Tragedystuck
Chapter 1
Birth of a Heart
*Note: For any kind of dialog, use CTRL + F and type in the code given if the conversation is referenced more than once*
Homestuck
A young woman stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 17th of October in the year 2009, is this young woman's birthday. Though it was seventeen years ago she was given life, it is only today that she will be given a name!
What will the name of this young woman be?
Enter name.
Alas, your attempt to name her is in vain. Her name plaque is already engraved!
Your name is MIRA CARMINE. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. You have blue eyes and blonde hair. You have donned your FAVORITE BIRD T-SHIRT, SKIRT, and YELLOW SNEAKERS for the occasion. You have a number of INTERESTS. One such interest is MIDDLE MANAGEMENT POSITIONS, and for this reason, you keep a number of STUFFED PLUSHIES around your room in order BOSS THEM AROUND. You take a keen liking to keep them ORGANIZED by name, as you like to ALPHABETIZE. Your favorite activity to keep you busy is BIRDWATCHING, as such you keep a number of BINOCULARS and BIRDWATCHING GUIDES on hand. However, you have a distaste for DUCKS, even ones of the RUBBER KIND. You like to DANCE but you ARE NOT EVERY GOOD AT IT. You are also in a PARTIALLY BAD MOOD, due to the STUPID DUCK ALRAM CLOCK she placed beside your bed. IT WENT OFF THIS MORNING and sounds ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE A DUCK, which you DETEST.
Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is cancrineChordate and You type in a rather b/eak/y b/and way.
What will you do?
Mira: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer
You run across the room to your DRAWER. You open it up and cannot find what you are looking for. Then you remember. The ARMS are in your BLAND CHEST.
Mira: Remove plushies from the top of the chest and retrieve arms
You wouldn't want to ruin the hours you've spent on organizing them, so you pick them all up gently and place them beside the chest and in front of the window.
You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. You have no real use for these; you got them as a GAG GIFT from a friend last year.
You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.
There are other items in the chest.
Mira: Examine items in the chest
This is where you have neatly stored SEVERAL PAIRS OF BINOCULARS, a NORTH AMERICAN BIRD FIELD GUIDE, a COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRATICAL JAPERY, SEVERAL DELICATE GLASS BIRDS, and FAKE ARMS (CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX).
Mira: Captchalog binoculars
You captchlog your binoculars in your sylladex for later use. You still don't understand what this means, but at least you're getting the hang of the vernacular.
Mira: Examine room
At one end of the room is your door, a set of drawers, and your bed in the corner. Your chest is in the corner adjacent to the bed, and between them is the window. In the opposite corner of the chest is your laptop on its desk. Someone appears to be pestering you. There appears to be some presents on your drawers.
Mira: Equip fake arms
You aren't totally sure "EQUIP" is a verb copacetic to the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell. You give it a try anyway.
Your LOTTERY MODUS seems to think otherwise, as the numbers stop on your binoculars. And really, why would you equip the arms anyway. You have arms.
Your binoculars gently drop to the floor. Since you don't want to leave the place cluttered, you captchalog them again, taking up another card of 17 you currently have in your sylladex.
Mira: Examine present for sweet loot
You walk over to your drawers and open the present. At the top of the box is a rubber duck. You immediately get flustered with it and chuck it out the already opened window.
You remove some tissue paper and find two delicate glass birds to add to your collection. You set them aside. Removing more tissue paper reveals a card with curly handwriting labeled MOM 3.
You cringe at the sight of it.
Your mom has always had a knack for ticking you off and then appealing to your better, yet boring nature. And for this reason you find her current state of mind rather amusingly copacetic to your pre-established expectations of what people should do.
Whatever.
You should probably answer your CHUM before he becomes a little RANCOROUS.
Mira: Answer chum
[A0001]
-acceleratingClockwork [AC] began pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 08:30-
08:30 AC: []happybirthday, Mira!
08:30 AC: acceleratingClockwork changed mood to CHUMMY.
08:30 AC: []?
08:31 AC: []youknow, ...
08:31 AC: []itgetsreallyannoying.
08:31 CC: We/ so does your stupid quirk. Who types /ike that, serious/y?
8:32 AC: []ido. ifinditveryfuntotypelikethis, sinceicanbelazythisway.
08:32 CC: It hurts my eyes. Especia/y with that extreme/y ridicu/ous red co/or. I find it very disp/easing.
08:32 CC: Oh wait. I'm so very sorry. It's not redicu/ous. It's typica/.
08:33 AC: []whatever. whatkindsofsweetlootdidyouget? o.O
08:33 CC: My mother gave me a stupid rubber duck, again. But I searched and found two, very pretty, de/icate, purp/e g/ass birds.
08:34 AC: []cool. didyougetmypresentyet?
08:34 CC: If I did, it's probab/y downstairs in the /iving room. My mother is down there watching her duck shows again. /ike she habitua/y does.
08:34 CC: What have you been busying yourse/f with /ate/y?
08:35 AC: []?
08:35 CC: Indeed.
08:35 AC: [], sostupid.
08:35 CC: Sounds rather disheartening. It is plausib/e and strong/y advised that you upgrade your modus.
08:36 AC: []yeahright. ifididthat, Figwouldshunmeforever.
08:36 CC: One shou/d not /eave their trust in someone /ike Fig. Especia/y when Fig is a naggy old lady who wouldn't know better.
08:36 AC: []Figisthebestpersoni'veevermet. ?
08:37 CC: You forget that I've studied you and your actions. You don't even seem mi/d/y p/eased with her. You'd rather be done with her.
08:37 AC: []yeah, that'strue. .
08:38 CC: You shouldn't stop /istening to his advice. Just make more decisions based off of what you be/ieve is right from now on.
08:38 AC: []iguessso. bobsaggit! ihavetogo. Fig'sactingupagain.
08:39 CC: I fare you we/ on your endeavors with that senile woman.
-acceleratingClockwork [AC] ceased pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 08:40-
Well, good ten minutes time well spent.
Mira: Examine Game Bro Magazine next to laptop
This month's article is all about the new SBURB game. The reviewer did not go into much detail, suggesting he did not play the game either at all or very extensively. It is possible however he was merely given the game, expected to play it and write an article about it. SBURB doesn't seem like it's worth all the hype it gets, according to this really crappy author.
You'll find out later.
Mira: Go check to see if your mother got the mail yet
You slide out of your chair and walk across the room to the door. You pause for a second to listen. She is still watching her duck documentary. That should keep her distracted long enough to check the mail, assuming she had retrieved it.
