A/N: This is my first story. Takes place before Original Song. Later chapters will get smuttier, hence the rating. Also, I'm paranoid. I hope you enjoy and review if you like! I don't have a beta so if you'd like to help me out, let me know! No warnings for this chapter. I don't own anything. Not that I don't wish I did, but well, I'm not that lucky.
Kurt had been at Dalton for a little over a month now. He hadn't gotten the chance to go back home on the weekends yet because of the excessive amount of school work he had to do. Catching up in all his classes had led to many late nights and stressed out weekends spent bent over books in the library. He had no idea how far behind the classes he had been in at McKinley were compared to those at Dalton. The only class he was doing well in was French and that was only because he'd spent so much time working on it at McKinley he was practically a year ahead of everyone else in that subject.
He'd had time to text his friends back at his old school, but it had dwindled down to mostly texting Rachel, Mercedes and his family. Even the texts from Finn had dropped off, but that was probably more due to the start of basketball season than much else. He'd talked with his Dad and Carol on the phone too, but the change from seeing his family and friends every day to never was a very hard adjustment to make. It was especially difficult due to the fact that it had come about so abruptly. One day he was at his dad's wedding and thinking everything was fine and the next his tormentor was being allowed back into his school and so he had to leave. His only other option was to live in fear and he couldn't take that any more. But missing his friends, his glee club and his family was really, well, hard. He had to blink back tears more than one lonely night in the library at Dalton, trying to prevent his tears from blurring or staining the pages of his meticulous notes.
He was safe at Dalton. There was no one to torture him, no one to slam him into lockers, no one to make him fear for his very existence. No one at Dalton made him feel like he was disgusting or insignificant or that he deserved to be treated as poorly as he had in the past. The boys were all nice to Kurt, but that was about where it ended. They were pleasant at meal times, helped him with his homework, and included him at Warblers practice. Kurt was safe but not exactly happy. He felt like an idiot for what he missed most and what made his eyes well up with tears when he was alone. He just missed being touched. At Dalton, either due to the anti-bullying policy or just to being well-behaved gentlemen, the boys never touched each other.
Kurt was used to being hugged by his dad and Carol before he went to school, to pats on the back from Mr. Shue after a good performance, to Finn's awkward hugs and fist bumps, and to his best friends hugging him at class. He missed the sleepovers with the Tina, Rachel and Mercedes where they would cuddle on one bed and watch Disney movies or musicals and eat pizza. He felt dumb for feeling this way and knew he should be just grateful to not be feeling the bite of the lockers when he was slammed into them. He should be overjoyed to have leaving all of that behind. But he couldn't help but feel abandoned and neglected. He felt isolated and tense with pent up frustration. It was difficult to leave constant physical reassurance when he was trying to get used to a new school, new friends, new classes and a new glee club. Kurt understood that at a basic level touch was a way for humans to comfort one another and to communicate at a basic level. He missed that communication the very most.
All he wanted was a pat on the back, a friendly hug, hell even a punch to his shoulder like Puck used to do. It had been (not that Kurt was counting) exactly 4 weeks and 3 days since any human being had touched him. 4 weeks and 3 days since he'd felt any friendly contact. And it felt like his heart was being ripped out. His skin felt jumpy and his nerves were on edge. He'd been snippy in Warbler practice earlier today and he knew it was because of his feelings. He felt badly because he knew this bunch of boys were a reserved group and he was much more out there than they were, but it was still irritating that no one even high fived each other or anything.
Kurt was especially disappointed in Blaine. He'd thought that once he got to Dalton, Blaine would protect him and help him through all this. Not that he really hadn't, but even Blaine hadn't touched Kurt in those miserable 4 weeks and 3 days. They'd grown even closer as friends, watching movies in one of their dorm rooms after homework or practicing for the Warblers. But Blaine was still one of those reserved boys that Kurt spent all day in school with – never touching each other and keeping a distance at all times. Blaine hadn't seemed noticed that Kurt was getting more and more down over the past few days.
