Hermione had been feeling strange Lavendar Brown. She stared at her all a lot and felt little tinglies in her no-no place whenever Lavendar walked in the room. She was very confused. Especially since she also had feelings for one Ronald Weasley. So she decided to go find Ginny and talk to her about it.
As Hermione made her way to Ginny's dorm she brushed past Lavendar on the way out and got another TINGLY. Hermione reached Ginny's door and knocked.
"Come in!" she heard Ginny say. Hermione opened the door and awkwardly shuffled into the room, closing the door behind her.
"Hi." Hermione said nervously.
"Ummm. Hi." Ginny replied. "Something on your mind?"
"No." Hermione stated quickly making it sound like an obvious lie.
"Riiiight. Sit down and tell me what's up. Did you and Ron get into an arguement again?" Ginny said sounding exasperated.
"No! How come every time I want to talk you think it's always about Ron?" Hermione questioned.
"Because it always is." Ginny said matter-of-factly and smiled at Hermione.
"Fair enough. But not it's not about Ron this time. It's about ...someone else I might kind of like." Hermione blushed furiously.
"HARRY?!" Ginny yelped looking like Hermione had just killed her pygmy puff.
"NO! God no. Erm... no offense. It's someone else." Hermione said reassuringly so Ginny didn't get any more flustered.
"Oh. Okay. Well then who? Krum? Dean? Seamus? Malfoy? Neville?" Ginny kept listing names as Hermione shook her head at each one. "We're getting nowhere with this so just spit it out Hermione."
"L-l-lavendar Brown." Hermione stuttered and looked down at the floor while blushing like mad.
"What?! Okay that just doesn't make sense. First of all I was not aware you were gay but if you are that's cool. I like rainbows. But I'm not gay (but supportive). Although I guess you'd be bisexual since you seem to be into Ron as well. Unless you're not which really. That's ridiculous, everyone knows you are. Second of all don't you HATE Lavendar after that whole Won-Won Lav-Lav display of disgusting affection?" Ginny asked.
"Well you're sure taking this well. And I thought I hated Lavendar but apparently not. I think it's because of that whole Ron thing that I even like her. Kind of like a living vicariously through her thing or I dunno. She's kissed Ron so I want to kiss her because Ron will never kiss me. Um. Yeah." Hermione was looking everywhere but at Ginny.
"That is the craziest thing I have ever heard, Hermione. Do you have actual feelings for Lavendar or is it just Ron kissing Lavendar that's making you think this?" Ginny asked.
"I think it's the latter. But. Well I don't really know." Hermione said.
"You should find out. By telling Lavendar." Ginny couldn't hold on her giggles.
"Not in a million years! She'd freak out and laugh or something." Hermione said furiosly. "But I think you're right. Even though this will probably be the most humiliating moment of my life."
"Well better get to it!" Ginny said sounding way too happy about this and doing that Mr. Burns eeeeeexcelent hand thing.
Hermione made her way back to her dorm. Luckily when she got there Lavendar was conveniantly alone even though usually she was joined at the hip by that other girl in their Gryffindor dorm whose name Hermione couldn't remember.
"Hi Lavendar. I have something to tell you and it's going to be weird for you to hear but I have to get it out. i think I might have feelings for you." Hermione rambled not noticing Lavendar's bewildered look. "Or actually I'm not sure if I have feelings for you or if I have feelings for Ron and you kissing. Which is kind of confusing I guess. Well I like Ron. And you've kissed Ron. So I want to kiss you because of that. Because it's the closest thing I'll get to kissing Ron? But I might also have feelings for you. I'm sorry. I'm really confused." Hermione finally came up for air.
"Well that was ...interesting. Lets kiss and find out!" Lavendar said giggling like a loon.
"Seriously?!" Hermione was surprised.
"Yeah. I've kissed loads of girls before. Most girls make out with other girls every once and awhile. Parvati and me taught eachother how to kiss." Lavendar said with no embarassment at all.