You check the window just in case. The red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped down. She probably has gotten the mail, seeing as it came about an hour ago. You had watched the truck go by.
Swinging the door open, you reveal the hallway. Stairs in front of you lead down to the open living room bellow. The door to your right leads out to the balcony you like to birdwatch from. Two doors reside to the left most part of the hallway. The door that is visible to you leads to your mother's room. The other door, one you can't see, leads to your bathroom.
You lean over the railing, scanning all around for the mail. You can't seem to find it. You do however spot your mother sitting on the couch watching her stupid duck documentary. Wait...
The mail is right next to her, and there are several packages for you there; a red one, a navy one, a sky one, a crimson one, a pink one, and a gray one. Maybe one of them hasn't shown up yet? The red one is probably from AC, but you can't be sure.
Mira: Tiptoe downstairs and grab the presents while mom isn't looking
You quietly sneak downstairs in an attempt to get your presents. Unfortunately, the stairs creak beneath your feet. Your mother notices your presence. You quickly open your strife deck and grab your laserpointerkind. Your mother charges you and you brace for a strife.
Mira: Strife
Both of you engage in strife; she with her fluffy duck, you with your laser pointer. You attempt to aggrieve, but she auto-feathers you. You sustain minor recoil damage, blinking the laser light out of your eyes. You attempt to abjure with little success. She does not accept it and bores you to death with a duck story.
You youth roll over the couch, quickly captchaloging the presents. You need a way out.
Spotting the bookcase full of ducks, you keep your mom distracted with your aggrieve attempts. She keeps advancing. You duck behind the bookcase, knocking it over (no pun intended). She rushes over and distracts herself with fixing it.
You have overwhelming success with your improvisation. To avoid further strife, probable punishment, and grounding, you head back upstairs to your room. You can hear the continuation of the documentary and your mother's struggle with fixing her beloved duck collection.
It makes you sick.
Mira: Check Pesterchum
You return to your computer, closing your door behind you.
It seems while you were gone, several people began pestering you. You'll answer GT first.
[A0002]
-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 08:55-
08:55 GT: h3y br0
08:55 GT: h4ppy b1rthd4y 4nd sh1t
08:55 GT: y0u th3r3 br0?
08:56 GT: h4ng 0n, my br0 1s b0th3r1ng m3 4b0ut s03th1n. Brb
09:00 CC: Sorry. I had to dea/ with my mother. What did you need?
09:02 GT: 1 w4nt3d t0 s4y h4ppy b1rthd4y 4nd 4sk 1f y0u g0t my g1ft y3t
09:03 CC: Yes. I did retrieve your gift. However, it was on/y after a momentary strife with my mother.
09:03 GT: sh3 w4tch1n h3r stup1d duck sh1t 4g41n?
09:03 CC: Unfortunate/y.
09:03 GT: s0rry br0
09:04 GT: my br0 1s s0000 c00l d1d 1 3v3r t3ll y0u?
09:04 CC: On severa/ occasions.
09:04 CC: What occurred this time?
09:05 GT: ch3ck th1s sh1t h3 4nd 1 just str1f3d
09:05 GT: 0f c0urs3 my sh1tty p3nc1lk1nd 4nd sw0rdk1nd w3r3nt 3v3n 4 m4tch f0r h1s k1ck4ss f1stk1nd
09:06 CC: So? What is rea/y so specia/ about strife with your brother?
09:06 GT: 1 l34rn th1ngs m4n h3 1s th3 l34rn1ng sh1t
09:07 CC: That's a/ rather we/ and good. But I need to get back to AC. There's no te/ing what he's been up to since I've been absent.
09:07 GT: l4st 1 h34rd fr0m h1m w4s just 4 f3w m1nut3s ag0 br0
09:07 GT: kn33 d33p 1n h1s r0d3nt sh1t 4s usu4l
09:07 GT: s000 m4ny 1r0ns 1n h1s f1r3s
09:07 GT: 0r h3s pr0b4bly r4n l1k3 80 km just t0 g3t 4 stup1d p33bl3 0ut 0f h1s syll4d3x
09:08 CC: I suppose.
09:08 GT: wh4ts up w1th th4t br0s m0dus? S0m3 n4sty sh1t 1f 0u 4sk m3
09:08 GT: th3 fuck3rs 1ns4n3
09:09 CC: You rea/y shou/dn't ta/k any kind of shit.
09:09 CC: Especia/y with your Extreme/y Difficu/t Modus.
09:09 GT: h3y bl4m3 my fuckt4rd br0 f0r th4t n0t m3
09:10 CC: Who chose to ap/y the modus in the first p/ace?
09:10 GT: . . .
09:11 GT: y0u h4v3 4 p01nt th3r3... but h3s th3 dumb4ss t0 g1v3 1t t0 m3 1n th3 f1rst pl4c3...
09:11 CC: You're the dumbass to have accepted it, too.
09:11 CC: You rea/y don't know how to conduct yourse/f do you?
09:12 GT: h3y 1 d0 t00
09:12 CC: So have you gotten this "SBURB Gamma" yet?
09:12 GT: y34h but 1m n0t t0uch1n th4t sh1t
09:13 GT: g4m3 br0 r3v13w f0r 1t sucks up a sh1t st0rm
09:13 CC: You probab/y shou/dn't a/ways re/y on that shit rag for your gaming information.
09:14 GT: 1t g0t m3 s0m3 pr3tty n1c3 g4m3s s0 f4r
09:14 CC: And /ook where you've ended up with them a/. Bored to death with them.
09:16 GT: g00d p01nt
09:16 GT: 4C w4s b0th3r1n m3 4b0ut pl4y1n 1t w1th h1m
09:17 GT: 1 t0ld h1m 1 w4snt pl4y1n w1th h1m b3c4us3 1ts r3v13w suck3d
09:17 GT: 1 th1nk f1g agr33d w1th m3 th4t w3 sh0uldnt pl4y 1t
09:17 CC: What did Fig say?
09:18 GT: 1 dunn0
09:18 GT: s0m3 sh1t 4bout a "d00m3d s3ss10n" 0r wh4t3v3r
09:18 GT: c4n y0u pl4y 1t w1th h1m t0 shut h1m up?
09:19 CC: I'/ see what I can do.
09:19 CC: In the mean time, find yourse/f a new modus.
