In my room alone. It's getting late. I glare at the chair by the window. Just a few days ago, Dervish sat there the whole night. I don't know why it bothers me that he isn't there now. I don't expect him to sit and watch over me all the time. I mean, that'd be seriously creepy. But part of me just wishes that he would now. Just once. Instead of staying with Juni.
I'm glad he's happy, and I'm happy for him. Really. But maybe Juni was right. Maybe I am just really jealous. It's weird. Part of it's like she's stealing a parent from me, and that's stupid enough on it's own. But there's something else to it, something I can't put my finger on. Something not right.
After a few minutes staring at the chair and the window, I take a walk through the chilly corridors. Down the hall of portraits, but I don't look at any of the faces. I'm thinking about Loch. I remember this one time, we were upstairs in my bedroom, practicing. There was a meet that weekend and he insisted on making me practice for hours. He had pinned me. Then he started to roll off. I don't know what made me do it, but I grabbed him by the collar, pulled him back, and kissed him. It was really sudden. I have no idea why I did it. I'd never thought of him – or any other guy – like that before. After that, I went after Reni harder than ever. Maybe to prove something. Maybe not. I dunno.
We laughed it off, but we never talked about it again. I hadn't even thought about it until tonight.
I realize that I'm right outside Dervish's study. The door's closed, but a sliver of light at the bottom of the door and the faint clicking of a mouse let me know he's there.
"Dervish?" I call, knocking lightly on the door.
"Yeah," he calls back. "Come on in."
Just like the weekend before the wrestling match, I don't know why I do it. I walk in, calmly close the door behind me, yank Dervish out of his chair by the collar, and kiss him. He makes a muffled noise of surprise as I push my tongue past his lips. This isn't like kissing Reni. I'm not being gentle. I'm not fooling around.
Once he recovers from the initial shock, I expect Dervish to push me away. But he doesn't. He folds his arms around my back, leans down lower, deepens the kiss. I let go of his collar and press my hands against his chest.
It's a few minutes before we break apart, eyes locked, breathing heavily in unison.
"Where did that come from?" he asks, barely whispering.
I answer honestly. "I have no idea."
He smiles and presses his forehead against mine, nuzzling my cheek. "I can't say I'm entirely against it."
"Yeah?" I ask, slipping my arms around his neck. "What about Juni?"
He pulls back, knitting his brows. He obviously hasn't thought about that yet.
"You know...it's odd, but...the way I feel about Juni is...different than this. It's almost like it doesn't run as deep." He smiles again. "I guess it's because I care for you so much already."
I smile back and kiss him on the cheek, forgetting for now that he's had the Lambs tailing me, how betrayed I've felt. "I love you."
He grins now, wickedly.
"I thought I told you I hated that sentimental crap?"