Well it is written in first person, thought I would try something a little different. I found first person is not really my style. However I will finish this fic. If you haven't read For a Buck I Might you probably should.

My Apology

By Morning Glory

I couldn't take it any more, how much longer could this possibly go on? It had been almost three months since I had hurt Olivia. I tried to apologize to her, but she wouldn't give me the time of day, not that I could blame her. What I had done was pretty low. She avoided me like the flu. If I walked into a room she would leave, if I sat down at the table in Tibby's she'd move, If we were in line next to each other at the distribution office, she'd go as far as to move to the end of the line.

Olivia spent less and less time at the lodging house, and I began to worry. Yeah! I began to worry about her. She had told me a couple of things about herself when we were talking and I remembered all of them. Things about some people she got mixed up with, they weren't a good crowd. Sometimes she left when I was around and wouldn't come back until really late at night when she thought I was sleeping. I had seen her coming in through the window. It would be a week or two before I would see her in the daylight again.

Sometimes I would be sitting in the bunkroom and glance over at the fire escape, seeing cigarette smoke. Instantly I would be reminded of Olivia. I would get up and check, but it wasn't her. I don't know why I cared so much, it sometime hurt to think about her.

Today I walked down the street with my papers hoisted on my shoulder as usual. I thought I would give talking to Olivia another try, apologize again. I walked to the last place I knew she had been selling, when I got there- she wasn't there! Damn it, that girl changed sellin' spots more times then I changed shirts in a week. I knew she wasn't there because she was avoiding me.

I wasn't sure any more if it was hurt, or blind hatred for me that fueled this immature game. At some point she would have to talk to me again, even if it was to tell me to get the hell out of her way. The truth was I missed talking to her; she was one of the few who would tell it like it was. There was no sugar coating it with Olivia, the truth was the truth. All of this tossed me into a grumpier mood than usual. It was uncomfortable knowing that someone disliked me as much as Olivia did. It was different when she just hated me because she hated the world and everyone in it. I even laughed at that. It was one thing to be hated just because lumped in with the rest. It was easy to brush off and laugh at, but it was different when some one hated you for something you had done. The feelings ran deeper and stronger.

I could feel the tension in my head build, realizing my forehead was creased so deeply it was causing pain. I shoved some of the unruly mop I called my hair back out of my face as I walked down the busy streets calling out headlines, humph who cared about some kittens stuck in a drain; they were probably out now any how. Livin' in a warm house with all the food and love they needed. I could feel myself growing even more bitter and pessimistic by the moment. I felt like giving up, but then I would have to find myself a comfortable park bench. And I knew for a fact that none of the park benches were comfortable. I continued to be miserable as I continued to sell. The pesky sun shining in the sky certainly didn't fit my mood; in fact it was making my mood even worse.

At last the final suit bought my last paper. I was glad to be done with it. Frankly I didn't want to do anything, but go back to the lodging house and pity myself for awhile. I couldn't take her ignoring me any more; it was driving me utterly insane now. Who knew when some one was purposely ignoring you it could really begin to irk you.

I reached the lodging house and sat down at the card table in the center of the room. Why hadn't any one put it away yet? I hated that table. That table was where it all started. Scowling I sat down taking my pocket watch out, opening I placed it on the table. I sat so I could see the door of the bunkroom, not that I was…no I was waiting for Liv.

The day dragged on. It was one of those days; you know when you're waiting for it to come to an end. The kind where you sit staring at your pocket watch and you can swear that the hands are going the wrong way. My pocket watch lay on the table in front of me, I wasn't really paying attention to it, just sitting and staring, hands resting on the table separating my chin from the wood. A couple of the guys sauntered in, but I didn't pay much attention to them either. I was thinking, thinking hard.

I needed a way to apologize to Olivia, talking wasn't going to be the way. I am pretty sure if I tried to talk to her again she'd hit me this time. Maybe that wasn't so bad, it would at least mean she was ignoring me any more. I only stopped thinking when Kid Blink walked into the room, because that's when my idea struck me, "Blink!" I shot up in my seat startling him, "You're a guy whose hurt a couple of girls before." Shoot that came out the wrong way. I watched as he rolled his eyes at me, "I didn't mean it that way Blink…I just need your help."

