-My Jou-chan-
Tokyo, Japan. Spring, 1895.
The dust floated at his footsteps and was swept away by the wind. There was a certain smell to this place. The smell of burnt food, metallic blood, cold sweat and warm tears. He could smell it all, even though it was long gone.
Sanosuke Sagara stared at the gate of the dojo. He took a deep breath of the sweet smell of memory, inhaling old dust instead. The Kamiya-Himura Dojo. The words sent a great feeling of warmth through his bones. Taking in another gulp of breath, he knocked on the door and waited.
It opened. Yahiko's jaw dropped, "S-Sanosuke."
"Yahiko," Sanosuke smiled just like he would back when he was young. He took a good look at the boy who had become a man. His face was sharp and his body was strong. But his eyes were the same piercing brown. Sanosuke shook his head with a grin, "It's been a long time."
Yahiko looked down, "It's been almost sixteen years, Sanosuke. A lot has happened."
"I'm sorry," Sanosuke apologized gently. They stood silent for a moment. He scratched the back of his head, "So, could I come in? We could talk."
"Yeah, sorry," Yahiko moved aside and allowed Sanosuke to enter. The young man looked around and closed the gate quietly. "Come into the garden."
The two men walked briskly to the garden and sat on the porch. Sanosuke looked all around at the dojo, a place he hadn't been in so long. In many ways, it hadn't changed at all. A summer wind chime rang quietly. Yahiko remained silent with pursed lips.
Sanosuke watched him carefully. Movement inside the house caught his eye and he saw a woman close the door, suspiciously. Everything was quiet. He looked back to Yahiko with a glare, "What's going on, Yahiko? What's wrong?"
"Sano," Yahiko started, somberly. He looked around and said softly, "Kenshin died two days ago."
The world stopped.
Sanosuke suddenly thought of what Kenshin had told him, so many years ago, when they had met. When Sanosuke was sure that this man was an enemy; he was just another damned imperialist. Kenshin had told him that he disliked those who had killed the Sekihoutai just as much as Sanosuke did. Sanosuke hadn't believed him, and had continued to attack.
Kenshin was so patient.
Sanosuke's voice was hoarse, "How?"
"We found him lying in Kaoru's arms. He died of a deadly unknown disease, which had spread throughout his body. We couldn't stop it," Yahiko's tired eyes closed. "It won't be long before Kaoru goes the same way."
"What?" Sanosuke grabbed Yahiko's shoulders and shook them. His eyes held a powerful gleam; something between disbelief and the insanity of grief, "What's wrong with her? Why?"
Yahiko answered with a broken voice, "She has the same disease."
Sanosuke kept his eyes on Yahiko's downcast face, but pulled back, and into himself. His long since broken hands gripped his knees. His chest was heavy; it seemed like he couldn't breathe. The weight of the world had been pressed down upon Sanosuke's heart, long forgotten as it was. Kenshin and Kaoru. He blinked multiple times.
"Where is she?"
"Follow me."
She was asleep. She was the epitome of beauty and innocence. She was the proof of individuality and hope. She forgave three men for their past crimes and took them into her home. She made money to pay for food that would be eaten by three freeloaders who didn't have jobs. She would yell at them when they complained the food was terrible. She had taken care of two brutish boys who were like a little brother, and a big brother to her. She had shared and carried the pain of a man who was destined to live every year of his life like a new open wound.
"Jou-chan," he whispered. Sanosuke stepped into the room alone. His legs quivered as he walked to the side of her futon. He looked at her carefully. Her pale face had lines of youth-forgotten age. Her once thick raven black hair was thin and gray, spread wildly about her pillow. She looked weak and ill, nothing at all like the last time he had seen her.
Last time. . . Sanosuke gulped. Last time she had been young, loving and smiling brightly. She had been so full of life, a loving wife and mother-to-be.
Sanosuke slowly fell to his knees, beside her. Tears ran down his battered face. He sobbed softly, "Jou-chan. My Jou-chan."
". . .S-Sa-no. .suke," she opened her eyes, and his sobs wracked his body so hard, he sat shaking before her. Her voice was so weak and flat. Her eyes! Dark and dull; they stared up at him in disbelief, as though he were a ghost. She blinked, "I-Is. . that y-y-you?"
He was sobbing so hard he couldn't speak. All he could do was rest his head upon her stomach, and weep. Minutes went by without either of them noticing. Finally, her hand reached up to the top of his head, and slowly ran through his coarse hair.
"Oh. .S-Sano," she had a soft smile on her face. "Y-You came."
