Saix Breaks the Coffee Machine

"You idiot!" yelled Marluxia. Now he'd done it. The coffee machine was in pieces in his hands…

But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. You're probably wondering:

A: How did Saix break the coffee machine?

B: Why did Saix break the coffee machine?

C: Why you are suddenly craving some coffee.

So let's go back about four hours to see what this whole fiasco is about.

:Four Hours Earlier:

Saix lounged on the couch with his arms behind his head. Axel had left for a mission yesterday, and Demyx was fast asleep. Only the occasional moan of frustration from Vexen's lab could be heard. Probably working on an experiment of some kind. Saix closed his eyes and was about to doze off, when a voice invaded his peaceful world.

"Ah, Number 7. Mind if I sit here?" asked Xemnas.

"Um, well I was just about to…"

"Great!" exclaimed Superior, before crashing down on the couch. "You're too kind." He put his feet on the coffee table. "What have you been up to?"

"Enjoying the quiet," Saix muttered.

"Same here," he said, staring into his coffee mug. "Number 7, do you mind getting me a refill?"

"Of course not," Saix grumbled. He took the empty mug and walked to the kitchen. "There goes my peaceful day," he thought. He had almost reached the kitchen when he ran into Xigbar. Due to a mishap that involved some firecrackers and the bathroom door, Saix and the Freeshooter didn't usually get along.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Sailor Moon!" laughed Xigbar. "What are you doing? Getting coffee for old Mansex? Tell me, how's the Xemnas butt today, Asskisser?"

Saix was shaking in anger. His hands were in fists, and his face was deep scarlet.

"Oh, I'm so scared! What're you gonna do? Call you're moon powers to zap me? Look! I'm shaking!"

Saix turned away, every effort keeping him from summoning his claymore and slicing the Freeshooter in two. As he walked into the kitchen, he heard muffled laughter coming from the hallway.

The kitchen was a generally small room. A fridge occupied the far left corner, and a sink, a dishwasher and a stove were on the right side of the room. There were most of the necessary appliances, a microwave, a toaster, a blender, and, of course, a coffee machine. And in the far right corner was Zexion, reading a book as usual.

"Hey Zex!"

"Zexion."

"Right, Zexion… So, whatcha doing in here?

"That's my business."

"Right… Whatcha reading?"

"A book…"

"Which one?"

Zexion put his hand on his head in frustration. "Look, if you really want to know what I'm doing here, I'll tell you! I'm… I'm baking cookies," he said, flushing.

"Ah ha!" yelled Saix. "You're making them for someone! I see you blushing!"

"Shut up!"

"Zexy has a crush! Zexy has a crush!"

"Stop it! You're acting like Demyx!" he said, blushing even deeper.

"It's Demyx! Haha! You like little Demy!" Saix giggled uncontrollably. When it came to member-to-member crushes, he always became a little overexcited.

"SHUT UP!" he yelled, throwing the book at Saix and hitting him in the head. He ran teary eyed out of the kitchen.

"Wait! Zexion! You left your book!" Saix yelled after the Schemer. He took a look at the cover. "How to Impress your Crush" was written across the cover. He set the book down. He'd give it to Zexion later. Right now, he was only concerned with one thing- coffee. He prepared the machine for a new pot, and sat down where Zexion had just left. He opened the book to the first page and started to read…

"Do you think he's awake?" asked a first voice.

"Prolly not!" laughed a second. Saix let out a loud snore. "What did I tell you?" Wait, what's that he's reading?"

"Ho ho! It's a book telling how to impress a crush!"

"That's blackmail worthy!"

"Shoot him with water!"

A jet of ice-cold water hit Saix between the eyes. "AHHH!" he screamed. He heard giggling. Saix rubbed his eyes to see none other than Demyx and Axel sitting in front of him.

"Wha-a? Axel? I thought you were on a mission!" Saix stuttered.

"Just got back! Miss me?"

"Not particularly…"

Axel grinned. "So- what's been going on between you and Superior while I was away?" Axel winked.

"Wha-?" he noticed the book in his hands. "EWW! It's not what you think! This isn't my book! It's Zexion's!"

"Sure it is…" said Demyx, stifling a giggle.

"It is!" whined Saix. "In fact Demyx, he likes you!"

At that, Axel and Demyx burst out laughing. Axel couldn't even sit up straight. He rolled around on the floor clutching his stomach. After what seemed like hours of laughing, Demyx looked up and said, "Where'd the X come from? I've never seen it before."

"What do you mean?" asked Saix.

"On your forehead," replied Demyx. Sure enough, there was an X shaped scar where Zexion's book had hit him. Saix sighed. "Great."

At that moment, Marluxia stepped into the kitchen. "Oh, hello Axel. Hello Demyx. Hello Sailor Moon," he said cheerfully. Saix started to flame up, but kept his control. Marluxia walked over to the fridge and pulled out the milk. "Anyway," he said, pulling out cereal and a bowl, "Xemnas isn't too happy. Something about waiting for coffee for three hours."

"WHAT!!!"

Saix couldn't stand it anymore. He went berserk, trying to crush anything in his path, which happened to include a freaked out Demyx. Eventually, he reached the coffee mashine. Raising it over his head, he yelled, "Stupid Machine! Why don't you have a damn alarm!"

"CRASH!"

Coffee now splattered the once white walls. Shards from the coffee pot littered the counter.

"You idiot!" yelled Marluxia. Now he'd done it. The coffee machine was in pieces in his hands…

The door slowly creaked open. An extremely pissed off Xemnas inched his way twords a cowering Saix. When the two nobodies were nose to nose, Xemnas growled, "What did you do?"

Saix gulped and shook with fear. "Well… I… well…"

"Where's my coffee?"

"It's um… well…"

"I think this calls for punishment, Saix…" the Superior said grinning. "I have the perfect one in mind!"

Saix gulped.

:One Hour Later:

Saix held his hands over his ears. "NO MORE!" he shouted from his prison cell.

"What? You want more! Ok!" yelled Axel, readjusting the red electric guitar around his neck. "Hit it Dem!"

"And a one, and a two, and a three…"

The entire castle erupted in hardcore rock music. Xemnas smiled from behind his newspaper. "Oh yes, this is the perfect punishment," he said, replacing his earplugs.