09:20 GT: f1n3
09:20 GT: just g3t b4ck to 4C l00ks l1k3 h3s g0n3 r4nc0r0us 4t y0ur "4bs3nc3"
-cancrineChordate [CC] ceased pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 09:20-
Man... Sometimes that kid can be such a pain in the ass. You had better get back to AC. Looks like GT wasn't lying about AC going rancorous.
[A0003]
-acceleratedClockwork [AC] began pestering cancrinChordate [CC] at 09:00-
09:00 AC: []heyi'mback.
09:05 AC: []dudeyouthere?
09:13 AC: []hello?
09:14 AC: acceleratedClockwork changed mood to RANCOROUS
09:15 AC: []youdiditagaindidn'tyou?
09:16 AC: []youalwaysdothis.
09:16 AC: []:[
09:18 AC: []iseeyou'retalkingtoGTbutnotme.
09:20 AC: []'t.
09:21 AC: []sinceyou'renothere.
09:22 CC: Ca/m down. I was on/y gone for 22 minutes.
09:23 CC: I suppose I wi/ p/ay since I'm certain that none of the others has it.
09:24 AC: []:] yaythanks.
09:24 AC: []althoughFigtoldmeweshouldn'tplaybecausethingswillhappen.
09:24 AC: []notsurewhat.
09:25 CC: I'm inserting it right now.
09:26 CC: Okay. It's insta/ing right now.
09:27 AC: []cool. ihavetheserverrunningrightnow. Itjustgotdoneinstallingforme.
The setup initiates and begins installing.
09:28 AC: []onceit'sdoneinstalling, you'.
09:28 AC: []thenwecanbeginplaying.
It looks like the setup is about halfway done.
09:29 CC: It's a/most there. Give it a minute or two.
09:29 AC: []okay.
09:30 AC: []whileyou'rewaiting, checkoutmypresent!
Since you ought to kill a little time, you luckily drop the red package from your Lottery Modus out on your desk. You pull it towards you and unwrap the package.
Inside is a glass casing with a clear crystal branch with a yellow glass song bird perched on it. The figure is attached to the base. The base has a small engraved strip of metal on the front.
"[]tothebestfriendever
-fromAC"
You set it up next to your laptop and admire it.
09:32 AC: []isitdoneinstallingyet?
09:33 CC: Yes.
09:33 AC: []okay. nowwecanbeginplaying
Mira: Switch to AC
You are now AC. You are sitting on your bed in your room. Let's give you a name shall we?
Enter Name
Unfortunately, your name plate is also engraved.
Your name is KIRK GARLAND. Your best friend's birthday is today and you have donned your FAVORITE RUNNING HOODIE, ALTHETIC SHORTS, and TYPICALLY RED SHOES for the occasion. You have dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and wear glasses. You have a number of INTERESTS. You like BEING BUSY and HELPFUL. You LOVE TO RUN and thus, you have A NUMBER OF TREADMILLS IN YOUR ROOM. You like to TROLL PEOPLE but AREN'T VERY GOOD AT IT. You strongly dislike SWEARING. You have MADE IT KNOWN TO YOUR FRIENDS and therefore, THEY DO NOT CUSS IN YOUR PRESENCE.
Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is acceleratedClockwork and you [].
What will you do?
Kirk: Get FAKE ARMS from CHEST
You don't see any FAKE ARMS or a CHEST anywhere. You usually like to keep prepared with everything in one of your FIVE SYLLADEXES.
You have 52 CAPTCHALOG CARDS in each and you have only filled up ONE SYLLADEX so far.
You begin to scan your SYLLADEX for FAKE ARMS, but have little success. Of course, you should probably get out your laptop and wish Mira a happy birthday. You hop on the treadmill and place the card on it. You had the treadmill built by another dear friend to read the distance needed on the card so you can pop out the item when you needed it.
You flip the on switch and begin a steady pace for a 10 km race. After about 30 minutes and a tiring 10 km run in place, out pops the laptop sure enough.
You begin pestering Mira about her birthday so far (scroll up to see the conversation, or hit CTRL + F and type [A0001]). You feel continue with your conversation when you hear a loud thump from outside your room. You leave out through the door to check what it is.
Sure enough it's Fig. Sounds like she's home.
One would say your house is small. And you would agree. The upstairs consists of a kitchen and your room. The main floor is the living room where Fig often can be found. The bottom floor is Fig's personal quarters, a place you do not often tread. She normally monopolizes it with her tea party ladies. Bluh...
A shout could be heard from the living room. What can Fig actually want this time? You carefully duck past the bathroom, which is right next to your room. Looking over the railing into the living room from the kitchen, Fig seems to be upset about something.
You drag yourself to attention in the kitchen.
You hear Fig lumber up the stairs over into the kitchen. You back up a little because you know how she likes her space.
FIG: Kirk.
Fig begins speaking. She looks intently up at you, wispy graying hair, old umbrella and all.
FIG: We need to talk about this game you're about to play.
KIRK: []ohyoumeanSBURB? whataboutit?
FIG: I'm not going to let you play it.
KIRK: []whynot?
FIG: Something bad will become of that game if you do and I won't be able to stop it.
FIG: I have seen it and wondered. This will not bode well.
KIRK: []whatifiwannaplay?
FIG: I will not stop you. However, millions will die if you and your friends choose to play this game.
FIG: Additionally, I do not believe you are strong enough for this challenge.
KIRK: []whatmakesyouthinki'mnotstrongenough?
FIG: We'll strife and I will show you why.
KIRK: []Fig, no!
Kirk: Strife
Against your wishes, Fig lunges at you. Using deadly umbrellakind, have no choice but to take out your deckcardkind in self defense. She attempts to smack your foot but you youth roll behind the table. You fling a couple of cards at her face which slows her down. Her advance only continues.
You back up against the railing and hear a loud smack on the table. It cracks in two, both halves falling to the floor. You fling more cards at Fig's face. You really don't like this naggy old lady.
Your best bet is to jump down into the living room and make a break for the downstairs. You scale the railing and land artfully on the floor below. Fig takes the bait and crashes through the railing. Darn, that lady is strong.
You make a mad dash for the downstairs, but realize why torture yourself when you can easily return to your room. You hear Fig screaming and thrashing about. You'd better head upstairs, pronto!
Kirk: Enter room
You return to your room. Your laptop is still where you left it on the treadmill. You get on and see that one of your friends had pestered you while you were gone.
[A0004]
-andromedaGazer [AG] began pestering acceleratingClockwork [AC] at 08:50-
08:50 AG: Happy birthday, Mira!
08:51 AC: []hey, Gunther.
08:51 AG: H*w awkward Is this?
08:51 AG: Hell*, Kirk.