Yahiko, Tsubame and Sanosuke sat together at the dining table, in silence. The married couple knew the tear-soaked expression on Sanosuke's face all too well. The only sound in the room was that of their chewing. Sanosuke's appetite had disappeared, and he moved his food around his plate. Yahiko watched him.
Suddenly, someone opened the door and entered the room. Sanosuke looked up to see . . Kenshin?
"Kenji, you're late for dinner," Yahiko told him sternly.
The boy nodded and apologized quietly. He walked towards them, but stopped when he noticed Sanosuke. He turned to Yahiko with questioning eyes, "Who is this, Uncle?"
"This is Sanosuke Sagara," said Yahiko. "An old friend of ours."
Sanosuke stared at Kenji. The boy had long red hair and dark blue eyes. He seemed to be lean, but strong. At his hip was Kenshin's reverse-blade sword. Sanosuke's eyes widened, "Kenji Himura. Last time I saw you, you were still in your mother's womb."
Kenji sat down and regarded Sanosuke at length. Finally, he said, "I have heard stories about you. Sanosuke Sagara, of the Sekihoutai." He spoke quietly, with a teenaged boy's voice, but Sanosuke could hear Kaoru's strength. "My mother spoke of you almost as often as she spoke of my father. She would always say. ." He looked down. "That you were such a great man."
"She couldn't have meant that," Sanosuke frowned and glared at his food. "I was just a freeloader."
Yahiko snorted, his good spirits returning for a moment, "That's right. Sano was such a moocher."
"Yahiko!" Tsubame frowned.
Sanosuke smiled ruefully, "Yeah. That's me. The moocher. Kaoru would have thrown me out, but Kenshin would always stop her." At the sound of deceased man's name, the four stiffened and the mood became grim once more. Sanosuke felt it, and attempted to lighten up, "So, Yahiko and Tsubame. Are there any little ones of yours?"
Tsubame looked away, but was quiet. Yahiko saw her expression and turned to Sanosuke with a pleading in his eyes, "No, I'm afraid not."
They remained silent until Kenji asked Sanosuke, "Where did you go?"
Sanosuke looked up at him, "All over Japan and China. I had to run away from some men who wanted my blood. I only came back once, not too long after I had left. Your parents were married and pregnant with you." He moved away from the table and stood up. "Well, thanks for dinner. I'll come back tomorrow, if you don't mind."
"Stay, Sanosuke-san," Tsubame told him softly. "Please stay in our home for as long as you'd like. I'll set up a room for you."
"That's alright, you don't have to-"
"I must," she stood up and quickly excused herself down the hallway.
The three men watched her leave. Yahiko sighed, "You must stay Sano. It's been too long since you were last here. Tokyo has changed a lot these past fifteen years." He met Sanosuke's eyes with his own, "Don't mind my wife. She's just stressed about Kaoru."
"Of course," Sanosuke agreed. He looked down at the boy who was eating his food quickly. In his mind's eye, he could see Kenshin at age fourteen, screaming his naïve idea of protecting the weak to his master. Leaving his master, and joining the army. Becoming an assassin. Becoming the deadliest assassin. At age fourteen. Is that what he would have looked like? He was just a boy.
Sanosuke heard Yahiko stand up and say, "Oh, Megumi. I regret that you missed a great dinner."
"That's all right, I've already eaten. Who is-" she gasped and dropped something heavy.
He turned around and looked at her. She was still beautiful, in her own dark and mature way. On the floor was her medical bag. A small grin escaped him, "Meg."
"Sano," she breathed. She stared at his ragged clothes, unshaved face, wild hair and dirty red bandana. "What are you doing here?" there was a frown on her face. She stepped slowly towards him, "After fifteen years, you finally decided to show up? Do you have any idea how much you've missed?" She came toe to toe with him, glaring. Suddenly, she slapped him across the face.
He stood back and touched his hurt cheek, staring at her with wide eyes.
"How dare you come back now, after so much has happened? After your friend needed you the most!" she picked up her bag with a disgusted expression and stomped down the hallway, towards Kaoru's room.
Sanosuke was silent. Kenji's face was turned away. Yahiko walked to his old friend and sighed, "I'm sorry Sano. We're all just . . . stressed."
"Yeah," he muttered. He started towards his room, "I know."
Yahiko watched him struggle to his room, and sighed for the millionth time. He turned to Kenji's fallen face, "I'm sorry you had to see that."
"It's alright, Uncle," the boy said. "I just wish that I could understand. I wish that I could help."
Yahiko's sad smile nearly revealed his full heartache, "Of course you do."
"S-Sano is here," Kaoru's weak voice drifted from the room. Sanosuke's smile did not reach his eyes as he stood by the closed door. "D-Did you-u see him?"
"Yes, I did," Megumi answered stiffly. Something made a clang noise. "He looks every bit the wild ruffian he always has been."
