James responded with slamming the door. Throwing a few spells at the lock, James threw himself onto his bed like a thirteen year old girl. He was a seventeen year old boy, about to join the world in the middle of a war he wanted to fight in and yet there he was sulking.
James wished it was Lily. James was glad it was Sirius.
James could usually keep peace at loving both. Lily knew. Sirius knew. Sirius was fine alone. Lily was fine knowing James would never be just hers. James was fine. The thought of Sirius and Lily though?
Even though James was in love with both, it was never even a possibility of a polygamous relationship. Sirius and Lily were like siblings, they sometimes got jealous of one another but they loved each other and they loved James. They just didn't love each other the same way they loved James. What if they did though? James didn't want it to become a three way relationship. Even though he loved Sirius, he never would actually act upon it, he loved Lily too and he didn't want to ruin that relationship.
He was so confused.
"You know I can get through any of your curses, why you even try I'll never understand." James threw a pillow over his head.
Sirius sat down at the bottom of James' bed. James was tempted to kick him off. It would be funny, it would lighten to mood. James stayed curled up in a ball.
"I don't think we should live together."
James flew up, sitting up right to stare at his best friend with horror written over his face. "Just because I caught you hooking up with my girlfriend?"
Sirius rolled his eyes, "I wasn't actually with Lily, we were pretending to frighten Peter."
"Why don't you want us to live together?"
Sirius ran a hand through his black hair, James tried not to stare at the motion. Sirius had copied it off James, damn James loved him.
"She knows you love her and you know she loves you," Sirius started, "and I know you love me and you know I love you. Polygamy won't work for us and you can't have a full chance with Lily with me around."
"I want you around," James protested, his face all scrunched up as he tried to figure out what was happening.
Sirius smiled, "I know you do. Lily and I know you love both of us equally and we're fine with that – honestly, we are. I was just thinking though, maybe if we had some distance, you could love Lily with your whole heart and I could maybe move on."
James frowned, "you told me you weren't interested in a sexual relationship at all."
"Maybe I will be if I move on from you," Sirius shrugged, clearly not entirely sure if it would work either.
That's what made the whole thing work. Sirius was fine with only the romantic love and James was able to provide him with that. Lily wanted romance and sexual and James was about to provide her with that. He could make both of his loves happy and both were fine with the arrangement.
"If you think that's what will make you happy," James murmured, unsure what response Sirius was after. He knew Sirius like the back of his hand and yet he couldn't figure out what was happening.
They stared at each other for several minutes, no noise, just staring trying to figure out what the other wanted.
"So we still moving in together?" James asked and the urge to be closer to Sirius suddenly filled him. He found himself getting off the bed, taking the few steps so he stood right in front of Sirius. Sirius looked up at him and grinned at him carefree; as if they hadn't just had a major fight, as if they hadn't just suggested moving on from one another.
"Good," James grinned back and before James could realise what was happening; Sirius had pulled him down and was kissing him.
It took a moment for James to realise that, 'holy shit Sirius is kissing me' and as soon as he realised James was kissing him back. Sirius had a hand on James' shoulder and another on his tie; forcing him to bend over. James ran his hands through Sirius' hair like he had wanted to since he was fifteen.
It was different to Lily in a way James couldn't explain. His heart was racing and butterflies were erupting in his stomach; just like it did when he was with Lily. Yet something was different, neither better nor worse, just different.
It was when James was just about to straddle Sirius that the motorcycling boy pulled away.
"I was beginning to wonder what Lily saw in you," Sirius smirked and James had no choice but to beat him with a pillow.
iii. Sirius knew he was dead the moment he opened his eyes to find himself in Grimmauld Place. From the fact he was in Grimmauld Place, Sirius instantly assumed he was in Hell. The hallway was as dark and gloomy as ever and he wondered what he had done to deserve such a Hell. Sure, he had killed a few men in his life but they were only ever the ones who had chosen the dark path and were trying to kill him first. Wasn't twelve years in Azkaban enough suffering for one man?
"You got old."
The voice was so familiar; Sirius almost fell to the floor right there and then in shock. If he wasn't already dead; he'd die from surprise.
Suddenly a light was on and Sirius saw him.
"You look like Harry," was the only thing he could think of to say. It had been over a decade and that was the only thing he could think of to say. It was true though. His hair was a mess just like Harry's and he was the same height as well. If not for the clothes James wore, the different glasses and the colour of his eyes; Sirius would think that Harry had jumped through the curtain as well.
James smiled widely, "some would argue he looks like me."
If he wasn't so confused, he would have laughed.
"He's almost your age James," Sirius felt his voice break. James nodded sadly and James wondered if you could see the real world from whatever afterlife this was. Sirius wondered if James had been keeping an eye on his son the whole time. Sirius wondered if he had seen what Sirius had done after finding out the love of his life and best friend was murdered.
"I've missed you so much," Sirius could feel his eyes beginning to water. He felt like he was fifteen again and seeing James on the platform after his shitty Paris holiday. Without even thinking, Sirius began to stumble over to James who was still standing there smiling.
"You got really old Sirius, I don't know if I want to be near you, you may get your old people germs on me."
"I'm not old, you're just young. To be honest, don't know if I want to be around you; are you even legal?"
James and Sirius were both smiling brightly at each other now and Sirius felt so at home that he wondered how he ever survived a day without James by his side.
"Come on," James had an arm outstretched but was walking backwards, towards where the Order meetings were held. "Lily wants to see you and so does your brother."
Sirius followed gripping onto James' hand like there was no tomorrow. "My brother?"
"You'd be proud of him."
Sirius nodded as if it made sense, which it didn't. Last time he saw his brother he was a fully fledged Death Eater.
"I'm sorry about leaving Harry, I didn't want to." Even though Sirius was glad he was back with James, the fact he had left his Godson when Sirius was still needed left him with guilt.
"Remus is with him, thank you for taking care of him. Now come on you old fart, we don't have all day."
And with James and Sirius holding hands, they walked further onto the other side.