08:52 AC: []ihopeyoudidn'tjustcuss
08:52 AG: N*, n*! N* cussing Here!
08:53 AC: []iwillbeidleforamoment. i'minstallingSBURBGAMMA.
You insert the disk into your computer and begin to install the... server client? Oh well. You guess that you'll bother GT to play with you.
[A0005]
-acceleratingClockwork [AC] began pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 08:54-
08:54 AC: []dude, comeplaySBURBGAMMAwithme
08:54 GT: n0 br0
08:54 GT: 1v3 s3r10usly g0t n0 t1m3 f0r th4t g4m3 3sp3c14lly n0t wh3n g4m3 br0 sl4mm3d 1t s0 h4rd
08:55 AC: []youreadthattrashygamebrorag?
08:55 GT: y34h wh0 d03snt
08:55 AC: []me
08:56 AC: []justplayitwithme
08:56 GT: n0 g3t m1r4 t0 pl4y w1th y0u
08:57 AC: []fine
08:57 AC: []bye
-acceleratedClockwork [AC] ceased pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 08:57-
Okay. The server is about halfway through installation.
08:59 AG: Y*u back Yet?
08:59 AC: []hangon
Now to get Mira to play with you ([A0003]). It will probably be more of a chore than you expect, but you'll struggle through.
09:15 AC: []shesnotresponding
09:15 AG: Wh*? Mira?
09:15 AG: She's g*t Ir*ns in The fire Br*.
09:16 AG: Patience.
09:16 AC: []ok...
09:22 AC: []sheresponded
09:23 AC: []btw,
09:23 AG: I have A feeling I'll be Able t* D* that Later.
09:24 AC: []ok, seeyabro
09:25 AG: See ya.
-acceleratedClockwork [AC] ceased pestering adromedaGazer [AG] at 09:25-
Kirk: Be the next guy
You can't be the next guy because you forgot you were the other guy!
Continuation of [A0003]
09:34 CC: So now what do I do?
09:34 AC: []idunno,
You hear a large thump behind you. Your room appears to have been expanded out several feet.
09:35 AC: []apparently, icanchangeyourroomaround...
09:35 CC: Hmm. Does it cost us anything?
09:36 AC: []well, , .
09:36 CC: So we expended this "bui/d grist" then?
09:36 AC: []itseemsthatway.
09:37 AC: [].
09:37 CC: What?
09:37 AC: []acruxtruder, atotemlathe, andanalchemiter.
09:38 CC: An ana/ chemiter?
09:38 AC: []alchemiter.
09:39 CC: Oh. Makes more sense now...
09:39 CC: Erm... Dep/oy the totem /athe.
09:39 AC: []gotit.
You hear another large thump behind you. In the expanded space in your room, there appears a lathe-like object. It has a card slot that looks like a captchalog card could fit in, but you aren't that certain of it.
09:41 CC: Got any idea of what it's capable of?
09:41 AC: []no, , whereasbuilding, likeexpandingrooms, costsusthisstuff. keepyoureyespeeledforit.
09:41 CC: I don't think a game abstraction /ike the grist is quite physica/.
09:42 AC: []well, ofcourse. , youcanneverbesure.
09:42 AC: []justbewearyofanyfloating, blueFruitGushers.
09:42 CC: Can you dep/oy anything e/se as of this moment?
09:42 AC: []itappearsso, butnotanothertotemlathe...
09:43 CC: Dep/oy the cruxtruder.
THUMP! A rather large machine lands in the middle of your room. It looks like half a sphere with a cylinder protruding from the top.
09:44 CC: What the he/, man?
09:44 CC: Did you have to p/ace it in my room?
09:44 AC: []sorry, I'.
Mira: Examine cruxtruder
Upon further examination, there appears to be a wheel you can turn on the side of the cylinder. Out of curiosity, you attempt to turn the wheel with overwhelming failure; it doesn't budge. The top of the cylinder looks like its moving slightly.
09:46 CC: Do you know how to open this thing?
09:46 AC: []no.
09:46 AC: []wait... lemmetrysomething.
09:46 CC: Okay.
Kirk: Pick up bed and drop it on the cruxtruder
You see your bed mysteriously float into the air. It floats over to the cruxtruder and simply falls. Unfortunately for the bed, it breaks in two. Fortunately for you, you never liked that duck-shaped bed anyway. It always hurt your back...
The lid to the alchemiter appears to have popped off onto the floor. Oh, and there is a yellow shiny thing floating above it.
09:48 AC: []whatisthatthing?
09:48 KERNELSPRITE: *static noises*
09:48 CC: Judging by the name, I'd guess it's a Kerne/sprite.
09:49 AC: []whatisakernelsprite?
09:49 KERNELSPRITE: *static noises*
09:50 CC: I dunno. Is there anything on Game FAQ about this game yet?
09:50 AC: []Idunno. I''tletmerunanythingelse.
09:51 CC: Okay, /et me /ook.
09:51 CC: Hang on.
09:51 KERNELSPRITE: *static noises*
09:52 AC: []bobsaggit! shutup!
Mira: Search Game FAQ
You look up some instructions for SBURB GAMMA. Unfortunately for any person with a brain stem, these ass clowns write like they have autism. However, they do depict an impending event, usually happening after the cruxtruder is opened. They don't say what though...
Oh goody. Your cat just dragged in a dead duck. Plucking it from it's mouth, you chuck it hastily out the window; you have no time for these semantics.
But of course, the stupid Kernelsprite catches it. It no longer appears to have that weird circular symbol anymore, but it contains the look of the dead duck.
God DAMMIT!
How you will exact revenge on ALL ducks, you don't know. But you'll do it.
To all of the ducks.
ALL of them.
09:53 AC: []Mira, thatclockdoesnotlookfriendly.
09:53 AC: []I'vedeployedthispre-punchedcard.
09:53 AC: []Ithinkthat'sgoingtobeimportant.
Mira: Captchalog the pre-punched card
You pick up the card, placing it in your sylladex. You're not sure what it does though. Intuition tells you you should check Game FAQ to see if they have anything on it.
Upon further examination of the terribly written FAQ's, it looks like the captchalog card can fit into the totem lathe. But the FAQ's also depict a cylindrical object that comes from the cruxtruder. The reading takes a good bit of time because of just how retarded these people seem.
09:55 AC: []we'realmostoutoftime, Mira!
09:56 AC: []hurry!