"Um. Okay." Hermione was still completely stunned.
Lavendar got up from her bed walked over to Hermione, leaned forward and kissed Hermione right on the lips. Hermione stood there not really reacting until she thought it felt kind of nice and kissed her back. Lavendar encircled her hands around Hermione's wrists and pulled her closer. Hermione was making little mmm sounds like the soup commericals for Campbell's! They were really getting into it when the door burst open and Ginny walked in seeing what was going on. Hermione pulled away quickly but not quick enough.
"OH MY GOD! SORRY!" Ginny yelled. A little too loudly and ran back out the door shutting it quickly.
Hermione walked over to the door and peeked out. Everyone in the common room was looking up at door.
"Hermione, what in the bloody hell was that about?" Ron asked worriedly.
"Nothing!" Hermione squeaked and went to shut the door but Lavendar grabbed it and pushed it open.
"Ginny just walked in on me and Hermione making out and it statled her is all." Lavendar said smiling.
The entire common room erupted in cat calls and whistles except for Ron who just had a confused expression on his face.
"Are you two lesbians or something?!" Ron shouted. "Why do both girls I have some kind of ...relationship with turn out to be lesbians? I'm cursed, I swear."
"I'm not a lesbian! Well. I'm... can't we talk about this privately?" Hermione suddenly remembered that everyone was watching and listening.
"Hermione just wanted to kiss Lavendar because Lavendar has kissed you, Ron. Becuase she thinks you'll never kiss her. Which we all know will happen eventually but apparently Hermione hasn't realized. And that's because you're an idiot, Ron. She said she thinks it might be feelings for Lavendar but what I really think it was is she wants to see what the hell's so great about Lavendar that you'd rather be kissing Lavendar than her. Also it made her hot to know that Lavendar has kissed you. It's all just really complicated." Ginny finished her giant ramble.
"Yeah well, thanks Ginny! Ya know for sharing my business with the ENTIRE COMMON ROOM." Hermione said.
"Well I knew you'd never let it out EVER so it had to be done." Ginny turned and walked back up to her dorm.
"Sooo, you made out with Lavendar because Lavendar has kissed me and you think I'll never kiss you but you would like me to kiss you?" Ron asked.
"Um. Yes." Hermione said looking away.
"That is so hot." Ron answered back grinning like an idiot.
"You're such a twat, Ron." Hermione said blushing.
"Oh hey guys! Everyone is still listening to you and this is crazy weird so I'm going to go snog Ginny or something. Tata!" Harry finally piped in.
He walked over to the girl dorm stairs and walked up and knocked on her door. Ginny opened it, smiling, grabbed the front of his robes and pulled him in.
"OI! That is so not right! Also? why the bloody hell can Harry walk up the girl's dorm stairs without it turning into a slide?!" Ron asked.
Just then a loud crack was heard and Dumbledore appeared before them.
"Because Harry is all that and a bag of chips, Ron. Also he has no parents and he's going to go through some crazy shit in the next book so give him a break and let him bang your sister. Kthnxbie." and another loud crack was heard as Dumbledore apparated away.
"But what the hell is going on?! You can't apparate on Hogwarts grounds. I don't know how many times Hermione has plowed that into my head but I know it's true!" Ron said.
Another loud crack was heard as Dumbledore apparated back in.
"Ron you questioning me? Dumblez can apparate if Dumblez wants to." Dumbledore said and apparated away again.
"...Okay. This shit is pretty fucked up right here." Ron said.
"Ron we can go make out too ya know. Like by the lake. Or in the library. Yes! In the library! OH YES! THE LIBRARY! YES. YES." Hermione said getting carried away.
'Well okay. I'm cool with that scenario." Ron said and they walked out of the common room together.
"Alright guys. What just happened was just too fucking weird for me so I'm going to go chill with Luna. Yeah, Luna Lovegood is more saner than this. Peace!" And with that Neville skipped out of the common room whistling a jaunty tune.