Kaoru's wheezy laughter echoed through Sanosuke's soul, "Yes. If o-only. .S-Shinta could h-have seen him."
"Don't say that, Kaoru-chan," Megumi's voice sounded choked.
He couldn't listen to anymore, for fear of breaking down again. Sanosuke moved away from the door, and began back down the hallway when he heard another voice. "I don't want him here."
"Now, my love, I know you are upset about his questioning our children, but you mustn't let that get in the way. He is my friend-"
"He is a stranger. You have not seen him in fifteen years. He is a completely different person!"
The couple's voices were rising in volume. Yahiko was nearly yelling, "He is my friend, and I will not turn him out of my own house! He has as much right as we do to stay by Kaoru's side!"
"How dare you say that! Where has he been all this time? Why has he returned now, after Kenshin-san's death? This is my home as much as it is yours, and I do not want him here! He is pressure on poor Kaoru-san's heart!"
"He will stay!" Yahiko shouted. His wife was suddenly silent. Yahiko's tone was bitter, "You will respect him as I respect him as a person and a good friend. Don't you ever speak of him like that again!"
Sanosuke walked away from the room with a clenched chest. He walked outside and into the garden. The sun was setting, and the sky was a deep inferno of blood and fire. He stared at it, as though it could give him all the answers to life. The scent of flowers nearly overrode the sweet smell of memory, and it all ensnared his senses. He breathed it in deeply.
"Sanosuke-san," a voice spoke beside him. He turned to see Kenji. The boy was sitting on the porch, looking up at the dying sun. "You knew my father well. Would you tell me about him?" he looked at Sanosuke's pained face. "Please?"
The ex-fighter for higher sat down beside the boy with a heavy sigh, "Your father was a great man."
"Yes," Kenji said, dryly amused. "I have heard that many times. Please tell me something real about him. Tell me his flaws, his weaknesses. Something that would make him seem human."
Sanosuke stared at the boy; his face was enveloped by the red light of the setting sun. "Kenshin was always beating himself up about putting his friends in danger. He would always say that he had to leave, to keep danger away from the ones he loved," Sanosuke's deep voice told the young boy of a once handsome man. "He had silly habits, like washing the laundry and saying 'Oro' all the time."
"'Oro'?" Kenji asked.
"Yeah," Sanosuke smiled. "But he was always so patient, no matter what happened. When I first met him, I thought he was just another dirty imperialist. He proved me wrong, with patience." He shook his head, "He taught us all patience, which your mother used to the fullest extent."
Kenji nodded, "She would always say 'He'll come back'. She said that over and over again, like a chant." His voice held a hint of anger.
With a hushed voice, Sanosuke said, "I found your father in China." The boy's eyes widened. "He was in an odd state of shock. I brought him to a fisherman's shack and took care of him for a few days. He couldn't remember me at all," there was pain in his voice. "The only thing he could remember was her name. Kaoru. He kept saying her name. He would look out the window and say her name-"
"Stop," the boy said sharply. He was breathing heavily and shaking, "You saw my father in China, and you sent him back here?" At Sanosuke's nod, the boy stood up. "I don't know what to say. I'm not sure if I should thank you, or if I should throw you out. You sent him to his death!"
Sanosuke stood up calmly, "If I had not sent him, he would not have been able to be with Jou-chan one last time. I couldn't go with him because I had unfinished business to attend to. I had to finish it before coming home."
Kenji paused to think on this. He turned his back on Sanosuke, "Somehow I don't believe you. You couldn't possibly have known my father that well."
"Where is he buried?" Sanosuke asked as gently as he could.
Kenji glanced over his shoulder, "He hasn't been buried yet. We are bringing him to Kyoto. If you don't know why, you don't know my father." He turned to face Sanosuke, "Tell me why we are burying him in Kyoto."
"His wife is buried there. Tomoe Yukishiro," Sanosuke said, feeling somewhat patronized.
Kenji's eyes widened, "You really do know him."
"How would you know about her, Kenji?"
"My uncle told me."
"And did he tell you how her brother staged your mother's death? Did he tell you how crazy Kenshin went when he saw her supposed dead body?" Sanosuke shook his head, "I can't believe Kaoru actually has the strength to smile and laugh after seeing Kenshin, even if those smiles and laughter were fake. I don't think I would have that strength."
Kenji was quiet. He looked down, "Do you want to see him?"
"No," Sanosuke answered quickly. "No. The sight. . . would drive me insane." He turned on his heel and walked to his room, leaving Kenji to ponder by himself, in the dark.
A bird chirped.
