So, disclaimer time! Do not own FMA, do not profit, and technically, I don't even own this plot, cause my sister wrote most of it and I cleaned it up when she got bored. Her attention span is about half of mine.
Warnings: yaoi, crack I guess, it is kinda strange, but strangely cute
Divorce
Ed stared at his husband; well, technically 'wife' but he still had the bruise from when he called Envy that. "What do you mean, you want to get in contact with the other homunculi?" The brunette slanted a look at him out of the corner of his eye before answering.
"None of the ones I like could come to the wedding, besides Wrath, because there were too many people who want to kill 'em there. And I want to tell Lust that I'm married and that she's going to turn into an old hag with only Gluttony for company." He looked very pleased with himself as he started picking the long braid apart.
Gold eyes rolled and their owner batted the slim fingers away. "Envy, homunculi don't AGE. How is she going to be an old hag if she never changes?"
"Oh her body will be the same, but her mind will be a withered old hag that can't even stand up straight." Ed let his flesh hand cover his face as he turned on the bench outside Mustang's office to face the psychopath that he was stupid enough to love.
"Envy, Lust hates me, and Gluttony thinks that I'd taste good with a side order of cement. You can do what you want, but I'M not going within ten feet of them." The alchemist folded his arms over his chest and slid down far enough that his feet touched his partner's bare ones.
A sly grin slid across Envy's face before he shifted in his comfortable sprawl to capture one of the boot clad feet with both of his own. "Aww, come on, don't talk about your mother- and brother-in-law like that."
Ed's eyes snapped open as he sat up straight. "My WHAT?!" The grin widened into a smirk.
"Well, they are technically my family and since you married me…" The smaller man stared in shock for a moment before beginning to flail.
"NO!! That's not…No way in.. JUST NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not related to Lust, Gluttony or any of those other freaks!!! NO!!" Envy burst out laughing as his blond went on a rampage around the office, ranting about crazy sluts and people who wanted to eat him.
He finally wound down to stand panting in front of the still snickering form. "We will NEVER speak of this again. I'm not going to think about it either, cause if I do, I'll have to divorce you just so we're not family." The snickering didn't quiet. "That means no sex."
"WHAT!?" Crashes and heavy steps followed the exclamation while Envy chased the blond around to tickle mercilessly.
In the inner office, Roy sighed, shifting in his very comfy chair. It had been so much easier to nap at work before those two had started coming around together.
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Of course, I should be studying, doing homework, sleeping, any number of things but I thought I should produce something today. Enjoy and I hope you'll take the time to review!