Disclaimer: Ownership is neither claimed nor implied.
A/N: Man, I feel like a woman...
BOOM!
The shock wave rippled all the way through the science lab, through the school, through the town. The epicenter was decimated, the classrooms nearest to the science lab were trashed, completely trashed. The blast had been felt as far away as Lima Central Catholic High School, the students there were convinced that it was the wrath of God, judgement on them for stealing the Titans' mascot the week before the big game. Titans didn't give a shit about that, they had a secret weapon, a new player, they had Kurt 'Twinkletoes' Hummel on their side. And a plan. They had Kurt and a plan. Fuck the mascot.
Slowly, the students and teachers who had been caught up in the blast, began to come round, began to wake up. "Jeez, my fucking head," Puck thought as he lay in a heap on the floor. He didn't even dare open his eyes yet. "Where am I? What's that noise?" he wondered. Puck could feel the buzzing, ringing in his ears, right the way through his body, it was almost like he was vibrating. Puck felt weird, his whole body felt weird but he didn't exactly know how it felt weird. "And why the fuck am I lying on the flo-oor?" he asked himself as he finally opened his eyes. "Why do my eyes feel weird? And my teeth?" Puck lay still, his tongue stroked around his mouth, it felt strange, he blinked then looked around, he still didn't move, just his eyes, he squinted and looked around, he was trying desperately to figure stuff out, to piece the morning back together. He moaned lightly as he tried to sit up. "What the...?" Puck started, then he freaked out more than ever before, freaked out like a freaky freak thing on freak street. "Oh my God," he whispered, although he didn't know if he'd said it out loud or just in his head. "Hello? Hello?" he shouted, he knew that was definitely out loud. "That is not my voice," he told himself nervously and gulped. Slowly, Puck allowed his eyes to drift downwards. "Aargghhh," he screamed in absolute panic. "This is not me, this is not me, this is not me, this is not, ooh, boobs, mmmm, hello girls," he muttered and grinned as he massaged the boobs on his chest. "Oh my God, is this just pervy or what?" he mumbled aloud. "Fuck," he sighed and tried to get up. "Fuck, fuck, Jeez," he winced. "Help, help me, someone, please, help me," he yelled. Puck still didn't sound like himself, in fact, he sounded a lot like...
"Jeez, Quinn, keep your hair on," Finn hissed as he bent to help her to her feet. "Where's Puck?" he asked. "I thought he was in here too," he added as he shook his head to try to clear it, clear the ringing in his ears.
Puck's hand dropped to the protruding stomach, he felt the strange jiggle of the baby inside him, felt her turn a somersault, felt his stomach jerk in reply as the vertigo effect hit. "What the shit is this?" he wondered. Where the hell was Quinn and why wasn't she inside this body like she should be? "Quinn?" Puck muttered as he put a shaky hand to his forehead, he felt a tiny trickle of blood, he was really struggling to figure this out. "Where's Quinn?" he asked.
"Erm, did you hit your...? Oh, yes you did. Mr McCormick, I think Quinn has a concussion," Finn shouted in reply to the teacher's question of was anyone hurt. Finn led Quinn slowly away from the scene of devastation towards the nearest available seat. "She's asking where Quinn is and she has a cut on her head," he explained.
"Ah, Quinn," Mr McCormick, the science teacher said. "We have paramedics on the way. I think, given the circumstances, we should get you checked out at the hospital, you flew quite a way across the room," he informed her, he sounded strangely proud of his catastrophic mishap. "Has anyone seen Puck? I think he should go with her," Mr McCormick announced decisively.
Puck looked in confusion at the teacher. "He's calling me Quinn. I have boobs. I have a baby in my belly and I'm going to cry," Puck told himself in his head. "I can feel tears filling up my eyes, literally. Shit this fucking stings, what the fuck?" he blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. "What? Are girl tears made of fucking acid or something?" he silently asked himself as Quinn's water soluble mascara stung his eyes. He tried to walk another couple of steps. "Crap," he sighed as he wobbled on Quinn's ridiculously high wedges, he had been telling her for weeks now that the baby books recommended low heels or flats. "Like I fucking needed to know I couldn't walk in them," he scoffed inside his head...her head...his head. Fuck, this was confusing. So where the hell was Quinn? And how long was this out of body experience thingy going to last?
