Hi guys! Just a little thing I was thinking about earlier today. I would love to hear feedback. Love you all. Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, or the wonderful writing of this show.
"Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago, your birthday?"
Happy birthday. The weight of those words deflate whatever remaining gusto I had from earlier in the night. I accepted all of his other words, but a happy birthday from Jess Mariano isn't just a happy birthday. With Jess Mariano you have to find the subtext in cases like these. Just because you can't find it, doesn't mean it's not there. But I know Jess too well. It's been years, but he opens his mouth and speaks and suddenly I'm sitting on a bridge debating the merits of Faulkner and Dickens.
It isn't a big deal; it's just my birthday. But for one reason or another, it's all I can think about. Jess makes me feel like home. And somehow, home is the one thing that's been missing from my life these days. I think about Mom, and our forced conversation at Grandma's. I think of how silly I feel in DAR dresses, and how Shira Huntzberger's seating arrangements are the biggest conflict for me now. I think about Yale, and my room in Star's Hollow plastered in dreams that will never come to fruition because I dropped out. I think about Logan, who can't say that he loves me back. The same Logan who doesn't remember my birthday until he hears it from Emily Gilmore. The same Logan who gets me a glorified computer bag that is apparently known as the elusive "Birkin bag" in the affluent world that I have so conveniently placed myself in. I start to resent this person I have become; the shell of whatever Rory Gilmore used to be.
But Jess wishes me a happy birthday, and suddenly I forget all those things even existed. His voice is laced with apologies and concern and love and for the first time in months I'm a living breathing person who isn't mindlessly going through the motions of her life.
For Jess Mariano, a happy birthday isn't just a happy birthday. It's I love you. I'm sorry. I'm worried about you. It's his asking me if I still love him too. If I want to come with him; leave this behind. It's an opportunity to start again. His eyes are entreating me to respond in kind, but the most I can muster is a nod.
But Jess knows I can't give him any of that right now, and he doesn't expect it. Instead he walks away, giving me the greatest gift anyone could have given me. Greater than any ostentatious birthday party or thousand dollar handbag. Jess Mariano gave me my life back.