AN: I wrote this for fun the day after NBK was shown. i particularily like giving insight into the character's heads. i hope you enjoy. PLEASE review after reading! i would really appreciate the feedback
Disclaimer: i do not own anything here, it belongs to their respective owners
Chapter 1
Dear Diary,
Today started off just like any other day, I put on my most fabulous clothes I could find, and went to the bus stop. Oddly, that Neanderthal, Karofsky was there waiting for the bus a well. After a little skillful eavesdropping, I found out that his dad took his truck away from him for getting into an argument about staying out to late. In my opinion, he deserved it. Day after day, shoving me into lockers, slushiing me, all because I'm gay. But, I digress. I got to school, able to avoid Karofsky enough to make it all the way to my locker, just to end up finding him and Azimio waiting for me. As usual, I got shoved into my locker, only, I think it's getting worse, I swear I broke a rib or two today ! Sometimes, I just wish I could get away from it all, go somewhere where I can find someone else to relate to, to love. But, sadly, I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. Tomorrow's Glee practice though, maybe I'll finally be able to convince him to do something more our generation, or at least not rap, sometimes I just want to tell him off, but, I can't afford anything worse on my permanent record. Well its getting pretty late now, I should probably be going to bed before my dad takes my iPhone away from me. Good night Diary .
Love,
Kurt H.
Dave Karofsky was at the bus stop again, although he seemed a slight bit depressed today. Kurt just shrugged it off as missing his pick-up truck a little too much, but Kurt had no idea just what was truly wrong with Dave. Getting on the bus, Dave shoved Kurt down to the ground. Kurt was almost at the point of crying when he got onto the bus and sat in his usual seat by the emergency exit window, he pulled out his phone to check his contacts to see if there was anyone that he could vent to, but, to his expectations, the short list only had a few important designer clothing stores, and of course his dads cell, which always was left on his coffee table instead of with his dad where it belongs.
Sometimes I worry how he'll end up when I move out, thought Kurt. After Burt's heart attack a while ago, Kurt forced his dad to get a cell phone so he could keep in constant touch to make sure there's no repeat.
The rest of the half hour bus ride, Kurt sat in silence in his usual spot crying not from the pain of being slammed to the ground by Dave, but instead, because he felt so lonely, after all, being the only out gay kid in this entire town, what else could I expect out of life he thought to himself, my life has been chosen from the day I was born, eternal depression.
Finally at school, Kurt went straight to his locker, got his school work, and closed his locker. Dave, trying to be sneaky, came up behind Kurt, and knocked his books down. Kurt, still in tears, bent over to pick his books up, only to be slammed onto the ground and the slight pointy pile of books under him.
"Go back home, Homo. We're sick of the eye sore you are to us every day." Yelled Dave as he walked into the locker room with the other football players.
Kurt, almost at his breaking point, picks himself and his books up, walks to the school library with plans on avoiding his teachers so he doesn't have to face them and their complaining about his almost daily skipping class.
Finally lunch time, or on this day of the week, Glee rehearsals, Kurt is overjoyed to be leaving the boring library. At glee practice, the first thing that Kurt notices is that Puck is back out of juvy. After he sits down, Mr. Schuester starts off with his so called lesson of the week.
"Guess what? I just got the competition list for regionals this year. First, there's an all-boys school with a glee club called the Warblers." –
"Whoa, like 10 different gay jokes just popped in my head" butted in Santana
"Second, a high school dedicated to giving education to people that dropped out of school years ago." Said Will, "Since last year before regionals, I got you guys pumped up with a boys verse girls competition, I was thinking that this year we could have the second annual Competition," as he's turning around, "so go ahead and split up on either side of the room…Kurt, I'll say it again, boys team, now."
Kurt, hesitantly, turns around and starts off toward the boy's side of the room. Among the anxious chatter, Kurt sat looking depressed, looking as isolated from his peers as he felt.
"I'll tell you all what the theme is after school so just meet here for a quick meeting."
Kurt, even more depressed than usual, slowly walks toward his locker behind Puck and Artie. After they turn the corner, Dave comes running up behind and slams Kurt into the locker harder than he had ever before. This last slam finally pushed Kurt over his limit.
"WHAT is your PROBLEM!"
"You talkin' back to me? You want a piece of the fury?"
"The fury?"
"That's what I named my fist."
"oh, With that level of creativity, you could easily become assistant manager at a Rendering plant."
"I don't know what that is, but if I find out its bad, the fury's gonna find you!" Dave slams Kurt back into the locker as he turns around and walks back in the direction he came. Just as he turns the corner toward the outdoor staircase, Mr. Schuester came around the corner to see Kurt holding his chest in pain.
