The train never stops moving.
Logically, of course, Lapis knows this isn't true. At some point, it has to stop to refuel, drop off its cargo, allow the workers to start and stop a shift, and countless other mundane tasks. But she's usually asleep during these brief stops, so she's become accustomed to always being in motion. The first few weeks were slightly disconcerting, and she'd even been tempted to stay awake during one of the breaks to rejoin society. But she never did make the jump, and the thought of rejoining society eventually lost what little appeal it initially had.
She's seen quite a few others like herself, but they all leave at some point or another. Motion sickness, homesickness, regular sickness, restlessness, fear of discovery, boredom, whatever. There's always reason to gather your shit and jump out the boxcar whenever the train's speed falters. But Lapis has never found hers. Maybe it's because she'd never had much of a life before she'd first starting hopping, or maybe it's simply because she doesn't want to give up the luxury living on a train provides, but she doesn't see the point in leaving. She has a roof over her head, a reliable source of food from the scraps the workers leave behind, and decent heating when they travel north. And the view's great: from riveting skylines to cozy farmhouses to glistening rivers, the entire nation's filled with natural wonders that would astound even the most cynical of beings.
And, sure, it can get to be a bit lonely; she sleeps in the corner of the last boxcar, separate from other vagrants because they're always either drunk, middle-aged men looking to creep and molest her in her sleep or sour, middle-aged women looking to stab her and snatch her satchel in her sleep. Every once in a while, someone around her age will sneak onboard; they're usually looking to sell her something, though, so she's gotten used to ignoring them as well. And there's always the possibility of getting caught and arrested. The conductor's usually lenient with his "extra passengers", but he switches off with another man that despises freeloading. On those days, Lapis hides in an empty barrel near the front door and peers through a crack in the wood to watch as some of the newer, uninformed vagrants are rounded up and given the "Decency Speech" before they're handed over to the authorities on the next stop. But it's fine. She has food, she has her bag, and she gets to see some of the best and worst parts of the country.
As far as she's concerned, there really isn't much else to ask for in life.
. . .
The girl arrives about a week before Christmas, when the boxcars are more packed than usual and delicate particles of white have settled over the floor like ivory carpeting. Lapis has just awoken from a deep, dreamless slumber when she catches sight of ten green fingers waving up at her. She quickly rubs her eyes and rolls into a sitting position, then peers out the left side door.
There's nothing there.
"Huh." Lapis sits back and scratches her scalp.
"Hey! Hey, you there! With the blue hair! A little help!" A small girl with white goggles and a horrid dalmation hat pops out of a snow bank and begins to stumble along. "Just-Just be a pal and help. Whenever you're ready."
"Oh. Sorry." Lapis sticks her left hand out and clasps her right hand around the safety ladder leading to the ceiling. The girl beams and latches onto her hand. Lapis roots her feet into the worn-out wood of the car and, a moment later, sends the both of them flying backwards into two aluminum buckets. A scruffy man a few feet away sits up in his cot and turns to face them.
"Some people are tryin' ta sleep", he slurs.
The girl rolls onto her knees, panting heavily. "Ooh, my bad", the girl says once she catches her breath. "I'm kinda new at this." She pauses to lift her goggles onto her head, then extends her hand to the man. "Hi. I'm Perri Dotman. Nice to meet you, mister."
The man considers her hand, then turns back onto his side, muttering incoherently.
Perri's hand comes to rest at her side, and she gives a slight pout.
"That's Frank. He's not much of a talker", Lapis explains with tired eyes.
"Oh." Her smile returns, and she raises her hand again. "Hi. Perri Dotman."
"I'm not a talker either." Lapis returns to her spot near the back door and rests her head against her bag. She sighs when she hears tiny feet following her and turns to find the girl, Perri, dropping an overstuffed duffel bag beside her. Perri leans against the wall, propping her feet up against her bag, and studies Lapis for a moment.
Lapis groans, then turns away as she curls in on herself. "Lapis Lazuli."
"Ooh, that's a neat name. Well, Laz, it's a pleasure to meet ya."
"Please, go away."
. . .
Perri, as it turns out, is a college student.
"University of Chicago", she proclaims the next morning during breakfast (canned beans and peaches, courtesy of the conductor). "I mean, can you believe it? I can't." She shovels a sporkful of beans into her mouth, then says, "And I've been a student there for nearly three years. Crazy, right?"
"Absolutely insane." Lapis dips her fingers into her can and shoves them into her mouth. Perri's mouth turns into a thin line, and she reaches into one of the many pockets on her coat for a napkin. Lapis wipes the back of her hand over her mouth and shakes her head. "I'm fine."
Perri watches a stray bean fall onto Lapis's shirt collar and gnaws on her lower lip. "You, ah, got a little something right...right there."
"Mm hm."
"Right. Anyway, so UChicago. I majored in engineering, but I'm minoring in photography. Look." She rummages through her duffel bag for a moment, then pulls out a chunky, black camera. Perri shoves the camera in Lapis's direction, rambling as she clicks through an array of pictures. "I'm still a bit rusty, but it's pretty fun once you get to know the controls. Ooh, that's my best friend and my dorm mate Amethyst. And my parents. And Pumpkin, my dog. And my room back home." She pauses and looks up. "That's where I'm going by the way. Home."
Lapis looks up from the small screen and raises her eyebrows. "What, college not doing it for you?"
Perri shakes her head. "No, it's great, actually. I love being on my own, and most of my classes are pretty great. And I got a full ride. It's like a dream come true." She slides her gloves off, stretching her pale, nimble fingers out in front of her. The neon presence of the gloves against the dull brown floorboards is almost comical, so much that Lapis has to turn away to prevent her smirk from morphing into a smile.
"But, as great as it's been, I'm a little homesick", Perri continues. She lowers her voice, taking on a blank facial expression, and reaches into her pocket to pull out a picture of a family standing in front of a field of oranges. "I can't stand them", she mutters, rubbing her forefinger over a crease in the picture. "But they're my family, you know? I guess I kinda miss them."
Lapis nods and digs out another handful of beans. "And the train hopping?"
"I dropped my plane ticket into a water fountain. Not the kind you drink from but the big kind."
"Yeah, I figured."
"Just clarifying. Anyway, a ticket from Chicago to Florida ain't exactly cheap, and I didn't want to bug my parents. But I kinda went all out on Christmas shopping this year, so I couldn't buy the ticket myself. I couldn't ask Amethyst for money cause she's got about as much money as I do, and I refuse to hitchhike, so here I am."
"And here you are." Lapis tilts her can back, gulps down the last of her beans, and reaches for her peaches. She sighs as she peels back the lid and whispers a quiet "thank you" to the conductor.
"That and I kinda need some inspiration. Chicago's stunning, but you kinda get tired of seeing the same skyscrapers and beaches for three years. Jonesy, my counselor, says a change in scenery works wonders for struggling artists and-I have a 100 pack of plastic sporks; please, take one."
Lapis allows a small smile to surface; she squishes mushed up peaches and beans between her teeth and sticks out her tongue. "Nah, I'm good."
Perri pretends to gag and shields her eyes with her hands. "God, you're awful."
