A/N: Wrote this because I needed to get this plot bunny out of my head. It's probably not very good or funny, sorry. Partly inspired by Ultimos-11's They Just Don't Care Anymore.
Note: Shameless self-insertion! XD
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Mrs. Bennett, Meet Mary Sue
Mrs. Bennett entered a large room, a dining hall of sorts, after receiving a note from 9aza (who is in the mood to refer to herself in third person) telling the OC to meet her there.
The room was mostly empty except for a long table, big enough to fit ten chairs on each side, a chandelier hanging above, a few, much smaller, tables with vases on them and a large mirror that was located near the ceiling of the room and that was too far from anyone who wanted to see their reflection. It was an odd place and Mrs. Bennett was left wondering why 9aza would ask her to come here.
"Hi!" greeted a high-pitched, overly cheerful, and obviously fake voice (similar to Sakura's in the Naruto Clash of Ninja games when she says "Let's fight for real!") from behind the young woman.
Mrs. Bennett turned and there stood a gorgeous girl. Clearly she was only fifteen or sixteen years old and yet she had the perfect body of a full grown woman with clear skin, bleached-white smile, stylish hairdo, and fabulous clothes.
To say the least, Mrs. Bennett felt her old problem of low self-esteem rise up again when mentally comparing herself to the teenager. "Hello," the young woman forced herself to greet back. "I'm Mrs. Bennett. Did 9aza tell you to come here too?"
The teenager nodded. "Yeah. She said she wanted me to do something for her. I'm Mary by the way, but most people call me Mary Sue."
Both women shook hands when the PA system turned on and a familiar voice came on. "Hi hi! I'm so glad you both made it. I just know this will be great fun."
"What are you talking about now?" Mrs. Bennett asked, used to the weird ideas the younger girl had for fun. "Finding a new way to annoy your brother? Skinning a plot bunny before it becomes something big? Watching a marathon of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit?"
"Damn. That does sound like fun," 9aza commented. "But no."
Mary gave Mrs. Bennett and then the PA system a weird look. "How can you be so mean? Siblings are precious and sweet and what have innocent little bunnies done to you? And Law & Order is a horrible show that enforces criminal behavior and should be canceled!"
"Innocent my aft," muttered another voice over the PA system.
"Shut up, Starscream!" the women heard 9aza hiss, before hearing her say in a dangerous tone, "Mary, what did you say about Law & Order?"
"What's Starscream doing here?" Mrs. Bennett asked herself.
"Is that my future husband? Hi Starscream!" Mary shouted obnoxiously.
"Wait a second," the young woman said, raising her hands. "What do you mean "future husband?" Starscream's my husband."
"You know exactly what I mean," Mary replied with a smirk. "9aza told me that I would get the chance to be Starscream's new wife if I did her a favor."
"WHAT?"
"Heh, heh. I was going to tell you about that," 9aza chuckled. "You see, I got bored earlier today and needed a way to entertain myself so I decided that a deathmatch between you and Mary would be a kick ass way to do it."
"A deathmatch! Are you insane?" Mrs. Bennett asked.
"Maybe… Anyways, there's more. The survivor will get the role of being Starscream's wife in the future TESOW sequels."
"But I've already appeared in several early sequels!" protested Mrs. Bennett. "That's not fair!"
"Tell me about it," Starscream said. "I'm not getting any choice in the matter."
"Is a deathmatch really necessary?" a second voice asked.
"I still think we should just pair Starscream up with a mech. Mmm… Slash," commented a third voice.
Someone's head banging on the wall was heard. "Starscream, stop complaining. Tonya, yes a deathmatch is necessary. Inner Fangirl, you don't get to speak anymore. Now let the bloodbath begin!"
"But 9aza-"
But it was too late. The fan fiction writer had turned off the PA system.
Mrs. Bennett sighed in exasperation and was about to make a suggestion to Mary when a knife flew past her face, missing her cheek by millimeters. "What the Hell?" she shouted.
Mary had a cold look in her eyes. "I'm going to replace you and keep Starscream for myself." Then the teenager pulled out a large arsenal of knives and guns out of nowhere and suddenly her eyes began to glow and rainbow wings appeared on her back, a halo of fire above her head, and a large dragon's tail that curled itself around a chair leg.
The young woman's eyes widened at the terrifying, if not silly, sight. "Holy crap! Please tell me I have something in my pockets!" She quickly searched them and unfortunately found only three pennies and her ID card.
"Oh, I'm so screwed."
"You got that right!" Mary agreed with a laugh that sounded like bells. She threw Bowie knives at her rival, who quickly ducked under the table.
"9aza, please tell me I have powers too!" Mrs. Bennett begged.
The PA system turned on, but alas, it was Tonya who spoke. "Sorry, Mrs. Bennett. 9aza changed your entire background so you wouldn't end up like Mary Sue there because she cares about you and didn't want to ruin your potential."
"Well, she has a great way of showing how much she cares," the OC replied sarcastically before concentrating on dodging Mary's attacks. "And what potential? I'm a minor character that no one cares about!"
