Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, nor the song, Girl, I fucked Your Boyfriend, which rightfully belongs to The Gay Pump, aka Johnny McGovern.
Sitting in the almost empty common room in Gryffindor Tower at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Ginny Weasley was sitting in a plush arm chair studying the book in her lap, when an owl soared in to land on her shoulder. The large tawny owl dropped an envelope on top of her book. Ginny looked quite bewildered at first, then she saw the coloring of a howler. Her wide eyes were transfixed upon the offending envelope, and raised when the envelope did so. She stared, stone still, the other occupants of the room waiting for the crude message. What came, however, was embarrassing to say the least, but not even close to the reprimanding she had expected. Instead, it was a deep, foreign voice that was singing!
Girl, you shoulda known better than to the club
when your man ain't around,
and he gives me a kiss and he gives me a hug
with a look in his eyes that says that ain't enough.
There was something that he wanted to try.
I could tell from the look in his eye.
You shoulda known better than to leave him with me.
You shoulda known better, knowin what I wanted to see.
I took his inhibitions, tossed them away!
Now I only got one thing to say, girl.
I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, fucked your boyfriend.
I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped and fell on my dick.
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped and fell on my dick,
so, I fucked your boyfriend.
Girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
I fucked your boyfriend.
Girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped and fell on my dick.
Give him a drink,
and give him some more,
remove his shirt when we hit the floor.
Down to the back, and out the door,
and you know what's in store, UH!
There was something that he wanted to try
(I've never done this before).
I could tell from the look in his eye
(but I want to).
You shoulda known better than to leave him with me.
You shoulda known better knowin what I wanted to see.
Took his ass-ginity and tossed it away
(oh man)! Now I only got one thing to say, girl (awesome).
I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, fucked your boyfriend.
I, I, I, I,(you're not gonna tell anybody, right)
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I (of, fucking tight),
oh I, girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped and fell on my dick.
He slipped (and fell on my dick) (oh!),
He slipped (and fell on my dick) (oh!),
He slipped (and fell on my dick) (oh!),
He slipped and fell on my dick,
so, I fucked your boyfriend (oh god!).
Girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
I fucked your boyfriend.
Girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped and fell on my dick.
Now, girl, I know this hurts.
I'm gonna sing this to you in a nice way.
You know, real classy like.
So, choir, why don't you come here and help me.
Now listen up:
(choir)
Girl, I fucked your man
(you know he did it)!
Girl, I fucked your man
(you know he did it)!
Girl, I fucked your man
(you know he did it)!
Girl, I fucked your man
(you know he did it)!
I fucked your man,
I'd do it again.
I fucked your man,
and his best friend, girl.
I fucked your man,
I'd do it again.
I fucked your man,
and his best friend, girl.
I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, fucked your boyfriend.
I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, I, I, I,
oh I, girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped and fell on my dick.
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped (and fell on my dick),
He slipped and fell on my dick,
so, I fucked your boyfriend. Girl,
I fucked your boyfriend.
I fucked your boyfriend.
Girl, I fucked your boyfriend.
You know he did it!
The room was silent. Everyone staring at Ginny, mouths gaping. Some students had emerged from their dorms to investigate the noise. Everything was silent and still. The only noise being the cracking of the fire. The howler curled up into a ball, disposing of itself.
"It must have been a joke or something. Wrong person." Ginny said with a nervous smile, her voice quivering slightly. Some of her peers grunted in agreement, others tried to muffle their laughter. Everyone had resumed what they had been doing previously, before the interruption.
'This is going to be around the whole school by tomorrow! Who in their bloody minds would send this?!' Ginny worried herself.
Just then, the Golden Trio stepped through the porthole, into the common room. All heads turned, and more muffled laughter could be heard. Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked further into the room, Harry went behind the armchair to plant a kiss on his girlfriend's cheek. Ginny was immediately self conscious. Her head snapped up from her book, turning to see Harry's smiling face.
"Oh! Hello Harry," Ginny squeaked in surprise.
"Hello, love." Harry went to sit at a small round table with Ron. Some students were still snickering leaving the three new occupants oddly confused, "what's so funny?"
"Nothing!" Ginny replied all too quickly gaining suspicious looks from the others. "I mean, Parvati. Yes, she said quite a funny joke earlier. Isn't that right?" Ginny gave a look that said 'say anything and I jinx you into next century' to the two by the fire. Lucky for her, the three didn't see.
