It's really funny, just read it.
Chi: Okay everyone, silence. Please take your places.
nobody shuts up
Chi: I mean it, stop talking.
still talking
Chi: IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP NOW, YOU'RE ALL DISQUALIFIED!
Emmett: She's loud for a little thing.
Chi: I'M NOT SHORT! YOU'RE A BUILDING WITH FEET!
Jasper: bends down to poke the fuming mess that is me How tall is it?
Edward: I'll give her a good three feet.
Chi: HEY! I'm four feet, eleven inches.
all drop their jaws
Chi: What's the matter, never seen a NORMAL sized person before?
Alice: Can we just get on with the talent show auditions?
Chi: I would if you would ALL-SHUT-UP!
Jasper: What's shorter, her, or her temper?
Chi: IM NOT SHORT!!!!
Emmett: It's a toss up.shrugs
Chi:basically lights on fire I will hurt you all, if it's the last thing I do!
Emmett: Bring it little girl.
Chi: I AM NOT-
Bella: Okay, we get it, you're not small, now, may we continue?
Chi: But he's being mean to Me.whines and points in the general direction of Jasper and Emmett
Rosalie: slaps husband (Emmett) don't be mean to the poor little girl!
Chi: I'M NOT LITTLE!!!
Emmett: OW! Oh, fine. Sorry, Chi.
Chi: You will address me as Madam Chi from now on, I run this karaoke competition, show some respect!
Edward: snort
Chi: GLARE
Edward: Whoa, sorry.turns away to talk to Bella-whispers (like I can't hear)She's creepy when she's mad. She's got a kind of Satanic glint in her eyes, even if she is the size of a-
Chi: SIZE OF A WHAT, EDWARD?!?!?!
Edward: Uhhhhh…
Chi: SIZE OF A WHAT?!
Edward: A brand new blade of grassoh, it's a challenge now
Chi: If you weren't so damn awesome I would kill you!
Edward: I'd like to see you try… Small-fry!
Chi: Sky scraper!
Edward: sticks out tongue
Chi: returns gesture
Rosalie: My God, you guys are so all immature
Edward: She started it!at the same time as…:
Chi: He started it!
Just then, Jacob walks in
Chi: Oh, just what I need, Mr. size of a mountain but thinks he's a been-sprout!
Jacob: Uhh, I think I'm in the wrong building. Is this the karaoke thingy? 'Cause I wanted to-CULLEN!
Chi: Yes Jacob, go kill the nasty-name-calling-Cullens!contemplates on second thought, don't my life sort of revolves around their survival.giggles
Jacob: raises eyebrow Uh, yeah. The thing I'm looking for is supposed to have started already.
Chi: It's not my fault! They wouldn't shut up, and then they started picking on me just because I'm the size of a regular human.
Jasper: SHRIMP!
Chi: VAMPIRE!
Jacob: Wait, she knows?
Chi: Oh, please, I predicted that you were a werewolf before Bella knew. I'm Chi by the way.
Jacob: left eye twitches- confounded silence for a momentWait, this small-fry is the director?
Alice: DON"T call her small.
Chi: thank you! Now, will everybody GET TO THEIR PLACES?
All shuffle around in basic circles to look busy.
Chi: Okay, first up, Alice. The only person who has a shot because she's nice!
Alice: Okay, do I start?
Chi: Please.
Alice:
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined.
I'm just beginning the pens in my hand,
Ending unfolds
Starring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it,
Release your inhibitions-
Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in,
No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips…
Chi: jaw drops Oh, my gosh, yes! Congratulations...you're in!
Alice: SQUEE- proceeds to jump off stage into Jasper's arms
Chi: Next, Bella. And this one's being dedicated to a time some time ago. In the few months where Edward STUPIDLY left her, and she was forced to endure unfathomable agony night after night!mock happy-face
Edward: scowl
Bella: Uh, yeah.
Chi: Start when you're ready. in undertone Oh, now I know why Simon likes his job!
Bella:
Seems like it was yesterday, when I saw your face,
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away,
If only I knew, what I knew today, oohhooaa
I would hold you in my arms; I would take the pain away-
Chi: Okay, now shut up! You're going to make me cry! I cry every time I hear that song, and I blame you!
Bella: Was I that bad?
Chi: crying (okay, bawling her eyes out) No, you're in too, it's just the song.
Jacob: Aww, cheer up.places arm around my shoulders
Chi: stunned-eyes bugging out of head-instantly perks upUhh…You're next.
actually, it was Jasper's turn, but he was-in Chi's mind-mentally disqualified anyway, and Chi's is the only opinion that counts (Damn straight, don't judge me people!)
Jacob: instantly on stage
Dark in the city, night is a wire
Steam in the subway, earth is a fire
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
Woman you want me, give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Stalked in the forest, too close to hide
Ill be upon you by the moonlight side
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
High blood drumming on your skin its so tight
You feel my heart, I'm just a moment behind
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
Chi: rolling around on the floor laughing her $$ offFine, you're in!
Jacob: It wasn't that funny.
Chi: Sure it was!
Jacob: If you say so. sits back down next to Chi…who faintsWAKE UP! LIVE, DAMN IT LIVE!
Chi: I'm fine. YOU CAN STOP SLAPPING ME NOW!!!!
Jacob: Oh, right.
Ooh, I think we shared a moment! A fatal and slightly horrifying moment in which I gain many bruises, but a moment none the less
Chi: Okay, now, Emmett.makes gagging noise in back of throat
Emmett: Okay, do I just start, or-
Chi: FOR GOD'S SAKE, THE LAST THREE PEOPLE ASKED THAT SAME QUESTION, AND ALL GOT THE SAME ANSWER. START BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND! Sheesh!
Jacob: Ha, ha! wolf-like laughter
Emmett:
Yo-
Chi: NO!!!!!!!! Next?
Edward: I'm next.
Chi: Don't even bother, you're in.
Jacob: look of disgust
Chi: What? The books aren't about you, now are they?
Jacob: snarl
Chi: pats Jacob's leg in comfort- then realizes what she is doing and stops. Next?
Person with paper bag over face comes out on stage
Chi: Name?
Person: Oh, you'll figure it out.
All screwed but don't know it yet, so…all confused
Person: I will be singing the 'doom' song.Pulls off paper bag.
All but Chi: VICTORIA???
Chi: really? Well, I imagined her with darker hair, but red is red, so…
All-including Victoria: Glare incredulously at Chi
Chi: What? When you're reading, you don't actually see the people, so I didn't picture her like this. Excuse me!
Victoria: Okayyy, well, moving right along with the destruction of life as you know it… GGGRRRRRR.
Chi: GRRRR? Is that the best you could come up with? You're on stage, girl, play it out, feel the monster, BE the monster. Put a little more soul in that beast-like snarl!
All glare at Chi in horror
Victoria: uh, okay… GROAR
Chi: much better. Now, WHAT ARE YOU ALL STILL DOING HERE? I WAS TRYING TO CREATE A DIVERSION, BUT NOOOO, LET'S ALL SIT HERE AND WATCH, INSTEAD OF RUNNING FOR OUR LIVES! HAVE YOU NO BRAINS? AND YOU CALL YOURSELF VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES/BARLEY-HUMAN-ANYMORE-THINGY!
All stare in shock
Chi: Well, let's not stop now, staring is getting us everywhere. RUN YOU STUPID FICTIONAL CHARECTERS, RUN!!!
The End