It had been a very strange week for Sollux on the meteor. On a ever so lovely and plain, and boring, and repetitive, and mindblowingly slow friday, Sollux and Dave had this wonderful idea to take some of Roses alcohol, regardless if they knew what it did to trolls or not, as well as if they' get in trouble or not.
Well, after a few bottles, Dave was drunk as fuck, and Sollux… had a weird feeling in his stomach, it was nice and warm, and it only got warmer the more he drank, never dying down- not once. Dave had started talking and rambling, saying things about how he liked Karkat and how cute he was and all that jazz, it made sense, they were together after all so of course Dave is going to be talking about what a cutie his matesprit is. Then he also went on about how Sollux and him were good friends and just on and on about trivial things.
Sollux doesn't know how or when, but next thing he knew, he had kissed Dave, and Dave was so fucking drunk he didnt even realize what had just happened, instead he just kissed back and kind of went with it, too drunk to realize what he was doing. Things only escalated from there, when Dave kissed back that warmth in Sollux's stomach only got hotter, and he pretty much attacked Dave, kissing his a bit rougher and rubbing his hands all over Daves body, fondling it. Except Dave wouldn't be having any of that even in his drunken state, he jumped Sollux in return and- well, long story short, they fucked that night, and as much as Sollux savored every minute of it, Dave remembered nothing the next day and Sollux felt like shit.
The gemini really liked Dave, and I mean really liked him, Sollux might even dare say he loves Dave. Which is unfortunately the case, Sollux loves Dave, but he isnt stupid, he realizes that one drunk night that Dave doesn't even remember doesn't mean they're getting together. In fact, Sollux knows Dave and him are never going to be an item. Dave found his bae, and they were practically perfect together, not having a single little problem- well, that was until Sollux had to jump in and ruin everything because he couldn't control himself.
That was a week ago, and it was friday again. Sollux had done his best to avoid Dave all week, but.. He couldn't avoid him forever, Sollux will either have to tell Dave, or repress the memory and try to move on with his life like normal.. Sollux being the reasonable guilty friend he is, found it much suiting to tell Dave. Now let me explain, he felt horrible, he felt like he was literally a bag of shit that had been set on fire, stepped in, the puked upon before the next adolescent collected him into another paper bag and set him on fire. Horrible analogy, but thats kind of the point. Sollux couldn't keep this from Dave, he felt like his friend deserved to know what a piece of shit Sollux was for taking advantage of Daves drunken self, even if it meant Dave will platonically despise him, at least Dave would know what a horrible person he really is.
Currently Sollux was held up in his respite block, just sitting at his husktop desk as he stared- well, more like glared at the screen, before then going online to trollian. He then leaned his head over the back of the horrible, cheap, black husktop chair, ahh he really missed his unbelievably comfortable green husktop chair, it was just so perfect.
It didn't take long for the blonde to see Sollux was on, quick to start a chat and send Sollux a message.
- turntechGodhead [TG] has started trolling twinArmageddons [TA] -
TG: hey man, where you been?
TG: its been forever since we've chilled, and i cant believe im saying this, but i actually miss kicking your ass at combat games
TG: and dont think i havent noticed you've been avoiding me
TG:whats up with that anyways?
TG: sollux?
TG: heelloooo, i know you're on, your computer is constantly on and you just switched to 'online'
Sollux jumped as he heard his husktop go off, seeing the little white box surrounded in red, then just staring at the red text. He doesn't know what the fuck to say, but he guess he's been expecting this. He sighed, just staring at it for now.. He doesnt want to answer just yet. He's not sure why- which is a lie, he knows why, he doesnt want to loose Dave as a friend- but whatever.
By the time Dave called him out for obviously just sitting there, Sollux groaned and started typing back.
TA: alriight alriight, you caught me.
TA: now what do you want, a fucking medal?
TG: no, just your undying love.
TA: that2 not funny.
TG: i think it is.
TA: well then you'd be the only one.
TA: anyway2, what do you want?
TG: 2our pu22 as always, captor.
TG: anyways, i was wondering if you wanted to chill.
TA: dont fuckiing mock me, a22hole.
TA: and 2ure ii gue22.
TA: ii need two talk wiith you anyway2, iit2 pretty iimportant.
TG: ooohh, captors got pressing matters he needs to speak to me about, sounds important.
TG: (its probably to get his clammy hands on the knowledge on how to get laid in under 24 hours)
TA: ….ew, no. thii2 ii2 actually really iimportant, 2o iif you do you miind actiing liike your age for once? becau2e iit'd be very helpful iif you could take thii2 fuckiing 2ERIIOU2LY.
TG: okay okay, jeeeesus captor.
TG: put your stinger away, you might hurt someone.
TA: 2orry, ii ju2t.. thii2 ii2 really iimportant, okay?
TG: i got it.. so, where do you want to meet up?
TG: the usual place?
TA: you mean the roof?
TG: yeah.
TA: 2ure.. we can meet there.
TG: what time?
TA: how about an hour?
TG: sounds fine by me, kitkat and i need to finish up his crappy movie anyways.
TG: ill see you in an hour.
TA: 2ee you.
- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] -
Sollux groaned as he pulled away from the computer and rubbed his face with his hands, running them down a bit so he could look at the screen again, then groan and hit his head on the desk.
Fuck his life.
What was he going to do? Tell Dave the truth obviously, but how? By saying it? With words? Straight up just tell Dave the truth, tell him that they got drunk, although the details are a little hazy, Sollux remembers that they had sex, and that he knew Dave didn't know and it just made Sollux feel really bad since him and Karkat- Deep breath, Captor. You can do this.