"So I've been told."
She stretches out over Lapis's legs and stares up at her, her baby blues full of curiosity and wonder. "All right, mystery gal, enough of me. Let's talk about you."
Lapis snorts and leans her head against the wall. "What about me?"
"Well, why are you on this train?"
"Reasons."
"Yeah, I figured", Perri returns with a pointed look. "Care to get more specific?"
"No, not really." She nods to Perri's can of peaches. "You gonna eat that?"
"Are you going to use a spoon?"
"No."
She clutches her can close to her chest and purses her lips. "Then, yes."
. . .
Lapis has been on the train for nearly five years.
She'd been fresh out of high school and had little desire to continue her education. Her parents hadn't taken the news lightly and signed her up for classes at Stonwoo State, a community college just a half hour's drive from a penitentiary. Needless to say, when her bus stopped in front of Stonwoo, Lapis remained firmly planted in her seat. A few months later, the $600 her parents loaned her ran out, and she wound up spending a week sleeping on park benches and inside abandoned buildings. After that, she found the train and figured she'd just wait for it to swing back to Minnesota.
Only when it did, she didn't jump off. Not the first time. Or the fifth. Or the eleventh.
"Wow." Perri takes a sip from her juicebox and shakes her head. "That's intense. You ever heard from your parents again?"
"No, not really." Lapis nimbles on an oatmeal cookie and stares at her legs dangling over the edge of the car. They're further south now, and the grass has regained its color and grown taller. "I sent them letters for the first few years. I even set the return addresses for every few stops, you know, so I could pick up their letters in time before sending another one."
Perri sits up straighter, her grip on her drink so tight it causes some juice to spill onto her fingers. She absentmindedly reaches for a napkin in her pocket and asks, "And?"
"They never replied. After about a year and a half, they started sending them back unread."
"Oh." She sets her box beside her and looks forward, staring at the expansive stretch of sunflowers and blue skies. "That sucks."
Lapis shrugs and leans back onto the floor, her legs still dangling so that she looks like a lowercase T bent in half. "Life sucks", she says.
"Not always."
"For some people, maybe."
Perri gives Lapis a look, then crawls to her feet and disappears. Lapis lets her eyes fall shut, enjoying the feel of warm air swirling through her lungs, and sinks deeper into the floor. A few minutes later, though, Perri returns and lightly taps her shoulder. When Lapis opens her eyes, she finds she has her camera in her hands.
"Wanna take a picture?"
It's more complex than Lapis would care to admit. There are a number of buttons, many of which have initials and abbreviations that she doesn't understand, and adjusting the lens makes her hands tremble so much that Perri intervenes and places her small hands on top of Lapis's to ensure the camera doesn't fall.
"All right, so I've already got the settings fitted. Just, uh, point and shoot. No, you look through this and press this button."
"Right." Lapis shakily raises the camera and closes one eye. In the far distance, a windmill turns legathricaly, its blades slicing through the air like rotating knives. Even from miles away, it's breathtaking. She can't even imagine how it looks up close. "How do I zoom in?"
"Uh, twist the lens. That's the little thingy up front."
"All right." She gives the lens a twist, and the windmill quickly explodes and jumps closer to her. "Huh. That's kinda cool." She presses a button, and a sharp click sounds in her ears. Pushing the camera away from her, she watches as the image briefly appears before the screens fades to black.
"Hey, for a first shot, that's pretty good", Perri says, bumping their shoulders together. "You've been holding out on me."
"It looks nothing like the actual thing. That's a whole nother shade of blue. And the blades are blurry."
"Come on, everyone's first picture comes out kind of wonky. I took hours screwing with the settings for mine, and it came out white and fuzzy. "
Lapis turns to take a picture of the inside of the boxcar and asks, "Is that bad?"
"It was dark out, and I was sitting perfectly still. I'd say that's pretty bad."
She smirks, glances down at Perri, then hands her the camera. "Thanks."
"No problem." Perri slides the camera into her duffel bag, then crosses her legs and leans to rest her chin in her palms. "All right. So, uh, train life. How's that?"
. . .
"You know, we're awfully close to the door. One wrong bump, and we'd roll right out and probably get stuck in the wheels."
"Then, how about you move to the back?"
"Okay, but then you'd still wind up stuck in the wheels. Wouldn't you rather sit in the back with me than wind up a pile of bloody shit for some poor soul to clean up?"
"Fuck off, Perri."
. . .
The second conductor's inspection is a surprise partly because it's his day off and partly because most of the hoppers are asleep when it happens. Lapis shoots up at the shouts and cries emanating from the car behind them and starts to run for her barrel when she nearly trips over Perri's sleeping figure. She crouches to roughly shake her shoulder, cursing as the noise begins to die down.
"Shit. Perri", she hisses. "Wake up."
Perri's eyelashes flutter, and she lifts her head to stare at Lapis. "Lapis? What's going-oh!"
Lapis snatches her hand and leads them to her barrel near the door. She jumps in, then stretches her arms up and says, "Get in!"
"Oh! Is this one of those inspections?"
"Perri-"
"All right, all right, I'm getting in." Perri crawls up the length of the barrel, then falls back and into Lapis's lap. Lapis groans but spreads her legs to remove the crushing weight on her hip bones and wraps her arms around Perri's waist. Perri freezes, turns to face her, and snickers. Lapis ducks her head to hide her reddening face and mutters, "Shut up.", then reaches for the lid behind her back and places it over the barrel.
The door rattles, then flings against the wall as a greying man in a black suit enters. Lapis sinks deeper into the barrel, pressing the soles of her worn-down Timberlands against the side of the barrel. She stares through her peephole, swatting Perri away as she tries to look through it as well.
"Damn bums", the conductor mutters. He reaches for a walkie talkie in his pocket and brings it to his mouth. "Think the last car's empty, Johnny, but I found about thirty in the others."
The walkie buzzes for a moment before another voice says, "Well, it is the Christmas season. You know how they get around this time."
He scoffs and walks to the barrels of hay to inspect them. "Yeah, can't argue with that. Just wish the fucking cops would actually do something about this."
"You and me both, Tim. You sure it ain't any others back there?"
Tim kicks over a hay barrel and scowls at the sight of Frank's drunken figure sprawled out against the floor. "I got one", he says, bending to lift Frank up and lead him to the door. "I'm heading back now."
Perri pushes against Lapis, trying to catch a glimpse of the scene. Lapis pushes her back and raises a finger to her lips before turning back to the hole. Tim walks a protesing Frank to the door and lets it slam behind him after muttering, "What a life you're living."
"Can we go now", Perri whispers.
"Hush."
"But-"
"Hush. We have to make sure he's really gone." They sit in silence for a moment, Perri squirming in Lapis's lap and Lapis ignoring the growing warmth in her belly, before reaching to punch the lid off the barrel. "All right, we can go now." She helps Perri crawl out, then hops out herself, chuckling as Perri clatters to the floor with a light groan.
"Ouch."
