A ROSE-SCENTED EMBRACE
by Emily Koh
---
Disclaimer: "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is (c) Chiho Saito, BePapas, and
other associations I've failed to list. x_x; "A Rose-Scented
Embrace" is (c) 2001, Emily Koh. Don't copy or post on another site
without my permission.
---
Pardon me a thousand times, Utena-sama...
It is I who cause you grief. Please, forgive me.
Why do you do this to her?
It is necessary.
To achieve what?
My vision. The vision I tainted in the past.
The past is over, done with.
Surely I can mend it now.
It is over, done with.
You, of all people, surely cannot understand. How dare you claim
that everything is over? It is not. Don't you know the burden I
have carried for all these years?
... I am sorry.
And how dare you apologize? You have no right to.
You cannot change the past.
No, I can't. But I can mend it. I can.
By murdering?
Don't think of it as murdering. Think of it as destroying the
dangerous obstacles that prevent eternal happiness.
Eternal happiness... what kind of bliss can be achieved by killing
and destroying lives?
Stop it. It's not destroying.
They won't come back. You know that.
Be quiet... don't interrupt me...
You don't understand. She smiles every day, willing to fight and
stay strong. But they don't understand the burden she carries...
only I do, you see? They're too busy seeing the gloss on the front
that they can't see... can't see... her true feelings.
You do?
I love her. Of course I do. I care for her. No one has subjected
me to orders to love her, but I've found myself watching over her.
The Rose Bride... capable of love?
I once was, too. It's always been there, O Mighty One.
Don't call me that.
I'm not being sarcastic. Don't you see? I have always loved...
what I did in the past was because of love. And I suffered
because of love. It's... it's...
I'm sorry.
Stop apologizing. What right do you have?
Every right.
Don't.
... Besides, I'm doing this out of love, too. They must be out of
the way. Then she will be happy. They demand for duels endlessly,
and all for me.
Me.
So... why not kill yourself?
Don't hesitate asking. I had considered that.
But it wouldn't solve anything. What is the point? I cannot escape
and she won't be able to escape it for eternity, then. They'll
blame her for no end for not properly taking care of the Rose Bride,
and making the Order collapse.
I need to get rid of them first. But that won't stop it, I know...
The End of the World is what I need to get rid of.
But a safer method to make sure is to get rid of the Victor of
Duellists.
My dear Utena-sama.
You intend to kill her?
No. I intend to... put her in peace of mind.
Destroying a life, you mean.
Is that how you think of it?
Don't give me that bitter tone. And I never meant destroying her
life, I meant ruining others'.
How can I ruin others' lives? They're all gone now.
... It wasn't necessary.
You weren't in my position.
It doesn't matter. A human life is as fragile as a cocoon. With
one fall -- one drop -- one crash -- the chrysalis can be ripped,
and the ugly duckling becoming a swan is no more.
Why do you question what I do? You wanted me to become my own
person. So did Utena-sama. So I am doing this for her... I am
becoming what she wanted me to be. A person. Not a mindless
robot. Right?
Not with murder. Not with blood on your hands.
... You think I was happy? I was confused.
Oh, I was still my mindless self when I poisoned Nanami-san's drink,
when I pushed Saionji, and tortured Juri-san with thoughts of her
beloved Shiori so much that she broke down and became nearly mute.
But?
But I became... I truly became a person when I came to dealing with
Touga-sama and Miki-san.
Because?
Touga-sama loves Utena-sama. And Miki-san is my friend.
Then why kill?
Because. He was an obstacle. He had the power to challenge Utena-
sama to a duel. I know he wouldn't ever again, but he's qualified
as a Duellist. Don't you see? He can challenge her endlessly for
me. I know the truth. He likes me, too. So he can challenge her.
And Touga-sama? He puts Utena-sama to grief just by being with her;
disillusioning with her with images of her prince and such. It
isn't right for her. And he betrayed her in a duel. I cannot
bear such thought.
So you killed.
No. Don't say that. I simply removed the objects in view.
But you didn't kill only them, did you? You didn't stop.
