Conscience

By Simahoyo

(Can Maura resist a really scrumptious man, even if she knows everyone will hate her if she gives in? How strong is her conscience anyway? One shot.)

A/N A friend shared a plot point from one of the books. I can't imaging TV Maura acting like Book Maura, hence this story.

This had to be the single stupidest thing she had ever done. Maura was extremely uncomfortable. Now she was facing her beloved, "Daddy", and he had that look on his face. The one she hated to see. The one she had only seen twice before.

They were in his office. Her mother was out, thank god, and she was having to face this. Her lower lip trembled. And her face was hot. She couldn't even look him in the eye.

"How...Why? I am so disappointed in you." He looked it too. His hands were clenching and unclenching. This was a sure sign of him not knowing what to say.

"It's comp..."

"Maura, your can't use that excuse on this one. I never thought, ever, that you would violate your Hippocratic Oath."

"How did I do that?" Her eyebrows furrowed. She wanted to know. She really couldn't see how she had done such a thing.

"How would you react to a man who talked you into doing something that would cost you your

licence to Practice Medicine?" His hand was on her shoulder.

"I wouldn't allow it."

"And yet, you put a Catholic Priest into the same situation. He didn't mean anything but a little recreational sex to you, but he could lose everything he studied for, and given his life to. You have 'done harm' to him."

Maura's mouth fell open as the truth hit her as hard as a blow to the jaw.

"How did you find out?"

"People talk. I know people, and you also have Riall cousins who attend that parish. The Rizzoli family..."

"Oh my God. Do they know? Does Mother know?"

"NO, or you would be screaming at each other in French and throwing things. And yes, I found out from Mrs. Rizzoli. She was appalled. And before you ask, she has not told Jane. You have a lot of cleanup ahead of you. I never thought you could be that selfish."

Suddenly a elbow to her ribs made Maura jump in the pew. She was at Mass with the entire Rizzoli family. Oh, she must have fallen asleep. Jane winked at her, whispering, "Can't stay awake huh? Me either." She thought quickly, reorienting herself. Mass–Christmas Eve, oh. Then she remembered the beautiful young priest she had started daydreaming about. Amazing, her conscience looked and sounded like her Dad. She looked away from the priest, remembering her oath. She kept her eyes on the Mass, the ritual, the incense, and the music. She concentrated on those things. Besides, there was a new fellow in their yoga class that Jane wasn't interested in.

She always had hated emotional cleanup.

As they left the church, Maura resolutely kept her eyes ahead. She walked past the handsome priest without a second glace...and it took a real effort.

When they got outside, into the cold air, Jane leaned into her.

"We're taking the long way back."

"Oh God", thought Maura. "She saw me."

They walked away from the crowd. Jane was silent. Their footsteps crunched in the snow.

"Alright Maura, spill."

"What?" Maura could hear her own guilt.

"I saw you looking at Father Clarke like a hungry wolf. What were you thinking?"

"Something I shouldn't. I don't care to repeat it."

"My God, Maur, a priest?". Jane turned and looked at her, eyes questioning.

"I didn't do anything. And I don't intend to."

"Are you sure? You can be awfully secretive."

Maura stopped walking. "You may not believe it, but I do have a conscience. Maybe not as active as yours, but it's there. I dreamed that I went ahead and Dad found out. In the dream he said he was disappointed in me. Even in a dream, I can't abide it when he says that. I want him to be proud of me, not ashamed."

"He really has a hold over you, doesn't he?"

"Yes. Now quit excavating in my mind, or I'll ask you what you have hidden in yours."

Jane drew back in alarm. "God no. It's worse than my closet in there. No way I'm sharing."

Maura folded her arms, partly because it was very cold–partly to make a point.

"So you get to poke around inside my head, but yours is off limits? Whatever happened to, 'What's good for the goose is good for the gander?'"

"Huh, you mean like you are forever asking me to watch my language when I've heard things out of your mouth that would stun a sailor?"

"Jane, it took me years to stop the habit. When you swear, it gets too easy for me to indulge again. I need help cleaning up my language. And I admit it."

Jane looked startled. "Oh, I didn't know. Now I feel crummy. Okay. I have sexual fantasies. More on the wild side than you might expect."

Maura grinned, tucking her chin under. "Jane, you just ruined your prude image. Good for you. Sometimes I dream in two languages, only they get all mixed up and people speak what I can only call Franglish. I wake up confused."

"I dream about you sometimes.", Jane sounded shy. She was avoiding Maura's gaze.

"You do? Nice dreams I hope."

"Very nice." Jane took Maura's hand. Even through their gloves, she could feel the warmth. The steam from their breath mingled. Maura was suddenly afraid–not of Jane, but of herself. The silence was forever, then they both leaned in and touched their lips together. Cold, then suddenly so warm.

Maura almost couldn't breathe. She was shaking a little.

Jane was very still, then, "Would your Dad be disappointed in you?" And Maura could see she looked scared.

"No, he wouldn't. He'd be proud that I found someone as good as you are. If you can put up with me... I'm told I'm very secretive.""

"Are you kidding? I'm a mess. You said not everyone would take my abuse. I was all worried you couldn't deal with me. Can you?"

Maura's answer was another, much longer kiss.

"Ok. But I'm freezing my butt off here. Let's go get warm."

"Just how warm did you have in mind?"

"Stop looking at me like a hungry wolf."

Then they both laughed, and joined hands walking back to Maura's house. Maura forgot all about the guy in her Yoga class. Her Dad used to joke that she was easily distracted by shiny objects–like men. She could concentrate now. Her most cherished secret was out. She slipped her arm around Jane and hugged her.