Lapis rolls her eyes and turns to look out the glass window on the door. Tim's in the next car, about to enter the one after that, and doesn't seem likely to change his course. She sighs and presses her back against the door, midnight blue bangs dangling in her eyes and tickling her ears. Brushing them to the side, she looks up at Perri, then turns to the spot beside her. Perri bites her lip and walks over to Lapis, leaning against the door. The remaining hoppers begin to emerge from their hiding places, grumbling and stumbling about, and quickly begin to bicker over who can keep Frank's things.
"So he's gone", Perri says.
Lapis glances at her out of the corner of her eye. "Guy was a dick anyway."
. . .
Lapis would never admit it, but she eventually grows to enjoy Perri's company.
She's like a golden sheep that's accidentally imprinted on her, incessantly bleating about oranges, her hot Economics professor, dragging Amethyst along to Comicon, Camp Pining Hearts, her collection of La La Loopsies, and fanfiction.
"What's that", Lapis asks, raking her fingers through Perri's air as she watches the colors of day shift to night in front of them.
"Gah, this is my favorite." Perri's hands start flailing in rapid hand gestures. "You know who Iron-Man is?"
She snorts and drags her finger through some dust along the floor. "Yes, I know who Iron-Man is; I ain't that old, Perri."
"Just checking. Anyway, say you're, like, in love with Iron Man-"
"I'm not."
"I know but hypothetically speaking. Say you love Iron Man. And you love him so much that you want to write a story about him. Or make a video. Or a cartoon. Or a song. Or anything like that. That's fanfiction."
Lapis averts her gaze to stare down at Perri, her eyes tinted with confusion.
Perri sits up and digs out her phone, tapping the screen for a few moments before passing it to Lapis. After several minutes of heavy protests ("Because the light hurts my eyes, because I like pushing buttons, because I don't want to), Lapis eventually yields and accepts the phone.
"That's a Camp Pining Hearts fic. It's one of the shorter ones, but it's good", Perri explains. She lies back in Lapis's lap and curls into a ball. "I'm gonna catch a few winks. Let me know how it goes, okay?"
"...Okay."
. . .
A few hours pass; when Perri is shaken into consciousness, the sky has streaks of red and pink dancing against a backdrop of cobalt. She takes a moment to take in the sight before she looks up and finds Lapis staring down at her with wide, bloodshot eyes.
"Laz", Perri starts. "Hey. You okay?"
"Yeah, great." Lapis rubs her eyes and leans closer to Perri so she can see the phone. "Paulette and Pierre are a ridiculous ship, and I can't believe the love triangle's even a part of canon. A relationship between them would be catastrophic."
"How do you know what a 'ship' is? How do you know what canon is?"
"I read a few fics about them", Lapis continues, undeterred. "And they were awful. But I read this one, Among the Dandelions, and it was beautiful. They weren't just shallow Barbie and Ken dolls bitching over a game of tug-of-war, you know?"
Perri sleepily smiles up at Lapis. "So you like it?"
"Yes. And I found this other fandom. Turns out, there's this ship, Destiel, and-"
"Oh, geez", Perri mutters as Lapis continues. "I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I?"
. . .
The immediate fear that grips her when she awakes and finds Perri is missing is so foreign, so powerful that she almost mistakes it for a panic attack. She hops to her feet before she's fully awake and, true to Perri's earlier prediction, nearly tumbles out of the side door when the train suddenly lurches and knocks her off her feet.
"Perri", Lapis calls, squinting through the limited light the moon provides. Her heart pounding in uneven, ragged beats, she takes a few steps forward and gives the room a scrutinizing lookover. "Perri! Where are you?"
"Shut up", a hoarse voice calls. "Some of us our trying to sleep."
"Go choke on a dick, Ray; nobody asked you."
"No need to get pissy. Ain't my fault your little girlfriend split."
"She didn't split", Lapis mutters. Something cold crawls up the back of her neck, almost paralyzing her with its force, but she keeps moving until she reaches the door leading to the caboose.
"Uh huh. Even if she hasn't, that don't mean she ain't gonna."
The door slams behind her with an echoing groan. If this had been Tim's night on, she'd have winced and instantly run back and jumped into her barrel. But it isn't. It's Lapis's night. Or rather, Perri's night if the sight of her despondent figure slumped over the railing means anything.
"Perri", Lapis says in a breathless sigh. She pushes her messy hair out of her face and walks over to her. "What the hell? I thought you fell out."
Perri stares ahead, her head resting on her crossed arms. "Sorry. I just needed a minute."
"Oh." She takes a step back. "Want me to leave?"
"...No. You can stay."
"Right. Well, sit down. You're gonna get a crick in your neck." Lapis sinks to the floor. A moment later, Perri joins her, though her attention's still on the green hills racing away from them.
Lapis taps her fingers against her knees and wiggles her toes in her shoes. When she looks up, Perri's eyes are closed, and her hands are folded in her lap. Her face is clear of any emotions, and not a muscle within her is moving. Lapis gulps and takes a breath, the fear from before rising from her core and threatening to crush her lungs. Just as she's about to say something, Perri sighs and quietly says, "My camera's missing."
Lapis blinks and scoots closer to her. The fear is gone now, though a gentle heat simmers where it had been, and her own face takes on a blank expression. "What?"
"I woke up", she explains, her shoulders drooping. "And I saw a flock of geese flying past the moon. I went to take a pic, but my camera was gone. I thought, 'maybe I put it in the wrong pocket'. So I looked. But it wasn't there. So I asked everyone if they'd seen it."
"And?"
Perri opens her eyes and finally turns to face Lapis. From this angle, Lapis has a perfect view of the slash across her cheek, from which a steady stream of blood pours and mixes with the trail of saltwater running from Perri's left eye. Lapis slowly stretches her hand out and cups Perri's face.
"Who did this?"
Perri shrugs. "Couldn't see."
"Okay, well, did you hear anyone?"
"Yeah. A woman."
Lapis nods and rises to her feet. "Come here."
She frowns but complies, wrapping her arms around herself as she follows Lapis to their car. "Why? What are we doing?"
"Just trust me. It'll be fine." She closes the door behind her, then reaches for a butterfly knife in her boot. Perri's eyes widen, but she remains silent after Lapis raises a finger to her lips. Lapis turns to her left, peering through the darkness, and nods. Clearing her throat, she brings back her leg and kicks at the body on the floor. A soft groan pierces the air, and a woman with matted hair sits up, clutching her side, to glare at the two.
"What the fuck do you urchins want", she seethes, drunkenly pawing the floor around her.
Lapis rolls her eyes and bends over, standing up a moment later with a Swiss Army Knife. "Looking for something?"
The woman scoffs. "Obviously, not anymore."
"Right. Listen, Marion, I know you have my friend's camera. Give it back and we can all go back to sleep with the same amount of bruises we started the night out with."
Marion clucks her tongue. "Sorry, kid. Don't know what you're yammerin' about."
"Uh huh. Then what's with the beer gut?"
She looks down, flashes a gap-toothed smile, and gives her blocky stomach a light pat. "Gettin' old will do that to you."
"Laz, forget it", Perri whispers. "I really don't want any trouble. My stop's in just a few days. I don't wanna have to spend them worrying about getting stabbed when my back is turned."
