She had been rejected before, but that was high school life. She had been told her whole life that she was not good enough, that her dreams were far too big, and that she simply was not beautiful.
Those moments, had risen to the forefront of her consciousness as she prepared to open the letter from NYADA. She sat there for quite a while contemplating all she had risked to make it there. She knew that stardom was not easily achieved, but she never thought that the top would not be as lonely as she had perceived. If she were to be accepted into NYADA she would be rooming with Kurt in an apartment off campus. She never expected that Kurt would be rejected, she was more than positive he would be considered a perfect addition to the school, but Rachel. Rachel, she was a whole different story, she had the talent, but was she considered the full package. It was one audition and a simple resume of all she had accomplished throughout her life. She had wanted them to know her for who she truly was, not just a 30 minute meeting and words that truly meant nothing. She saw herself differently than what she had offered NYADA, but all she could do was hope that maybe they would see something that would make her stand out from the rest. Of course, there was only one Rachel Berry, but there were many who shared the same dream as her, many who were scarily similar to her, and many who were far more talented.
She remembered that day when, she had burst into tears after seeing those kids perform at the NYADA convention. She had almost wanted to die from the shame that had been thrust upon her. She had been especially frightened by Harmony, she knew that Harmony couldn't possibly be as good as her, but she had been wrong. Harmony had been amazing, her resume amazing and recently finding out that she was only a sophomore scared her even more, Rachel, had never witnessed someone that could possibly beat her out other than Jesse, but Harmony was far more talented than them both. She knew somewhere within her that Harmony's downfall was her personality, she seemed like a handful, but more than that she seemed rather self-centered. Rachel, herself had been the exact same way yet, she had somehow managed to grow into the person she was now.
She didn't know if she should call Kurt to confess all her fears because, why would he want to hear her fears when, all of his had dissipated at his acceptance? Kurt, he was talented and he was caring, he was everything that NYADA could possibly want and it only made Rachel more worried as she stared down at the letter in her hands. She had not even tore the envelope open more afraid that there was a possibility that she could be accepted than the rejection itself. She was odd in some ways and she accepted herself that way, but the week had been overwhelming an overload of emotion for her. She had gotten into an argument with Finn about their plans for the future. He had decided to stay in Lima and he had asked if she would remain with him no matter what the letter she would receive from NYADA said. She had been upset, outraged that he was inconsiderate about her dreams and refused to stay in Lima.
He became angered at her confession and so he had said they should cool it for a while. She had been upset that he had broken up with her, but her heart just couldn't find a reason to be broken. She loved Finn, she did, but enough was enough and she had found herself relieved by his words. She felt free for the first time in a long time and she felt like she could finally focus on her dreams, but the downfall was that she had no one to run to other than Kurt and Mercedes and they had both received good news from their dream schools. She did not want to be a downer, she didn't want to rain on their parade, and she definitely didn't want their pity if she was rejected. She could call Blaine, but her fear was he would reveal the whole content of their conversation to Kurt. She scrolled through her contacts and came upon a name she had not thought about in a little over 6 months. She did not know if she should call and she did not want to risk it. He should hate her and she was in no mood to be verbally attacked over the phone by the boy she had once loved and broken the heart of. Yet, her finger managed to slowly make it's way to the call button, hovering for a fraction of a second before it pressed down. She held the phone to her ear, praying that he would not answer, but by the second ring there was a strangled "Hello" from the other end.
"Hello? Rachel, is it really you?," he asked in disbelief.
She paused for about a minute before speaking, "Hello, Jesse. I know that you probably hate me, but I didn't know who else to call. I owe you an explanation for everything and I would appreciate if you would let me explain."
He sighed, "What is it that you need, Berry? Spit it out."
He did not sound angry or frustrated, he sounded genuinely curious as to what she had called for. She took a deep breath and began, "It's about a letter I received today, a letter from NYADA. I am slightly afraid of what the content might be and I don't want to open it, I think I am in great need of moral support at the moment."
She heard shuffling on the other end, "I'll be there in 10, open the door."
She furrowed her brow lightly, "Wait, you're in Lima? As in Ohio. What are you here for?"
He chuckled, "Silly Rachel, did you just assume I stayed in New York? I couldn't have, I knew someday you would need me. I'm the one who would be here for moral support when no one else was an option. I know you better than you know yourself, Berry."
She was shocked to say the least and was slightly amused by his confession, she snorted on the other end of the line and Jesse smiled.
As promised, he arrived in 10 minutes exactly, he barged through the door before Rachel had opened it the whole way and inquired where the letter was. Rachel, replied it was upstairs in her bedroom, but before she finished her sentence he was halfway up the stairs and she followed him. He was sitting on her bed with the torn envelope on the floor as he read over the letter. He smiled and looked up at her with a knowing look in his eyes.
"There was never anything you should have been afraid of. You're in Rachel, just as I always knew you would be, Silly girl," he gave her a big hug as she tightened the hold she had on him. as he attempted to pull away she held on tighter. Jesse, scrutinized the top of Rachel's head as if trying to decipher her thoughts. She looked up at that exact moment their eyes locked and he had the strongest urge to kiss her as he noticed she had risen on her toes to reach him, but he pulled away. She looked puzzled.
"I can't, Rachel. You have Finn and I would never want to cause him the pain I felt," he replied. His face was flushed from the close proximity of her lips and his. He was here for moral support he told himself, no matter how much he loved the girl, no matter how hard it had been to not take her in his arms and ravish her a few seconds before he knew, she had Finn. It was something he would never agree with, something he would always question, but he had to live with it.
"I don't have Finn, I don't have anyone, but you, Jesse. It's a little too late to say I'm sorry and it's far too late to tell you that I have always loved you, isn't it?"
"I don't know, Rachel. Is it? Is it too late to tell me any of those things? Don't play with me Rachel, my heart can not take another hit like the one at Nationals," he spoke sadly, with a wisdom she had never heard before in his voice.
She had needed to grow up and find out who she really was, she never noticed that the only reason she had remained with Finn was because, she feared the future. She wanted Jesse forever and always, she had always needed Jesse in her life because, he gave her everything that she had wanted in a companion and as a fellow star.
"I do, Jesse. I mean every word I said, I don't understand why now either, but maybe, it's because, I knew that we needed to escape Lima together. I always thought we would meet again, but I called you today Jesse because, I knew that you would be there, just as you always are. I want my future to begin and I want you along for the ride," she smiled bashfully at him as she spoke the last few words.
He smiled back at her, "I never thought you wanted a future with me, Rachel, but I have to say I hoped you would. Silly girl, this, this is the reason why I fell in love with you because, no matter what you always found a way to get what you wanted. Whether it was forgiveness, love, acceptance, NYADA or Broadway which awaits you, my dear. You reach for the damn stars and it's so silly because, you can't possibly shine any brighter without becoming the sun, my sun."