Tonight they were studying together for a Physics test that both of them terrified. Kurt had been quieter than Blaine had ever seen him, but he didn't want to push the new boy into telling him anything he didn't want to. Blaine was hoping just his presence would be enough to let Kurt know that he had support. After staring at a page full of equations for about 40 minutes, Blaine looked up to study Kurt's face.
They were seated opposite each other in Dalton's library. A large dark oak table separated the boys and their books were spread haphazardly across the surface. A fire was burning in the fireplace off to Blaine's left and they were alone. Most of the other boys had already given up and accepted that they were less than likely to learn anything else that night. Blaine looked up from his text and propped his head up on his right hand, elbow resting on the table. His honey-colored eyes fixed on Kurt's clear blue ones as they skimmed over the page in front of him. Blaine's eyes softened as he watched the other boy study. He'd always seemed fragile, in need of being cared for, although Kurt did have an element of strength that allowed him to make it through everything that had happened to him in the past. Blaine admired him for that and could see both the vulnerability as well as the determination in his face as he studied and the firelight flickered across his flawless skin.
Blaine caught himself having those thoughts about Kurt again. Damn it. He was supposed to be a support system for Kurt, not a bloody lecher who stared at him and wanted him in the worst possible way. Blaine sighed and tried to look away from his gorgeous face. It was a little too audible and it made Kurt look up and meet his eyes.
"Are you staring at me, Blaine?"
"Uh, I wasn't, I was just taking a break from staring at this book for a minute and you caught me."
"Well, I suppose it's getting late. I can't stand to stare at these equations any more. I'm just going to have to accept the inevitability of my failure tomorrow. Ugh, classes were so much easier at McKinley." Kurt sighed and slid back in his chair, slamming the Physics book shut with a thud. His chair tipped back on two legs as he stretched his arms and back. "I guess I hadn't really been studying the past half hour anyway." He sighed again and glanced down with a defeated look on his face.
"Do you want to tell me why, Kurt? I know something's been eating you. You know you can talk to me - about anything at all, right?" Blaine inquired as he gazed at Kurt across the table, trying not to be so obvious about checking out his chest flexing under his white button down. Kurt had undone the top button and loosened his tie a few hours ago and it was all Blaine could do not to have to leave the room with a book held in front of his pants.
"I guess, well," Kurt began, but stopped. He was sure Blaine was think he was being a baby. Who gets upset by not being hugged on a regular basis? How do you even explain that you feel isolated because no one has had physical contact with you in over a month without sounding weird? So he just stopped and sighed again as tears welled up in his eyes. "It's n-nothing really." He managed to stutter out. "I'm worried about the test, ok? Just please drop it." Kurt leaned forward over his book and tipped his head into his left hand. His bottom lip quivered just a little and he sucked it into his mouth to stop it and hoped Blaine hadn't noticed.
Blaine had noticed and couldn't help but think how he would love to suck that quivering lip into his own mouth. "Jeez again with the leering," thought Blaine. He shook his head to clear the inappropriate thoughts away. He paused and then reached out across the table, covering Kurt's hand with his own. "Seriously, Kurt, I'm kind of worried. What's going on?"
At the touch, Kurt flinched. Blaine's hand was so warm and comforting and felt perfect against his own. How had it been 4 weeks and 3 days since he'd felt anything like this? The nerves in his hand seemed to be on fire and hyper sensitive. The warmth from Blaine's hand shot up to his face and his cheeks darkened into red as the blush spread across his face and neck. The tears that had threatened before began to fall down his face as Blaine rubbed his thumb across the back of Kurt's hand.
Blaine sure wasn't expecting tears at his touch, but Kurt didn't pull way despite his flinching, so he kept it up and inquired again, "Kurt? What's wrong?"