Then, suddenly Sollux got a thought- should…. should he tell Dave the whole truth? Should he tell Dave that, he loves him..? Sollux might as well, right? If Dave was going to hate him, he might as well know that Sollux loves him, just to get that out there.
Sollux took a deep breath then logged off of Trollian before turning around in his chair and haunching over, putting his chin in his hands, going into his thinking position on how he was going to go about telling Dave all this..
About an hour passed and, damn, Sollux wishes he had more time, but oh well, he had what he was going to say. He got up, then instantly headed for the roof, not in any rush though, as he walked he ran over all the things in his head, all the things he had planned to tell Dave, and just sighed heavily. He had no fucking idea what he was doing.
It didn't take long for Sollux to get to the roof though, and once he did he instantly spotted the taller figure in red already sitting on the edge of the building. Sollux sighed again, then made his way over to Dave, sitting down next to him, then looking down to the ground… It seemed so tempting, just to push himself off and fall right now, but he still needs to tell Dave, plus, it seemed no matter how many times he dies, he comes back.
Once Dave had heard Sollux walking over, he looked back at his friend, and watched as his friend sat down next to him, then smiled a bit. "So what did you want to talk about?" He asked, looking over at Sollux, then noticed the look on his face, it was a look of remorse and despair. "Hey, dude is everything alright?"
Sollux took a deep breath then sighed, god he was not ready for this but, if he doesn't do it now, he can't do it ever. "No. I've done a terrible thing, Dave. I've.. I've done a terrible thing to you." He spoke, not looking Dave in the eyes, not that he could anyways, but he didn't want Dave to see his eyes. "Latht friday.. i'm thure you don't remember much, but we were hanging, and we had taken thome of Rotheth drink… And well.. Long thory thhort, we had thexth…" He took a deep breath, his heart was going a mile a minute damn it. "B-but it wathnt your fault!" Sollux said quickly before Dave could say anything, then he looked at him. "It wath mine. I came onto you, i took advantage of your inebriation.. While yeth, you didn't fight back, you were altho drunk, and I thhouldnt have come onto you in the first placthe, you're with kk after all but-..." Sollux sighed, he was going to say it, but before he could, Dave had spoken up.
Dave was pissed, no, not even that. He was furious. He couldn't believe this, at first he thought maybe Sollux was trying to pull a prank on him, but thats not what Sollux does, he doesn't pull pranks like this, that was Jons thing, and John isn't here. So yeah, Dave was completely and utterly furious with Sollux. Why would he do that? Was he drunk too that night? Wait- if he was then he wouldn't remember either. This didn't seem to add up to Dave, but whatever. Sollux wouldnt keep anything to himself while he's telling the truth, that defeats the purpose.
Strider huffed a bit in anger, then crossed his arms over his chest. "But what, Captor?" He said, angrily.
Sollux winced a bit at the sound of Dave's voice, to Sollux it sounded like the voice of a man about to kill. Hopefully that wasn't going to happen. "But… I'm tho thorry.. But, i couldn't help mythelf because.. I love you. I, tho thorry.. i never meant for any of thith to happen, but i felt tho guilty, and i had to tell you and if i wath going to tell you the truth, i thought i thhould tell you the whole truth and-.. i'm jutht tho, tho thorry Dave." He spoke, his voice starting to crack a bit and he felt the swelling in his throat, but he held back the tears. "i apparently couldn't handle the one sided feelingth anymore and when you became vulnerable around me i took advangage of it.. i'm thorry. i knew it was wrong but i thtill did it.."
The gemini sniffled, aaand there came the waterworks. Ahaha f uck. He's really pathetic, isn't he? Damn it, he doesn't deserve this pitiful existence.. "A-and i know we're never going to be thomething, youre happy with kk and i thought i could live with that ath long ath your happy, but- damn it i-i don't know i jutht keep talking and talking, i'm tho thcared and im tho thorry Dave.. I cant even begin to exprethh how terrible i feel about what i've done!" He spoke, finally looking at Dave.
Dave couldn't only watch Sollux now, completely stunned by Sollux confession in the middle of all this, it was quite the shocker, like, um, wow. What? Sollux loves him? Like intimately- well yeah thats kind of obvious considering what happened a week ago, damn it Strider, get your head in the game. Guess it was his turn to sigh now though. "Still, Sollux.. that doesn't make up for what you've done.. I hear youre sorry, but…" Dave looked to Sollux, then away, feeling angry, and just upset right now. "Sorrys not gonna cut it. Im fucking mad as hell at you right now, and honestly, I dont think we should hang out for a while.. or at all. Not till i figure this out and tell Karkat.." Dave sighed, then stood up. "Just.. Stay away from me, okay?" He then stood up, and walked away.
It was a calmer reaction than Sollux had expected, but he was sure it was because of his pitiful show that he put on that calmed the flames of anger, but Dave was still obviously very angry, and Sollux never got a 'i hate you' but he got very close to it. He had gotten a 'stay away from me' so Dave might as well have said he hated him. Sollux took a deep breath, god he was disgusting. Oh, and Dave was going to tell Karkat what happened. How lovely, Sollux will have to go through another argument with Karkat where not only will Karkat be yelling about his flaws and his shortcomings, but Karkat will also be pointing out what a terrible person he is for sleeping with his matesprit, then Sollux will really have no friends.
No friends…
Those words echoed in Sollux head and he stopped crying, then he looked down again.. If he had no friends, then- surely- no one will miss him, right? They'll all know about what a horrible pig he was- he is. And so.
Sollux closed his eyes, put his hands on the edge of the roof, then pushed, and fell. As he fell, he thought of nothing, nothing but the deep black abyss he put himself in.