Fix Me Up
Chapter 1: Here's to the Night
"Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon"
-Eve 6, 2001
May 2016
"You have a lovely home."
The girl couldn't have been more than sixteen years old, with kinky golden-brown curls and soft brown skin, a handful of freckles scattered across her face. She was interesting to look at. Her baby would probably be beautiful, which was a good thing, Kenny thought, provided she liked them. The last four mothers they'd interviewed with hadn't liked them.
"Thank you, um…"
"Amber," the girl said.
"Right. Sorry."
Craig walked into the room with a glass of water and placed it on the coffee table in front of Amber. "Anything else I can get you?" he asked.
"No. Thank you."
There was a moment of awkward silence. Kenny wiped his hands on his slacks. It was usually his job to fill the silence, because Craig was so quiet, but his nerves were getting the better of him. Kenny was the outgoing one, but Craig was one who could stay calm in high-pressure situations.
Her posture exuded poise in a way that was not typical of a teenager. She sat straight up on the love seat, hands folded primly on her lap in front of her perfectly round belly. Kenny took some comfort in the feeling that she was trying as hard to make a good first impression as they were.
"So what do you two do?" she asked finally.
"I'm a third grade teacher," Kenny answered. "And Craig is a manager of a…sales team."
Craig was a collections manager, but people tended not to like debt collectors, and they needed Amber to like them.
"A teacher? So you have a lot of experience with kids."
"We both do," Craig cut in. "We have lots of friends with kids."
"We're godfathers to our former neighbors' daughter," Kenny added. "Craig even helped one of our friends through her labor."
"Wow. And how long have you been trying to adopt?"
"Years." Kenny pushed his hair out of his face. He wished he'd gotten a haircut before this interview. "It's been hard for us."
"Because you're a same-sex couple?"
Kenny swallowed. "Yeah."
It wasn't the whole truth. Craig's history of drug addiction also factored in heavily.
"So how did you two meet?"
"We went to school together," Craig said. "K through twelve."
Amber's eyes brightened. "High school sweethearts?" she gushed.
"Not exactly," Craig replied. "We weren't really friends in high school, and then Ken went off to college and I…didn't."
"Right. And then years later we were set up on a blind date, and, well, we already knew each other."
Amber grinned. "What a great story to tell your kids someday." She rubbed her belly. "That's what I want, before I'm ready to be a mom for real. A really great story to tell them about how I met their dad. You know?"
"Right," Kenny said, exchanging worried glances with Craig. "That's what we have. A really great story for the kids."
May 2001
"God, is she drunk already?" Cartman groaned, holding his hands out to the side awkwardly to protect his snacks as Bebe wrapped him in an unwelcome hug.
"I'm gonna miss you when I leave, Cartman," Bebe replied, her voice muffled against his shirt.
"Yeah, she's drunk," Kenny replied, having already received his drunken hug from Bebe.
Cartman winced, patting her back gingerly in a "there, there" motion with his bag of Funyuns.
"Have you guys seen Wendy?" he asked.
"I don't think she's gotten here yet," Kyle replied.
"Where's Stan?" Cartman asked, looking at Kenny. Questions about Stan were always directed at Kenny.
His stomach flipped. "Probably at home packing," he replied, attempting to sound nonchalant. "He leaves for California in a week."
"That's so sad," Bebe said, her voice trembling as she released Cartman.
"Not really," Kyle said, his face hard. "Let's be honest, guys, Stan hasn't really been around a whole lot this year. He could leave for California tonight, and I don't think a single person would notice."
Bebe gave Kyle a sympathetic smile, reaching for his hand in a comforting gesture.
Kenny stepped back quietly, suddenly feeling out of place in the group. He couldn't help but feel like their friends blamed him for Kyle and Stan's falling out. It made sense for them to blame him, seeing as how Stan had offered no explanation as to his sudden distance from the rest of the group and sudden closeness to Kenny. And as hard as Kenny had tried to stay close to the rest of the group despite all this, he'd always felt pressured to take a side.
For what it was worth, Kenny would miss Stan when he left. He had a feeling Kyle would too, even though he was too stubborn to ever admit it.
He ducked into the crowd of graduates, backing into one of his classmates and sending them tumbling to the floor.
"Fuck, I'm sorry," he said, turning around to see who he'd crashed into.
"Hey!" Butters said, looking dazed. "I was looking for you!"
Kenny laughed, reaching down to help him up. "You were?"
"Yeah," Butters said, brushing off his jeans as he stood. "I heard you got into Wayne State."
"Yeah man, I got a scholarship."
"That's where I'm going!"
"No way?" Kenny felt a flood of relief at the idea of a familiar face at college. He wasn't the greatest at making connections. "You driving there? We could road trip together. If you're cool with that. I'm packing pretty light."
"Yeah man, let's do it," Butters agreed. "Where's Stan? I haven't seen him all night."
