It is the middle of the night in the campus, which means that no one is asleep yet. Even Cas, who is tucked up in his bed with his earplugs pressed so far in that they may be touching his brain, can still hear running footsteps and laughters from the corridor. He wishes he could be that carefree. The problem is, the second he starts toying with the idea of joining those having fun outside, he can't help but look at his phone. He's eerily good at maths and even in his sleepy state, can make up how much time he has left to sleep down to the second. After that, his mind becomes obsessed with worry, which means he cannot sleep anyway, and then, surely, the next day, he'll wake up late and miss his classes, and the teachers will notice and fail him and then he'll be kicked out of college... His imagination is not his friends, taking delight in constructing horribly detailed scenarios about messing up finals or forgetting assignments, or anything really and he really does not want that to happen, thank you very much.

Anyway, Balthazar has assured him that just lying in the dark rests the body somehow, he's heard it on the TV, and while Castiel is suspicious, he won't pass anything that can help him reach his goal. College is supposed to be an adventurous experience, but for Castiel, it's mostly an exercise in stress. Gone are the strict but dependable rules that made high school easy to navigate. Here he's on his own and independence is not his forte.

The door opens with a soft creak and Balthazar pats the wall to his bed. Castiel hears the ruffled sheets and catches the flash of light as his roommate programs his alarm. Balthazar is not good at self-discipline but he knows how to be discreet, which makes him good company on the whole. Castiel is even worse with disciplining himself so he lets the fear take over and doesn't do anything outside of studying. It seems to work.

After a while he hears:
"Cas...? You asleep...?"
He could ignore it, but the noise is still too high, having upgraded to doors banging which would give any sane person various murderous ideas. Instead of following those, he chooses to answer:
"Not yet."
"Yeah... There's a prank war going on with the girls' wing. I just saw Dean Winchester covered in toothpaste. It was a pretty sight."
Castiel snorts:
"Your bi is showing, Balth."
"I sure hope so. Although Dean and I are not in any way romantically compatible. But I can still appreciate aesthetics."
Castiel sighs.
"He is indeed very attractive", he concedes.
The sheets rustle again. Then Balth says slowly:
"You still haven't answered. You coming with us for Spring Break?"
Castiel has thought this over. And over. He is nowhere near taking a decision. Spending two weeks in the wild, enjoying nature, but with the comfort of a big cabin at nights, is quite tempting. Balthazar's parents are rich, in a way that Castiel cannot really comprehend. Balthazar find him "refreshing" and "unspoiled". Castiel hasn't found out if it's a compliment.
"Say you will, pleaaase, Cas... It won't be like here, promise. Just board games or watching the stars and you can even go to bed as early as you want. Imagine the silence..."
"Who is coming?"
"At the moment, I have no idea. I've asked a few other friends, but they have other plans. The only one I'm sure about is Dean."

It's a good thing the conversation is happening in the dark because Castiel feels his face is on fire. He breathes in and out slowly to calm his brain and his crazy heart. Dean... is not a simple aesthetic vision to him, nor, sadly, a friend. He is the Unattainable, the Matter his dreams are made of. Dean is the mystery behind a door he doesn't dare push. Instead he studies even more and hopes that the life he'll build later on thanks to this degree will be enough to attract another one like him. Or at least someone almost as good and kind and cheerful. But he doesn't really believe it.
So, he keeps on breathing and if Balthazar thinks that he has gone to sleep, then all the better.