A/N: Okay I know this is really weird... But I have never seen a agony aunt Goyle fic!!! Lol! Enjoy :P Oh and I know it's mainly the letters but if you read the following chapters you will understand...
Gregory Goyle sat in a crowded office answering mail... Somehow he had managed to get a job as an agony aunt for the quibbler (don't ask how).
Dear Auntie Goyle,
I have a problem... I can't stop eating! I just eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and EAT!!!! How can I stop?
Love Mrs Goyle
Dear Mrs Goyle (Mum),
I know what you are talking about...
Do what you told me to do, STOP EATING.
Love Auntie Goyle
Ummm Hey,
Is this Auntie Goyle? Well I want to kill you. It's Crabbe here by the way... Why can't I have a job? You are mean. I hate you. Go die.
Love Crabbe xxxxx
Dear Crabbe,
I am Auntie Goyle.
Don't kill me.
I love you mate.
I will help you get a job.
Love Auntie Goyle XxXxXxXxXx
Dear Goyle,
I'm sorry but I can't bring myself to call you 'Auntie Goyle' Yuck.
It's Draco Malfoy here, Just wondering why you quit a highly paid job as a death eater so you could become a boring old agony aunt... Well whatever if you wanna come back to death eating then come to my place...Okay?
Yours Sincerely
Draco Malfoy
Dear Draco,
How are you?
I didn't get paid for death eating.
I like helping people.
You-know-who is scary.
Love Goyle xXxXxXxXxXxXXxXxxXxxXxXXxXXxxXxxxXXxXxxXxXXxxXxx
Yo Auntie Goyle,
Ha thats funny! I didn't know you were a girl!
Anyway Can you help me? I need to know how to make a love potion...
From Ron Weasley
P.S Do you still look like a baboon's back-side?
Dear Ron Weasley,
I am not a girl.
No sorry I can not help you.
Love potions won't work for you.
You are to ugly.
Love Auntie Goyle xxx
P.S I love you mum xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Goyle sighed, finally he had finished writing letters for the day and was exhausted.
Goyle packed up his suitcase and made his way out of the door.