Hey teeny-boppers/Folks/Obsessed Harry Potter Fans Who Need Some Laughs! It's me, Brit, just here to tell you all the obvious: I don't own Harry Potter, nor any of the other pop-culture references I put in here...
That's terrible news, isn't it...
But I've got good news! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!
Attention: This story may contain some humor.
Yes, I really thought I ought to warn you on that...
Anyways, on with the story!
They all stood watching, waiting for his next move. Then, he finally spun around, showing his face to everyone; Voldemort lit his Jedi light saber. It was very colorful, rainbow striped, and at least half of the DA were instantly hypnotized by it, forcing their knees to buckle, fall to the ground, and take a little nap-nap. However, Harry Potter and his closest friends didn't become drowsy but instead stared at the light saber, clearly confused.
"What the bloody hell is that?" Ron asked, nodding towards the rainbow stream of light. "THIS, Roonil WAZLIB...is my..." Voldemort stared down at the light saber and furrowed his plucked-too-much eyebrows, "well actually, I don't really know what it is, all I do know is that it's pretty and it makes me happy." He concluded cheerfully.
"What about my PAIN? Doesn't THAT make you happy? I'm supposed to be all ANGSTY, DEPRESSED, ALL THE REST OF THE STUFF TEENAGERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HORRIBLE, RUDDY TEENAGE YEAR OF MISERABALITY!" Harry dramatically placed the back of his hand on his forehead.
"Oh...well, sorry about that, but...I find this more pleasing than-," Voldemort was cut off by a raspy voice, a voice that sounded like the nose of whoever was speaking was clogged up, a voice that only could belong to...
"I think you dropped this..."
"DARTH VADER!" All the kids gasped at the figure that was one of the most evil villains of all time (As said in TV Guide magazine).
"Yes, I may've spared to tell you, teeny-boppers, that Darth Vader here is my friends cousin's fathers brothers friends kids ninth-removed godfather." Voldemort said.
"We've got connections." Darth Vader said. He and Voldemort laughed in a boyish manner and jumped up, hitting chests.
The trio (plus Ginny) all stared blankly at the villains while everyone else around them (Death Eaters included) copied what Voldie and D Vader had just done, the jump-bang-chests-together-thingy. "SILENCE!" The grounds fell silent, as Voldemort had requested, and Voldemort smiled gratefully at everyone, then said, "Thank you. Thank you, very much, I am...oh so honored to be receiving this award tonight and uh...I uh, I have a list of thanks here...tonight...uh, first...I would like to thank my posse, uh, D to the E to the "Eaters"...that's uh, Death Eaters, for those of you who do not speak gangsta. Second of all, I would like to thank my friends cousin's fathers brothers friends kids ninth-removed godfather, Darth Vader. You're beautiful, just like Mr. James Blunt has said before, even with that hideous mask you wear all the time. And MOST of all...I would like to thank J.K Rowling."
"WHO?" Everyone asked.
"J.K Rowling."
"Yes, we heard you, but...but what does Just Kidding Rolling have to do with what we're doing here NOW?" Hermione asked, and murmurs of agreement were heard.
"Never mind that," Darth Vader boomed, "Voldie, I came to give this back to you, I think you may've dropped it when you were visiting me for tea, just the other day..." D Vader pulled out Voldemort's wand ("EWWWWW" All the readers squealed. "Get your mind out of the gutter!" The author said.)
Voldemort gasped and said, "Oh yes! I was wondering where it went to! Well, I hope you don't mind, but I took something of yours also..." He waved the light saber in front of him, like a child with a sparkler on the fourth of July. "Yeah, I kind of need that back." Darth Vader shrugged. Voldemort's face fell, although you could barely tell from how much botox he had had in the last year.
"But...I love my gay pride light saber." He frowned. "Yes, well, it's not really yours, it's mine so...if I could have it back..." Darth Vader said, reaching for the light saber hesitantly. Voldemort shoved it at him and yelled to the group around him, "SORRY EVERYONE, but I'm going to have to ERASE someone from my list of thanks! DARTH VADER IS NO LONGER THANK YOU-ED!"
