Disclaimer: Willow and Tara aren't mine. That's all ye need to know.
Rating: PG
Feedback: Please.
Summary: Willow Rosenberg 17 years after Tara's death.
Author's Note: 17 – a random number.
1
2 Time
by
tiffany (rogueslayer747@yahoo.com)
===============================================================
Seventeen years has passed and still her face is all that I see when I close my eyes. It is amazing how time passes: slow for those who mourn and fast for those who rejoice. With her, I don't know, I never thought of time at all. We've only been together for barely three years, yet I know that most of the lessons I've learned in life came from those years and the ones that followed. She taught me everything I know and reminded me when I forgot. She was just the most amazing woman I've ever been with.
At first my feelings frightened me. What happened between the two of us wasn't the way I saw my future as a child. And with one fell swoop, she changed everything. She changed the way I saw the world, after all the pains, in between battles of sanity and psychosis, she was the embodiment of hope. There was something in her that told me everything would be fine. Something I gave much thought into. Maybe it was her soft touch, maybe it was the way she spoke, or maybe it was the way she looked at me. There were so many maybes then, and I realized how much of a dumb ass I was that it took me so long to finally solve the riddle of the endless maybes. It was just... her. Plain and simple. Tara. My Tara. My Everything. My always.
It was with her that I found true love. We rejoiced then, and time went fast. Too fast actually. By the time we realized that in each other's arms is where we truly belonged she was taken away. People had terminologies for what happened between the two of us: fate, destiny, reality, luck. These terms never made sense to me, what happened between the two of us, I believed, was punishment. A punishment for something I didn't know and didn't bother to find out. Consumed by my grief, all I knew was that from that moment on time became excruciatingly slow.
I tried to end it all, but even in that I failed. Just like I did when I wasn't able to bring her back.
The days that followed didn't make it easier. The old cliché of time healing all wounds was a lie. The longer I was away from her the deeper my wound got. And nothing could ever change that fact.
I lived like this for quite a while. In the shadows of my past. I tortured myself by dreaming of her with me on our bed every single night since we parted. My friends tried to take the pain away, but I guess I didn't want to let go of it. It was all I had, my suffering. If they take it, there goes the humanity that was left of me and I knew I had to hold on to my grief for it was the only thing that brought Tara and I closer even if it burdened me.
God knows how much I longed to die.
But I couldn't bring myself into doing it. It wasn't that I feared of hell, if hell is where Tara would be then I'd be more than willing to go, but it was more likely that she was in heaven, and I realized that I should make the effort to be good if I wanted to be reunited with her.
But then again it was all phony. I already murdered the man who took her life away, how much chance of being in heaven have I had by that time? Even my wanting to go there were for selfish reasons, maybe I'll just have to accept the fact that we weren't really to be together. I was able to convince myself that maybe, we have lived a thousand lives before this one, and we have been forced apart in every single one of them for the same reasons. Maybe I would just have to say goodbye. This goodbye being a goodbye for the past lives that we had together and a prelude to the next.
Everything is turning out so dark.
And she found me. And held me once again. It was when I felt a sharp pain cutting through my veins. I felt my love held me close to her once more. 6 years after her death, Tara once again saved me. I felt myself falling into sleep when she whispered my name and told me this wasn't the way she wanted me to go. And that was all I needed. I woke up, and struggled to open my eyes.
And I was living again.
It is amazing how in the simplest of ways she always manages to save me. And now, this one being my real time to go, I realize that it didn't matter where she went when she died. She never left. She continually lived inside my heart. The pain blinded me from seeing the reality of it. But when she saved me I saw truth again. My Tara never left. And now I know how time was for the two of us. It was eternal. We'll always have each other, just like now, I am certain in a few moments our souls are about to reunite, this time, there won't be any goodbyes. Just forever. Very simple. Very truly.
2.1 Fin
Rating: PG
Feedback: Please.
Summary: Willow Rosenberg 17 years after Tara's death.
Author's Note: 17 – a random number.
1
2 Time
by
tiffany (rogueslayer747@yahoo.com)
===============================================================
Seventeen years has passed and still her face is all that I see when I close my eyes. It is amazing how time passes: slow for those who mourn and fast for those who rejoice. With her, I don't know, I never thought of time at all. We've only been together for barely three years, yet I know that most of the lessons I've learned in life came from those years and the ones that followed. She taught me everything I know and reminded me when I forgot. She was just the most amazing woman I've ever been with.
At first my feelings frightened me. What happened between the two of us wasn't the way I saw my future as a child. And with one fell swoop, she changed everything. She changed the way I saw the world, after all the pains, in between battles of sanity and psychosis, she was the embodiment of hope. There was something in her that told me everything would be fine. Something I gave much thought into. Maybe it was her soft touch, maybe it was the way she spoke, or maybe it was the way she looked at me. There were so many maybes then, and I realized how much of a dumb ass I was that it took me so long to finally solve the riddle of the endless maybes. It was just... her. Plain and simple. Tara. My Tara. My Everything. My always.
It was with her that I found true love. We rejoiced then, and time went fast. Too fast actually. By the time we realized that in each other's arms is where we truly belonged she was taken away. People had terminologies for what happened between the two of us: fate, destiny, reality, luck. These terms never made sense to me, what happened between the two of us, I believed, was punishment. A punishment for something I didn't know and didn't bother to find out. Consumed by my grief, all I knew was that from that moment on time became excruciatingly slow.
I tried to end it all, but even in that I failed. Just like I did when I wasn't able to bring her back.
The days that followed didn't make it easier. The old cliché of time healing all wounds was a lie. The longer I was away from her the deeper my wound got. And nothing could ever change that fact.
I lived like this for quite a while. In the shadows of my past. I tortured myself by dreaming of her with me on our bed every single night since we parted. My friends tried to take the pain away, but I guess I didn't want to let go of it. It was all I had, my suffering. If they take it, there goes the humanity that was left of me and I knew I had to hold on to my grief for it was the only thing that brought Tara and I closer even if it burdened me.
God knows how much I longed to die.
But I couldn't bring myself into doing it. It wasn't that I feared of hell, if hell is where Tara would be then I'd be more than willing to go, but it was more likely that she was in heaven, and I realized that I should make the effort to be good if I wanted to be reunited with her.
But then again it was all phony. I already murdered the man who took her life away, how much chance of being in heaven have I had by that time? Even my wanting to go there were for selfish reasons, maybe I'll just have to accept the fact that we weren't really to be together. I was able to convince myself that maybe, we have lived a thousand lives before this one, and we have been forced apart in every single one of them for the same reasons. Maybe I would just have to say goodbye. This goodbye being a goodbye for the past lives that we had together and a prelude to the next.
Everything is turning out so dark.
And she found me. And held me once again. It was when I felt a sharp pain cutting through my veins. I felt my love held me close to her once more. 6 years after her death, Tara once again saved me. I felt myself falling into sleep when she whispered my name and told me this wasn't the way she wanted me to go. And that was all I needed. I woke up, and struggled to open my eyes.
And I was living again.
It is amazing how in the simplest of ways she always manages to save me. And now, this one being my real time to go, I realize that it didn't matter where she went when she died. She never left. She continually lived inside my heart. The pain blinded me from seeing the reality of it. But when she saved me I saw truth again. My Tara never left. And now I know how time was for the two of us. It was eternal. We'll always have each other, just like now, I am certain in a few moments our souls are about to reunite, this time, there won't be any goodbyes. Just forever. Very simple. Very truly.
2.1 Fin