Finn helped 'Quinn' to sit down and told her to wait for medical assistance. "I'm going to try to find Puck," he reassured her, talking to her as though she was a complete idiot, enunciating every word and nodding exaggeratedly, as though that would make it easier to understand him. "He won't be far away, we were all in here together and everyone else is accounted for, trust you two to be the awkward ones," he teased lightly, Quinn snorted a slight laugh.
"What the fuck is going on and why am I in Quinn's body?" Puck asked inside his head. "Are we dead?" he wondered. "No, being dead couldn't be this uncomfortable and what the fuck is that smell?" he thought as he plucked at Quinn's uncomfortable bra. Puck pulled a face as he glanced around looking for the source of the strong aroma. He gagged a couple of times.
"Hey," Puck's voice said to him from beside him. "What on earth is going on?" he asked quietly as Quinn quickly stood then melted into his arms, in tears. "Are you ok?" his voice asked gently. "Please tell me that you're ok, that the baby is ok."
"Is that you?" Quinn's voice muttered tearfully. "Really you?"
"Yes, it's me," Puck's voice answered into her ear. "And how the hell am I in you and you in me?" he asked. "You better take good care of me and don't do anything stupid," he warned, looking at Quinn with slightly smiling eyes. "Oh, damn, does this happen all the time?" he asked as he felt something really weird in his pants, a sensation that he had not experienced before. Well, actually, a sensation that Puck, in his own body, had experienced a million times before, but a sensation that Quinn, inside Puck's body, had never experienced before, she'd only ever felt the result of it before.
"That's what happens whenever you are wrapped up in my arms," Quinn murmured. She shifted a little where she stood in Puck's embrace as the answering tingle spread throughout her body, the electrifying jolt in the nipples, the gush of moisture in her panties. "So this is what it feels like for a girl," she whispered and allowed her thighs to rub together slightly. "And you are such a liar, I do so turn you on," she added with a grin. Puck rolled his eyes but made no comment.
"Hello," a voice called from the doorway. "Paramedics. Is there anyone who needs us?"
"Yes, we have a pregnant girl in here, it seems like she has a concussion or something, she's a bit confused," Mr McCormick replied, pointing out Puck and Quinn to the guy in the blue uniform.
"Hi, honey, do you want to tell me your name?" the paramedic asked, placing his large kit bag on the floor and helping Quinn to sit back down.
"Quinn Fabray," 'Quinn' answered and looked up at Puck for confirmation.
"Lucy Quinn Fabray," 'Puck' clarified, to make sure the guy had all the information that he needed.
"And your date of birth, Lucy?" he asked.
"It's Quinn and my birthday is in...April?" 'Quinn' began uncertainly.
"It's March 22nd 1994," 'Puck' told the guy, giving Quinn such a look of disgust.
"And are you allergic to anything?" he asked and automatically looked to Puck to answer.
"Penicillin, band aids and peaches," Puck answered. Quinn rolled her eyes and allowed her head to fall to her arms crossed over her knees. Quinn groaned. "Hey, are you ok?" Puck asked.
"Mmm," Quinn mumbled without lifting her head.
"How many weeks pregnant are you?" the paramedic asked as he wrote down Quinn's obs and information. He looked at Quinn. Quinn looked worriedly at Puck.
"Twenty-five?" Quinn replied, her voice and face told the paramedic that she was taking a punt, she had no idea.
"Thirty-two," Puck answered with a sigh, correcting yet another answer.
"I think we need to get you to the hospital, get you checked out, just to be on the safe side," the paramedic told Quinn. "Are you going with her?" he asked Puck quietly.
"Yes," Puck replied, giving a firm nod.
"Daddy?" the guy asked with a barely hidden grin.
"Something like that," Puck murmured as he and the paramedic helped Quinn to her feet.
"Now, I want you to lie down here," the guy told Quinn as he helped her onto the gurney. "I don't want you to walk anywhere, not till we have you properly checked out, ok?"
The journey to the hospital was uneventful. Puck was able to close his...Quinn's...eyes and just let the world pass by. He answered questions to let them know he wasn't asleep, even he knew who the fucking president was and what freakin' day it was.
