Jennifer passed away; didn't attend the funeral.

Interviewers: Linkin, Demon

Interviewees: Kagome, Sesshomaru, Jaken, Inuyasha

My Boss: Mr. Ticsman

Thanks to: xDemonChickx

"Haven't we had enough with guests and bringing 'clients'?"

Yuki Hoshino and Demon pout at me, crossing their arms. "That's mean!" they protest. "There's nothing wrong with guest people! It makes things more interesting~!"

It also makes things more deadly. Knowing I cannot change their minds, I give up my fight altogether. Le' boss isn't here today, so I just hop into our handy-dandy machine and off we go. Demon and Yuki are screaming, so yes my ears do start bleeding and yes I do start screaming myself (more from pain than delight though).

Eventually after all the bleeding and the screaming, we land on ground. The three of us are in floral kimonos, and have a ridiculous amount of make-up on our faces. "…Why did we get a make-over?" Demon wonders. Meanwhile, Yuki is busy trying to sand her face off with moist leaves.

"Not sure," I shrug. "But you should tell Yuki that if she sands her face off, she can't see Sesshomaru-sama." I only say '-sama' so when I need to bed for my life, I at least sound like a professional pleader.

Yuki puts down the leaf and tries to at least even out the rest of the face-paint with the faded out portion that now resides on the leaf. Demon cuts off some of her kimono (so it's not as long) and takes off the "plank-shoes". I just rip off the bottom half and the sleeves to fashion some shorts. Yuki follows in Demon's suit. Now content with our clothing, we set off to find a river to wash our faces so they're tan, not white, black, and crimson red.

"When do we get to see Sesshy-kun?" Yuki whines, trudging along the dirt path.

"LATER," Demon and I snap. Honestly, there are very few rivers around. "Walking hurts without shoes," says Demon. "But I bet it hurts worse with those on."

I shudder, trying not to think about the blisters on my feet. "They're certainly not sneakers, that's for sure," I grumble. Just talking about sneakers make the blisters burn.

The trinkling of water reaches our ears, and we race for it. Water flies when I do a cannon ball, and two faces stuff themselves under. When I surface, I rub the water all over my face and feet, making my feet cool and my face feel lighter. The make-up is finally erased, and we all decide to have a lazy soak before going out to find our interviewees.

Demon has a thought in the middle and turns to me. "Hey, where's your folder?" she asks.

"Oh, right-!..." I drag the folder out from my bosom. It's dripping with water as the paper falls out in weird, gray clumps. "…Well…Improvise?"

"Improvision is my middle name!" Yuki cheers.

"…Interesting," Demon and I laugh nervously. We didn't ask for her middle name, but I guess it could come in handy, right? Demon turns to me, clapping her hands together. "Well then, let us-!"

THDOOM!

Wide-eyed, we look to the forest behind us. Smoke is rising up from a section not far away. "Sesshomaru you bastard! STAND STILL!"

"Oh God, we're gonna die," Demon gulps.

THDOOM!

"DUCK!" Yuki forces our heads under the water as gold light washes over the surface of blue. A blob of white, yellow, black, and gray lands on the other side of the river. Crap! It's-"SESSHY!" Yuki bolts out of the water, pushing our heads into the mud at the river bottom.

Controlling ourselves so that we don't drown Yuki, we go up and find Sesshomaru looking at chibi Yuki with a small glare. He turns to us and simply points to her with a claw. Demon pushes me forward for explanation. "Eh…Eh-he-he…" I gulp, my throat contracting. "Sh-She's kind of crazy…"

"Kind of?" Yuki laughs, hopping over to the edge of the river. "I'm pure insanity~" She twirls around happily, Demon and I sighing before pulling ourselves out.

Footsteps come from the trees. Out emerges Inuyasha with his sword, whose name I cannot spell worth a crap. He sees us and only looks angrier (if possible). "The hell? Did you take in more kids or something'?!" Sesshomaru doesn't answer.

Kagome Higurashi comes out, along with Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara. Jaken comes stumbling out, panting like he was nearly drowned after a mile run. Rin is nowhere to be found. "Huh?" Kagome blinks. "Kids?"

Yuki, Demon, and I take this to great offence. In so, we run to her and surround her in triangle form. "We're not kids." Kagome sweat drops and shrinks in place.

Miroku comes and takes Demon's shoulder. "Indeed, you are not children, but women." He turns her around. "So…" Miroku takes her hands into his. "Will you bear my-GULCK!"

