Me: ok everyone I know this is fast but if I don't get this story done soon it will wind up like through the multi-colored looking glass…..or empty graves….*sigh* I swear I will get those done eventually…..ANYWAY, this is the sequel to Because of you where Kurogane dwells on his relationship thus far with Fai and what he thinks may happen next…the last installment will be more of a surprise because in all honesty I haven't thought of it yet…..this was inspired by "Tsubasa Tokyo Revelation – you're not alone" on youtube (a very nice video ^.~) ok…anyway….here we go…don't expect it to be longer than because of you …because honestly these are both just BACKSTORIES to the third installment…….so, here we go….
You know that first time I saw you I didn't think too much of it. I didn't really care who you were, or who they were…I just wanted to go home. Can you blame me for being angry? Though if I knew then what I knew now…well….I didn't so there is no point in saying that. I guess now I have no regrets…I am glad Tomoya hime sent me on that journey, I suppose in the end I wouldn't change what has happened. You know I never used to think this way…I guess you kinda helped me out there, the way you always spoke your feelings, fake as they may have been. I never understood that about you, always smiling like that no matter what you actually felt inside.
And you know even when you smiled we knew it wasn't real, and I think you knew that we knew. The kid probably knew before I did though…whichever one figured it out first doesn't matter I guess. You never let it down though did you? That and those stupid names…though I know now that it was your way of asking me to help you, I didn't see it then. You have no idea how irritating it was, all the "Kuro-puu" this and "Kuro-tan" that….you know when I finally realized what you were asking me? It was there, in Jade country…I don't think you realized what you said then but I did, because even in the country I come from that suffix has the same meaning….you called me "kuro-run"…do you remember? I think at that moment I knew what you were asking me to do. Of course I wasn't going to accept it at that time, your confession...I just ignored it. Maybe I lied, I do regret that.
That wasn't the end of it though was it? No, not the name calling obviously, but the need. Do you remember Outo, well I guess it was actually Edonis country…that stupid name. What makes you think I look like a dog? Ugh, ok…either way it just, well…I won't ever admit this to your face but…I kind of liked it. But you said something then that really crystallized what you were asking me. At the clover bar, do you remember? You told me…
"How should I put it? I have been waiting too long. Waiting for someone who can stay by my side."
You were right that you were saying things that I didn't like again, but at the time I didn't know why I didn't like it. There were what should have been the obvious answers…I loved Tomoyo hime, though in all honesty I did not…or that you were an annoying man…but gender never made a difference to me. I look back now and I think it was because you weren't being you yet, and i couldn't accept it. I don't know, maybe I just wasn't ready myself, we have both seen hard things in our past, I don't think I was ready to stop fighting just yet and learn to love. That look on your face though….even when I think of it now makes me wish I could have just hit you…I don't like it when you look so sad, though I can't really blame you with what you went through…with Ashura-ou.
I think I know what you were writing on that letter that you wouldn't let me see. Of course this is my payback now isn't it? A letter I won't let you see…you stupid mage… You loved him didn't you? I guess I can't blame you for that either. But can you blame me for being angry at first? I didn't mean to be so angry, because even after hurting that girl, and hurting everyone else…I guess it still wanted to just pick you up and hold onto you like nothing had happened. I knew though that you couldn't accept it right there.
Not that you would have ever accepted it before that. Do you know how irritating that attitude of yours was? That "I want to die, I don't disserve to live or feel love" and all that pathetic cowardice bullshit….god you made me want to kill you…but I think it really hurt you having o be so dependent on me. I think it hurt you to see my blood like that, and to know that I was willing to give it to you eithout thought or hesitation. After awhile you stopped being so angry at me, but you still didn't let your guard down around me. But then after awhile, I saw it fall didn't I? When I went home I saw all I needed.
Don't get me wrong that furisode didn't look that good on you, I don't think anything in my country would have been as good on you as something from your own world might have. They made you look to much like a girl…and I know you felt strange in the loose fitting attire. But none the less I think you got your point across…I think when I held you that night I saw you smile, really smile not one of those fake irritating smiles, for the first time. It was nice you know…but don't think I am ever going to tell you that. But I learned that even after all that you were good at hiding things.
Even after Ashura-ou you were good at lying to us. Why the hell did you think it was ok not to tell me that you knew they weren't real? Whatever, I guess what's done is done and I can't change that…I am not really that mad at you for it anyway…and you did get better. When everything finally ended and you got your eye back, I think you were happy that you didn't have to rely on me anymore in that way.
But now that everything is over what do we do? It's still strange to be together and not think of what we have been through. Because no matter what I will see that small scar beneath your eye, or the absence of a tattoo on your back and I will know why, and I see you cringe every time you look at my arm. I don't regret that either you know…I would have given anything to get you out of that sphere. I think you know that now though.
You've gotten calmer…and I'm glad. No more fake happy. It nice though, even though I am not home I didn't think I would be this happy to get stuck with the kid after all this. No, I guess I am not happy I am stuck with him, I am glad I am stuck with you. You're not alone you know, you really aren't. I am here for you, no matter what. Maybe we can step this a little in time and you might let me touch you, maybe after awhile I can kiss you. It will take time I know…but we are in no hurry I guess. Well I guess that's all I have to say, maybe I'll tuck this in the back of my jacket until one day you'll sneak it out, because I know you. You don't like me keeping secrets and you find a way to find them out. And I know the moment you read this, you may regret it, but you will let me see that letter you wrote. I'll turn it down though. I know what it says…the white bunny saw you cry and I knew what that meant. It's ok though, I think you knew it was time to tell him goodbye. But I know that means you won't sleep well tonight, so I'll have to be there. I don't mind though. I don't know if I will ever say this to your face but, I love you…don't ever forget.
Kurogane