Tomb Raider:
How Many Ways Can YOU Kill a Big-Breasted Slut?
Okay, first things first we start the game,
At this point you may just be sane,
But as we all know Tomb Raider is quite a hard thing to play,
And well we can all get fed up with jumping, okay,
So here's what you do when you get so bored you want to pass out,
Don't throw the controller at the TV, and pout,
Oh no, you see the lady, Lara Croft, annoying, isn't she?
Well, her true purpose in the game…Now you shall see,
Okay the most original of them all,
Oh look, a ledge, oh no she trips and has a nasty fall,
Or maybe something fun for the woman, who raids a tomb,
Sit back, type a cheat, and make her go KA-BOOM!
Hey look! FIRE! Let's not run into it…Oh wait, I lied,
Hey! She's alight now, and has just died…
"Oh no guards – what do I do?" I said,
Oh wait – they just shot the bitch dead,
Okay now if you like something updated and new,
I sure have the thing for you,
When the dodge buttons appear on the screen, be sure to miss,
This way – when she splats against the building with the motor bike in her side, you can take the piss,
Back to normal TR deaths, let's try spikes! This may be bad,
Plays PS2 Ouch! That must of hurt, but hey, now I'm glad!
Now I know some of you may like Lara Croft, I don't know why,
For me to say I think she's cool I'm afraid would be a lie,
I just love killing the bitch when I get in a bad mood,
I get really naggy, shouty, bossy, and rude,
My bad gaming isn't the reason why she always just happens to die,
It's because all the bloody time she just makes me sigh,
Falling from great heights, blowing up, setting on fire,
Getting little Lara to pour water on the electrical wire,
Running the quad bike into the side of a cliff,
See man, I do all this shit when I'm having a tiff,
And now I'm just telling you some of my fave ways the get rid of the pain,
Those throughout this game that drive you insane,
Such as the main character, seriously I'm sick of this game,
And right now my anger I must tame,
But hey screw it, I'll play it anyhow, of this game I just seem to want more,
Well, at least I don't wanna kill Lara as mush as Ash from RE 4.