A/N: "Inspired" by Meet the Demoman as my response to Souffle's invasion. I had no good ideas when I wrote this, expect hilariously poor content ahead :3
Lucatiel: Quiet on set, And… Action!
Pate: Wait, I seem to have left the lens cap on…
Lucatiel: get your shit together and start filming!
Vengarl: Sir, we seem to be on the air
Lucatiel: …. Shit! Roll camera, now!
In the lovely field of bliss and happiness that is the corridor leading up Velstadt, the Royal Aegis, numerous ghost emerge, noticing there is a massive strewing of bodies from the infinitely respawning ghouls, the ghosts looking on them in confusion a moment before they explode inexplicably, the hall filling with fire, death, and Wilhelm screams as the cursed undead sprints through his trap, leaping out-
-Freezeframe-
"What makes me a good Demoundead? Well if I was a slipshod scrub withe sword in' no Scraps of Life, I wouldn't be PWNin ghosts N' discusin it witya, now would I!"
-Focus Aperture on hunter's copse-
"Lezzz do'et!" The cursed screams, running through the hunters copse like a madman, kicking a dead rogue off the balcony and exploding the torturer below, jumping off and running down the way with torturers just behind him, shooting at the bodies of the scrubs who dared try to brave the canyon before him- "Wha, wadn't they supposed to explode?"
Lucatiel: Goddammit! Who's operating the pyrotechnics…. Get your ass out there and fix it!
The explosions go off- destroying the wide-angle camera in the process…
Lucatiel: Cuuuuuuut! Reshoot the whole thing, now!
*Bloop*
The demoundead ran down the way like a man possessed, turning about and doing his demon thing zapping the bodies to cause explosions along the walls:
"Not one'a ye's going to survive this!"
Cut to the interview room in scenic Majula Mansion
"One staked hollow, one wayward noob with the ragdoll physics, one errant cast, and kablooey!"
Cut to heide
A pyromancer scrub runs in hot pursuit of the Demoundead, the master throwing grabbing the expendable white phantom in front of him:
"Yew are muh weapen, rejoyce in yer death!"
"Wait what?" He exclaimed, screaming as he was thrown into the wall ahead, bouncing off and landing in front of the pyromancer, who proceeded to vaporize him with a flame stream, his arm going up in a Freddy Mercury pose, only for the body to explode at his feet.
"Denied, you surry excus for eh pro!"
Roll PWNage- interweave with cut shots of Demoundead drinking a fuckton of Estus Flasks
Two scrubs stand at the end of the row, Havelyn doing his Havelyn thing laying down a sheet of bolts, while a second scrub stands in front of him with the King's Mirror and grandlance, a scrub getting PWNed by Havelyn bolts as the Demoundead draws his chime and launches the bolt at the King's Mirror, the bolt dramatically reflecting off the shield and hitting the wall near a giant basilisk corpse-
Lucatiel: Cut!
*Take 999,999,999*
The scraps of life strike a giant basilisk copse, the explosive force OWNing the Havelyn and Lancer.
Cue Interview room
The demoundead drinks his Estus dry, crying, "I god a get muh charm, I'm a fatrolling, 12-year old Hexer, they got more lagswitchers in the Dark Chasm of Old-"
Lucatiel: Cut! Who thought putting language that obscene in this film was a good idea! I want him in the production office… so I can-
*Bloop*
"-They got more *beeped bleeped bloopidy bloop bloop* thin they got the likes of me! So,"
*Overlay monologue over footage of Demoundead running down the iron keep bridge with a gank army in tow*
"So if ye' fine gankers so prood, so 1337, fastrolling about with yer counter full of souls, com get me I say! I'll be waiting on ye with a buff a the ol Dark scaling, I'm a dark bloody lore element with a humiliatin bloody end!"
The gank army pursued the demoundead to the elevator, reaching the bottom realizing they walked right into a huge pile of ogres from Harvest Valley, the demoundead drinking his Estus and saluting before shooting the bodies with his hex, blowing the gankers sky high.
"Oh, there gunna have to string you back together with moss… in hell!"
Cue fabulous outro, roll credits
Lucatiel: Whew, good job team, this will be our finest film to date
Pate: About that… I seem to have erased the entire film, sorry about that…
Lucatiel: *twitch* *twitch*
-Demo Undead: Scrub Harder, coming to theater's 10,000AD-