In a private room, Starscream, Tonya, and Inner Fangirl were watching the fight through a one-way mirror.
"Poor Mrs. Bennett," Tonya murmured. She felt awful for her fellow OC, but there was nothing she could do. As much as she liked to claim that 9aza had no control over her, it wasn't the complete truth. Tonya only had so much freedom because the writer allowed it and for this specific case, she had restrained Tonya's rebellious nature.
"Mary Sue is going to slaughter her," Starscream said.
Inner Fangirl nodded in agreement. "What do you think, 9aza? 9aza?"
"Whee!"
She turned and saw the girl spinning in her office chair. The writer wasn't even paying attention to the fight; she really did have a short attention span. All three face palmed at the sight.
Mrs. Bennett quickly crawled on the floor, desperate to avoid the arrows headed her way. She was surprised she'd been able to avoid Mary's shots so far.
"You can't escape me!" Mary shouted unnecessarily. "I've trained under master archers and gotten the highest score possible in every shooter game made!"
"You learned to shoot from videogames? That's ridiculous!"
And apparently you didn't learn shit since you haven't hit me in ten minutes.
Dark clouds formed around Mary's head and she hissed, "I'm not ridiculous!"
Then lightening hit the chair Mrs. Bennett was hiding behind, rendering it to ashes. My god! What can't this lunatic do?
"9aza, you should really watch this," Tonya said. She looked over at the office chair and saw the writer wasn't sitting in it, instead she was on the floor, reading volume one of Hetalia Axis Powers.
"Pasta!" the girl cried out randomly.
Tonya sighed and went back to watching the very, very one-sided fight.
Lightening, arrows, and knives aside, the worst thing about this situation was the fact that Mary had music playing this whole time as if this were a movie. Not only that, but the music the teenager was playing was… Well…
"If you need a friend/Don't look to a stranger/You know in the end/I'll always be there," played When In Rome's The Promise.
Yeah…
Mrs. Bennett was screaming and was running from the fireballs that kept coming from the halo above Mary while this inappropriate song was playing.
"Hey squishy," Starscream said. "Don't you want to watch your OC die?"
The Air Commander looked over at the writer and found her trying to make a rolled ribbon rose.
"God damn it!" cursed the girl when her rose came undone. "I hate making ribbon roses!"
Starscream went back to watching the fight, pondering how this idiotic girl held him captive in the first place.
Meanwhile, 9aza was wondering how long it would take Starscream to realize that he could leave whenever he wanted.
Most likely never.
Then she poked herself with a piece of wire and cursed like a sailor.
Mrs. Bennett knew she was going to die. There was no other way to escape, Mary had her cornered and in her hands was a large Viking ax that seemed to have come from nowhere.
"And now Starscream is mine!" Mary cried out manically (and annoyingly).
Mrs. Bennett was desperate. She had to find a way out of this mess, but what? Then an idea hit her.
"Wait!" the cornered woman cried out. "If you're going to kill me, you need to play the perfect song!"
Mary hummed in thought. Her rival did bring up a good point. "That's true. Now what song should I play?"
"I know the perfect song," Mrs. Bennett said. She told Mary the name and Mary nodded enthusiastically; it was a wonderful song choice!
A few moments later, a certain beat started and Mary raised the ax over Mrs. Bennett's head.
Then the lyrics started. "You're a jerk (I know)/You're a jerk (I know)/ You're a jerk (I know)/You're a-" The song was cut off and Mary suddenly collapsed onto the floor. Mrs. Bennett was shaking and looked up at her savior. There, with a bloody knife in hand, was 9aza with hatred in her eyes.
"I. HATE. That song," she stated, then with a complete change of tone said cheerfully, "Congrats! You won the deathmatch and will be keeping your role."
Mrs. Bennett sighed in relief. It had been close, but luckily the OC had been with the writer since she was twelve years old and knew her tastes in music very well.
Tonya and Inner Fangirl walked up to Mrs. Bennett, shook her hand and hugged her, both were glad that Mary wasn't going to replace her.
Starscream approached the survivor and said, "Eh. Better the evil I'm familiar with."
The OC glared at Starscream and said, "Hey, I'm not crazy about you either, but TESOW is my territory and there was no way I was going to let myself get killed by that nut job."
"Actually, TESOW is my domain. You all are just lucky I haven't killed you off yet," 9aza said with that same cheery tone. "And remember this: whether you two like each other or not, you're stuck together in this universe until I say otherwise."
With that, 9aza skipped away from the pair, with Tonya and Inner Fangirl following close behind, humming a Rod Stewart song.
At that moment, Starscream and Mrs. Bennett were thinking the same thing:
9aza sucks!
A/N: My Inner Fangirl likes slash, what can I say?
The pasta comment is reference to Hetalia. An anime/manga about the personification of countries. Northern Italy loves his pasta.
The second song is You're A Jerk by New Boyz. I hate that song. I've punched my brother for singing those lines to annoy me.
Yes, Mrs. Bennett is a very old OC of mine. She used to be Mary-Suish a while back, but I think I've corrected that, even if she was/is a minor character.
Please review if you enjoyed.