"Kurt, come with me to my office, I need to talk to you."
"Is there anything I can do?" says Mr. Schuester as he hand Kurt a glass of water
My names not Cindy Lou Who, Kurt thinks,"No. This is my hill to climb alone."
"Can I be honest?" asks Mr. Schue, "I think it's getting to you. Usually this stuff rolls right off your back. But, lately, you've been belligerent, angry, pushing people away."
"Can I be honest with you?"
Will nods.
"You like everyone else at this school are too quick to let homophobia slide, and your lesson plans are boring and repetitive. I mean boys versus girls, that doesn't challenge any of us."
"you mean because I didn't let you join the girls team like you wanted?"
"To answer your question, yes, I'm unhappy, and yes, being the only out gay kid at this school gets me down. But most of all, I'm not challenged in the least here." Says Kurt as he leaves Will's office.
Back in the choir room, Mr. Schuester, with time to think, is ready to give the kids their theme for the competition.
Girls, you are doing songs conventionally sung by guys, and boys, you are doing songs usually done by girls," Says Mr. Schue, as Kurt claps his hands for joy, "The more opposite your choice, the more points you get. Now go home and start thinking."
"Don't worry gentlemen, I have this one under control." Whispers Kurt to his peers.
Dear Diary,
The bullying I keep getting from Neanderthal is increasingly getting worse, to the point where I snapped at Karofsky today. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. Maybe I should go and transfer schools to Canada somewhere…I don't think dad will approve though. Mr. Schuester noticed the bullying this time; he brought me to his office to talk to me and see if I'm ok. Unfortunately, he thought I was sad because I couldn't go on the girls team for the 2nd annual boys vs. girls competition, but he met me halfway and told us that the boys will be doing songs conventionally sung by girls, and vice verso for the girls team. I already have the song chosen and outfits designed for the competition, so I'll be showing the boys my choice tomorrow at lunch time, can't wait! Well diary, I got to go now, bye.
Love,
Kurt
"Dad, I'm home!"
"Where the hell were you? I thought I grounded you?"
"Yea sorry about that, I was hangin' with the guys."
"Well, whatever, you can have your truck back; you're not going to learn any kind of lesson anyway."
"Thanks, I'm going to bed, good night."
"See ya tomorrow."
Dave walked up the stairs to his room, sat on his computer and opened FaceBook. Immediately, he navigated to his profile settings and changed the sexual preference option from "Women" to "Men", scrolled down and hovered over the save changes option. I just can't accept it, it can't be true, it just can't, thought Dave as he moved the pointer over and clicked the cancel button. Right after, he navigated to Kurt Hummel's photos, which didn't take long, because he had it favorite, and scrolled through every picture until he got to one he thought was staring at him. Running his fingers on the computer monitor where Kurt's face is, I can only dream, he thought as he got up from his chair and powered off his computer, turned off his lights and went to sleep.
It started just like any other dream, walking through the halls, but, only this time, everyone was staring at him not because they were afraid, but because of whom he was with. Dave could feel everything that his dream-self could, which is not usual. Usually, I'm just another onlooker watching myself, Karofsky thought. I can feel everything about him, the warmth in his hands holding mine, I can smell the cologne he uses almost every day, yet it only gets better. As Dave looks around him to see the joyful faces of the other McKinley student, he catches Kurt's eyes staring deeply into his own. His eyes, the most beautiful light green, and his pupils, dilated. His skin, pale, yet creamy, with the rosy cheeks of a Hummel figurine, what irony. Wait is that the right word? Oh, who cares? All that matters is that I'm here with him.
"You're beautiful, you know?"
"Next to you, I must look horrifying. You know? I love you." Dave's dream body says, but to Dave's surprise, he realized he had no control over the actions his body made. Or, at least, if he even wanted control.
"I love you too." Kurt says as he makes the most beautiful smile Dave had ever seen.
His smile, so amazing like bright. I wonder if his lips are as soft as his skin. Dave thinks as he smiles back to Kurt. After walking to the end of the hall, where suddenly everyone else vacated, Dave realizes he had control over the body all along. After staring into each other's eyes for what seemed like hours, Dave finally decides to go in for the kiss he's been longing for ever since they met.
Right before the kiss, Dave was jerked awake. DAMNIT, he thought as he slammed his fist down on the bed, How could I let myself get so intimate. I am not gay, I know it. I can't be. Unable to get back to sleep, Dave instead gets ready or school that day, and leaves early.