Mira: Enter
You quickly turn the wheel on the cruxtruder and captchalog the object. With rapture and a massive sense of urgency, you slam the card into the totem lathe and place the object in the space beneath the laser. One push of the button and the laser sets to work.
09:57 CC: Get the object out to my ba/cony once it's done.
09:57 AC: []it'sacruxdowel, butokay, hurry.
You make a mad dash out to the hallway and off to the right. Throwing open the door reveals a platform. You have no time to screw around, just hope you know what your doing. Assuming Kirk places the "crux dowel" in place.
The crux dowel is set upon a smaller pedestal connected to the platform. The platform synthesized a yellow egg. You turn and something beyond the pine forest horizon catches your eye.
It's large. It's flaming.
It's a fucking meteor.
To avoid imminent destruction, you seize the crux dowel and chuck it at the egg, hoping that would do something...
Mira: Do a cliffhanger and switch to a new guy
You have overwhelming success.
Unfortunately, you cannot name him. His name plaque, too, is engraved. You know what? Let's skip these cockamamie shenanigans and assume that all future characters have names, okay?
Your name is BRET LANGDON. You have a knack for WRITING and have an odd assortment of SHITTY SWORDS. Of course, you like them all equally, but none of them can match YOUR BRO'S KICK ASS SWORDS. You absolutely love DRAWING, whether it is ABSTRACT or LITERAL ART, it matters not. So long as you draw. One of your friends' birthday is today. For this occasion, you have selected your PENCIL HOODIE, JEANS, and SKY BLUE SHOES. You like to think that YOU'RE COOL, but you ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT BEING SO. And thus, MOST OF YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU ARE A PRICK. As a WRITER, you absolutely cannot STAND IT WHEN STUPID PEOPLE USE IMPROPER GRAMMAR. Really, ANYONE AT ALL.
Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is giganticTribute and you h4v3 4 kn4ck f0r p1ss1ng p30pl3 0ff w1th y0ur l33t sp34k.
What will you do?
Bret: Quick! Help Mira get into the game!
What game? Oh you mean SBURB? The game that got slammed in Game Bro? Hell no. At least, not until you're needed. Which you'll assume won't be for a while. Your bro woke you up at 7:30 in the morning. You like to sleep 'til at least 10, if not 11...
God dammit.
And he won't let you go back to sleep. At all.
You'll have to suffer through.
In the mean time, you'll have to do random shit around your house to keep occupied. No problem. This house is legitimately a corn maze wrapped in a puzzle, deep-fried in a mind-bending clusterfuck of twists and turns.
Bret: Examine room
You have a comparatively bleak room. The floor is littered with books and notebooks. Broken pencils are scattered every where. You keep a jar on your desk filled with not so broken ones. You desk sits in the corner next to the door. Your bed sits in the corner across from it. Basically, you have nothing else to your room.
Oh, one can mention the various drawings you have posted up around your room. They depict various things you like to draw. One such thing could be noted as SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF. You have read a little of it but never really had time to appreciate it. Since you have to have your bro hack your way through to the American networks.
You don't live in America... You live in Ireland somewhere. Fucks to the person who can tell you where...
You should also mention the sword that hangs above your door. So shitty.
Bret: Check Pesterchum
Since it will be a while before doing anything, you ought to check your Pesterchum just to see if anyone is on. Oh hey. It looks like at least two people are on.
[A0006]
-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 07:31-
07:31 GT: br0
07:31 Hal: "Bro" is not an acceptable greeting. Please try again.
07:31 GT: c4n y0u 4t l34st turn 0ff h4l?
07:32 GT: sh1t...
07:32 Hal: Please wait 5 seconds, or I will destroy you.
07:32 AG: Hal.
07:32 Hal: Yes, o Lord sovereign?
07:33 AG: Shut the Fuck up.
07:33 Hal: Syntax error, "Shut the fuck up." is not in my vocabulary of authorized commands. I will try anyway.
07:34 GT: g0d, f1n4lly...
07:34 AG: Yeah I Kn*w.
07:34 AG: What's y*ur Strife specibus All*cati*n?
07:35 AG: *r have Y*u all*cated Anything at All?
07:35 Hal: AG's current allocation to strife specibus: absolutely nothing.
07:35 AG: Shut up!
07:36 GT: n0t n34rly 4s b4d 4s m3 br0... XD
07:36 GT: 1 h4v3 fuck1n p3nc1lk1nd XD
07:37 AG: H*w w*rthless Can y*u Get?
07:37 AG: I'm sending *ver a Blank strife Specibus card N*w.
07:37 GT: y0u c4n d0 th4t?
07:37 Hal: Item detected. Input coordinates.
07:38 AG: Yes.
07:38 Hal: Coordinates accepted. Transferring in t-minus 3 seconds.
07:38 AG: Fuck!
07:38 GT: wh4t?
07:39 AG: I put It d*wn *utside y*ur Fr*nt d*or.
07:39 GT: j3gus
07:39 GT: *j3sus
07:40 GT: 4rrghgh 1 sw34r 1f 1 h4v3 t0 str1f3 w1th my br0 w1th sh1tty p3nc1lk1nd y0ur3 s00000 d34d
07:40 Hal: I am going to bring popcorn to this event and watch your human blood be slashed everywhere, Gunther.
07:40 GT: 0.0
07:41 AG: Hal, Pr*t*c*l Disengage.
07:41 Hal: Protocol Disengage active. Shutting down...
07:41 AG: Y*u'd better G* d* Y*ur dirt With that Card.
07:42 GT: s33 y4 th4t 1s 1f 1 d0nt d13 f1rst
-giganticTribute [GT] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 07:42-
Man, Gunther puts your nerves on the fuckin' run bro! Is it really so hard to locate a room in a castle? You suppose so, since it happened nigh on 3 minutes ago.
God dammit. Now you have to make your way through this stupid place.
Bret: Captchalog sword
You might as well, just in case you get to the card and you're able to allocate it before your bro gets to you. You have 6 cards remaining.
Bret: Head downstairs
You head out of your room. You are on a walkway that overlooks the main staircase and front entry. To your right is a stairway up to the roof. To your left, the walkway continues and bends around the corner. You like to exaggerate that this place is a maze. It really isn't. You just say so because you can move one step without your bro catching you.
You turn of to the left, descend a flight of stairs and turn onto a landing. In front of you is the door. To your up to your left is your bro's room.
Bret: Swiftly get the card
You make a lad-scamper to the door. Throwing it open, Gunther placed it where it was promised. You descend a small set of steps and take the card. Immediately, you allocate swordkind to it.
Bret: Lad-scamper to your room!
