Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto.

What if Sakura had lost it when Sasuke left? What if she decided to change her life… forever…?

TO NEVER LOSE

By Reverse

Chapter 1 – Prologue

There was only one thing that seemed to be able to distract me. It was training. I knew it was wrong but there was a certain sadistic pleasure I took in watching my body being beat to a pulp. I was detached, any blow or strike landed on me was brushed aside, and it was as if I was watching my body take the hits from above or afar. I had once set out to become a Shinobi, a proud ninja of Konoha; to be somebody strong and brave. But more than that, I needed to become smoke in the night. I was required to become silent and leave my emotions in the past. To kill effortlessly. I had thrown away so much just to not have to feel anything.

-

Tsunade had summoned me here. She was my teacher; she had taught me some of the most effective attacks and jutsu I knew. But today she was the Hokage, giving me a mission that for all purposes likely had a similar resemblance to a kamikaze. It had started after he had left.

…

Sasuke.

I had been in love with him, I was a fool. Naruto vowed to train hard and bring him back. I knew he wouldn't be able to do so alone so I had begun to work to get stronger. Then I got addicted to the feeling of control over my body, complete control. A dictatorship over flesh was born into an ultimate weapon. I rose in the ranks silently as a Shinobi should. My chunin exam was nothing spectacular. But my jonin exam had shocked everybody. Against an opponent fabled stronger than the rest of the competition… I had taken him down.

I had completely immobilized him without even showing my face. The moment the match started I was gone. Kurenai had taught me how to meld into the trees; I altered her jutsu and become one with the earth. Silent, swift and deadly; and with an uncanny healer's ability. I passed; the next day Tsunade decided that I had made ANBU. All I had to do was pass her test.

With three S-rank missions complete in record time she had inquired after me. I knew of course, I had learned never to let any information slip around the village. I wouldn't allow another deserter, another goddamn Sasuke.

Tsunade had asked around, to my parents who were weary and hardly ever saw me theses days; I didn't know them anymore. To Kakashi, team leader of team seven, she inquired. And to Ino and Hinata as well. The same answer was presented. I could only imagine two possible motives. To see if I was emotionally strong enough to be ANBU, or if I was too emotionally strong to ever return to the sweet naive Sakura I had been. She learned what I had already adopted.

I was too far gone.

-

The papers on the Hokage's desk seemed organized for once. Maybe Shizune had gotten around to it… I'll never know. Hazel eyes lifted to mine with both a sadness and resignation at my personality. I was cold.

"This is a solo mission; no team. Even the black ops didn't want it." I knew then it was probably bad. Tsunade gave me missions that were high in rank and always dirty. By now I felt like a hardened criminal on the inside, and it probably showed. Absently I wondered when I was going to lose and not be able to cheat death just that one more time.

"Another solo?" I asked vaguely. Instinctively I reached up to finger the tattoo on my upper arm. A crimson swirl of smoke, almost russet. After the attacks by sound and earlier sand, Tsunade had began installing a troop higher than anybody. This troop was as high as the ANBU level and three times as ruthless. They were mercenaries that nobody but the Hokage knew existed. They posed as ANBU squad leaders, and took that job when available; which, most of the time, they weren't.

Secret, unreported missions, and direct orders from the Hokage, those were the missions they took. They were never pleasant. I had been on a few and had never been on a peaceful one. Peaceful missions for the Red Ops didn't exist. There were four in total; two months ago there had been six. I was holding the record of survivability at seven months and counting… counting down I should say. Counting, dare I say, backwards till the day I die? That sounded correct.

The regular ninja were blissfully ignorant. The Hokage was wary of us. The Black Ops knew the difference between us and them. They were scared of us, we weren't ninjas to them. Ninjas, like them, walked in the shadows, they were black. The small elite number of us; we walked in blood. It was all we seemed to know these days. We had signed into suicide, a death wish.

There was no escaping from the shadow of freedom we held, the mysteries power we commanded. Like gods, we took life and like sacrifices we gave up humanity so we could take more. And when there was nothing left to give up from us? We gave up; we lost before we entered the fight. It was there were the very last of our dept would be repaid.

I read the scroll in front of me, knowing I should be deeply troubled and question her judgment and sanity. Long gone were the days I was her student and we cared whether or not a mission might become different. Sasuke was wrong; killing people isn't the only way to sever ties. Sign an irreversible death wish, people won't come near you anymore. Nobody wants to live in fear of one they love dying, and I was just that. It was kind of peaceful when you lived just waiting to die. You couldn't really fear anything.

"When you were younger this would have been something you would have wanted to do." Tsunade sighed. I was fourteen; I had turned fourteen after breaking my body training for this. I had finished reading by now. I would accept this mission, but because of the nature of it I knew what it meant for me. The analytical part of my mind suggested that in her eyes I had lived too long and gotten too strong to let live, and she had to make me disappear. A mission was appropriate, it's nature imposable.

"I will do it. But not for the reasons you think I will; not like when I was young." I was referring to the friend this could save the life of; I was heartless and lifeless now. I turned to leave, grasping my porcelain mask in my hand.

I traced the black cat mask, discreet mauve markings creating a flower over the left eye, only barely visible. It was all that was left. My full black armor was the only thing I wore nowadays. Even my ocher cloak was rarely discarded. The costume had become a part of me, nothing to tie me to anything or anyone; not even a forehead protector. I was as rogue and wild as any ninja could be while loyal to a village and 'kage.

"You know…" I started. I couldn't think how to finish it. Tell my friends and parents I'm sorry, maybe? Would they even know my name? I had no home; there was no way I could include that word. I had been a Red Op for a long, long time. I knew that even the tamer Black Ops didn't get out with scars. Job hazard. The Red Ops… they didn't get out alive. "This is my last mission. If I return here, I won't be alive."

Ok. So that's my new story's' into. It's really short and just to give you the history and a small taste of what's to come

If this is not reviewed, I will not continue. Honestly. I am bored with seeing all the hits and barely any reviews… am I a bad writer.

Ok. Also: SHOULD SAKURA END UP WITH ITACHI?

Just asking. I have a feeling this fic is headed that way but I'd like a bit of input before I go all out in making this fic.