Disclaimer: Nothing but Mel, Ash, Kat and Ev belong to me.
I would like to say a huge thanks to Oracles Maiden who wrote all of the Mel sections for this fanfiction!! Long may our reign continue!!!
I would also like to thank everyone who's reviewed me, you don't know how much it helps!!
Okay you don't really need to read any of the other Retribution X stories but it sure does help for this story in particular to read the previous one. Enjoy!! *Warning* this story contains non-consensual sex (though it ain't graphic!)
Retribution X go dating
"With who exactly?" Jubilee asked sitting up suddenly and hitting her head on the tap of the bath
"I don't know if you remember (because I hardly do) that evening in the Sushi/Karaoke bar well I gave some guy called Kevin my number and he well rang me last night and I was a bit…."
"Pissed?" Jubilee provided
"Tipsy and well I didn't say no so he's going to ring me back next week after he's back of Holiday and arrange a time. Should I tell him that I've already got a boyfriend?"
"But you haven't!" She paused thinking "in a weeks time it'll be Valentines Day, how romantic a valentines date!"
"Yeah but he doesn't know that" referring to the fact he doesn't know that I don't have a boyfriend
"Don't be such a wimp you never go out with guys it'll do you good! You're going if I have to drag you there myself!!"
"But how do I know he's not a) an idiot b) a lunatic c) a nymphomaniac or d) a bore?"
"Well I'll tell you what me and the girls will go to the same place and check things are ok then we'll meet in the toilet and if you want us to stay on, rescue you or leave you alone we will"
I smiled a little happier "Thanks Jubes"
Later that Morning
"Urghh… do you think the Professor will let us borrow his cleaners for the day?" Ev asked holding up the discarded piece of mistletoe.
"I don't know go ask him" I said tossing some painkillers down my neck
At that moment Kat came bouncing into the room "We need a theme song!" She announced
"Huh?" I looked at her annoyed by her perkiness when she should have a hangover
"Bobby told me that every group of super Heroes need a theme song, I mean look at Spiderman!"
"Bobby eh?" I said cocking an eyebrow
"Well I just thought if you have any requests for a theme song just tell me, I'll be scouting around!"
"Actually I do have a request!" I piped up
"Aha I thought so and what is it?"
"That it not be Gloria bloody Gaynor!" I said
Kat dug in her pockets with a scowl and produced a notepad and promptly scrubbed out the song from what I assumed was her list, I got up and peered over shoulder.
"By the way I will refuse to go into battle if we have the Y.M.C.A!"
"Oh!" Kat said crestfallen
"And 'In The Navy' that's got to go!"
"Oh I've got no songs left on my list now!"
An hour later.
"How come Ashley's got a date and I haven't" Kat wailed tears pouring down her face
"I didn't know you've got a date?" Wolverine said as he looked in the fridge
"Don't sound so surprised!" I said over Kats wail
"Aren't we good enough for you anymore?" Kat sobbed
"Come Kat we can't have the same kind of relationship as we can with men" I said gently teeth grinding
"Why can't we?"
"You know the birds and the bee's…"
"Don't change the subject" Kat said angrily
"Your turn Wolverine!"
"What?!" he hit his head on the top of the fridge as his head shot up.
"You explain to her, I'm sure you know more than I do" I said sitting down this was going to be fun.
"Well...um…there comes a stage in everyone's life when…er holdin' hands just ain't enough..." he said scratching his head.
It took all the self-control I possessed not to burst out laughing
"Why does there?" Kat asked innocently drying her eyes
10 minutes later
"…and then mummy bunny gives birth to all the little baby bunnies" He shot me a glare when I started to giggle "…Of course mummy bunny more often then not eats her babies…"
"WHAT?! NO!!" Kat started crying again "All that effort for nothing and those poor baby bunnies"
"It's okay Kat Wolverine was only joking" I said in a desperate bid to stop her crying, god I hate it when people cry.
Kat stopped crying and sniffed "But what have bunnies got to do with Ashley dating?"
"Umm…why don't you ask Cyclops" Wolverine said
An hour later
"I've got diagrams" Kat said proudly as she walked through the door
"Diaphrams?" Christ she was a bit young for one of them
"Look!" she said holding her diagrams up for people to see
"Oh diagrams!" I said relieved
"Hank drew them for me!" She boasted
"Hank? I thought you went to see Cyclops!"
"Yeah well he went red and started mumbling saying something about pole's going up shafts, and I told him that I wasn't there to talk about miners. So he told me to go and see Hank. He told me how babies are made but he still didn't tell me why you're going on a date!"
Mels Room (or the room with a jubilee shaped hole) "Got it, Got it The dude just ate a baby…"I sang along to the radio, only just out of key as I painted the newly filled in hole.