Sanosuke was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He blinked away his sleepiness, and sat up. He stared down at his hands. Inside, he wished that none of this had ever happened. He wished that he had returned home earlier, to help his friends. He wished he could have helped Kenshin more. He wished he could have come back home with him; he only had to stay in China for two days longer.
He had gotten on a ship in Shanghai only two days after Kenshin had left. Somehow, he should have found a way to go with Kenshin. He wished he had. He wished he could help Kaoru. He wished he could ease her pain and suffering.
"Damn," he stood up. Suddenly, he had a funny feeling. Something forced him to walk across the hallway and open Kaoru's door.
She was breathing heavily and covered in sweat. Sanosuke's breath hitched, "Yahiko! Yahiko!" He ran down the hallway and banged on the door. "Yahiko! Come quick, Kaoru looks really bad!" he opened the door.
Yahiko was struggling to tie his hakama back into place, as Tsubame covered herself with the blankets. Yahiko had the look of determination he would always have on his face when approaching an enemy, "I'm coming!" The two old friends ran back down the hallway to Kaoru's room. The room she had shared with Kenshin when they were married. When he was home.
Sanosuke fell to his knees beside her. Her eyes opened and she smiled at him, looking very pale and weak. "Hold on, Jou-chan, you'll be alright," Sanosuke told her softly. He smiled, "You're so strong."
". .S-Sa-no. .su-k-ke," she whispered faintly. "M-my big br-o. .the-er." Her eyes closed and she grimaced in pain.
Yahiko had pulled back her sleeve; he stared at the huge increase of the strange red markings. He looked up at Sanosuke and shook his head, "There's nothing I can do."
"What the hell do you mean, there's nothing you can do?" Sanosuke wanted to scream at him. "There's got to be something we can do to help her! We have to help her!" he looked down at Kaoru's pained face. "Jou-chan, hold on!" Yahiko closed his tired eyes. "Jou-chan, you're strong! You can fight this. You can win this battle. I know you can!" Tsubame was standing in the doorway, weeping softly. "Jou-chan! Jou-chan!"
She smiled softly, her eyes still closed. "Shinta," she whispered. And then. . .
Sanosuke watched her. He watched the rise and fall of her chest stop. All movement ceased, and all that was left was the smile on her face. The smile she had promised to keep on for Kenshin, because it was his remedy. The remedy for his soul.
"Jou-chan? Jou-chan?" And then he howled the most pained scream Yahiko Myojin had ever heard. "Jou-chan!" Kenji had rushed in with Megumi. The boy threw himself upon his mother and wept. Megumi put a hand on Sanosuke's shaking shoulder, and held him close, like a child.
The world was absolutely still, as if time had temporarily paused. All that could be heard was the sound of weeping.
Sanosuke Sagara stood before three graves in Kyoto. Beside him stood Yahiko Myojin. The two men had brought flowers for their dearest friends. "She was like a sister to me," Sanosuke said. "And he was like a brother."
But if Kenshin won't come back, what will happen to our hopes of a better life?
I understand how you feel about the Sekihoutai. I'm not planning to change your mind, but I have to do what I have to do.
"He was more like a father to me. She was like a sister for me, too." Yahiko stated quietly.
No one can take away your pride.
Ugly? I'll have you know they call me The Rose of Martial Arts around here!
"Hm," Sanosuke hummed softly. Then they were silent, staring at the tombstones. Kenshin and Kaoru Himura. On the other side of Kenshin's tombstone, was Tomoe Yukishiro.
"I see you brought flowers. Quite insufficient, I might add," the deep voice raised the attention of the two men. They looked up to Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth. He walked up to them, with his huge white and red cape flowing in the wind. He didn't look a day older than the last time they had seen him, fifteen years earlier. He stood next to them and looked down upon the three graves. "Good sake is the best treat before entering the world beyond."
He poured the bottle of sake he held over the stones, and then set the bottle next to the flowers.
Yahiko said, "Thank you."
The old master didn't say anything more. He stared down at the grave of Kenshin Himura one last time. There was something in his eyes that almost looked like moisture, but it only lasted a second. He turned and walked away.
Sanosuke and Yahiko watched him leave, and then turned to each other. Yahiko asked, "Well, is it time to go home?"
Sanosuke merely nodded and waved for Yahiko to go on. The boy-turned-man smiled and began to walk. Sanosuke squatted down before Kenshin and Kaoru. He smiled softly and said, "Goodbye Kenshin. Goodbye Jou-chan."
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.
Author's Note: This story is my homage to Kaoru Kamiya, Kenshin Himura, and Sanosuke Sagara. It follows the manga and the movie "Reflections". Hopefully I didn't completely butcher some piece of information. Thank you for reading. Please review. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.
