Authors notes- I don't own the TMNT, any of their friends, associates or arch enemies.

Just a one-shot idea I had, seeing as I'm stuck on my main story.

Leo and Raph centric, no mention of my own character, Karma, in this one.

Set in the cartoon universe.

Leo's and Raph's point of view because I'm trying to practice different points of view.

Very angsty and strong language, be warned.

What are brothers for?

Leo

I always knew Raph's emotions would get him into serious trouble at some point. His rage would get the better of him on one his late night patrols, and that Purple Dragon looming with a metal pipe, would win for a change. His protective instinct over this family, especially our youngest brother Mikey, would lead him on some lonesome, anger-filled berserker because Bishop had kidnapped one of us. Or, in some anguish fuelled run, jumping a gun-toting gang to make them pay for the terror they inflict, but Raph being the one to pay instead.

Everybody thinks I'm the bad guy, the strict one, the one who's no fun. No. I'm just the one who is terrified that if I don't do my job as leader right, one of my family is going to get hurt, and as much as he drives me crazy pushing my authority, Raph is the one who I'm terrified of something happening to the most.

Raph

I clench my fist, urging to myself to keep on running. If somebody is on my tracks, it's Fearless and I need to get away. Taking another deep breath and leaping across another rooftop, I take a sharp turn to the left, leading further and further away from home.

'I had to get away, but wait, why am I running so hard? Nobody's coming after me, unless it's to tell me how much of a monster I am. And I am a fucking monster. I just… How could I spring on Donny like that? Donny out of anybody! Just for a little joke at my expense. It was a joke, hell, I'm the joke. The joke of a brother. I held a sai to Don's throat! If it wasn't for Leo and Mikey dragging me off I might have… I can't even think it. Jeez Raphael, it took two of your brothers to pull you off, if only you weren't so strong. If only you weren't a monster like you are! If only… if only I could get away from them. Yeah. They'd be better off. But I'm not safe, they'll keep hunting me down, hunting me down to tell me how much they hate me. I need to go. Permanently.'

Leo

'Where would Raph go? Come on Leo, he's your brother, you should know. Okay. Stop.'

Against the protest of my fear driven body, I stop. Taking deep breaths I close my eyes and relax, letting my thoughts take over.

'He'd go far, he thinks he's a monster. He'd just keep going. But where? His favourite spot? He loves to gaze over central park in the early hours. I know that. I've silently watched him. Better tell Don.'

Pulling out my shell cell, I call Don.

"Hey Don… no, no luck yet… calm down, we'll find him. I got an idea, head towards Central Park, tell Mike too… yeah I'm pretty close… alright, bye."

As I put away my shell cell I start to run. I urge myself further and further, dark thoughts running through my mind.

'Some of these buildings are pretty tall Leonardo, wouldn't take much to slip from one… accidentally or on purpose…'

I try to push those thoughts away, concentrating on running and leaping faster than I ever have.

Raph

'Central park. So peaceful at night.'

I dangle one of my legs over the ledge of the building opposite the moonlit park, the other steadying me from falling.

'Yeah, it's a pretty long way down. And I don't wanna fall. Not yet. I just need a few more moments here, where it's peaceful, and where I'm not fucking up.'

I find myself fidgeting, so I take one of my sai from my belt I trace it along the rooftop. The metal leaves a trail of scored concrete.

'I wonder how sharp these actually are…'

Picking it up, I trace it along my wrist softly. It leaves a faint mark. I do it again, harder, and the blood seeps out of a small gash.

'Hmm.'

I start to spin and twirl the sai in my hand, gazing over at the almost ghostly quiet park. One sound breaks the silence, one sound I didn't want to hear tonight.

"Raph."

Scrambling to my feet, I compose myself on the ledge, a dark scowl taking over my features.

"What?" I put on the tough persona, once again.

"What are you doing out here?"

My brother stands before me, a look of worry in his eyes hidden by a slight frown. Uncharacteristically, he doesn't have his arms folded across his plastron.

"Just… looking." I turn my back to him.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No." I lie.

"Raph, you don't need to lie to me, I'm your brother."

I snort.

"Sure you still wanna call me that after what I did?"

"Of course I do. I care about you-"

"Well you shouldn't!" I turn to him, my voice quaking as I shout and eyes burning. "Nobody should fucking care! I'm a monster, I know!"

"Nobody said that. Yeah, you have the worst temper out of all of us, but that doesn't make you a monster."

"Yes it does. I'm the strongest, I'm more likely to hurt somebody-"

"And Mikey's the youngest, does that make him the most naïve?"

"You don't understand…"

"Yes I do, I'm your brother, and regardless of how much you push my authority, I love you."

My heart breaks at his last words and my legs give way. Strong arms pull me back from falling. My head rests against Leo's plastron and I finally let my barrier down, tears spilling across my cheeks.

"It'll be alright." His voice is soft.

"No it won't, I don't belong here Leo, I'm just a monster. I deserve to be picked up from the pavement or dig my sai into my wrists. I am a monster."

"We'll all monsters to the people who sleep under these rooftops right now. Raph, you don't understand do you? Without you, we're not a team. I'm the strict one who's always telling everybody what to do and you're the rebel who makes my job harder, but makes it worthwhile."

"Mikey's the moron." I clutch at Leo's arm.

"Of course he is. Who else could think buffalo wings were actual wings from buffalos?"

I laugh bitterly, my anger and angst still wrapped around my heart.

"There's not a place for me."

"You're trying to tell me what to do tough guy? I'm the leader, I call the shots here, and I say we need a passionate protector like you." I hear the smile in his voice.

"…Passionate protector?"

"Who's the one that would risk his life to look after us? You Raph. Even just when you were talking about jumping from this building, you were risking your life to save us, because you thought you were the threat. Without you, we wouldn't have anybody looking out for us, think of yourself as the guardian angel of our family. Always looking out, always keeping an eye out for danger. And do you know something?"

"What?" I say quietly.

"I know that this turtle has had that said to him."

"What?" I sit up, still using Leo for support, but looking in his eyes.

"Leo's right." Mikey's voice rings out. I see my youngest brother standing just behind him, looking the saddest I've ever seen him, and eyes glassy. "I might not have been able to tell you, but I told Leo. You're my hero Raph. I know whatever I do, even if I screw up, you're there for me, especially when it involves beating the shell out of somebody."

"Mike I-… I never knew." I lower my head.

"Then I guess you never knew I was the one who called you the guardian angel of the family?"

I scramble to my feet and leap down onto the roof from the edge, to gather the turtle that had just spoke in my arms.

"Donny, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm a jerk, I know."

"Raph, don't. I'm sorry, I know better than to wind you up."

I look into his brown eyes, spilling over with tears.

"You need to know you can talk to us, because I sure as hell don't want to pull you from another rooftop." Leo says.

"I'm sorry. Can we just go home?" I stand amidst my brothers, feeling ashamed.

"Of course we can." Leo places an arm around my shoulder, Donny doing the same on my other side.

"Aww, now I feel left out."

"C'mere ya big goofball." I indicate to Mikey.

"Shell ride?!" His blue eyes brighten.

"Hop on." I smile slightly. My two other brothers move from my side to make way for the youngest to clamber on my back. As I jump across the rooftops with Mikey on my back, shouting and whooping, the anger and angst fade, and only one question lingers in my thoughts.

'How could I even think of leaving them?'