The venom in Lapis's eyes temporarily melts, and she turns to give her a look, but Perri's attention is on Marion. Lapis turns back to Marion and places her hands on her hips. "Look here-"
"The small one's smart. You oughta listen to her before things turn ugly."
"Things turned ugly the moment your crusty little fingers got the idea to go sniffing through my friend's stuff."
"I ain't go sniffin'", Marion defends. "This idiot's been wavin' that thing around since she got here. You should be happy knives are only just now gettin' involved." She stumbles to her feet and pokes Lapis in the forehead, not noticing the camera falling from her shirt. Perri squeaks and reaches to snatch it before it can collide with the floor. Marion turns back to Perri and says, "Hey! That's mine!"
"It was mine first", Perri replies, drawing her shoulders back.
"Yeah, but it's mine now. So give it back."
Lapis steps forward to intervene, tightening her grip on her knife, but Perri gives Marion a sharp kick to the shin, then pulls back her arm to punch her in the face. Marion crumbles, the assortment of items she'd stolen falling out of her pockets and spilling across the floor like debris from a meteor shower. Lapis turns to Perri and raises her eyebrows.
Perri taps her feet against the floor and says, "What? She had my camera. And she was coming after you."
"I know. I wasn't judging. You just handled that pretty good."
"Oh." She relaxes, offering Lapis a hesitant smile. She shrugs the strap over her neck, shuffles her feet, and stares at her shoes. "Thanks. And thanks for, uh, helping."
"Yeah. No problem."
"..."
"..."
"So back to sleep?"
"Definitely."
. . .
The train stops for one day to take care of a "rodent infestation", though the fact that Tim's the one that called for it makes Lapis think it's just an excuse to get any stragglers out of the cars.
It's efficient. Everyone clears the train immediately, camping out in the surrounding woodland while the inspection and trap-placing take place. Only a select few, Ray, Perri, and Lapis, remain behind. The sun's just reached the point of high noon, though, and Perri's grown weary of staring at dead trees.
"Come on", she pleads, yanking on Lapis's forearm. "It could be fun. There's a town up ahead. We should go check it out."
"There's nothing to see. It's probably the same as your hometown", Lapis grouses. She picks at a scab on her knee, careful not to dig too deeply. "Besides, I wanna be here before the train takes off."
"My high school had plenty of rodent infestations." Lapis lifts her eyes from her knee, but Perri waves a hand at her. "Don't ask. Anyway, we had a lot of them. And even when we had decent people come in, we got the day off cause it took 'em like six to eight hours to get the job done. They haven't even started yet, so that gives us until at least midnight."
"I dunno, Perri. What if they finish early?"
"Trust me, Laz, they never finish early."
Lapis huffs and starts to object more when Ray abruptly says, "She's not gonna let up until you say 'yes'." She frowns and looks at Perri, who simply smiles and says, "'Tis the season."
"Only for the jolly."
. . .
They make a stop at a gas station to buy a bagful of Snickers, Pretzel M&M's, water bottles, to replace the phone charger that had burnt out, and to freshen up in the bathroom.
"I haven't showered in, like, five days", Perri admits, dragging a green rag under the running faucet of the sink and dabbing it underneath her arms. "I refuse to go into public smelling like smoke and sweat."
"Christmas is in, what, three days? People are gonna be too busy stealing and elbowing old ladies to be sniffing us", Lapis says with a shrug.
"Yeah. But it makes me feel better." Perri smirks, then reaches into her duffel bag and pulls out a spare rag. After tossing it to Lapis, she faces the mirror again; she runs her hands under the faucet and splashes the water on her face. She takes a step back, pressing her finger to the corners of her eyes, and nods to the sink. "Your turn."
Lapis hesitates, prompting Perri to say, "Come on. When was the last time you had a shower?"
"Fair enough." She accepts the rag and thrusts it under the water before running it over her neck and face. When she finishes, she wets the rag once more and shoves it under her shirt to paw at her armpits. "This tickles", she admits, looking at Perri in the mirror.
"Yeah. You should probably do it more often."
"Shut up."
. . .
The skating rink is massive and terrifying. It spreads over a stretch of land twice the size of a football field; it's still relatively early in the day, so there's only a handful of people on the ice. But Lapis can picture it at night on New Year's, rumbling from the sound of blades gliding across the ice and dozens of people idly chatting. She's standing on wobbling legs at the edge of the rink, clutching the wall with a deadly grip and clenching her eyes shut.
"Hey, Laz. You, uh, you have to let go to actually skate", Perri says, giving her arm a light squeeze. "How about you give it a try?"
"Ice skating is kind of ridiculous", Lapis murmurs, shivering from her touch. "What if it cracks and gives away?"
"Then one of us dies, and the other sues and writes a book on their untimely death. Now, before that happens, how about we get some actual skating in."
"You're actually awful, you know that?"
"Yeah, I know."
Lapis looks down at her fingers, takes a shaky breath, then pulls them off the wall. When she doesn't immediately fall, she offers Perri a wobbly smile and accepts the hand extending toward her. Together, they slowly push off the wall and skate at a slow pace, watching an elderly couple a few meters away from them skate in lazy, content circles.
"I used to come to a rink like this when I was little", Perri says; a cloud of nostalgia passes over her eyes, and she hums lightly.
"Yeah. You like it?"
"Sometimes. Skating's fun and all, but it's better when you have a partner."
"Well, did you have a partner?"
"No, not usually", Perri admits with a sheepish shrug. She moves a few inches away from Lapis, then continues when she gets no reaction. "My parents were always working, and I lived on an orange farm about ten miles away from civilization. And even when they weren't working, they usually just locked me in the barn until they were ready to deal with me. So no. No partners." She pauses and chuckles. "Until Pumpkin, but that wasn't until way later."
"Oh." Lapis frowns and looks Perri over. And for the first time, she notices the way her eyes never settle on a single point, always moving as if she's searching for something, as if she's running away from something. She pulls Perri closer to her, her fingernails digging into her skin, and inhales shakily.
Perri's face contorts in concern, and she halts in her skating. "Wanna stop?"
"No. No, I'm good." She clears her throat and rolls forward, allowing Perri to lead her in a repeating figure eight formation. "Uh, your parents. They sound kind of..."
"Shitty?"
"Yeah. Why are you going back?"
"Honestly? To get Pumpkin." She shakes her head and says, "They're trying to put her up for adoption because she's too 'hyper and uncontrollable'. Amethyst and I are moving out of our dorm and into a flat after the break. And we're about as 'hyper and uncontrollable' as they get, so I figure, 'why not'? Could be fun."
"What, the dognapping or getting Pumpkin back?"
Perri smiles broadly, lets Lapis go, and turns to do a spin. "Both."
. . .
The Christmas tree at the heart of town looks like it's been hastily thrown together: a giant blob of tinsel dangles from a branch near the center, like a silver booger dangling from a goblin's nose; the star at the top wobbles as if it wasn't attached properly, plaguing onlookers with the perpetual fear that it will eventually detach and implant itself into their heads; not to mention the lights, half of which are a neon blue and the other half a bright green. But half of each aren't working, so the end effect is a scattered mess of blue and green dots. The tree itself, with its unevenly trimmed limbs and sole present resting against the base, is an insult to the holiday itself. Nonetheless, Lapis and Perri are drawn to it and take a moment to sit on a bench in front of it. They don't say anything, but Perri takes three quick pictures of it just as they stand to leave. When she lowers the camera from her eyes, she looks up at Lapis, grabs her hand, then leads her to a garbage can to throw away their candy wrappers.