"Oh, come on, don't be that way, Voldie..." Darth Vader trailed but was stopped by Voldemort yelling; "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Darth Vader fell to the ground, dead as a...well a...rock. Cause rock's are dead, duh.
Voldemort stomped his foot. "WHY!" He screamed. "WHY DOES EVERYTHING GOOD THAT HAPPENS TO ME...GET TAKEN AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY..." He sobbed. Harry felt a twinge of pity for Voldemort and in doing so, his scar burned. Voldemort's head shot back up and he glared at Harry. "This is YOUR fault!" He hissed. "I am HAPPY no more and the only way I CAN be happy is to make YOU feel PAIN! AVADA...KEDAVRA!" A jet of green light flew towards Harry. He closed his eyes, expecting to be hit. And then...right when he thought the curse was going to come in contact with him...he opened his eyes.
"Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up." Hermione said, laying on the ground before Harry. "Hermione." Ron and Harry dropped down to their knees next to her. "Hermione, are you okay?" Ron asked. "Go on. Save yourself." Hermione said breathlessly.
"Hermione, come on! This...you can't die!" Harry said urgently. She fluttered her eyes open and whispered, "I'm sorry Harry. Ron. Ginny. But I can't just go ONNN like this! Oh man...this is going to hurt my mum and dad so much! They don't have Geico insurance to pay for this either! Ahwell. It's been nice knowing you, Harry, Ron, Ginny. I love you all. Good...bye." She squeaked the last word and then, right in front of her best friend, died.
Ginny gasped, Harry wailed "NOOOOOO!", and Ron screamed, "THEY KILLED HERMIONE!"
"Yes, that's right...I KILLED THE DIRTBLOOD!" Voldemort cackled.
"But Harry...I have one more thing I want to tell you...before you die..." He said, raising an eyebrow.
Harry looked up from Hermione, panting, and asked, "WHAT!"
Voldemort grinned crooked, then it spread out around his whole face. He arched both his now-gone eyebrows (His makeup artist had plucked the last few hairs in the last few seconds) and yelled, laughing, "YOU'VE JUST BEEN PUNK'D!"
Harry gaped for a second and then covered his mouth, as Hermione sat up. She was laughing also. Ron pat Harry on the back, Ginny swept down and kissed him on the cheek and then...THEN...
Camera crews started coming out from behind the gravestones, everywhere.
A group of girls screamed with Cho Chang as a young man (A very ATTRACTIVE young man) came out from behind a tombstone and he ran up to Harry and hugged him. What the...
"HARRY POTTER, you've just been PUNK'D!" He screamed, rather obnoxiously when he released Harry. "But...by...but by WHO? And...and WHY?" Harry asked. He was somewhat familiar with the show; Dudley tended to watch it while eating a large bowl of Fattie-O's.
"ALL OF THESE PEOPLE set YOU up! And as for why...well...YOU'RE HARRY FREAKIN POTTER!" All of the girls screamed at the guys response.
Harry started laughing. He pushed Ron, Hermione, and Ginny and they all laughed too. "YOU GUYS! I CAN'T BELIEVE...OH MY GOD!...UGH! YOU GUYS!"
The young man threw his arm around Harry's shoulders and pointed to one of the camera's. "Alright," He started, "Could you tell that camera "I'm (Insert your name here) and I've just been PUNK'D!"? You know, like I would say, "I'm ASHTON KUTCHER...and I've just been PUNK'D!", except it's my show so I would never be punk'd?" The Now-Known-As-Ashton-Kutcher said.
Harry laughed and looked at the camera...
"I'm Harry Potter and I've just been PUNK'D!"
Yes, everyone. That is the end. Hope you had some laughs but I'm just so pathetic sometimes at trying to make other people laugh that I end up making myself laugh, cause I'm just that pathetic. Last name Out!