Hi all!
This is my latest little fic venture, The Memoirs Of Christian Clarke.
I really dunno where this idea came from, but I think I'm gonna try to document Christian's thoughts from every one of his encounters with Syed. Naturally, I find it best to start at the beginning, so this is my idea of what Christian might have made of their first meeting.
Hope you enjoy it!
xoxoxo
1st May 2009
Syed Masood. What a mind field. Everything about him screams 'gay', and yet, for the first time in a long time, I find that I'm not so sure. The way he acts is so different from the way his body speaks. Its as though his head says 'straight', while his heart says 'gay'. The playful tone to his voice as he introduced himself; the way he turned my name into a joke, these things just screamed out to me. Gay. When we touched, I felt a spark of electricity course thorough my entire body. I wonder if he felt it too. I had never felt anything so wonderful, and yet so terrifying at the same time. It was as though I could feel myself get lost in him from one touch. The way he got so offended when I (jokingly) defended myself against his 'manly shake' comment. Such a sensitive soul. Either a gay soul trapped in a straight body, or a gay body trying its best to conjure up a straight soul.
I had known for a long time that I was gay. For a long time before I had even admitted it to myself, I knew that I was gay subconsciously. But I never tried to run from it. I noticed little things at first; I never joined in when my mates commented on how 'fit' the girls were, and I found myself thinking of James, my best friend, more and more, and in ways I knew meant more than friendship. The feelings stirring within me when I was in gym class. All the little things I subconsciously knew meant that i was gay. I never tried to make myself straight. As far as I was concerned, I was born this way; this was the way I was meant to be.
I wondered if Syed knew that he was meant to be gay. Even from that first touch, I could feel myself start to fall for him. I knew that, the closer we got, the harder it would be for me to convince myself that nothing ever could, or ever would, happen between us. The more time we spent together, the harder it would be to stop myself from falling. Even from one touch, a few exchanged words, I knew that life would never be the same again. It was as though a dormant part of my brain had been activated, and was slowly starting to come alive. Love. I had to stop myself from thinking the word. I didn't even know anything about him! It was ridiculous that a small, unconscious part of my mind had thought up that word. I didn't even know the meaning of the word, not truly.
Although I was terrified of what was going to happen next, a bigger part of me was intrigued as to how this situation was going to develop. Whether my feelings for him, and in turn, his feelings for me, would ever turn into something more than the feeling you have for your acquaintance, friend, even. Before I could even stop myself, I was fantasising over what it would be like if he and I could be together; how we would love each other eternally, and would never let one another fall.
A/N: Please take the time to let me know what you make of this! I really don't know what to make of the whole idea!