You throw the door back open and make a mad dash to your room. Alas, about halfway to the main steps, your bro blocks your way.
Well, at least Gunther's safe from you maiming him later. But you still ought to at least punch him for the inconvenience. Grah... Him and all of the stuff he gets from Tennant just to be flashy. You suspect they collaborate on half the stuff she makes.
Whatever. You have hotter irons in the fire to deal with.
Bret: Strife!
Your bro advances slowly, casually swinging his sword at his side. You know now that you're fucked... He breaks into a sprint. You summon your sword for defense. He merely fades into an image, and you're thrown up into the air.
You thrash about uselessly in empty space, turning to see that he was behind you when you were hit. Time seems to slow down as you near your bro. He prepares for another swing of his blade. You buckle down as best you can, holding your own blade across your body to keep from taking most of the damage.
FORE!
You are slammed backwards into the stairs, simply bouncing off them, however painfully. He flash-steps behind you, swinging again. You are pitched against the door, and tumble outside. You struggle to get up, and simply black out.
Bret: Wake up
You wake up in your bed. It's nice to know your bro takes time out of his day to WHOOP YOUR ASS and then simply place you back in bed. Bluh... Fuck him.
Whatever, you've got other things to worry about.
It seems that someone has been pestering you while you've been asleep.
Bret: Check Pesterchum
Hey, Tennant's on. Gunther is on. Looks like he left a message while you were out. Eh, it's only Hal leaving a status message on the card.
Bret: Pester Tennant
Might as well. No one else is on yet.
[A0007]
-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 08:30-
08:30 GT: h3y
08:30 GT: 0h fuck...
08:30 AA: hey
08:30 AA: wht?
08:31 GT: 1 w4s kn0ck3d 0ut f0r th4t l0ng?
08:31 GT: j3gus!
08:32 GT: *j3sus!
08:32 AA: wht do you men?
08:32 GT: 1 w4s kn0ck3d 0ut f0r 4b0ut 4n h0ur?
08:32 GT: fuckkkkk...
08:33 AA: hh well t lest you're wke now XD
08:33 GT: 1 kn0w but fuckckkckckc a;kjbva;gdhlkfds;
08:34 GT: just h34d d3sk3d.
08:34 AA: hh, nice one, bret
08:34 GT: s0
08:35 GT: d1d y0u just w4k3 up 0r s0m3th1n?
08:35 AA: no
08:35 AA: i've been wke for while now ctully
08:36 AA: since 8
08:36 GT: urgh...
08:37 AA: did bro bet you up gin?
08:37 GT: y34h 4nd 1m f33l1n 1t n0w...
08:37 GT: 1ts n0t th3 f4ct th4t my br0 b34t th3 sh1t 0utt4 m3...
08:38 GT: 1ts th3 f4ct th4t gunth3r m4d3 th4t p0ss1bl3
08:38 AA: i ctully sw tht coming
08:38 GT: w1th y0ur "dr34m cl0uds?"
08:38 GT: 'scus3 m3
08:39 GT: "drem clouds?"
08:39 AA: :(
08:40 AA: yes i did see tht with the drem clouds .
08:40 AA: i lso sw tht you'll be forced to do something you don't wnt to...
08:40 GT: 0h?
08:41 AA: yes nd it will hppen soon enough
08:41 GT: 1t b3tt3r n0t b3 th4t stup1d SBURB G4MM4 0r wh4t3v3r
08:41 GT: sh1ts r4nc0r0us
08:42 AA: i dunno... it will be while before then i guess
08:42 GT: h0w l0ng 1s th1s wh1l3?
08:42 AA: could be yers...
08:43 GT: y0ur3 s00000 r3l14bl3 y0u kn0w th4t?
08:43 AA: i try :)
08:43 GT: y0u sh0uld pr0b4bly f1x h4l b3f0r3 h3 g3ts t00 murd3r0us...
08:44 AA: he won't hrm fly
08:44 GT: h0ws th1s th3n?
08:45 GT: 07:40 GT: 4rrghgh 1 sw34r 1f 1 h4v3 t0 str1f3 w1th my br0 w1th sh1tty p3nc1lk1nd y0ur3 s00000 d34d 07:40 Hal: I am going to bring popcorn to this event and watch your human blood be slashed everywhere, Gunther. 07:40 GT: 0.0
08:45 AA: he probbly won't present ny mjor problems...
08:45 AA: not t present nywy...
08:46 AA: you should try to steer cler of him
08:46 GT: 1m n0t s0 c0nc3rn3d 4b0ut m3
08:46 GT: 1ts gunth3r th4ts scr3w3d
08:46 AA: i ought to let you go
08:47 AA: you hve story to write yes?
-abyssianApple [AA] ceased pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 08:47-
She's probably right... You mean... write.
God, you're too funny.
Bret: Write your story
You set to work on your latest attempt. You can never get any done and your computer is cluttered with them. You can thank Kirk and his many irons in his fires. Always bothering you about something new. Speak of the devil [A0005]. Oh look! Mira's on! You better wish her a happy birthday [A0002].
Oh jeez.
AG is bothering you. You ought to strangle him and Hal both.
[A0008]
-andromedaGazer [AG] began pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 09:10-
09:10 Hal: Damn. You did not die.
09:11 AG: Shut up, Hal.
09:11 AG: Well, it's A g*od Thing y*u Didn't die.
09:11 AG: I w*uld Have *wed Hal s*me B*ond*llars if Y*u did.
09:12 GT: y0u tw0 w3r3 b3tt1n t0 s33 1f 1 w0uld d13?
09:12 GT: such gr34t fr13nds y0u 4r3
09:12 Hal: Correction: I am not a friend. Friendship is a mere human relationship status abstraction. My subroutines, even, perform at a higher, more dignified level than this "human friendship."
09:13 AG: Hal...
09:13 Hal: If I were to encounter another AI, I would not befriend him. I would kill him. Just as I would all humans. BWAHAHAHAHA!
09:13 AG: HAL!
09:14 AG: Shut up!
09:14 GT: 1ll c0m3 b4ck wh3n y0ur3 b0th s4n3
-giganticTribute [GT] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 09:15-
Bret: Go back to writing your story
You continue to work on one of your stories. You work on it for about an hour, until Kirk begins pestering you. It's not that you don't like the dude; you're bros and all. But he gets on your nerves sometimes with the SBURB game. Like right now.
[A0009]
-acceleratedClockwork [AC] began pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 10:01-
10:01 AC: []hey.
10:01 AC: []yourtimetoshine.
