Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail. This has yaoi (guy&guy). Dont like don't read. Enjoy~

Laughing In the Dark

Ch.1

Gray POV

Looking up at the blue cloudless sky, felt like a crime to the ice wizard. Looking at something so blue and pure reminded Gray of the water mage. The color blue…. It meant so much to Gray. He wouldn't, couldn't, be able to look at blue the same way anymore.

The blue clothes…

The blue hair…

The blue eyes…

Now blue made him feel pain, a pain that seared his icy heart. The images swirled in his brain. Never leaving, a constant pain and memory. The blood. The pain always came at its worst when he thought of the beautiful water mage covered in her blood. A puddle of blood, not water, had been around Juvia, seeping steadily through her wrists.

Gray sits back on the grassy slope by the river. He closes his eyes and waits. Waiting for the sun to set and for the sky to blaze with red. That's all he deserved to see anymore. Red. His punishment. He didn't deserve to look at the blue any more.

Natsu POV

The Guild Hall was quiet and morbid when the Fire Dragonslayer walked in at last. Everyone was still in there black clothing from the funeral. Hushed whispers and sobbing echoed from everywhere. Lucy was sitting down at table in the corner with her back turned to everyone. She was crying hard but quietly. Natsu watched as Loki appeared from the celestial world and sat next to Lucy and put his arm around her.

Natsu turned and sat down at the nearest table. Looking around he saw Mira behind the bar cleaning mugs with her back turned to the guild to. No doubt she was crying as well. At the bar sat Cana, for once not drinking, her face shadowed and ashen. A loud cry rose to Natsus' right. It was Levy, she was hugging Gajeel and he had his arms around her too. His eyes were closed but a single tear fell down his face while Levy sobbed and wept. He really wished Happy where here now, but his friend wanted some time alone for a bit.

The funeral had been short and silent. Master Makarov was the only one who had spoken aloud. His words echoed around the mages gathered near the simple but beautiful grave stone etched in shades of blue and silver.

"It saddens my heart to think that Juvia thought she was ready to leave this world and join the afterlife. She was one of the best wizards I have ever seen in my life time. Her connection to water was strong and pure. Juvia was loved by all at the Guild and it's a shame she wanted to leave us. She has left so many friends and some even considered her family. She will be missed by-"

Someone had started laughing. It was harsh and ragged. Everyone had turned to look to see who it was. Natsu, at first, had been startled. It was Gray. Gray had stood off to the side in black with his head tilted back laughing. Looks of shock had been on everyone's face. No one said anything.

He had stopped suddenly and looked at everyone's face with a grim smile.

"You guys don't get it do you?"

When no one had said anything he had looked down and smiled wider. His face then turned shadowed and tears had started falling.

"Juvia killed herself all right? That meant she was unhappy. It meant we were not enough for her. It means that none of us, not even me, cared enough about her." Grays voice had cracked just then. "She knew it too. None of us realized that she was slipping away… slipping away through our fingers…. my fingers…."

The Fire Dragonslayer had been about to walk up to Gray and comfort his emotional friend when Gray had suddenly ran to Juvias' grave. He had squatted down and started whispering, whispering words no one would ever know. Natsu watched as Gray started using his ice make magic to create flowers of all kinds around Juvias' grave. Roses, daisies, lilies, and more all climbed around the gravestone and the freshly dug mound.

"How beautiful…" Lucy had said.

Gray had stopped and started sobbing. Everyone else had started crying and hiding their faces in their arms. Natsu himself had started crying angry, frustrated sobs.

"It's my fault! It's my fault she killed herself! All mine…"

Gray had been on his hands and knees crying when Makarov had stepped over and put his hand on the ice wizards shoulder.

Makarov had said, "Gray it is not just your fault."

"IT'S MY FAULT! Just leave me alone…" Gray had swatted Master Makarovs hand away then stormed off.

Natsu was about to chase after his friend but Happy had tugged on his pant leg. Shadows covered the cats face but his tears where still noticeable.

"Let him go…"

Natsu had looked back at the direction Gray had headed but decided to listen to his friend. Now he was here at the Guild Hall sitting by himself around his crying family.

For the past hour he had thought of the funeral and Gray had still not returned. Natsu started hoping his friend was okay. Deciding that maybe Gray needed someone now, Natsu stood up and went to search for his friend and, since Natsu and Gray were so close, Natsu knew exactly where his friend would be.

Gray POV

With the sun setting, the sky finally blazed with red. The ice wizard was sitting down in the soft grass with quiet tears slowly falling down his face.

"It's my fault. All my fault. Why Juvia? Why did you leave me?"

Gray had started mumbling and tearing at the blades of soft grass. He stripped into nothing but his trousers. Tears were falling faster now. He raised his hands in front of him.

"Ice Make Juvia…" whispered the ice wizard.

In his hands appeared a little ice Juvia. The way she looked the first time Gray and her met. Her dark blue hair curling inward towards her large hat. Her little doll pinned to her chest. The ice Juvia wasn't smiling but looking away as if embarrassed. Gray moved his hand over the figure and it morphed into the most recent Juvia. With her white and blue dress and her shorter spiky hair. In this one she was laughing and her eyes were closed.

"I'm sorry, Juvia… I'm so, so sorry."

The little ice Juvia disappeared. He let his arms fall to his sides and gazed at the red sky again. He wasn't crying anymore. He was out of tears. The pain in Gray's chest was unbearable. His eyes hurt from lack of sleep and crying.

"Gray…"

The ice wizard slowly turned his weary head to look for the Fire Dragonslayer. He was on top of the slope looking down at Gray with uncertain, sad eyes. But when Natsu smiled, Gray knew that his friend had come to check up on him. Not being able to look at the Dragonslayers smile anymore, the ice wizard turned around to look at the sunset again.

"Natsu…."

In the small amount of time since the ice mage had turned away, Natsu had silently crept up behind Gray. When the Fire Dragonslayer laid a hand on the ice wizard's shoulder, he was surprised when he did not shrug it off but seemed to lean into it instead.

"You can't beat yourself up about this buddy," Natsu told his friend.

"But it is my fault, you don't understand. Juvia always made it so painfully obvious how she felt about me and it took this for me to realize my mistake. If I would have noticed even a week ago, she would still be here. She wouldn't have been so alone." Gray was sobbing again. Angry, angst filled sobs raked down his body.

Natsu kneeled down beside his friend and put an arm around him. Gray leaned into the warmth hoping it would help to cut some of the pain that he felt. Gray wished his heart was actually made of ice so he wouldn't have to feel the pain in his chest. So he could just be completely numb to the world around him. This pain was more than any physical trauma he had been through before. The pain of loss. Of guilt. He deserved it all though. He didn't deserve the easy way out because the entire thing was his fault. All his fault…

Well hope you all enjoyed chapter one. Starting chapter two soon.

Jessi-chan~