Santana stared at the old, rusty cuckoo clock hanged on the cappuccino brown wall in her room as it stroke three. They sounded like someone just dropped a hammer onto the floor, breaking through Santana's thoughts. She had always hated that clock. Although she told Kurt a million times that the clock smells like a rotten fish which has been stuck in a smelly sock for years and someone just took it out, Kurt still refused to take it down. Apparently it was vintage and was passed down from his grandmother. Does his grandmother even know he's gay and doesn't use anything that isn't floral?
It was hard to believe how fast time has passed. At first when Santana came to New York and moved in with Rachel and Kurt, she had no idea where this path was leading. She found herself a job at a local cocktail bar, and spent three months watching strangers meeting new people every night, dancing, partying, and falling in love. It wasn't long before she got dragged by Rachel and Kurt into a NYADA showcase and threw an improv performance of Adele's Skyfall—and of course, pulled it off flawlessly and got herself into NYADA. Kurt even got her a couple of modelling opportunities for which he was working part time at. She met tons of new people, and they accept her for being her mean hot self. Her talent and confident is appreciated in this place, and she knew New York was where she belonged in.
Yet somehow, there was always a feeling of emptiness in Santana. Like when she didn't put enough peanut butter in her sandwich or when she ran out of cash or forgot her credit card on a black Friday sale. Like there was something in her that was missing.
Santana was right about Brody when she first moved in and accused him of being a drug dealer—well, partly right. Except he wasn't a drug dealer. He was a male prostitute. Anyway, Rachel dumped him. She came to her senses and went back to find Finn. Things moved pretty fast from there. She kicked Brody out and Finn moved back in with them. He and Rachel are getting married after Rachel gives her first Broadway performance, which was like, 5 weeks from now. At first Santana thought it was a terrible idea—she had always thought Finn smelled like a fish and he would eat up all the nutella that she stored in a secret cabinet, but it wasn't that bad after all. Finn and Rachel being back together reminded her of the good old days, when they were all together and had each other's backs. Of course, the three theatre queens in the house would randomly break into an unbearable ballad from time to time and Finn sings like he just swallowed a whole frog in the shower, but Santana actually enjoyed watching the two of them being in love again.
It was like high school all over again. Mr. Schuster and Miss Pillsbury got married—this time without any accident—and even Coach Sue found the man of her dreams. Even though Kurt was still dating Doctor who, he and Blaine kept in contact. Mercedes and Tina Skype her weekly. Quinn always pays surprise visits to New York which aren't even surprises anymore, and Santana would take a day off to catch up with her best friend. Puck was still kind of an idiotic stud, but he was actually taking his screenwriting seriously. The guy had the most ridiculous ideas ever; he called Santana last week and told her that he was writing a play about unicorns rescuing the world in 2219 which was invaded by bananas. It was like he got his ideas from Brittany.
Brittany. The name still strikes Santana every time like a grenade.
She hasn't been calling her ex-girlfriend as much as she used to ever since she started in NYADA. The emptiness still strikes her every time she sees pretty girls falling in love in the cocktail bar she works in. Sure, tons of people hit on Santana since she got here, and she has been in a couple of relationships; yet nothing burns as much as anything she and Brittany had. The fire in her heart hasn't faded away since she left Ohio the last time—seeing Brittany and Sam together.
This time she's going back to Ohio, she is attending Brittany and Sam's wedding.
The news came about two days ago. Kurt came home with an invitation for all of them. Despite all the joy and congratulations Finn, Rachel and Kurt have for them, all Santana felt was…sad. That envelop was like a sharp blade stabbing right through her heart, and it hasn't stopped bleeding ever since.
She tried her best to cover up her feelings. What she had with Brittany was real and unforgettable, but now that Brittany was getting married, it wasn't like Santana could turn things around and make Brittany love her again. She had convinced herself that she was over Brittany, but when she saw Kurt holding that baby pink envelop that day, she knew she wasn't. She has never been. Not for a whole year. Baby pink was Brittany's favorite color. She said it reminds her of cotton candy, and she wanted their relationship to be as sweet as cotton candy.
For the last two days Santana went to school and work as usual. When she gets back she pretends that she was extremely busy and she had no time for Kurt's endless next season Marc Jacobs talk and Rachel's advice for Santana's duet with her at Brittany's wedding. Yes—Brittany had asked Santana and Rachel to perform Landslide together at her wedding. It was the song Santana sang to Brittany the first she told her how she had always felt about her. Santana was pretty sure she couldn't hold her feelings back and sing it at the wedding—but what else was she supposed to do? And why the hell would Brittany pick that song out of everything? It was almost like she was trying to get all of her and Santana's memories back—like it was their wedding.
It's not our wedding, Santana told herself, put yourself together. It's over and it's never going to happen ever again.
But deep down she still wished it was.
Brittany's wedding was on the day after, but the four of them were heading back to Ohio early in the morning—which means if Santana didn't want to look like crap tomorrow, she would have to get some sleep now.