"Ok, so this is Lucy Quinn Fabray, sixteen year old female, thirty-two weeks gestation, explosion in school, ko'd on scene, responsive but confused, query concussion," the paramedic read off the rest of Quinn's information and obs as the medical staff asked for and needed it. "This is her partner, Noah Puckerman, no injuries," he added, indicating Puck.
"Quinn, she prefers to be called Quinn," Quinn...Puck said, butting in to the conversation between the medical people.
"Noah, can you give us a minute?" the nurse asked gently, guiding Puck out of the trauma room. "Can you give all of Quinn's details to the clerk on the desk?" she asked, it was normal to give family members a task to occupy them, get them out of the way to allow the doctors and nurses to do their job.
"It's a good job it's me in here," Quinn muttered to herself as she sloped up to the desk. It was really hard to walk like Puck, to walk and not make it look like he was mincing like a girl. Quinn thought that Puck might possibly kill her if his rep was ruined just because she was inside him. She'd kill him if he did anything stupid while he was inside her. Quinn rolled her eyes as she rethought that statement. "Hm, he always does something stupid when he's inside me," she reminded herself, "like forgetting to wear a condom, the idiot."
"Parents names?" the clerk asked, filling in the missing information on the computer form. As Quinn gave her all the details, she became even more aware that Puck would not have had a clue. He really needed to shape up, get himself in the game, otherwise they might not survive the future...or at least not together as a family.
"That has got to have been the weirdest dream ever," Puck sighed three hours later when he opened his eyes. "Hey, Q, you awake?" he asked and tried to turn over. "Woah," he cried as he belatedly realised that he was still talking in Quinn's voice. "Shit," he hissed and glanced down his body...Quinn's body. "I'm still you, aren't I?"
"Yep," Puck's own voice answered him. "And let me tell you, standing up to pee is so not my idea of sanitary," he muttered with a shudder. Puck couldn't help but giggle a little. Even on the inside of him, Quinn managed to do the ultra superior 'Queen Bitch' look, he had to admire her for that. He sobered for a second and bit his...her...lip, even he had to admit, Quinn's giggle still turned him on, even though he was on the inside of her. God his life was so confusing right now.
"Ah, Ms Fabray," a new voice said from the doorway. "Good to see you awake," the doctor said as he walked towards the bed. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Fine, I think," Puck answered, he nervously groped for Quinn's hand. He looked down as their fingers entwined, did his hands really feel this rough against her soft skin? No wonder she was always giving him that gloopy hand cream to rub into his skin. Maybe it was about time he started using it. "Oh my God, I'm really turning into a fucking girl," he thought in disgust.
"All observations are totally normal, the ultrasound was normal, baby looks fine, nothing untoward happening there," the doctor reeled off, checking his list as he spoke. "Can I just check you..." he leaned over and shone a light into Quinn's eyes, "...mhm, pupil response is normal, I have no problem in releasing you," he added and saw the tightening of the joined hands, it made him smile a little and also a little nostalgic for his courting days with his wife. "Will there be anyone at home to take care of you?" he asked.
"I will be," Puck replied, nodding, his eyes locked with Quinn's. "I-we live together with hi-my family," 'he' explained, stumbling over the words where Quinn would usually have said 'I' and 'his', this was a very, very strange world indeed.
"And will there be an adult present?" the doctor asked, wondering if it was sensible to discharge one minor into the care of another, but, despite the hair and the appearance, the young man seemed to be very responsible - apart from getting his equally young girlfriend pregnant, that is - he had asked sensible, relevant questions, he had been able to give so much detail about his girl, it was a little creepy actually, the stuff this guy knew, Dr Brawn wasn't sure he even knew as much about his wife.
"H-my mom will be home very soon," Puck replied, noting the time on the clock above the TV.
"As long as you keep checking her for normal responses, keep your eye on her, I see no reason why she shouldn't go home," Dr Brawn announced with a smile. "But you need to tell him if anything feels different or if you start to feel ill, I need you to come back in if things change, ok?" he looked at Quinn and nodded until she nodded along with him. "Ok,"
"How the fuck am I supposed to know if it's different or not?" Puck hissed the second the doctor left the room. "I've never been a fucking girl before, never mind fucking pregnant."
"Well I've never been a guy before," Quinn retorted, "especially not one with a dick on steroids," she grumbled. "Is there any female that it doesn't rise for?" she demanded.