And Lapis knows that, for but a moment, they'd come to the same consensus.
. . .
Lapis has gone swimming a handful of times, the last one being at a family reunion when she was thirteen. She and her parents had gone to an aunt's house in Alabama; the air was unbearably humid, and the reunion ended up being cancelled because her great uncle collapsed in the swimming pool from heat exhaustion. Needless to say, Lapis has taken care to avoid encounters with big bodies of water.
Until now.
"I don't even have a swimsuit", she protests half-heartedly, her eyes on the ceiling of the changing room as Perri sheds her clothes.
Perri pulls her shirt over her head and says, "Panties and bras count as swimsuits."
"They do not."
"Well, they're gonna have to today. Come on. Loose 'em."
Lapis rolls her eyes but concedes, holding up her palms, before she rolls her pants off her hips. "I can't even swim."
"We'll stick to the shallow end." When Lapis has finished undressing, Perri snatches her hand and leads her out of the room. She breaks off into the sprint as she approaches the pool, then jumps and splashes into the pool. When she resurfaces, she brushes her flaxen hair out of her face and smiles up at Lapis as she pushes herself backwards. "Come on", she calls. "It feels great! Well, it's kinda cold, but it'll warm up in a sec."
Lapis smirks and moves to the side of the pool, her legs dangling over the edge and into the water. "You are the master of persuasion." Blinking Christmas lights cling to the insides of the pool, some beneath the water and some above. It gives the water a cheerful look and gives every shadow the allusion of the Aurora Borealis. Lapis slowly eases into the pool, watching as the colors bounce and twitch, and swims forward.
"Hey", she says. She circles Perri, flapping her arms as she pushes her feet against the bottom of the pool.
Perri smiles and sinks deeper into the water. "Hey."
"This water is freezing. You lied to me."
"A little white lie never hurt anyone." She ducks her head beneath the water and swims away.
Lapis chuckles, inhales sharply, then plunges through the water. Perri floats onto her back and stares, surprise evident in the school of bubbles that burst from her mouth. Lapis smiles and pushes through the water until her toes no longer reach the gritty bottom of the pool. Perri follows after her, and the two fall into a pattern of orbiting one another, with Perri clinging to her shoulders and Lapis holding her by the waist. Eventually, they resurface, both taking deep breaths before erupting into delirious laughter.
"You said you couldn't swim", Perri says breathlessly as Lapis walks them back to the side of the pool. "You lied to me."
"A little white lie never hurt anyone", Lapis returns. "You're not hurt, are you?"
Water droplets trickle from strands of yellow hair, sliding down the side of Perri's nose before plopping onto the edge of her lower lip. "I don't think so." She rests her head against Lapis's shoulder and looks up at her. "You?"
"No. I'm feeling pretty good actually."
"Oh. Good."
Lapis pulls Perri close to her and starts to say something when a bright white light materializes and settles on her eyes. She groans and brings a hand up to her face.
"Fun's over, ladies", a security guard says, walking towards the pool. "You're in a public setting, and that is indecent attire."
Perri gently tugs on Lapis's arm, and the two begin to slowly move backwards. "Well, how can you tell we're indecent if we're underwater? Seems to me like you're doing your job a little too well, mister."
The guard scowls and reaches for his belt. "I'm calling this in."
"Run." They both shoot out of the pool, snatch their clothes and bags off the ground, then take off for the gates.
"Hey, get back here!"
Tossing their bags over their shoulders, they stuff their clothes into their bags and rush across the concrete, panting as the guard breaks into a staggering sprint after them.
"What do we do", Lapis asks when they pause at the gate.
Perri tosses her bag over, then wraps her fingers around the steel bars of the gate and starts ascending. "We climb, then haul ass!" She falls once she reaches the top and crashes to the ground before hopping to her feet. Shrugging her duffel bag over her shoulder, she calls out, "Your turn. And hurry."
Lapis chances a look over her shoulder. When she sees the security guard still rushing after them, she curses quietly and turns back to the gate; she tosses her bag to Perri and scrambles over the gate, landing with a light shock running up her spine.
"All right, let's go."
They make a quick dash away from the guard, ignoring his irate shouts, and hop over numerous fences before finally pausing to slide back into their clothes.
"Perri, you're fucking crazy", Lapis grouses as she flips the collar of her denim jacket.
Perri merely grins. "Yeah. But come on. If it weren't for me, you'd have spent your day sleeping on moldy wood and trying not to choke on bug bombs."
She bends to roll up her socks and smirks. "True. But at least then I don't have to worry about creeps looking at my bits. Put your pants back on. We got a train to catch."
"Ooh, that sounds like something out of a movie. Except a cool one, like, when there's a bomb or a murder mystery or something."
Lapis starts walking and rolls her eyes. "What, smuggling onto a train not good enough for you?
"Well, I almost died the last time I tried. So no, not really."
"That's your own fault for trying to hop on once it already took off."
"Lapis, no one likes a Scrooge", Perri says in a snooty voice.
"I think you're forgetting about the Grinch." Lapis shoves her hands into her pockets and lowers her voice to say, "I heard they fuck like rabbits on New Year's."
"How about we leave before you ruin whatever remains of my childhood?"
"Where's the fun in that?"
. . .
When they arrive back at the train, they find two new men waiting in their boxcar and the faint scent of chemicals permeating the air, though not much else has changed. They crawl inside and settle into their spot. A few moments pass, and Perri falls asleep on Lapis's shoulder, and Lapis quickly follows in suit.
. . .
"You ever wonder if someone from some other galaxy looks at the earth and wonders if we're all dead?"
"We're not stars, Perri."
"Well, our souls are kind of like stars."
"Maybe. But a lot of people's stars have been dead for a while now."
"You think they can be reborn? Like, if a piece of another star mixes with a dead one and jumpstarts it core or something."
"...Yeah. Yeah, I do."
. . .
When the train crosses the state line into Florida, Perri pulls out her camera and spends a few hours flicking through her photo album. Lapis assumes she mostly lingers over pictures of Pumpkin, but she doesn't bother to ask. Perri has adopted a mask of solemnity; it's such a bizarre expression on her face that Lapis is almost afraid to interrupt her. It's like a protective glass bubble has encased Perri, and any attempt to communicate with her would result in the shattering of both the bubble and whatever form of coping she's taking part in. So Lapis leaves her alone and instead spends the night staring at the moon, wondering if the next night will come and see her watching it on her lonesome.
. . .
The farm is not what Lapis expects it to be. Then again, she hadn't known that oranges grew on trees, so the surprise is somewhat valid.
"I bet your doctor's proud of your Vitamin C levels", Lapis muses, taking in the dozens upon dozens of orange trees surrounding them.
Perri snorts and steals an orange, then begins to pull away the peel. "Yeah, like three years ago. Right now, my blood is sixty percent sugar, forty percent fat and grease."