"S-s-sorry, Blaine. It's just, well it's embarrassing. Um, well I was so used to being around the girls and everyone at McKinley and my family and it's so different here." A sob broke through the words tumbling out of Kurt's mouth. "I miss the girls, even Rachel, hugging me and my family and my dad and everyone, it's just here, I feel so isolated and alone. I know there's tons of people around and everything but . . . but . . .but well, everyone's so reserved and I'm just not used to it." More sobs that Kurt tried to suppress broke through here, stopping him from saying anything else.
"Oh, Kurt, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were feeling like this." Blaine squeezed his hand that he seemed now to be holding across the table. He slid his chair back and released Kurt's hand, which caused him to look up. Blaine walked around the table and pulled out the chair next to Kurt. He slid his hand around Kurt's shoulders and pulled him closer. "It's ok. I'm sure you do feel kind of lonely here." Blaine could feel the other boy shudder under his arm.
"It's not that I feel lonely so much as, this sounds dumb, but unloved, uncared for and forgotten," sniffled Kurt. His eyes flitted over to Blaine's downturned face. He took the initiative, since Blaine was cradling his shoulders, to lay his head down on Blaine's arm. Kurt cuddled into the crook where Blaine's neck met his shoulder. "I'm sorry, this is stupid and I feel like a five year old who needs constant reassurance. I just need to grow up." Kurt straightened a bit at that and tried to resolve himself to stop the tears from coming. He sniffled again and secretly wished he'd never opened his mouth. Blaine was just going to see him as weak and as a baby.
Blaine sat their quietly, letting the other boy calm himself down. He loved the feel of Kurt cuddled up to his neck and could feel his hot soft breaths on his neck. He squeezed Kurt in closer, hugging him with the one arm that was around his shoulder. This action elicited a whimper from Kurt's lips that he couldn't quite hold back. That sound jolted right down Blaine's spine and into his groin. He cursed himself silently for wanting to make Kurt make that noise in a completely different context. He knew his self-assigned job was to take care of Kurt and make him comfortable at Dalton, not to get in his pants, but sometimes he just couldn't help having thoughts of that nature in regards to the blue-eyed boy.
"You don't sound like a five-year old. I'm sure you do miss being around your family and friends. It's hard to make new ones, but the other Warblers and myself – we all love having you around and want to be your friends. We're here for you."
"I – I know. But that's not really all that I'm missing," Kurt whispered with his head nestled into Blaine's neck and his chin tucked down. "I miss . . . I miss . . . being touched – not in some creepy way – but I mean, being hugged and cuddling with the girls watching movies and even just, you know, everyday stuff." He managed to finally get the problem out in the open and tensed his shoulders as he waited for Blaine to pull away from him.
"Oh Kurt, I had no idea. I'm so sorry! I forget how restrained we all are here. You're not used to it and you haven't been able to go home over the weekends like I have. Of course you miss that – anyone would." Blaine squeezed his shoulders again, feeling the other boy tense under his arm. "Hey, knock that off. You've nothing to be ashamed of! I have an idea – and I don't mean to be creepy but I don't think we're going to get much more studying done tonight and it's late anyway. Well, why don't we head back to our dorms – to mine and I have an idea that might make you feel better," blurted out Blaine in a stream of words that came out almost as one word.
"Oh . . . ok," Kurt replied, relieved that his revelation to Blaine didn't put him off. He was hoping that whatever Blaine had in mind would involve him continuing to put his arm around Kurt. As soon as Blaine's arm lifted so he could gather his books and papers, Kurt missed it. He sighed and started to gather his own things. He could still feel the warmth on his shoulders from where Blaine's arm had rested for those few wonderful minutes. A slight smile crossed his face as he hoped that he would feel that again soon.
"I think I have everything – why don't you go change out of your uniform and put on some sweats or something and come over to my dorm – we have a little while before curfew yet," Blaine said and smiled at the look on Kurt's face. "Trust me; you're going to love my idea."