"Not come across many," Puck admitted, at least some things were carrying on as normal, at least his dick was reliable, yeah, good old Puckasaurus. Quinn rolled her eyes in disgust.
"Are you sure you feel ok?" Ruth Puckerman asked for the hundredth time since she'd arrived home from work.
"I'm fine m-Ruth, thank you," Puck sighed, remembering to call his mom by her given name and be polite, Quinn was always saying please and thank you. "I think I might go to bed, I still feel a little shaky," he added with a tiny, breathy, laugh. "Hopefully I'll feel more like myself when I wake up in the morning," he suggested and couldn't quite stop the slightly hysterical giggle from escaping.
"I think the blast had a positive effect on Noah," Ruth muttered behind her hand to Quinn. "When was the last time you saw him sitting at the table doing homework?" she asked. "It's usually you I see sitting there doing that," she added and patted Quinn's shoulder.
"It still is her sat there doing that," Puck thought smugly, "but hey, Fabray, you are so good at making me look good," he crowed silently. "Night," he called as he wearily climbed the stairs.
Taking a shower was the most sublime experience of Puck's entire life. He was still in there over forty minutes later when Quinn came in to the bathroom.
"Trust me," Puck grinned, "your boobs have never been this clean and as for other parts, wheeew," he sighed, "I don't know how you manage to take a quick shower," he added as he looked at her, puzzled.
"Yeah, well," Quinn replied, looking him up and down in disgust, "tonight will be the first time that your dick doesn't get an hour long hand wash," she promised.
"Spoilsport," Puck muttered under his breath and turned under the water again to rinse off.
"Could you cover me up, please?" Quinn demanded when Puck sauntered out of the bathroom completely naked, just a towel that he was trying - unsuccessfully - to wrap around her wet hair.
"Why?" Puck demanded, looking down at her body. "It's not like we haven't both seen this before."
"Because these eyes haven't seen me looking like that before," Quinn gasped. She couldn't explain it, she felt like she was betraying herself to look at herself through his eyes. Quinn rolled her eyes and mocked herself. He'd just touched all over her body, and by the sounds coming from the bathroom, he'd really enjoyed himself while doing that, and here she was, worried about his eyes seeing her fat, pregnant body.
"Quinn," Puck said gently as he laid her head on his chest, "your body is amazing, this feels amazing," he assured her. "I never thought I would get to experience anything like this, it's awesome, just awesome. And you get to do it every single day," he reminded her. "So please, just let me have right now, ok?"
"Ok," Quinn replied and kissed the top of her head. It felt very strange to actually be kissing the top of her own head but knowing that it was Puck inside there still. "I'm going to shower," she added, "and I will be very, very quick," she promised. Puck pulled a face, Quinn ignored his advice to take her time.
Ten minutes later Quinn - Puck - came back into the bedroom. "Your mom wants me to stay in here with you tonight," she said a lilttle uncomfortably. Quinn wasn't sure how she felt about that. Usually what happened was they both made use of Puck's en suite bathroom, but then Puck took the fold out bed in the study across the hall and Quinn had his larger, more comfortable room all to herself. "I can handle that," she announced primly, looking down his nose at her own face. "Can you?" she demanded. Puck gulped and nodded. "No funny business," she insisted as she started to climb into the bed.
"Fine," Puck sighed. "No funny business," he grumbled quietly to himself. "Never freakin' admits how horny she is though, does she?"
"That must be your influence," Quinn replied just as quietly, "because I am never 'horny'," she lied.
"No?" Puck demanded as he struggled to turn over, her shorts were crawling uncomfortably up his ass but he didn't think he could quite rock a nightdress instead, that would be taking this body swap thing a bit too far. "You are such a liar," he insisted and leaned over. "You want to know what I'm feeling right now?" he asked, almost daring her to call him a liar. "My blood is pumping round my veins so fast, my heart is beating like it's about to fly out of my chest, my nipples could drill holes in the wall and here, right here," he snatched Quinn's hand and thrust it between his thighs, "I am so wet, aching for you," he groaned.