"The dude just ate a baby" Ahhh, Kat was right, changing the words was therapeutic.
I stood in my bedroom amongst the debris from the night before- open cans, streamers, paper plates with various congealing things on them. Oh well.
"The dude just ate a baby" I sang again, jumping and twisting and using the paintbrush as a microphone. The chorus finished and I started to paint again as I twisted my hips and contorted my body in the only way one could to Aerosmith. Hell, no one was in sight and I only looked a tiny bit crazier than Kat."Vat vas that?" Kurt asked from behind me. Turned so quickly that I completely forgot about the paintbrush at chest height. Still a white stripe across his uniform… didn't suit him at all.
"HI" I smiled overenthusiastically. I could only remember flashes of the night before, I was quite sure there had been karaoke, I was certain there had been Vodka, and I seemed to remember something about drool- and seeing as I and Kurt gravitated towards each other at parties I was guessing that all three had somehow been linked to the elf.
He was obviously as embarrassed as me, coz he copied my smile completely.
"I vanted to return this." He brought his hand sheepishly out from behind him. On the end of one of his fingers looking like the corpse of a dead shiatsu was my platinum blonde sandy wig. I hadn't even realised I had lost it!
"Ok!" I replied my cheeks turning an even brighter scarlet than before, he nodded enthusiastically as he dropped it into my paint-covered hands.
"Thanks" I added quickly, feeling like a prat with no alcohol in my system.
"I'll let you get back to your um…"
"Yeah… um sorry… you know about the stripe." I pointed uneasily to the mark I'd made on his uniform.
"No need to be." He turned and hurried to the door.
'Dumb mel, Dumb Dumb mel, Should have said something witty or seductive but no you said "Sorry about the stripe". WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! Knuckle head!'
I banged my forehead against the wall for my stupidity, Kat did it repeatedly and it never seemed to hurt her much… Just the wall.
However I forgot I had been blessed with the gift of brain cells.
"Ouch!" I massaged my head in anger, "After I spent all that time fixing you! Damn wall I'll fix you good!" I almost did throw myself at the wall but before I could fulfil my promise…
"Um Melody?" ooohhhhh I hoped the elf hadn't heard me screaming at the wall.
"Yep Kurt?" I wrung my hands in front of me, god why did my legs turn to jelly at the sound of his name; I always looked a geek in front of him.
"I…uh…" he looked about as nervous as I did, Could he remember any of last night? Well I doubted it, the amount of shots he had. But what if he did!?! Ohh what embarrassing situation had my good friend alcohol got me into now?
"I vas vondering…" he looked down at the floor and mumbeled something in my general direction. My hearing was good, but not THAT good.
"Excuse me?"
He turned and I think he kicked my teddy out of frustration.
Through nervously gritted teeth he again asked "Vill you go out vith me?" His eyes pleaded with me.
I'm sure my own eyes popped out and rolled round on the floor for a second, because I couldn't answer.
"Haggern-ahhh-fingle…" I squeaked, thought I'm sure it was meant to be a coherent sentence. I held my hand to my mount in shock and he stared at me like a crazy person.
"Vat vas that?"
I opened my mouth for another attempt but my brain refused to comply, So still clutching my face I nodded quickly.
He smiled a nervous smile then whispered "Valentines day, my sweet." Before clumsily taking my free hand and kissing it. I just stood like a moron and smiled behind my other hand. Then he Bampfed out of my room.
Now I couldn't breath…
"HELP!" I screamed at the top of my voice. No one came
'Damn Retribution X, damn you all to hell!'
"HELP!" I screamed again, all the colour draining from my face. Then a head popped round the door.
"You ok Mel?" Ev smiled at me.
"Hyperventalating. Get… Me… Paper… bag!"
Half and hour later
"Ok ok mel girl take deep cleansing breaths. Its not that bigger deal."
"Not that bigger deal!" I was hyperventilating into a paper bag, it was that bigger deal. "This is Kurt we are talking about here!" I resumed my fevered panting.
Jubes however had stopped rubbing my back… "Kurt? This panic attack is about Kurt?"
"Mel's got a date with the blue furry one."
"So… let me get this clear. I have been rubbing her back, telling her everything's going to be alright… and everything is better than alright?"
"It's perfect." I said with a dopey smile before feeling sick again.
"That's it I'm out of here." Jubes left with an unceremonious crash. Me and Eve just looked after her before I bolted for my bathroom again.
"Its just a date mel" Ev's called after me "Don't get so worked up. Hell if he asked you to a date in your vest and pants it must all be good."
Damn, that's why I was so embarrassed.