At one point, you decided to go to church to confess your sins, and pray to God in hopes that he will listen. When you entered the church you saw the priest standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest before the altar, his back turned to face you. He was whispering, but you couldn't make out what he was saying. You also took note of the man wearing a skintight body suit, sitting bored in the pews playing on a Gameboy. You took a seat on the pew furthest away from the man, which so happened to be closest to the priest. Sometime while you were gawking at the priest's thick ass, you noticed the man mumbling something and leaving.

"Baka...! Do my bidding!" Father Kotomine stomped his foot like a petulant child.

You looked around. There was no one else there. You pointed a finger at yourself.

"Are you talking to me?" At this, Kirei whipped around, and blushed furiously.

"Where is that asshat, Lancer?" He asked, still blushing, "he was here a minute ago."

"The guy in the blue suit? He left because he said 'fucking asshole priest's sermons are so boring I'd rather go to hell than listen to him.'" Kirei clenched his hand into a fist, his face twisted in rage. Tears slipped out of his eyes. Was he so mad he was crying? No, he was genuinely hurt!

"I see." He bit back his emotion, "and who are you, shonen? I've had a rather dreadful day, so I'm not in the mood to forgive anyone. If you're looking for that, come back on Sunday." You don't know what it is about it, but his brutal honesty intrigues you. He stares at you like you're a piece of meat that he dropped on carpeted floor that hasn't been vacuumed in weeks. You rarely had anyone show so much contempt towards you, which only made you want to prove him wrong more. You would make him love you. If it was the last thing he did.

"That's not it. I like being here. You can't make me leave." You tried to force yourself into his life. Into the place most familiar to him. And even if he were to try to drag you out, once he turns to walk back in and slam the doors shut, you'll get a glimpse of the ass that made you fall in love.

"Baka!" He shouted at you, but did nothing to make you leave. He pretended to tidy up the pulpit.

Once he was bored as hell from rearranging things over and over in the exact same way, he decided to look at you. He took note of all your features. It was then that an idea struck him. He looked down as he walked towards you, and rummaged through his cassock. He pulled out an object, turned his red face away, and presented it to you.

"Want some?" He said, like it was the most natural thing in the world for your priest to offer you mapo tofu he kept in his robes. "I noticed your face was gaunt and pale." Despite his clear and steady tone, his face was burning up, and he couldn't even make eye contact with you.

"Oh... yes, thank you." You held out your hands to receive the tofu. It was kept in a small bowl with plastic wrap on top. It was still steaming. You looked up at him, but he didn't offer you a spoon. You decided to just drink it like a beverage. It was ridiculously spicy, to the point that it nauseated you, but a free meal is a meal, and you weren't going to question his hospitality, so you decided to power through. It actually tasted pretty good despite it. It seemed the priest took note of the face you made as you drunk the soup, as he held out his hand and asked,

"You are having trouble eating it directly out of the bowl, aren't you?" He wasn't wrong. You had made a sizable mess all over the front of your clothes, like half the soup fell directly on to your lap, and you were only half way done. "Allow me to help." He took the bowl from your hands, dipped one of his hands in, and shakily brought it up to you. "E-eat." He said. He added a quiet 'please' when he saw you only looking at him inquisitively. You thought that you had already went balls deep when you accepted the cassock meal, and there was very little escalation from here to there, so your best bet to enjoy yourself would be to go anus deep. You slurped the tofu out of his hand, like he was the chariteer granting the dregs of society's wish to not go hungry. Your tired eyes and weary bones rested in his cupped hand, like the extra firm tofu it held. It was really too much-so much. How can it all fit into such a tiny container? You peel open your watery eye to look at the bowl, and to your surprise, it was no longer a bowl, but a full pot. An entire pot of mapo tofu... did he cook it just for you?

"It was just leftovers. I didn't make it just for you... baka..." the priest muttered while gripping the pot handles tightly, so tight you could see how his skin turned white and pressed against the metal. The undoubtedly hot metal. You could hardly believe someone would go through all that trouble, just for you. At first you wanted to break through that haughty exterior of his, but now it had grown on you. Like a battery, it hid a gooey interior. Even if you didn't quite understand how he was able to get that without you noticing, or even pausing feeding you, you still felt moved to tears.

"Thank you so much. Is there anything I can do to repay you? I'd happily volunteer-"

"You would?" Although he was playing it cool, staring down at you like you were no more than mere trash the breeze so happened to blow in his direction, he seemed genuinely excited at this prospect. It seemed even a man like him dreaded the burdens of everyday life. "That would be a wonderful help. Even though it's strange that someone as contemptible as you could manage to do even that." He added that last part to the end entirely unnecessarily.

"I'll try my best!" You got out of your seat and offered him a quick but deep bow. The unbeautitul curve of his lips upward was, by objective, menacing and horrifying, but it still made your heart explode. You knew you would make great partners. You stuck out your hand to shake, but he just spit in it. What a bastard, you thought fondly.

I GOT A REQUEST FOR A HIMEDERE KIREI X READER FOR HIS BIRTHDAY SO I WAS LIKE I CANT REFUSE. I STARTED WRITING THIS ON HIS BIRTHDAY BUT DIDNT FINISH IT UNTIL NOW ORZ I THINK I ENDED UP MAKING HIM MORE TSUNDERE TOO BUT THATS FINE WHO DOESNT WANT THE TSUNDERE KIREI KOTOMINE TO FEED THEM MAPO TOFU.