"Sounds like a good life." She reaches for an orange of her own and pauses to take a whiff of the fruity aroma enveloping them. "God, I can't remember the last time I had something this fresh." She peels the orange, then takes a bite, savoring the trail of juice that drips onto her shirt. "Damn, that's good." Her hands shoot out, eager to salvage as many oranges as they can for later.
"'Dotman Oranges: best in the state'", Perri admits with a modest shrug. They continue walking and eventually come upon a small farmhouse resting on the top of a hill.
Lapis reaches for a pack of M&M's in her pocket. "That the place", she asks, chewing around a mouthful of salt and chocolate.
"Uh huh", Perri says. Her grip on the strap of her duffel bag tightens, and the intense look from before returns.
Lapis bites her lip and extends the packet to her. "Want some?"
She smiles thinly and holds out her palm for Lapis. After dropping the small candies into her mouth, she turns back to the house and starts forward. "Ready?"
"Yeah. So is there anything I need to worry about? Trap doors, high-tech security systems, the likes?"
Perri chuckles as they begin to scale the hill. "Nope. Just Pumpkin. Hopefully, she'll find us before my parents do." They both halt to shrug off their sweaters and jackets, then continue onward, clinging closer to the earth as the house grows larger.
"And Pumpkin? How's she do with strangers?"
"Ah, she's a big ole sweetheart. You guys are gonna love each other."
They come to the back of the house and crouch as they pass a window. Lapis glances up at one point and catches sight of a family portrait perched against a couch. It's a copy of the one on Perri's camera but large like the flag of a pirate ship; at this size, though, the mild discomfort in Perri's eyes is easy to place. It doesn't exactly surprise Lapis to see a painting of assorted fruits hanging above it, as if her parents are debating replacing it. She scowls and rises to get a better look but stops when fingers wrap around her wrist. She turns around and finds Perri staring at her intently.
"Let it go", she whispers. Then, nodding her head, she turns and continues along the side of the house. "Come on. We're almost there."
Perri stops before a crate pressed against the wall and smiles. She pulls it back, revealing a short, wide hole. "Home sweet home", she whispers as she slithers inside.
Lapis fiddles with the zipper of her jacket but follows after anyway, crawling onto her belly as she squeezes into the hole. The small space is dark save for the cracks of yellow light piercing the air; it's like walking through a field of cobwebs and dust bunnies, only she can't stand up and turn around when her allergies flare up. She just ducks her head and pulls herself forward. Perri's farther ahead, pausing to peak through a hole in the wall before she continues crawling along like a graceful snake. When Lapis looks through the hole, she sees a man and a woman sitting in matching armchairs, their eyes focused on the newspapers in their hands. In the background, a soft, operatic song plays, and the sound of falling water drifts through the air. Lapis narrows her eyes and turns away before she resumes her journey.
There's more room up here, so Lapis rises to her hands and knees. The cobwebs and dust bunnies have all but disappeared, though discarded planks of wood are piled along the ground. There's also less light, so Lapis takes the time to run her hands along the earth before she moves forward. She ends up a few feet behind but eventually catches up to her when Perri halts in her movements. Lapis pauses to brush the dust off her face, then turns to Perri. Then she looks down and finds a sudden dip in the earth, followed by a strong, abrupt burst of light.
"This our way in", Lapis asks.
Perri makes a noise in her throat, then slides into the dip. "Yup", she says. Something creaks, and, a moment later, the path of the light expands. When Lapis peers closer, she sees Perri peeling back a plank of wood, her face red and dripping with sweat. "All right. In you go. And make it quick or you're gonna get whacked in the face."
"Well, that's comforting." Lapis quickly jumps into the dip and crawls into the new hole. When she emerges and opens her eyes, she finds herself in a cozy barn, surrounded by hundreds of barrels of oranges. "Definitely not your typical farm", she murmurs as she turns back to the wall. She pulls back the piece of the wall and is soon greeted by Perri's small body squeezing out like an overgrown child eagerly escaping its mother's womb in favor of a clean hospital; only, the barn smells like orange juice and good feelings, and the hospitals Lapis can think of have always reeked of Pinesol and uncertainty. She pushes the thought aside and crosses her arms over her chest, looking around her expectantly.
"So", she asks. "Where is she?"
A moment later, she hears barking and sees a small Dachshund dog emerge from behind one of the barrels. She rushes towards the two and stops at Perri's feet, rubbing her head against her shoe as she yips in excitement. Perri crouches to pick up the small dog and cradles her close to her chest.
"Oh, baby", she murmurs, kissing the top of her head. "I missed you so much. " She holds her out in front of her, then turns to smile at Lapis. "I want you to meet my new friend", Perri giggles, handing her to Lapis. "Lapis Lazuli. Laz, this is Pumpkin."
Pumpkin barks up at Lapis, her tongue dangling out of her mouth. Lapis smiles down at her and gives her back a gentle rub. "Hey, Pumpkin", she whispers. She can feel the beginnings of a frownforming, so she ducks her head. "Nice to meet you." Pumpkin hops out of her arms, then starts for Perri again. Perri squeals in delight and retrieves a Snicker bar from her pocket to toss to Pumpkin, who quickly takes off after it.
"Isn't this great", Perri cries, tossing her arms up in the air.
Lapis forces her lips upward and nods. "Yeah. It's amazing."
"I know, right! Okay, I have to get a picture of this." Pumpkin drops the snicker at their feet, then barks as Perri lifts her off the ground. She then digs her camera out of her pocket, pulls Pumpkin and Lapis close to her, and aims the lens at them. "Everybody say 'Fun Times'!"
. . .
Everyone leaves the train at some point.
They've all got somewhere to be, something to do, someone to see; they have neither the time nor the patience to spend the rest of their days hiding in a boxcar, waiting for scraps of food from a compassionate conductor. Lapis even had a game for it: if he/she leaves in X amount of days, you get to spend the next two days sleeping; if they don't, you get to spend the next day sleeping. It wasn't a very fun game, but it helped to pass to time. Besides, it was interesting to see how long people lasted and, more importantly, what it took for them to leave. For some, it was just the conditions of the train itself; for others, the weather; most, though, just couldn't handle the life: always traveling, always hiding, never seeing your friends or family, never knowing if your boxcar roommates would kill you in your sleep. Lapis had been through it all, and so had everyone else.
Everyone except Perri. Perri just needed to steal a dog and get back to school in time to celebrate the New Year with Amethyst.
"I can't believe we did it", Perri laughs, tossing her head back as they head down the hill. "Can you believe we did that?"
"No. Aren't they gonna be worried that she's gone?"
"Course not. Pumpkin's been running off a lot since I left; they're just gonna think she took off for good this time. But, come on, Laz! I got her back! And I didn't even get caught." She does a quick jig, her arms splayed out at her sides, and lets out a drawn out sigh. "Man, I feel like I could do anything."
Lapis pulls an orange out of her pocket and tosses it down the hill. "Oh, yeah", she asks. "Like go to the moon?"
"Forget the moon, I'm going to the stars, baby. And you can be my first mate."
"That's a boat, Perri."