Not until I got to Wakaba-san. You understand, don't you? She's a
person that makes Utena-sama smile. I want to make her smile,
too. I wanted to be the one that made Utena-sama laugh and be
the one that Utena-sama always wanted to be around with. Not
just because I am the Rose Bride and because she has to tend to
me.
You wanted attention.
Yes...
You simply killed her out of jealousy.
No.
No!
That isn't true. It's...
You did, didn't you?
I did?
I did.
And the others? Jealousy?
No. The others. No! They were... truly obstacles. I had to...
had to...
Keep Utena-sama safe. Free her from harm and trouble. She was
having too many burdens on her shoulder. She would collapse.
Not for her own good, was it?
No?
Yes!
It was...
It was for yours. You were jealous.
Jealousy...
I was...
No. I wasn't.
You don't understand. I'm going to help Utena-sama. I am going to
gather her in her last moment of affection -- an embrace that
carries a scent of roses -- and kiss her on the head. With that
kiss, I will seal her away.
No more duels.
No more fights.
No more burdens.
She will see through a glass, observing the world, yet not being
able to participate. So I haven't killed her. She's still there,
but just a spectator. She's safe. No one knows she's there,
except for me.
Like myself.
Oniisama... it's not like that. Please...
Intelligence is a dangerous tool. You have taken too much in your
own hands -- done too much at once -- without precaution... you
have discarded that mask of obedience, but you have placed a new
one of...
Human emotion.
Oh, Oniisama.
I am jealous, aren't I?
Is this what it is like, to be truly living?
... Did I kill them out of jealousy?
Or for Utena-sama?
I'm so confused...
Tears. Don't fight them... they come as part of the package.
...Did it hurt?
... Yes. It was painful. Every moment.
For now, you are truly human. If that was to be achieved only by
killing, then so be it...
There is no pain in being welcomed into a rose-scented embrace,
however...
***
She sat by the hearth of the fire, waiting for him. She worried for
him constantly. He fought too much, saved people too much. He
was the people's prince, but he was never her prince. He was only
her brother, and that was all he would be.
Tonight, he was late. The world needed him more than usual.
She wondered if he was fetching a girl off her feet from a monster,
or if he was being the gallant hero by slaying the dragon.
Certainly, he wouldn't be her dashing prince. Of course. She was in
more pain and more trouble than anyone else in the world, but he
didn't save her -- didn't have time to save her.
Maidens came before his family, naturally.
As each hour ticked by, she gnawed on her lower lip, blood slowly
dripping from her lip, trickling down softly. Her fingers twisted
the dish rag in her hand. And she sat, staring at the embers in
the fire for what seemed like hours...
Until the door opened, and he came in, smiling.
"Welcome back, Oniisama," she greeted him warmly, getting up.
The short lavender-haired man smiled at her graciously. "Anthy."
It was the first time he had come home to her without any injuries...
OWARI
***
Author's Notes:
My first Utena fanfic, so bear with me here. Anyway, if you didn't
get the dialogue part, that's Anthy and Dios conversing, NOT Akio.
Yes, Akio is her brother, but in the past, Dios was her brother, too.
Why Dios and not Akio? Actually, I planned on melding Akio in there
with Anthy's murderous plans, but never got around to it.
This fanfic is supposed to be confusing at first. I hope it isn't
too easy to figure everything out and all. Anyway, C&C would be
greatly appreciated. I realize this isn't up to par as my usual
work for thoses who have read my various Tenchi fanfics. . But
I like working in POV formats (hence those various POVs I write)
and here's another one to toss in there.
The last part is a fantasy-esque part. Something that happens more
in Anthy's mind. The ending of their dialogue is up to the reader.
Did Dios come and wrap Anthy in his so-called "rose-scented embrace"?
Did she become sealed away with Dios? It's up to you to decide it.
Or was that only for peace of mind? Was Utena really sealed, or was
Anthy planning on doing it? Were the Duellists and other passers-by
killed, or was that part of Anthy's fantasy -- was she imagining that
really had killed them? Again, the reader's point comes into this.
I realize there may be negative or confused C&C on this, which I
can understand completely. I haven't been writing for too long...
writer's block hit me hard a little while ago. _ This is the
first finalized piece I've written after that, so bear with me.