Kenny's smile faltered. "I don't think he's coming tonight."
"That's too bad," Butters said, looking over Kenny's shoulder. "I'm gonna go say hi to Nichole, but we should hang out this summer."
"Yeah, definitely," Kenny agreed, as Butters wandered off.
Kenny sipped his drink, looking around the room awkwardly. He knew he'd gotten too close to Stan over the course of their senior year, because now without him there as a crutch, he didn't know who to talk to. He spotted Wendy walking into the room and perked up.
"Hey, Wends," he greeted, walking towards her.
"Kenny!" she replied warmly, accepting a hug from him.
"Where have you been? Everyone's looking for you."
Wendy licked her lips nervously. "I just saw Stan."
"He's here?" Kenny said, glancing around the crowded room. "I didn't think he was coming out."
"He's not. He's leaving for LA tonight."
Kenny shook his head. "No, he doesn't leave until next week."
"No, I uh." Wendy tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I just dropped him off at the train station."
The breath left Kenny's lungs. "But he didn't tell me." His head spun.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"He didn't say goodbye."
"Don't talk to me. I'm mad at you."
Craig shrugged. He hadn't planned on saying anything anyways.
"Why is Clyde mad at you?" Token asked.
"Yeah, Craig, tell him what you did," Clyde snapped. Then, before Craig could open his mouth, "He joined the Marines."
Token's eyes widened. "You?"
Craig rolled his eyes. "I met with a recruiter last weekend. But I'll still be here all summer. I have to get in shape for basic training."
Clyde huffed.
"College isn't for me. You know I hate school," Craig defended himself. "And I can't stay at home. I'm lucky my dad didn't kick me out the day I turned eighteen."
"You could have stayed with me."
Craig shook his head. "I need some air," he said, turning around and shoving his way through the crowd.
He opened the sliding glass door of the balcony and stepped through the vertical blinds. They rattled behind him as he leaned against the railing, fishing a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his sweatshirt.
He had a cigarette lit and was taking the first drag before he realized he wasn't alone. He jumped when he noticed someone seated beside him in a plastic lawn chair.
"Hey," Kenny greeted him softly.
Craig silently offered a drag of his cigarette, but Kenny shook his head.
"Heard you were going to college," Craig said. He was terrible at small talk.
"Yeah. You?"
Craig shook his head. "Basic training in September."
"Army?"
"Marines."
"My brother's in the army. I never see him."
Craig nodded. "That's the idea. Get out of this town and never come back." He didn't mean it. He would probably come back. South Park was his home. But acting cold an indifferent was easier than admitting he would be sad to go.
Kenny met Craig's eyes, searching them in the dim light of the balcony. Craig wasn't sure what he was looking for. He never thought his eyes were much to look at. They were just brown. Kenny's were blue, and piercing even in the faint light. They were nice.
"What?" Craig asked nervously, grinding out his cigarette on the railing.
"Have you ever had your dick sucked by a dude on your friend's balcony?"
June 2001
"I've been hooking up with Kenny."
"What?" Token said, dropping his end of the coffee table on the floor of Clyde's new apartment.
"Careful with the furniture!" Clyde exclaimed, walking in behind them with a heavy box.
"Craig's hooking up with Kenny," Token replied.
"What?"
Craig rolled his eyes, setting down his end of the coffee table. "It's not a big deal."
Clyde placed his box on the floor. "Shouldn't it be?"
"It's just something to do."
"How did he even know you were gay?" Clyde asked, stepping over his box and taking a seat on it. "Was it the lisp?"
"Shut up."
Craig had spent years in speech therapy trying to get rid of his lisp. Clyde knew he was self-conscious about it. It was the reason he barely spoke. He knew he gave off a hard, stoic vibe, but the truth was that Craig was insecure, and as a result, painfully shy. It made it difficult for him to make meaningful connections with people, and with Clyde starting a new job and moving into this Denver apartment, and Token going off to Seattle for college in the fall, graduation had only left Craig with an impending feeling of loneliness.
He knew Kenny would be leaving in the fall as well, but somehow he was okay with it. It just felt nice to be wanted by someone, even if it was only temporary. He even liked that they didn't know each other that well. He didn't feel the need to reveal too much of himself to Kenny. He didn't even tell him that he was his first. It didn't seem like his right to know. Craig knew Kenny had had some kind of experience, but he never asked with whom.
"I didn't even know Kenny liked dudes," Clyde said.
Craig sat down on the coffee table. "Believe me, no one's more surprised than I am."
"So what happens when summer's over?" Token asked.
Craig shrugged. "Nothing. We both leave."
July 2001
Kenny held the phone to his ear and listened as the line rang seven times before going silent. He sighed and placed the receiver back on the hook. It was the same thing every time he tried to call. He wondered if Stan had told his mother to give him a fake number. He wondered if this was how Kyle had felt last summer, when Stan suddenly ditched him for Kenny.