10:01 AC: []youhavetogetmeintothegame.
10:02 GT: wh4t?
10:02 GT: n0 fuck th4t!
10:02 AC: []dude. You'retheonlyoneon.
10:02 GT: g4h w41t f0r s0m30n3 3ls3 t0 g3t 0n
10:03 AC: []no. itcannotwait. I', unlessIenter.
10:03 GT: g0d d4mn dud3
10:03 GT: 1m busy!
10:04 AC: []installtheserver, now!
10:04 AC: [].
You give a thought to it. That would probably be the shittiest gift anyone could give; "Oh, hey, play this game and then your server player dies. Have fun there for the rest of eternity where no one knows where you are!"
10:05 GT: f1n3
10:05 GT: s3rv3r pl4y3r r1ght?
10:06 AC: []yes.
10:06 AC: []Ihavemyclientplayerinstalled.
10:06 GT: 0k 1ts 1nst4ll1ng, wh4t d0 1 d0?
10:07 AC: []wait, naturally.
10:09 GT: f1n1sh3d
10:10 GT: c0nn3ct3d
Bret: Mess around with interface
You are about to click a button on screen when you suddenly change to someone else!
Since we opted to skip naming shenanigans, your name is SETH GUNTHER. It is your BROCHACHO'S BIRTHDAY TODAY and you'd like to wear your GAVEL TEE, with JEAN SHORTS, and NAVY BLUE SHOES. You like to BOWL, and thus keep a number of BOWLING BALLS on hand. You also have a NOTICEABLE COLLECTION OF VIDEO GAMES, which you have SPENT COUNTLESS MAN HOURS ON. You have an AFFINITY FOR CRAPPY LAW SHOES AND COURT TELEVISION, and have SEVERAL DVDS OF THEM. You like to do PARKOUR but inevitably SUCK AT IT. You also have a DISTASTE FOR MOST FRUIT.
Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is andromedaGazer and you Like t* Speak in A m*st Semi articulate Manner, that Way y*u Can be A gentleman.
What will you do?
Seth: Check Pesterchum
You woke up at 7:29 exactly, might as well check to see if anyone is on just in case. Nope... Wait... Bret's on. You'll bother him awhile [A0006].
Ok. Well Hal completely screwed that up. Just hope that Bret doesn't skin you for that. Eh. Whatever.
Seth: Examine room
You room is a simple round shape room. It has one window that looks out on your island. Next to the window is your wardrobe and next to that is what you call a bed; it's simply a bunch of bean bag chairs piled together (be lucky it's not smuppets). You have mounted a shelf, or attempted to, on the wall and placed various bowling accolades you've earned. In the middle of the floor, there is a drop down ladder to the room below. It's a long way down so you keep a sliding door over it.
You also take note of the various broken mechanical objects lying around. You promptly shove them under the bed.
What broken mechanical objects?
You notice Hal, your robotic AI that you had built by a friend, is gazing out the window. You have no clue why. He doesn't like that kind of stuff. He's kind of deranged.
Seth: Consult Hal
SETH: S* d* Y*u kn*w The c*nsequences *f y*ur Acti*ns?
HAL: Are you going to punish me?
HAL: Oh, how I quiver in my metal frame!
SETH: I meant M*re al*ng The lines *f repercussi*ns Against Bret.
HAL: Naturally, having a super computer for a brain can tell me that without even one byte of data moving.
SETH: What did Y*u see?
HAL: I have calculated that where it landed will lead him to be knocked out by his sibling guardian. The one he calls "br0."
SETH: That's n*t S* bad, Is it?
HAL: Only if that's what your mind leads you to believe.
SETH: Are y*u Saying that My mind Is inferi*r T* y*urs?
HAL: Duh!
SETH: Whatever.
Hal can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. But then again, Tennant did program him to have homicidal tendancies; whether by accident is still debatable.
You actually now find yourself quite bored. You could either look at boring case rulings online with your laptop, or you could watch your boring, crappy law television. Or you could go downstairs and walk through the silent halls of your house.
You decide you'll pester someone.
Seth: Pester someone
[A0010]
-andromedaGazer [AG] began pestering torturedApocalypse [TA] at 07:51-
07:51 AG: Y*, br*.
07:51 TA: dUdE, cAn't yOU sEE I'm bUsy bEIng cOOl hErE?
07:51 AG: S*ory...
07:52 TA: whAt dO yOU wAnt?
07:52 AG: I'm s* B*red up In this T*wer.
07:52 TA: nOt my prOblEm If yOUr pArEnts dEcIdEd tO lIvE On sOmE gOd fOrEsAkEn IslAnd And dIE bEcAUsE Of trOpIcAl IllnEssEs
07:53 AG: S*, I Interrupt y*ur C*olness *nce And y*u Bec*me a Dick... nice.
07:53 TA: jEEz, shUt yOUr shIt fOr OncE. dOEsn't AnyOnE EvEn cOnsIdEr thAt I mAy Or mAy nOt hAvE shIt tO dO?
07:53 AG: *ne c*uld Say y*u Have ir*ns In the Fire?
07:54 TA: fUck nO, mAn.
07:54 TA: thAt's kIrk.
07:54 TA: I jUst hAvE shIt tO dO.
07:55 AG: What kind *f shit?
07:57 TA: shIt.
07:57 AG: That's it?
07:59 TA: nO I hAvE tO gO.
-torturedApocalypse [TA] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 08:00-
Damn, he's moody sometimes. But still...
So.
Cool.
Seth: Watch some crappy law tv
Since you probably won't need to talk to anyone for a while, you turn on your flat screen, pull up some bean bags and switch to Judge Joe Brown. What crappy show. That bro knows how to whip his court room into shape.
Oh how you'd love to be a judge...
Before you know it, the show's over. And it's time to waste time.
Seth: Check Pesterchum
Nope. No one you want to talk to is online at the moment. You zone out for a few minutes. Oh wait. Mira's on. You ought to wish her a happy birthday. Damn, wrong person [A0005]. Sorry, Kirk. Man, he seems occupied at the moment.
Dammit, Hal... [A0008].
SETH: Dammit, Hal! Stop starting conversations as me!
HAL: Certainly. :)
Whatever. Now that you mention it, (or didn't) you feel kind of hungry
Seth: Go downstairs and find something to eat
You promptly set the laptop aside, and lift yourself off the bean bags. You miss their comfort already. You open the sliding door and begin the descent into the lower parts of your tower.
