a/n: I wrote this last year but haven't posted it many places. It was inspired by a_who_in_whoville and some Doctor Who valentines I found on the internet. Yes, the valentines sayings are on actual cards you can buy - I did not make that stuff up!
After a loud and emphatic telephone lecture that morning from one Jackie Tyler regarding the etiquette of Valentine's Day, the Doctor found himself entering the place he avoided the most, aside from Jackie's kitchen, the shopping mall. He grimaced as his trainers slapped across the polished marble floors of this bright and shiny center for capitalism. He made his way through the crowds stopping first at the food court for a banana icee. A helpful food court vendor, with great pity on her face, had directed him down a particular wing of the mall to a Valentine's day shop. She had assured him that this particular shop would have everything would need and indeed was the Mecca of all Valentine's Day shopping.
The specialty store tucked away in a corner of the shopping mall was filled with swaths of red, purple, pink and shimmering silver. Barry White's "I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More Baby" filled the air and the aisles were packed with men frantically shopping at the last minute for something with which to redeem themselves for not properly showing their love and affection for their girlfriends, wives or significant others. He passed several men dressed casually staring at chocolate roses, happy silver and red balloons declaring love and devotion as well as giant teddy bears holding hearts and candy. All looked like they were in some sort of trance or stuck in a time bubble unable to escape.
The Doctor looked at them and pulled out his sonic to make sure there were no rifts or time anomalies at work. Once satisfied, he put his sonic away and walked down the aisles, watching the silly human males pick up armloads of generic items, things he would never buy for Rose. She was far too special for such common humany things. He paused and inhaled the sweet scent of chocolate, closing his eyes in enjoyment. He walked on, set his empty banana icee cup on a shelf passing by heart shaped boxes wrapped in red cellophane, stuffed plushy hearts, candies with sweet little sayings written on them and cinnamon jelly hearts. He paused at a shelf with bags of red, pink and white jelly babies and grinned. He finally moved on.
"Typical human ritual," he muttered. "Getting their history mucked up about some priest performing secret marriages during Claudius II reign of the Roman Empire and making a holiday out of it," he said, shaking his head. "If they only knew those cute little cherubs they like to stick on everything were really nasty aliens from the Elvacan Nebulae intent on sucking the life out of them, they'd be changing this commercialized holiday forever," he continued to mutter, as he paced the aisles reaching the back of the store where very few shoppers were milling about.
He turned a corner and then saw them, sitting all sparkly on a shelf in the back corner of the store. "Ohhhh, you're beautiful!," he murmured as he slowly walked up to the heart shaped boxes embellished with dazzling images of Darth Vadar, a storm trooper and Yoda. Next to them was a plushy R2D2 with a heart emblazoned on his front saying "I beep o beep U." He grinned and started pulling things off the shelf until his arms were overflowing.. "Humans can be a bit brilliant when they want," he said, smiling as he carried his hoard of goods to the front. The blonde teenage cashier who was wearing a white t-shirt with sparkly pink hearts on it looked up at him as her pink manicured hand began scanning the items.
"Haven't sold many of these," she said with a heavy cockney accent. "You're girl must really love Star Wars.
"Nothin' but the best for my Rose. None of that generic stuff. This is special and besides, she has a thing for aliens," he said and winked at the girl who grinned and batted her eyelashes at him.
"Well, you might want to pick her up a card too. Don't have any Star Wars ones here but the card shop down the way might." She leaned over the counter. "Don't tell me boss that I said so," she whispered flirtatiously.
He smiled and thanked her, proudly carrying his overflowing shopping bags out of the store and heading toward the card shop. Again, it was filled with frantic male shoppers. He scoffed at how boring they all were with sappy, sentimental flowery cards and went right to the children's section. He almost squeed when he found packs of Star Wars valentines. "Why give some boring old generic valentine when you can get dozens of these," he said to himself with glee.
As he was walking out, he passed a t-shirt shop that had even more Star Wars goodness displayed in the window. "Ohhhh," he said as he gazed at the black t-shirt with a sparkly Star Wars image emblazoned on it. He walked into the shop almost like a zombie following the commands of the voo doo master. He picked out a black t-shirt for him and a pink one with R2D2 on it for Rose. He raced home in excitement so he could decorate the flat for a festive and, maybe if he was lucky, a night of slap and tickle with his favorite pink and yellow human..
