AN: This is a companion story to Solar Flare, it would help if you read that story first but it probably isn't necessary. My only goal for this story is to keep it random, it's supposed to read like a diary or journal and for those of you who have diaries know that entries can be random and drift off to random topics.
Also, while in Solar Flare I say that Bella has compiled hundreds of journals this probably won't get too long unless you guys give me ideas. Again, for those of you that keep diaries you know that if a certain topic is bothering you you tend to write about it more, while this may be great therapy I'm sure it would get annoying to read about the same thing over and over and over and over again.
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I probably don't own it. They belong to whoever owns them.
The Journals
It's weird knowing that I had a life before this.
I can remember some things.
My parents are (were?) Renee and Charlie. I know that Renee was remarried but I can't remember her husband, would he have been my stepfather? He can't have had a significant impact in my life if I can't even remember him.
Renee was an eccentric character. She looked a lot like me, I know that, but I can't bring an image of her to mind and I don't have any pictures of her. I remember she was always trying to learn something new, she always wanted to be busy with a hobby but she could never stick to one. I think, perhaps, hobbies were her hobby.
Charlie was quiet but protective. I guess he had a hard time knowing how to be a parent. A few weeks each summer doesn't really qualify or make you ready to take care of your daughter during her most tumultuous time. I think that he and Edward clashed a lot, but whatever happened I know he had good intentions. He was a good person… was he a member of the police force or fire department?
I feel terrible having such a small grasp on who my parents were. They raised me, they made me who I am today. Well, that's not true. Technically, Edward made me who I am today. And I am grateful and happy he was the one to change me, but I can't help but wonder if Carlisle had changed me would Edward me feeling all this guilt? I suppose I should ask Jasper about that.
I remember other people as well, from school.
A tall, sweet girl named Angie or Angel, maybe, was my closest friend after Edward or Alice. She was genuinely nice.
There was a Mitchell or Michael that Edward grumbles about when I bring up Forks, I don't think Edward liked him then or now.
I remember Jacob. Perhaps more than Edward would like me to remember. The relationship I had with Jacob was different than the relationship I had with my other friends, more intense. I was closest with him when Edward had left, perhaps it was more than friendship or was going to be more than friendship. I can see how those feelings flying around would have been hard on Edward when he came back.
He was always rather jealous, he still is jealous. But in a different way. After spending the day with someone else, no matter who it is or what we are doing he always steals us away to our room at night. We lie in bed, like we probably did when I was human. Except I don't sleep and therefore don't talk in my sleep. Edward says he misses that most after my blushing.
Personally, I'm happy I don't talk in my sleep or blush anymore. It seems so embarrassing. It's hard enough coming into this life when everyone around me has already gotten the hang of being a vampire long ago, even though Edward always tries to remind me that being a vegetarian vampire is a constant struggle. He says that we are always learning how to perfect this lifestyle.
Even if that's true they don't need to make it look so easy.