"Same difference." Perri turns to Lapis and bumps her with her shoulder. "Come on. What's the matter? Aren't you happy? We got Pumpkin."
Pumpkin barks from her arms, then rolls her head back until it rests against Perri's stomach.
"Yeah, of course I'm happy", Lapis says. She averts her eyes to the approaching orange farm and hooks her thumbs into her pockets.
Perri shifts Pumpkin so that she rests in the crook of her arm. She then turns to Lapis and nods. "I'm expecting a 'but'."
"And I expect you to leave."
The hint of mischief that remained on her face dissolves and is immediately replaced with hurt. "Expect or want?"
"You said it yourself", Lapis continues with a scoff. "You left to get Pumpkin. You have her now so-"
"So what? 'Nice meeting you! It was fun but have a good life'?" Perri allows the squirming Pumpkin to jump from her arms and stares at Lapis with a number of emotions the latter recognizes but doesn't like associating with Perri's face.
"You're the one that's leaving", Lapis explodes, dropping her shoulders and gesturing to Perri's duffel bag. "Back to Chicago, back to where your real life is, right?"
"I'm still here", Perri returns. Her hands clench at her sides before one raises and extends a finger at Lapis. "I haven't gone anywhere yet."
"But you will. You've got, what, a week before classes start again? You have to leave."
"Yes. And you can come with me", Perri says. She drops her bag on the ground and pulls her phone out of one of the millions of pockets. "You can move in with me and Amethyst. The apartment's small, but we can make it work."
"Perri, I can't just pack up and move to Chicago."
"Why the hell not?" She moves closer to Lapis and stares up at her, her eyes furious. "You've been living on a freight train for the past five fucking years, Lapis. What's there to lose?"
Lapis shakes her head and starts walking again, tears of frustration building in her eyes. "It's not that simple."
"Yes, it is." Perri and Pumpkin fall into pace beside her. Perri stares at her with eyes just as frustrated but also confused. "I saw you when we went into town. Hell, I see you now. You like being off that train."
"Yeah, and?"
"So why do you stay? Why don't you come with me?"
Lapis scoffs and shoves her hands so deep into her pocket that the seams begin to rip. "I barely even know you", she eventually says. "For all I know, your folks are actually awesome, and you're just a crackpot that likes abducting weiner dogs!"
Perri recoils and stops walking. Her bright blue eyes flood with tears, only to be suddenly shielded by her eyelids. "You don't mean that", she says in a thick voice
Lapis watches her, then runs a nervous hand through her hair. "No. No, I don't. But let's be real for a second. We've only known each other for, like, six days. You could be crazy. I could be crazy. Do you realize how fucked up this whole thing is?"
"I don't care how crazy we might be. And I know you don't either." She opens her eyes and walks close to her until only half an inch of space remains between them. "You can have a life again. You can have a life with me." She takes Lapis's hand in hers and lets her head fall against her shoulder, breathing heavily. "Just say 'yes'. I'll help you get back on your feet. I'll help you find a job. I'll even let you have my bed. Just...please. " She looks up at Lapis and chokes out, "Don't get back on that train."
Lapis looks at her. But this time she really looks at her. She doesn't look at the deep cut running along her cheek. She doesn't look at the way her hair's spread out like someone's pressed a balloon to it. She doesn't look at the expensive goggles dangling from her neck. She just looks and sees a girl determined to be her friend and maybe save her from herself in the process. Lapis squeezes Perri's hand and exhales slowly. Her eyes rise to meet Perri's; she presses a gentle kiss on her head and takes a step back.
"This is not real", she begins. "This is the type of shit that happens in a Lifetime movie." She lets go of Perri's hand and turns her back to her. "We, this, whatever this is, this was not meant to happen. You're a college girl, and I... I am literal trash, Perri. Before the train, it was squatting in old buildings and bumming it up on park benches. Before that, I was sleeping in my parents' garage every time they kicked me out of the house. And I just took it, I took it all. I'm not a fighter. You are. You may not think you are, but you really are. Getting on this train, getting me to go with you, to be friends with you, that ain't exactly something everyone can do. And I'm glad. This past week." She pauses, let's the lump in her throat evaporate, then continues. "I'd rather have this past week with you just once than the past twenty three years, no questions asked. But it wouldn't work. I split when things get rough, you split because things are too easy. That "opposites attract" shit only works in science. Trying it anywhere else is only gonna land us in a fairy tale, Perri, and I ain't sticking around to see how it pans out."
Her limbs numb, Lapis walks away and reaches into her pocket for an orange. She starts to peel, leaving a trail of yellow half-moons in her wake. She's just discarded her first orange and is about to work on a second one when she hears something collapsing onto the ground, followed by approaching footsteps. Dropping her orange, Lapis breaks into a sprint and disappears into the field of orange trees. Perri chases after her, but Lapis's determination and longer legs provide her an advantage that propels her forward and allows her to escape before Perri can catch her.
As she's hopping over a picket fence, a loud, mournful sob shoots out of the farm and sears itself into Lapis's brain. She digs her pinky finger into her ear, adjusts the strap of her satchel, then continues onward. She doesn't realize that she's crying until a stray leaf gets stuck in the tears gushing from her eyes like a broken faucet.
. . .
She takes a detour to the local beach, Sunny Trails, before heading back to the train. She submerges herself in the water multiple times for about an hour until the tears stop burning like nitric acid.
. . .
"Hey, girlie." Ray looks up from the floor and stares at Lapis with unsteady eyes. "Where's the other one?"
She drops her bag beside her barrel and settles onto the floor. It's cold, and the wood makes her back hurt. But she's come to expect it because, after all these years, the train's developed into a sort of home away from home. And when offered the best comforts the world has to offer, she'd choose it in a heartbeat. Lapis closes her eyes and tugs her jacket closer to her.
"It didn't work out."
Ray grunts and uncorks a bottle of something. "That's too bad", he says with a belch. "I was getting used to her."
Lapis presses her face into her bag and sighs. "Yeah, me, too."
. . .
Christmas comes and goes, and Lapis eventually falls asleep wondering if the sudden scent of oranges is an olfactory hallucination or if the train has finally passed the Dotman Farm. She doesn't bother sitting up to see.
. . .
There's a new woman on the train.
She sits on the other side of the barrel, and she snores so loudly that Lapis barely gets any sleep for the first week that Perri is gone. When she finally confronts her, it's the thirty-first, and the rest of the train is deserted. Lapis rises to her feet and looks over the barrel. A plump woman with soft pink hair rests against the wall, bobbing her head along to the music playing in her headphones. Lapis scowls and pokes the woman's arm. She startles, then looks up at Lapis, her eyes apologetic.
"Sorry", she says. "Did you say something?"
"No, but I need to say something", Lapis says, the words coming out in a hurry. Her hands begin to fidget, so she shoves them into her back pockets. Clearing her throat, she leans her head back and blows her bangs out of her face. "You snore. Very loudly. And I can't sleep." She looks back down. Her hands come out on their own account and clamp together to point at the woman. "I like sleeping. It makes me very happy. And I haven't had too much of it since Perri left and I just-" Her voice cracks, and tears threaten to spring from her eyes, so she clenches them shut and ducks her head. "I-I was just wondering if you could, I dunno, scoot over maybe. Or something."