Quinn couldn't resist, she was powerless against the rush of hormones, the excitement, the need. She sobbed as their lips joined, their tongues twisted together, it felt so different to kiss with his mouth rather than her own, she was used to feeling the slightly scratchy, stubbly skin of Puck's chin and upper lip, she wasn't used to feeling her own smooth skin, it was weird, eerie. Quinn blocked it out. Puck felt almost overwhelmed when Quinn sought out one incredibly sensitive nipple. She sucked on it, made him gasp, his breath stalled in his chest. It was even more sensitive than his pierced nipple. Puck leaned forwards and found his gold ring with his lips and tongue, he gave it a gentle tug, Quinn almost jumped back with the force of the sensation. Puck thrust the covers down and leaned over, careful of his swollen belly, he pushed Quinn onto her back and climbed over her, he sat up on her. "If it wasn't weirding me out too much," he growled, "I would give me a blow job, but I can't do it, it would be way too weird," he grinned. "But I can do this," he said with a moan as he knelt up, he dragged Quinn's boxers down just enough to allow his impressive erection to spring free. "Would you look at that?" he breathed, a smug, self-satisfied look on his - her - face. "Not horny, huh?"
"God," Quinn cried as Puck jacked his - her - dick a few times. "Just do it," she cried. "Please," she moaned as her hips rocked up to meet his. "Puck, just, please, oh God," she wailed as quietly as she could. Puck laughed and took pity on her, he grasped his dick and aimed it just right, rubbed her - his entrance with the smooth, glistening head of his - her dick then groaned as he sat down on it, as it penetrated to full depth.
"Jeez," Puck groaned. "This is what it feels like for a girl?" he asked. He moved experimentally, rocked back and forth just a little, aclimating himself to the strange and beautiful feeling of his penis inside her body. He squeezed the internal muscles a few times, just to test it. "I know how that feels when you do it to me, I like how it feels from this side," he explained.
Quinn couldn't stop his hands from running up her sides to cup her breasts, it was almost as if Puck's hands had a will of their own, they were programmed to do just that. Quinn sucked in a breath, she couldn't believe how different it felt to touch her own boobs with his hands. Quinn jack knifed into a sitting position, her breath mingled with his, their lips were almost touching. Quinn rocked her hips up, felt how deeply she was penetrating him, loved the feeling, loved how the muscles rippling on his dick felt. "Don't stop," she groaned. A deep, gut wrenching moan was ripped from her a few moments later as she experienced her very first orgasm as a guy. "God," she cried into Puck's shoulder, she'd almost felt herself black out. "Is it always that intense?" she asked in wonder.
"Mostly," Puck replied. "With you it is, anyway," he added with a wink. "I think I prefer the visible end product," he said after taking a few minutes to consider both the male and the female orgasm. "See, yours, you can feel it, but it's just not as satisfying as blasting a whole lot of sperm into you, is it?" he asked.
"I must admit," Quinn replied, "it does feel slightly more satisfying," she agreed. "The downside for you is, you can't fake it," she added before dumping him off her lap. "Excuse me while I go clean up," she said as she strode to the bathroom.
"You still need to work on that walk, eewwww," Puck winced. "This is just sloppy," he muttered and headed to the bathroom too. "This is not fun," he griped as he nudged Quinn out of the way. "Fine, I get why you still moan about using condoms, I'll stock up," he grumbled as he cleaned parts of Quinn's body that she usually made him beg to touch. "Wait, what do you mean, 'fake it'?" he demanded crossly, Quinn grinned and left him to it.
The blare of the alarm clock woke Puck in record time. He usually managed to hit the snooze button a few times before he raised his head from the pillow. This morning however, his eyes opened at the very first honk, he stayed very still while he thought back over the last twenty four hours. "Well, that was the weirdest dream ever," he thought. "Crap," he gulped. "I'm still looking at me and I'm pretty fucking sure I didn't go to bed with a mirror. "Quinn," he hissed and nudged his own body. "Fuck, do you always have to pee this much?" he demanded as the pressure on his bladder grew to unbelievable proportions.
"Shit," Puck's voice growled huskily back at him. "This was real? I'm still inside you? It wasn't a dream?" she demanded.
"No, it wasn't a dream," he replied and hurried away to the bathroom, "it's a fucking nightmare."
"So, are you sure you're ok?" Finn asked, giving Puck a strange look. "Because it looks like you damaged your throwing arm or something in the blast yesterday," he advised. "Dude, you're throwing like a girl."