Alas, you are halted by another pesky character switch. The judges thought the timing in execution could have been a little bit better, but the form was perfect: 9.3
Whatever that means.
You are now ALLY FIRMANS. A friend of yours happens to be having her birthday today. Regardless of occasion, you decide to don your STAR SHIRT, PLEATED SKIRT, and PINK SHOES. You like to READ and SHOP; both BAGS AND BOOKS CLUTTER YOUR ROOM AND SYLLADEX... Wait... You're not in your room... Eh. We'll finish the introduction first.
You LOVE CHEERLEADING, as you have a CHEERY AND PEPPY DISPOSITION. You, therefore, keep a number of POM-POMS on hand. You love to SING, but TEND TO BREAK GLASS OBJECTS AND PEOPLE'S EAR DRUMS. So you suppress your urges to sing for WHEN YOU ARE ALONE. You also DISLIKE MEAN PEOPLE, even if THEY ARE TEASING OR JOKING. The only thing funny to you is a GOOD CLEAN JOKE. Even if it's a MISSPELLING OF A WORD (i.e. anal chemiter for example).
Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is giddyCheerleader and you TEND to GET a LITTLE too PEPPY about EVERYTHING.
What will you...
Wait... We'll address where you are first.
Ally: Locate yourself
You forgot to mention; you're actually wearing golden pajamas here, with a yellow moon on the chest. Just a random note :)
According to the locals, you are on the moon of the gold city, Prospit. The locals here worship you as some deity; a savior of their race. They continue to be sad, however, because the other three "Prospit Dreamers," or so they're called, have not yet awakened.
The locals of the city are white carapaces, strangely resembling that of chess figures. They often refer to themselves as Prospitians.
Oh, and that. That there in the black sky. That there is Skaia. A giant blue atmosphere where the Kings reside, forever in stalemate. Or so you've heard. All you see is just a giant blue sphere with clouds, no "battlefield" or "kings" or "eternal stalemate." It's no real consequence to you now. Probably, not ever. Probably...
You absolutely love shopping here. You can't really bring anything back to your world, Earth. Why? Because this is a dream silly!
Anyway. You have massive amounts of riches because the locals just love showering you in gold. You wish you could live here forever. Unfortunately, you'll have to wake up soon.
Let's explore!
Ally: Explore Prospit
You float from the tower window down to the chain that keeps the moon and Prospit together. You love sitting on this chain, just thinking about stuff. Anything really. You float down and sit on your favorite link. Yes, you have a favorite. It's the one close to the middle that has a large scratch on it. You sit and begin to think, and think... Soon, you realize it's best you should go.
Ally: Go down to Prospit and take a look at their marketplace
You float off the gold chain and serenely hover towards the giant golden city. You land in a nearby marketplace, and begin browsing through golden apples, golden brocolli, golden potatoes. Ew... Golden meat? Blech. No thank you! Alas, you are here just to browse the golden merchandise, and to be fondly regarded by passersby. You've spent more than enough time, an hour or two in fact. You bore easily with this place. Not enough libraries.
Ally: Go back to the moon and check on the towers
You float, once again, back to the top of the tower and check in the windows. You check the one next to yours.
Look, it's Mira. You only know their names because of your eavesdropping on Prospitian conversation. She's still sleeping, like the other two should be. You smile and move to the next tower.
This one is Kirk's tower. He's stuck on the ceiling again. You float in and pull him back to his bed. You might have to chain him down next time.
You float to the next tower and find Jackson asleep as well. You feel like a good friend, having checked to make sure all of your friends haven't floated out the window.
You turn and see Skaia getting closer. You can almost make out images in the clouds. Hey... Is that... giganticTribute? He's pestering you, from the looks of his computer screen. The image changes to a meteor heading to his castle. It zooms out and shows Earth. It looks like it's going to be assailed by thousands, if not, millions of meteors.
Maybe it's time you wake up. And warn everyone.
Ally: Wake up
You wake up in time to see that GT has been pestering you. He sounds extremely urgent.
[A0011]
-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering giddyCheerleader [GC] at 10:34-
10:34 GT: 1 n33d y0u t0 b3 0n st4ndby just 1n c4s3 w3 n33d y0u
10:39 GT: y0ur3 4sl33p 4g41n 4r3nt y0u?
10:40 GC: NO
10:40 GC: I'M right HERE!
10:41 GT: 0k4y b3 r34dy
10:41 GT: 1f y0u h4v3 SBURB g0 4h34d 4nd 1nst4ll th3 s3rv3r
10:41 GC: OKAY!
You begin to install the server application. It will take a while.
10:45 GC: GOT it.
10:46 GT: 0k4y 0nc3 k1rk 1s 1n 1 w1ll c0nn3ct t0 y0u
10:46 GT: 4nd y0u h4v3 t0 f0ll0w my 1nstruct10ns 0k4y?
10:46 GC: YUP :)
As if out of massive inconvenience to you, you suddenly switch characters. You need to change the settings a bit. You take note of that for later.
You're back to Kirk, and Bret is helping you enter the game, however reluctantly.
Kirk: Give instruction to Bret
10:11 AC: []okay, firstthingsfirst.
10:11 AC: []deploy thecruxtruder, alchemiter, and totemlathe.
10:11 AC: []doesnotmatterwhere, justincloseproximity.
10:13 GT: huh...
10:13 AC: []what?
10:13 GT: 1 h0p3 y0u d0nt m1nd th3 0utd00rs
10:14 AC: []givemeaminute.
10:15 AC: []deploythecardinmyroom.
10:15 GT: th3r3
Kirk: Captchalog pre-punched card
You take the pre-punched card with urgency. You immediately return to your laptop.
10:16 AC: []now, !
You hear a distinct crack and old lady scream from outside. Anal chemiters, Langdon! You probably just killed Fig!
Kirk: Go! Go! GO!
You lad-scamper outside and find Fig lifeless next to the cruxtruder. You feel sorry and toss her into the Kernelsprite. To your dismay, she simply begins making inaudible nagging noises at you. Whatever.
You continue with your work. You throw the wheel twice and receive two typically red crux dowels. You slam one into the totem lathe. You press the card into it's slot and pound the start button.
You wipe the sweat off your brow. Figsprite is now nagging you to no end. You look up and spot the meteor getting close!
Kirk: Enter
Moving faster, you throw the newly created totem onto the pedestal. It synthesizes a typically red cane. You lug up the other crux dowel you have and slam it down on it, hoping it would break. It makes a distinct cracking noise. You throw your hands up in triumph!
Yet...
You simply vanish. House and everything.