He picked the phone back up and dialed a different number. It rang twice.
"Hello?" a deep voice answered.
"Hey, you want to come over?"
There was a brief pause followed by, "Sure."
The front door swung open and Kenny's sister trudged in, her ratty backpack slung over her shoulder.
"Great, I'll see you soon," Kenny said, hanging up abruptly.
He watched Karen as she slumped down on the couch, looking defeated.
"You're home."
Karen rolled her eyes as if to say, "What was your first clue?"
"You need to stop running away," he said.
"What, so I'm the only one in this family who's not allowed to leave?"
Kenny sighed. He knew his sister was resentful of him leaving for college in the fall. This year had been hard on her, and her acting out had only gotten worse when he'd announced that he'd gotten into a college out of state. He moved to the spot beside her on the couch.
"You know Mom worries every time you disappear."
Karen stared at her lap in shame. "I know."
"And it's only gonna get worse without me here to calm her down."
"It's not fair," Karen said pitifully. "First Kevin leaves, then Dad, and now you."
"I'm sorry."
"I didn't find him."
Kenny put a comforting arm around her shoulders. "He doesn't want to be found," he replied. "For all we know, he has a new family now. Or he's huddled up in a crack den somewhere."
"He missed your graduation," Karen said sadly.
Kenny shrugged. "He was never really present anyways."
Karen rested her head on her brother's shoulder. "Who was that on the phone?" she asked, changing the subject.
"Oh, I forgot," Kenny replied. "Craig's coming over."
"Ew, are you guys gonna do it? Should I have waited another day to come home?"
He'd told Karen only recently that he was gay. His brother was the first person he told, just before he left for boot camp. He'd told his mother soon afterwards.
He'd never told his dad, but Kenny assumed that he knew. He assumed it was the reason he left.
August 2001
"Is this really all you're bringing with you to college?"
"It's all I have."
Craig stared down at the rolled-up comforter, duffel bag and backpack on Kenny's floor. "God, dude, you're poor as fuck."
Kenny shrugged, sweeping back his bangs. Kenny's hair grew like a weed, Craig observed. It had grown at least two inches since graduation. Craig thought the long hair suited him. Messy and uninhibited, just like Kenny.
"It sucks that you're leaving."
Craig had always known that Kenny would be leaving for college, but he couldn't help being sad in spite of himself. After three months of whatever this was, he felt comfortable with Kenny, something that wasn't common for Craig.
"You're leaving too," Kenny pointed out.
"In a month."
"You think you'll fuck a lot of guys in the Army?" Kenny asked. Kenny always talked about casual sex with multiple guys like it was the ultimate dream. Craig wasn't sure what the ultimate dream was, but it wasn't that.
"The Marines, and no," he replied simply.
"I'm gonna fuck a lot of guys at college," Kenny said. "I'm gonna turn the whole football team."
Craig was pretty sure that was a joke, but he couldn't be sure. "It's important to have dreams," he said. He realized he didn't even know what Kenny was going to college for.
Kenny grinned and leaned in for a kiss. Craig kissed him back, let him push him down onto the bare mattress. It occurred to him that this might be the last time he ever saw Kenny.
"Kenny!" Karen called from outside his room. "Butters is here!"
"Shit," Kenny whispered, pulling back. "I have to go."
Craig grabbed him by the collar.
"What?" Kenny asked, staring down at him.
Craig swallowed. "Nothing," he said, letting go.
September 2001
"Are you sure you have to go?"
"No, I'm sure the United States Marine Corps would be totally understanding if I just don't show up for basic training."
"God, Craig, do you have to be so goddamn sarcastic all the time?" Clyde snapped, turning the steering wheel so sharply that Craig had to grab the headrest of his seat to steady himself. "Can I just be upset that my best friend is leaving me?"
"Okay, sorry, you can be sad," Craig agreed.
"And buckle up, I've asked you twice already."
Craig reached for his seatbelt silently and snapped it into place.
"Thank you," Clyde told him crossly, slowing down as they approached an intersection.
Craig needed a cigarette, but he wasn't about to ask Clyde if he could smoke in his car. Not when he was in one of his moods. Clyde was taking Craig's joining the military personally, as if he'd done it just to get away from him.
"I'm gonna miss you too, you know," Craig said, as they stopped at a red light. "Like, more than anyone else."
Clyde pouted. "I know."
"Don't tell Token."
Clyde nodded, but didn't say anything. The light turned green and they began to move again.
"Thanks for driving me."
"I'm not gonna pretend to be happy about it."
"You don't have to. Just thanks anyways."
Clyde glanced over at him, his face soft at first, but quickly contorting into a horrified expression. Then came the noise. The screeching of tires, Clyde's sickening scream, and a crash like nothing Craig had ever heard. There was a pain in his chest like his ribs were caving in, then his head collided with the passenger side window, and everything went black.