He soniced on the stereo to play Duke Ellington's "Star Cross Lovers" and went to work sticking little Star Wars kiddie valentines all over the walls, light fixtures, doors and furniture, all with little notes like "To my Rose, sweeter than the candy mines of the Fristy Fizzle galaxy," or "Beloved owner of my heart," or "I will run with you forever."
He strategically placed the Star Wars candy and R2D2 plushy in a place of honor on the dining room table almost like an alter of valentine's day goodies. Although t-shirts were not his first choice, he was beginning to see some value in them as Rose seemed to get a certain look in her eyes whenever he caved in and agreed to wear one. So, he was sure she would definitely be pleased to see him with this one on with Darth Vadar sparkling at her. He even wore the jeans she bought him that clung to his bum in a way that he knew Rose liked judging by the explosion of pheromones that filled the air the last time he wore them. Not that he wore them for long, as she seemed just as excited to get them off of him as she did to see him in them.
He looked at himself in the mirror slapped his bum and said, "Yep, still got it." He paused to adjust his hair before bounding out toward the kitchen. He pulled out the Thai take away he picked up earlier and began heating it in the microwave as he waited for Rose who he knew would be home in the next five minutes.
Rose, tired from a day of dealing with Valentines Day mischief at Torchwood, walked up to her door and sighed. "What was so attractive about Valentines Day that so many aliens came to visit Earth?" she thought to herself. "It's like this planet is some bloody tourist trap and no alien can resist stopping by for pint," she muttered, thinking about the group of Paquini tourists from the plant Paco that had set up an observation camp in a tree in Hyde Park. All chaos broke loose when their chameleon circuit malfunctioned and the Valentines Day picnickers saw the eight legged yellow aliens. She smiled as she opened the door thinking how she was going to enjoy a nice quiet evening alone with her brilliant cuddly alien.
As she shut the door, she smelled spicy Thai and heard the beat of the romantic music. She smiled thinking someone must have told him about Valentine's Day. As she walked in, she realized that Valentines Day had exploded in her flat. She walked up to one wall and gently peeled a little Yoda Valentine's Day card off the wall that said "Yoda one for me." Her face contorted in confusion as she pulled another one with a cute little ewok holding a heart. Inside scrawled in his handwriting, "I find you Dalektable." She peeled another one off a lamp. "I love you oodles." She smirked at that one and kept going. What followed was a mix of cute and bizarre, "I love you more than bananas (no seriously!)," "Stuck with you and loving it," and her favorite "Rose's Bicycle is red,
antiplastic is blue, bananas are you yellow, and I love you."
She walked further in and found her gorgeous alien holding a bottle of wine which he uncorked with his sonic. He grinned brightly at her and she felt all the tension of her day melt away. She saw the massive pile of Star Wars hearts, candy and the plushy R2D2 which she immediately cooed over. He poured her a glass of wine and she walked up to him still holding his valentines, threw her arms around him and snogged him soundly.
When she pulled back, he beamed at her. "Happy Valentine's Day, Rose" he said, grinning. "None of that boring, common Valentine's Day stuff for my Rose," he exclaimed, showing off all the Star Wars candy he had purchased. He opened one of the hearts so that she could see that it was filled with Reese's peanut butter cups with pictures of Star Wars characters pasted on each one.
Rose giggled. Only the Doctor would pick out a Star Wars themed Valentine's Day for her. He whipped out the pink t-shirt with the rhinestones studded in the shape of R2D2.
"Doctor, it's gorgeous!" she enthused, holding the t-shirt up to herself. She set it down and traced her fingers over his own t-shirt where Darth Vader shimmered at her teasingly. She bit her lip and huskily whispered into his ear, "Maybe it's time for your Valentines Day present."
"Really! You bought be a present for me! Where!" he said, excitedly, completely oblivious to her flirting.
She stood up, taking his hand and pulling him toward the bedroom. "Oh yes!" he said softly. "I think I like Valentine's Day," he said with a smirk, as they disappeared so Rose could explain in greater detail the finer nuances of Valentine's Day.