Sango is seething with rage, fingers trembling on her boomerang bone that now resides on Miroku's back. Demon is blinking down at him, poking his nose with her big toe. Yuki starts poking his cheek, so I just turn to Inuyasha and Kagome. "We're just a few curious people," I shrug. "Because of that, we want to ask you," Inuyasha, "you," Kagome, "you," Sesshomaru, "and you," Jaken, "a few questions."

Everyone's silent for a bit. Kagome tries to convince Inuyasha that it sounds fun while Sesshomaru starts walking away with Jaken. "No! Sesshy come back!" Yuki chases after them, Demon patting my back as I blink in confusion.

FML

"Yuki…How're you still alive?" I ask, blinking.

She's humming a cheery tune, sitting on Sesshomaru's lap like she's invincible. "A lot of favors and begging," Yuki simply states before humming once more.

Demon and I exchange a glance. We shrug it off and turn to Inuyasha, Kagome, Sesshomaru, Jaken, Yuki, and Shippo (taking residence on Kagome's head). Miroku, Sango, and Kirara went off to keep Rin company. Picking the rest of the pulpy remains of paper out of my clothes, I grab a stick of wood, stab myself, and expose my leg to write on.

I nod to Demon to start questioning. However, everyone is staring at me like a nut. "What?" Kagome offers a piece of paper and a pen from her bad. "…AAAHHHH!" Demon and Inuyasha try to stop me from running while my arm bleeds out all over the grass.

FML

"ANYWAYS…" I huff, holding my arm tightly. "Question time, with Linkin and-"

"What kind of a name is Linkin?" WHAM! "Ow!"

"SHUT UP." Inuyasha stares and gulps at me. Then I sit back down. "First up is Demon. Twelve questions, three each." I mean fuck ten every time; equality is everything, right?

Demon takes the paper and pen to scribble down her question. "Question to Jaken!" she announces. She leans down so they are somewhat on the same level. "What's your favorite thing about Sesshy-kun~?"

Jaken is a little surprised, but smiles calmly. "Well, he is the most powerful demon in the world! What's not to like?" I can clearly see Demon write down 'Kiss up shit' on the paper. Then she passes it to Yuki. "Question to Jaken," she hums. A quick jot on the paper and then she lowers her head. "What do toad demons eat?"

This makes him look smug. "You three really know nothing, do you?" he chortles. "We eat just like regular demons eat. Lizards, fried animal guts…" I world put the rest, but for the squeamish, I won't. Inuyasha and Shippo stared, but Yuki just recorded the answers one by one. Detail by detail. Then the paper comes to me.

I think for a brief second. The first twisted idea that comes to mind goes down on the paper. A crooked smile accompanied by closed eyes is the next the interviewees see of me. "Jaken, how fast can you run?"

"Oh that's easy! I'm pretty speedy for a toad and-…eh…what's with the ro-AH!" He speeds off, letting the small boulder land in his previous place.

"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE RUNT!"

FML

"Are you quite done?" Sesshomaru sighs. Inuyasha, Kagome, Yuki, and Demon just stare wordlessly as I break out of the trees with my rock and Demon with a bloody pitchfork (don't ask).

Demon nods, panting, and grabs the paper from off my sitting-log. She plants herself on a smooth boulder and faces Kagome. "Question to Kagome," she huffs. "WHAT KIND OF A JERK SITS THERE WITH A BOW AND ARROW WHILE A SNAKE TRIES TO KILL US?!" Again, don't ask about what happens during 'FML' and you should be fine in these interviews.

Kagome blinks at her in shock and opens her mouth with no words to give. "…Sorry?"

Yuki swipes the paper before Demon can go on a long-drawn rant about Kagome's choice to sit and let us suffer. "Kagome!" she cheers. "Pick one: Hojo or Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha and Kagome turn bright pink. "H-HUH?!" both exclaim. Inuyasha picks Yuki up off of Sesshomaru's lap and shakes her a little. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Simple. Kagome has to "pick" one~"

"PICK FOR WHAT?!"

Demon is laughing her ass off as Kagome is in a fluster. Inuyasha yells at Yuki, and Sesshomaru moves to my right, in between me and Demon. I hear a loud noise and see Demon now on a pile of shattered sticks, arm bleeding and wrapped around aching ribs.

FML

Indecisive. "Kagome, would you ever bring a friend to this place?" I ask.