The woman quickly rises to her feet and walks towards Lapis. A soft, warm hand drops over Lapis's shoulder, and a finger taps the bottom of her chin until Lapis opens her eyes and looks up at her. She sniffles and brings her arm up to wipe her running nose. Then, staring down at the soiled sleeve, she remarks, "God, she would have hated that."
The woman smiles earnestly and crouches to look her in the eye. It's only at this moment that Lapis realizes the woman's at least a foot and a half taller than her. She gulps and scratches the side of her nose as she wraps her arms around herself.
"My name's Rose", the woman says. She brushes her hair over her shoulder and lets out a soft chuckle. "And I'm sorry if my snoring's disturbing you. I've been told it's horrendous."
Lapis sniffles once more and blinks. "It's really not that bad. I was just dicking with you. And, uh, I'm Lapis. Lazuli. That's-That's two names. Sorry, I'm kind of a mess." She sighs and sinks to the floor, pressing her back to the wall. "I don't know what I'm doing."
Rose sits down beside her and levels her with a concerned look. "Is this about this 'Perri' person you mentioned?"
"Yeah, kinda." She rubs her hand over her face, then pulls a spork out of her pocket as she begins to recount the week she spent with Perri. Rose listens with a calm air, waiting patiently when Lapis has to pause to gather her thoughts or wait for a wave of emotional intensity to pass. It's amazing how easy it is to explain it all, especially considering all the time she's spent avoiding specifying the past and repressing its effect on her. It spills from her mouth like a waterfall gushing out several millions tons of mistakes, disappointments, and regrets; the conversation eventually strays from the Week of Perri and instead focuses on her life before the train, which causes even more startling realizations. When she finishes and pauses to consider two decades worth of repression, all she can do is sigh and flop her arms against the floor.
"Like I said", Lapis says, turning to Rose. "Kind of a mess."
Rose's eyebrows, furry and pink like two eccentric ferrets, furrow in disagreement. "Relative to what?"
Lapis scoffs and shakes her head. "Relative to what my life could be. I could be in Chicago right now, stuffing my face with deep-dish pizza and terrorizing pigeons with Perri and maybe the roommate if I wasn't so stupid."
"You aren't stupid. You just sound scared. And with every right to be. Habits really do die hard, especially when you try to speed the process along and kill them outright."
Lapis taps her spork against her thigh. "I wanna be with her", Lapis admits quietly.
Rose shrugs and nudges her foot with her toe. "Then go. It sounds like she's quite fond of you."
"I left her crying in the middle of an orange farm, like, three days before Christmas. She probably hates me."
"Or she could miss you just as much and is probably waiting for you to come after her." Rose turns to look at the passing trees and sighs. "Whatever happens next is up to you. Only you can decide if you get off this train."
Lapis twiddles her thumbs in her lap and follows Rose's gaze. "And if I do?"
"That's also up to you."
"I was afraid you'd say that." She elbows Rose lightly and frowns. "You sound like a sort of sane person. Why are you here?"
Rose flashes her teeth and chuckles so deeply it causes her entire body to shake. "I'm just here for the view. You never know what you'll find on a road trip."
Lapis frowns and trails her eyes to the ceiling. She brushes her thumb over the back of her spork and murmurs, "Yeah. Life's funny like that."
. . .
Perri lifts a picture frame off the counter and moves it so that it's between a ceramic pumpkin and a bronze statue of a man sitting in a fishing boat. Amethyst rolls her eyes from her spot on the couch and opens a jar of peanut butter.
"You're a strange little creature, you know that", she tells Perri.
"I've been told." Pumpkin circles around her feet, her tail wagging excitedly. Perri smiles and lifts her tiny body off the ground. "Aw, somebody wants attention."
"She's not the only one."
She sticks her tongue out, then walks into the living room and crashes onto the couch beside her. "Shut up."
"I'm just saying, P. Ever since you came back, you've been like the guy that thinks he's gonna marry his hooker, then wakes up and finds his car keys missing."
"Well, she didn't steal anything from me, so that analogy doesn't work."
Amethyst shoves a plastic spork into her jar, then into her mouth. "She stole your heart", she says. She takes a moment to suck the peanut butter out of her teeth before she continues. "But look on the bright side. You got a really neat scar out of it."
"You are an awful human being. I'm recovering from a severe case of heartbreak, yet you mock me. Why?"
"Cause I'm a dick."
"Yeah, that's probably it."
The doorbell rings, and Perri smirks as she sets Pumpkin on the couch, stands up, and starts for the door. "I'll get it." Boxes cover nearly every open space around them, giving the small apartment the appearance of a labyrinth, so it takes a moment for her to reach the door. When she finally does, the first thing she does is look through the glass window centered in the wood. Once she catches sight of the blue head of hair on the other side, though, the blood in her body instantaneously solidifies, and her hand pauses on the doorknob in apprehension.
"Who is it", Amethyst calls from the living room.
Perri blinks and turns the few dozen locks before tossing open the door. Lapis shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other, her left hand gripping a purple flyer in her hand. The right hand, Perri notices, remains behind her back. Lapis tugs at the collar of her jacket, then coughs into her shoulder. "Hey."
Perri laughs incredulously. "Hey."
"..."
"..."
Lapis rubs the back of her neck, then hands the flyer to Perri. When she accepts it, she can't help but notice the sweat stains coating the paper and raises a finger to stare at the purple ink clinging to it. She looks up and finds Lapis staring at her, the ever present blush coloring her face. "I, uh, heard there's a Camp Pining Hearts fan club in the city. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to check it out. CPHluver54's supposed to be there."
Perri looks back down at the flyer, then up again at Lapis. "And why would I do that?"
Lapis's blush deepens, but she keeps her eyes on Perri. "Because I also heard there's going to be a total idiot there that wants to apologize to the nicest, most thoughtful girl she's ever met, and I figured you'd maybe want to see her. Maybe."
Perri crosses her arms over her chest.
"I'm sorry, Perri", Lapis says. "I like you. A lot. And I do want a life with you. And Pumpkin. And maybe Amethyst if she isn't as big of a dick as I am."
"Fucking let her in, Perri!"
Perri rolls her eyes. "Quit eavesdropping!" She steps to the side and shyly looks up at Lapis. "I'd like that. A new life with you, I mean. Uh, why don't you come on in? There's someone I want you to meet. But be prepared because she is a massive dick."
Perri's back is to her as they enter the living room and begin introductions, but Lapis has removed her right hand from behind her back. Clenched in her fingers is a pack of 20 steel sporks. Perri's too busy planning the next year of the trio's lives to notice, but that's okay. Lapis has travelled halfway across the country, and she's finally here, and she's wanted. She slides the pack into her pocket and allows herself to be dragged towards the couch. Perri immediately snatches her camera off the coffee table and raises the camera above them. Pumpkin scrambles into Lapis's lap and lets out a gleeful bark.
"Everybody say 'Pizza!'"
Later on, when Lapis sees the picture, she can't help but smile fondly. It's not half bad.
For a first shot.