"Yes. That's right. A funny joke. Ha, ha." Parvati said dryly. Ginny closed her book straight after. "Look at the time. I'm pretty tired. I'll just be going up to bed now. See you in the morning." She walked over to Harry and kissed his cheek, then giving one last parting look to Parvati, left up the stairs. Of course, Parvati never listens.
"That was-" Ron began, but was cut off by girl. "Ginny got a howler. A downright weird one, at that. More embarrassing then Longbottom's in first year!"
"A howler? But who would send Ginny a howler?" Hermione was astounded at Parvati's words. "Why don't you ask her little boyfriend. Or her brother." Parvati's words were rich with malice. She got up and headed to her dorm, hissing with laughter on her way up.
"What was she talking about? What has this got to deal with you two?!" Hermione turned to scold the boys. "We did nothing! We have no idea what the bloody hell the girl was talking about!" Ron yelled back.
"Yeah, Hermione, why would we send a howler to Ginny? And you can't trust a thing Parvati says. She does anything to spread rumors." Harry defended, though not as brash as Ron.
"Oh, all right. I'll just have to ask Ginny myself, then." Hermione retired to the dorms. Ron and Harry gave each other questioning looks, shrugged, and went to their own respectable rooms.
The next morning, as Ginny had expected, most of the school had been informed of her howler. When she stepped into the Great Hall, all eyes were on her. While walking over to the Gryffindor table, she heard a certain Slytherin.
"Knew Potter would come 'round. It was bound to happen any day that he would be fed up with the Weasels." None other than Draco Malfoy could have said this. "Shame it had to be this way. In the middle of a blossoming relationship." Pansy Parkinson feigned sympathy. The Slytherin table laughed heartily.
Ginny kept walking towards the table, her face imitating her bright, red hair. 'I knew it. It was only a matter of time.' Ginny thought to herself. An all knowing smile occupied her lips, surprising most people.
More students started entering the Great Hall, three of them being Ron, Harry, and Hermione. They walked up to sit by Ginny, and started to fill their plates with food. The Slytherins were oddly quite of the entrance, no one noticed. Breakfast had gone smoothly. Ginny noticed the stares she and her boyfriend received, but ignored them. She was going to get this straight, figuratively speaking.
Yes, Ginny had planned it all out finely. She had figured out the perpetrator, and would corner the one who sent her the questionable howler. Now all she had to do was find out how to get them alone. A large problem, indeed… A light bulb popped on top her head.
"Please, Hermione! Just this once! It's very important!" Ginny begged the girl.
"Okay. But only if you promise to tell me everything," Ginny's face lit up, "Now." She paled slightly, then took a breath and began to tell the story to the elder Gryffindor. Hermione's face fell at first; she then burst into a fit of giggles. "Oh, this is well worth it."
Ginny walked around the dark corridors of the school, twiddling with the wand in her pocket, searching for her prey. She was glad that Hermione's Disillusionment spell had worked well. She was hidden from all who walked the halls late at night.
Turning a corner, that's when she spotted them. The one she wanted. She took quiet, tentative steps toward the person, slowly pulling out her wand. Creeping close enough to her prey, she muttered a simple spell, "Stupefy," and the person fell to the ground. She was quick to catch them, not wanting to attract any attention. Casting the Disillusionment spell, and the levitating charm, she took her prey back to Gryffindor tower, her work proudly done.
'Easier than I thought. Should've let them fall, inconsiderate git.' And she was off.
Harry Potter woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night. 'How strange. Why would Ginny, in her right mind, bring none other than-' Harry's thoughts were cut short when a hand hit him in the face. He slowly steered his head to the side to see 'none other than.'
'No…' Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin Prince, was there on his bed in his robes, unconscious. 'Why? It's a dream. I'll wake up and be fine.' But, oh Harry, it was not a dream. Pinned on the blonde's robes was a little note.
'Harry, my love,
I brought you a little present. That howler I received solidified my suspicions, and I have to say, you did a well job of hiding this secret. I won't tell anyone. But Hermione does know. She is the one who helped me in the first place. She was quite surprised that she hadn't noticed it as well. Though, she wasn't the one dating and kissing you.
I hope you enjoy your present. The charm I placed on him shall wear off soon, if you wake up when I planned. And don't worry; I placed a sturdy silencing spell on your bed. Go at it as much as you want.
Love,
Ginny
P.S. Please do not forget to share with Ronald.
Harry finished reading with a heavy blush. When the blonde awoke, he ravished him.
fIN
This is my first story EVER published. Please tell me what you think! flames will be used for warmth!
Reviews please :)