"No; too dangerous," she shudders. Yes because she's a heartless bitch. (Haha-NOPE). I give her a nod and she leaves towards the trees for the rest.

Demon takes the paper with her good arm and turns to Inuyasha. "Inuyasha, why the anger issues?"

"I don't have anger issues," the half-demon grumbles.

Demon directs the pen to Yuki with the red-marked neck. She is currently hiding behind Sesshomaru's leg. "Yuki, with the strangle marks, says different."

Inuyasha crosses his arms. "Pheh!" he spits. Demon scribbles down what's bound to be "Because he's an asshole" and drops the paper.

Yuki is quick to snatch it up, still in-cover. "Well, Inuyasha, have you ever kissed anyone other than your mom?"

"THAT DOES IT!"

"ACK!"

BAM! WHACK! "NO!" POW! SLAM! "NO MORE INTERMISSIONS!"

FM-

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"

…

*Intermission*

Want to interview characters too?

Call 666-666-6662 today!

*Intermission/End*

Demon pats my head as I weep next to the Emo Tree. "It's not fair…" I cry. "I say I don't want an intermission and they give me some cheap-ass commercial…"

Yuki and Inuyasha are recovering from their injuries as Sesshomaru just sits there, stone-faced as ever. Demon fills in Yuki's question and passes it to me in hopes of cheering me up.

At least that's what I'd like to think.

"Inuyasha," I sigh. "Who would you rather hit more: Shippo or Sesshomaru?"

He smirks like a know-it-all. "Pheh, that's easy! S-…" Inuyasha cuts himself off, wide-eyed. Leaning back, he scratches his head, taps his tree stump, and blinks repeatedly. "…Huh…Never thought about that one."

Poor Shippo…I think. Demon pats my head and nods….Shit we're still telepathic. As Inuyasha ponders, Yuki crawls over with a broken nose and ragged hair. "So, what's up?" she asks.

"The apocalypse," Demon answers. All that's left of Yuki is a cloud of dust that marks her trail of escape. "Wait, no! YUKI!"

"GODAMNIT NOT ANOTHER ONE!"

FML

Everyone has runaway OCs!

So call Linkin and Demon OC Specialists!

You won't ever have OC trouble again!

666-666-6663

*OC capture tools are limited; OC death may be required*

FML

Well, at least that commercial was somewhat decent. Yuki is back, and on Sesshomaru's lap (much to his apparent dismay) and Inuyasha finally thinks up his answer. "Shippo, cause he's just too easy-hehe!" Then he leaves.

To avoid having to remember that, I just put 'Imma asshole! Imma asshole! Imma asshole! DERP-DA-DERP-DE-DERP!' It's the professional way of short-cutting after all. Last up is Sesshomaru, and Demon is quick to rip the paper from my hands. Well, half of it that is. "Sesshomaru, is your fluff fluffy?" she laughs.

He raises a brow. "You would thi-"

"Oh! No better answer than experience~!" With that, she glomps Sesshomaru and starts suffocating his fluff.

"OYE!" Yuki runs over and pries Demon off, tossing her at a tree. "MY SESSHY!"

"Aye-aye-yie, make it stop…" I groan, rolling on the ground in despair.

Demon gets up and writes on her paper. Yuki grabs it and jots down words at lightning speed. "Sesshy, can you kiss people without killing them?" His eyes widen. "Oh, never mind~ No answer is better than experience~!" Then, the predator pounces upon its prey.

"YUKI!" Demon screams.

"CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!!"

FML

No commercial? Damn. Anyways…"Sesshomau," I pant, "this is the last, and I swear last question for today."

"Maybe forever," Yuki grumbles, locked in a cage with Lary Snail and Miki Mosquito.

Sesshomaru is red with rage, but manages to nod in acceptance. Sighing with relief, I open my mouth. My eyes go wide, and I shut it again. "…" A thought comes across and I smile again. "Would you eat another demon?"

Demon and Yuki raise their brows in question. Sesshomaru just makes a weird face. "Hell no; that's disgusting," he replies simply.

I jot that down and grab both of my crazy pals to run for it. Across the river and through the trees, we come to the landing spot. I break down and wheeze the second we get there. Demon, however, pokes my cheek. "Oye, why didn't you ask for the interview rating?"

"Yeah, why not?" Yuki asks.

Looking both in the eyes, I shrug. "I didn't know if he could even count."

Feel free to give interview suggestions! :)