He paused for a couple of moments, I could tell he was thinking about if he should help me or not. Blink had heard about the bet and thought it was awful lousy of us to bet on someone's emotions like that. I am also sure that what had come out of my mouth a few moments ago didn't help. Finally he walked over to me, "Alright what?" He questioned.

I didn't waste time, "How do you apologize to someone who don't wanna listen?" I knew Blink understood what I was talking about. Blink shrugged, I hope that wasn't all that he had for me.

"Write her a note." Blink simply stated. Why hadn't I thought of that first? A note, she wouldn't have to talk to me, but she would still know that I was sorry. That was if she read it.

I heard Blink ask me why I was frowning; shaking my head I pushed back the chair up and went to search for a pencil and paper. Without thanks I headed off to start this letter. I knelt next in front of the nightstand next to my bed pulling things out of the drawer without care they dropped to the ground. There it was; I produced one dull pencil. Now I needed paper, you'd think for kids who sold newspapers there would be more paper around the lodging house. Actually now that I thought about it that didn't make too much sense. Who in the lodging house would have paper? I stood up dusting my knees and running down to Kloppman's desk. He had paper, he was always writing something.

I nearly tumbled down the stairs when I saw Olivia coming up them. I didn't know what to do. I should probably move out of her way, yeah that was a good idea. I slowed down my pace and moved off to one side. However, it didn't matter; Olivia turned around and headed out of the lodging house again. I began to wonder if I would see her again tonight. Pushing that to the back of my mind for now I continued my quest for paper. Success! Lying right out in the open there was a couple of sheets of paper.

Now to start my letter... Olivia, no that wasn't any good, Dear Olivia. Was that really any better? How did one start an apology note? I crossed out the lines a couple of times. With a sigh I decided to get back to that part later. I am sorry… Could that sound any lamer? Maybe I should use the word apology, if I could spell the word. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I knew I would have to get some one to read the letter before I gave it to her. I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted her to know how truly sorry I was. I wanted to ask if we could start over, become friends again. Now all I had to do was organize that into a letter.

I sat at the desk for a couple of hours writing. The paper was a mess by the time I was finished, I could barely make out the letter and the pencil I was using was completely flat. Looking down at my work I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder, when I looked up it was Kloppman, "You've put a lot of work into that." He gestured to my paper. I knew he had most likely been watching, and read what I had written.

I nodded still feeling miserable, "Can you check the spelling for me Kloppman?"

"Sure." He had that gentle caring smile on his face. It reminded me how lucky we were to have him around. He took the paper from my hands and the pencil from behind his ear correcting a couple of words. All I could do was sit and watch. As I waited on Kloppman my head would turn towards the door every time it opened, hoping it was her. It wasn't.

Kloppman laid my letter back down, "I think she'll appreciate it." He said softly and pushed a blank sheet towards me. I picked up a pen this time, pen was more permanent. I felt it would convey my feelings and thoughts much better. I just hoped that I didn't mess up. After another hour of careful printing I had finished my apology letter to Olivia. I read it over once more to be sure that I was happy with it; well it didn't matter if I would be happy with it, and Livia had to be happy with it. Folding it three times I headed back up to the bunkroom. I knew she wouldn't take it from me, so I had plans to leave it on her bunk. Hopefully she read it.

It was late now and I was tired. My emotions often drained me. I walked over to my bunk lying down. Most of the others were asleep now, but Olivia wasn't back yet. I lay on my side facing her bunk waiting for her to sneak in through the window. I could feel my eyes slowly closing, but I fought to keep them open.

Then I heard it, the sound of Olivia coming back into the lodging house. My heart started to beat quickly and loudly I couldn't hear her any more. Oh God could she hear my heart racing? I closed my eyes and took in a couple of deep slow breaths. I listened for the sound of paper. There it was, but I couldn't tell if she was reading it. I didn't dare move; I didn't want her to know I was awake. I began to wonder how she would react to the letter now. What if it made things worse? Then I heard some sniffling. I had made her cry- again. I was a terrible person. Why did I have to hurt her…it wasn't meant to hurt her. I frowned now letting the rest of my emotions drain me completely until I fell asleep. Even in my sleep I couldn't get away from what I had done. I had dreams of Olivia.