All in all, any thing else would be greatly appreciated. :)
-- Emily Koh, March 6, 2001
by Emily Koh
---
Disclaimer: "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is (c) Chiho Saito, BePapas, and
other associations I've failed to list. x_x; "A Rose-Scented
Embrace" is (c) 2001, Emily Koh. Don't copy or post on another site
without my permission.
---
Pardon me a thousand times, Utena-sama...
It is I who cause you grief. Please, forgive me.
Why do you do this to her?
It is necessary.
To achieve what?
My vision. The vision I tainted in the past.
The past is over, done with.
Surely I can mend it now.
It is over, done with.
You, of all people, surely cannot understand. How dare you claim
that everything is over? It is not. Don't you know the burden I
have carried for all these years?
... I am sorry.
And how dare you apologize? You have no right to.
You cannot change the past.
No, I can't. But I can mend it. I can.
By murdering?
Don't think of it as murdering. Think of it as destroying the
dangerous obstacles that prevent eternal happiness.
Eternal happiness... what kind of bliss can be achieved by killing
and destroying lives?
Stop it. It's not destroying.
They won't come back. You know that.
Be quiet... don't interrupt me...
You don't understand. She smiles every day, willing to fight and
stay strong. But they don't understand the burden she carries...
only I do, you see? They're too busy seeing the gloss on the front
that they can't see... can't see... her true feelings.
You do?
I love her. Of course I do. I care for her. No one has subjected
me to orders to love her, but I've found myself watching over her.
The Rose Bride... capable of love?
I once was, too. It's always been there, O Mighty One.
Don't call me that.
I'm not being sarcastic. Don't you see? I have always loved...
what I did in the past was because of love. And I suffered
because of love. It's... it's...
I'm sorry.
Stop apologizing. What right do you have?
Every right.
Don't.
... Besides, I'm doing this out of love, too. They must be out of
the way. Then she will be happy. They demand for duels endlessly,
and all for me.
Me.
So... why not kill yourself?
Don't hesitate asking. I had considered that.
But it wouldn't solve anything. What is the point? I cannot escape
and she won't be able to escape it for eternity, then. They'll
blame her for no end for not properly taking care of the Rose Bride,
and making the Order collapse.
I need to get rid of them first. But that won't stop it, I know...
The End of the World is what I need to get rid of.
But a safer method to make sure is to get rid of the Victor of
Duellists.
My dear Utena-sama.
You intend to kill her?
No. I intend to... put her in peace of mind.
Destroying a life, you mean.
Is that how you think of it?
Don't give me that bitter tone. And I never meant destroying her
life, I meant ruining others'.
How can I ruin others' lives? They're all gone now.
... It wasn't necessary.
You weren't in my position.
It doesn't matter. A human life is as fragile as a cocoon. With
one fall -- one drop -- one crash -- the chrysalis can be ripped,
and the ugly duckling becoming a swan is no more.
Why do you question what I do? You wanted me to become my own
person. So did Utena-sama. So I am doing this for her... I am
becoming what she wanted me to be. A person. Not a mindless
robot. Right?
Not with murder. Not with blood on your hands.
... You think I was happy? I was confused.
Oh, I was still my mindless self when I poisoned Nanami-san's drink,
when I pushed Saionji, and tortured Juri-san with thoughts of her
beloved Shiori so much that she broke down and became nearly mute.
But?
But I became... I truly became a person when I came to dealing with
Touga-sama and Miki-san.
Because?
Touga-sama loves Utena-sama. And Miki-san is my friend.
Then why kill?
Because. He was an obstacle. He had the power to challenge Utena-
sama to a duel. I know he wouldn't ever again, but he's qualified
as a Duellist. Don't you see? He can challenge her endlessly for
me. I know the truth. He likes me, too. So he can challenge her.
And Touga-sama? He puts Utena-sama to grief just by being with her;
disillusioning with her with images of her prince and such. It
isn't right for her. And he betrayed her in a duel. I cannot
bear such thought.
So you killed.
No. Don't say that. I simply removed the objects in view.
But you didn't kill only them, did you? You didn't stop.
Not until I got to Wakaba-san. You understand, don't you? She's a
person that makes Utena-sama smile. I want to make her smile,
too. I wanted to be the one that made Utena-sama laugh and be
the one that Utena-sama always wanted to be around with. Not
just because I am the Rose Bride and because she has to tend to
me.
