AN: Hi everyone.

Thank you to everyone that supports me.

So Ok, I started writing this out of nowhere. And I have no idea where its going. But I hope you enjoy. I am working on the second chapter already. :)

Also this first chapter is a flashback. The rest until a certain point will be told in the present time. I hope this makes sense?

Warning: This is Rated M for sex. And has themes such as drugs, attempted suicide, homophobia. Also this chapter contains homophobic slurs. If this makes you uncomfortable, click out now. You have been warned.

Dave Karofsky is different here. Very different. None of what happened on the show happens here. Completely AU. This is Smythofsky.

This first chapter is very intense. A lot of this story will be like that. This is something new for me, so I hope I do OK. Bear with me.

The chapter is short for a reason. Its longer in the second chapter I'm currently working on.

OK, I think that's all for now?

Let me know if you want me to continue this?

Have a great day.-ILOVESMESOMEGLEEX3

Chapter 1

It started with a static noise. A low humming in the air. The air conditioning in the hotel room was broken so it was also very hot. Everything stuck, including Dave Karofskys's clothes to him like warm honey. It was quite the annoyance.

Dave Karofsky was alone. Lost, alone in a dark hotel room. He knew this was his fault.

It had to be his fault. The events leading up to him being here were solely placed on his shoulders. And he knew that. He accepted it. He accepted his fate. Tears and sweat rolling down his face he knew this is where he belonged.

He was a fraud. A sham. A liar. All of it. A lie. He had been living in this lie so long two worlds it seemed bonded together and he couldn't tell what was reality and what wasn't. He had totally convinced himself that the lie was the truth. It almost made it easier than facing reality itself.

Hell, anything was easier than to realize you had been a fake to everyone. The world became too rocky and spun out of control for so long that Dave couldn't hold on anymore. He just couldn't. It made him spin and get sick. He had to let go. This was his last chance.

And so he did.

With a glass of bourbon in one hand and his trusty tape recorder in the other, a very drunk Dave Karofsky left his bed and plopped down in his chair next a small table. He carefully set his bourbon down then proceeded to throw his recorder until it banged a few inches across the table.

"Geeeez! I can't do shit right! No wonder I'm alone." Dave said in his drunken stupor. Then it happened, no matter how hard he tried. No matter how hard he tried to push it down... It happened.

Dave started sobbing. Hard. He hated when he did this. He hardly ever cried, well not in front of anyone anyway. He was always told crying was for the weak. But here and now it didn't matter. None of it ever did. So he let it go. He cried and cried and was surprised no one banged on the door to check on him. Then he realized why would they? He was no one anyway.

After a few more minutes Dave gathered himself, wiped his face and took another drink of his bourbon.

"Get your shit together! You're a man... You're not a weak ass pussy fag." Dave angrily said as he looked at the recorder and grabbed it harshly. He turned it on and spoke into it. He didn't know what he was going to say, he just let it out.

"Ok, I'm not sure where to start... So I'll just start. I'm sorry if this is confusing to whoever finds this... I tried... I tried to be a good role model. I have a really great job. I have a wonderful wife. My kids, Anna, Jane, Dara and my little man Jacob. Everything... Is so fucked... Fuck!" Dave screamed then sobbed more. He covered his face with his hands. The weight of his life decisions weighing heavily on his mind.

This was harder than he thought.

Dave once again tried to compose himself by taking a shot of courage and continued. His voice became low and weak but he continued.

"I'm supposed to be a man... I mean I AM A MAN. But I'm supposed to be the all American man. It was all supposed to be so easy, I mean you're supposed to have a career, fall in love with a woman, get married and have a whole litter of kids and build a home with a white picket fence and all that American fantasy bullshit. And I did that. It was supposed to make things easier. That was the plan! But what happens when things turn out how you didn't plan? Or expect. And you turn into someone you don't even recognize anymore." Dave lowered his head in shame. His secrets were getting to him.

He deeply regretted that things went to far. And he let it.

"What happens when you fall in love with someone who doesn't fit into the whole all American dream idea?" Dave pondered that question over and over. And when he couldn't come up with an answer he continued to talk into his little gadget.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this. I loved you Lilly, I loved you more than anything. I'm so sorry I am chicken shit and I hurt you. I know I don't deserve you or your forgiveness. I still love you. My hope is that one day you can forgive and not be so mad at me. But that's just wishful thinking. All I ask is that one day if the kids ask about me is that you tell them their dad loved you and them very much." Dave hiccuped, tears and anguish consuming his entire body.

This was becoming too much. He had to wrap it up.

Dave looked around the empty hotel room one last time. He realized it was time. There was nothing for him anymore.

"Goodbye." Is all Dave could say as he clicked off his recorder and wiped his face. He scooted his chair a bit back and took out the pistol he was hiding in his jeans. Dave couldn't stop the tears as he brought the gun to his head and fired.

Bam!

.

AN: Sorry to leave it like this. Let me know if I should continue? I'll post the second chapter as soon as I can. If you have questions, let me know.-ILOVESMESOMEGLEEX3