Let Me Try
Did God plan this? Was this meant to happen? Was this my path to take?
I'm alone and nothing good has come out of the choice that I have made. I know that I've made a mistake but how can the decision that I have made be ever forgiven? It can't be. I guess that's my answer to this. He'll never forgive me, though I don't suppose I expect him to now. He can't even look at me straight without the revelations of what I have done flashing back into his mind. It's funny you know, everyone used to call me a slut, everyone thought the lowest of me, and when... when I finally had a guy that never thought about me like that, not even for a second, I spat it back right in his face and just proved every judgemental person at school right. I didn't even get enjoyment out of it. Usually, when someone does something like this they feel adrenaline curse through their veins. They feel alive with guilt and secrecy. But me... well I just feel like the most disgusting person in the world. The betrayal that I have made can never be fixed; the one good thing to enter my life can never be fixed. Even if we were to try, we would still be able to see the cracks and holes of a botched repair job. Paranoia and jealousy would always be there. Accusations would always be thrown. Rumours made would always be believed. That's the price that I have to pay. This is the result of a stupid choice that I made.
I guess it's true when people say that you don't realise what you have until it's gone. I didn't realise that I had love until I well and truly fucked it up. I'll never be that pretty girl.