You wanted attention.
Yes...
You simply killed her out of jealousy.
No.
No!
That isn't true. It's...
You did, didn't you?
I did?
I did.
And the others? Jealousy?
No. The others. No! They were... truly obstacles. I had to...
had to...
Keep Utena-sama safe. Free her from harm and trouble. She was
having too many burdens on her shoulder. She would collapse.
Not for her own good, was it?
No?
Yes!
It was...
It was for yours. You were jealous.
Jealousy...
I was...
No. I wasn't.
You don't understand. I'm going to help Utena-sama. I am going to
gather her in her last moment of affection -- an embrace that
carries a scent of roses -- and kiss her on the head. With that
kiss, I will seal her away.
No more duels.
No more fights.
No more burdens.
She will see through a glass, observing the world, yet not being
able to participate. So I haven't killed her. She's still there,
but just a spectator. She's safe. No one knows she's there,
except for me.
Like myself.
Oniisama... it's not like that. Please...
Intelligence is a dangerous tool. You have taken too much in your
own hands -- done too much at once -- without precaution... you
have discarded that mask of obedience, but you have placed a new
one of...
Human emotion.
Oh, Oniisama.
I am jealous, aren't I?
Is this what it is like, to be truly living?
... Did I kill them out of jealousy?
Or for Utena-sama?
I'm so confused...
Tears. Don't fight them... they come as part of the package.
...Did it hurt?
... Yes. It was painful. Every moment.
For now, you are truly human. If that was to be achieved only by
killing, then so be it...
There is no pain in being welcomed into a rose-scented embrace,
however...
***
She sat by the hearth of the fire, waiting for him. She worried for
him constantly. He fought too much, saved people too much. He
was the people's prince, but he was never her prince. He was only
her brother, and that was all he would be.
Tonight, he was late. The world needed him more than usual.
She wondered if he was fetching a girl off her feet from a monster,
or if he was being the gallant hero by slaying the dragon.
Certainly, he wouldn't be her dashing prince. Of course. She was in
more pain and more trouble than anyone else in the world, but he
didn't save her -- didn't have time to save her.
Maidens came before his family, naturally.
As each hour ticked by, she gnawed on her lower lip, blood slowly
dripping from her lip, trickling down softly. Her fingers twisted
the dish rag in her hand. And she sat, staring at the embers in
the fire for what seemed like hours...
Until the door opened, and he came in, smiling.
"Welcome back, Oniisama," she greeted him warmly, getting up.
The short lavender-haired man smiled at her graciously. "Anthy."
It was the first time he had come home to her without any injuries...
OWARI
***
Author's Notes:
My first Utena fanfic, so bear with me here. Anyway, if you didn't
get the dialogue part, that's Anthy and Dios conversing, NOT Akio.
Yes, Akio is her brother, but in the past, Dios was her brother, too.
Why Dios and not Akio? Actually, I planned on melding Akio in there
with Anthy's murderous plans, but never got around to it.
This fanfic is supposed to be confusing at first. I hope it isn't
too easy to figure everything out and all. Anyway, C&C would be
greatly appreciated. I realize this isn't up to par as my usual
work for thoses who have read my various Tenchi fanfics. . But
I like working in POV formats (hence those various POVs I write)
and here's another one to toss in there.
The last part is a fantasy-esque part. Something that happens more
in Anthy's mind. The ending of their dialogue is up to the reader.
Did Dios come and wrap Anthy in his so-called "rose-scented embrace"?
Did she become sealed away with Dios? It's up to you to decide it.
Or was that only for peace of mind? Was Utena really sealed, or was
Anthy planning on doing it? Were the Duellists and other passers-by
killed, or was that part of Anthy's fantasy -- was she imagining that
really had killed them? Again, the reader's point comes into this.
I realize there may be negative or confused C&C on this, which I
can understand completely. I haven't been writing for too long...
writer's block hit me hard a little while ago. _ This is the
first finalized piece I've written after that, so bear with me.
All in all, any thing else would be greatly appreciated. :)
-- Emily Koh, March 6, 2001