Puck's face scowled at Finn. Quinn wanted to yell at him but that wouldn't be Puck. She sucked it up and shrugged. "What can I say, it must be all that taking care of Quinn business," she said with a put upon sigh.
"What are you talking about?" Finn demanded as they both picked up water bottles. "You love taking care of her, it's all you ever talk about, when the girls aren't around anyway," he reminded Puck. "And how many times have you said that it's the only way you know how to get Quinn to change her mind about the adoption?"
"I know," Quinn stuttered. Really? Puck talked to Finn about this? Really? She never knew that. Yes, she was totally aware that Puck wanted to keep the baby, that he would do anything for her not to give the baby up for adoption but she just didn't know if they could do it, if they were strong enough to do it. Sure Ruth was just as encouraging, she had offered Quinn and the baby a home for as long as they needed or wanted it, but there was still a niggle of doubt inside Quinn's mind.
"This is so not fair," Puck grumbled to himself as he was given a double amount of homework after class. "Just because I can't do gym right now shouldn't mean I get extra homework to do instead," he pouted and waddled towards the library.
"What are you muttering about?" Santana asked. She was still a little pissed, if she was being absolutely honest, that Puck and Quinn had snuck around on everyone, on her and on Finn, and that they had created this situation that had them all locked in loserville, in glee club. But, at the end of the day, Quinn was her girl and sometimes forgiveness had to come from deep within.
"Nothing," Puck replied and looked down at the folder in Quinn's dainty hand. "I'm just pissed off with everything," he sighed and leaned back against the locker. Puck closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I just want Quinn to think about keeping the baby, you know?" he said sadly, he couldn't seem to stop the hint of tears that pooled in his eyes, in her eyes.
"Wait, what?" Santana asked. She repeated Quinn's words over and over again in her head, she adjusted them to fit what she thought Quinn had meant then adjusted them back to what she was sure she'd heard. "Say that again," she suggested.
"Doesn't matter," Puck mumbled and hurried away from Quinn's locker.
"No, I swear, she was talking about herself as though she was someone else," Santana insisted.
Mercedes scoffed. "You mean you actually listen to someone other than yourself?" she asked. "Yeah, right," she muttered.
"So what exactly did she say?" Finn asked. He thought something was a bit off with Puck too, had been since the explosion in the lab.
"Something like she wanted Quinn to keep the baby," Santana said, paraphrasing Quinn's words, she couldn't remember the exact ones. "Something weird is definitely going on with those two," she announced with certainty.
"Is this a private meeting or can anyone join?" Puck asked suspiciously, as he and Quinn appeared in the doorway of the choir room together.
"No, you can join," Finn replied, stepping back for them both to pass him. "We're all a bit worried about you both," he admitted.
"Why?" 'Puck' asked then cleared his throat a little. Puck and Quinn's eyes locked together as they waited nervously for someone to tell them they knew what was going on.
"Well, you're both acting weird," Finn began, taking the bull by the horns and just going with it. "Even your mom thinks you're acting weird," he announced to Puck, Finn had clearly contacted Ruth to see if she had noticed anything. "Like you're doing homework and you're not," he said, looking first at Puck then at Quinn. "It's like the explosion made you swap identities or something," he said with a faint laugh. How ridiculous it sounded, even as the words came out of his mouth.
"Oh thank God someone noticed," 'Puck' sighed, his hand fluttering at his chest. "I didn't know how much longer I could keep this up," he sighed. "I miss being in my body, I miss feeling our baby girl moving inside me, I just want to be me," he wailed miserably and sank heavily onto a chair.
Quinn tried to crouch in front of him but failed spectacularly. "This is so not a cool position to be in," 'she' sighed. "Look, I would love to be inside my own body right now, the only good thing about this is the amount of bathroom breaks the teachers allow you without question. Trouble is, this body genuinely needs the fucking bathroom," he added the last in a grumbling mutter. "If I knew how to fix this I would, I truly would but Q, I have no idea how to make this right, no clue at all," he finished sadly.
"Wait," Finn cried aghast. "You're actually saying that you are inside her and she's inside you?" he demanded.
"Yep," Puck and Quinn replied together. Finn still looked skeptical. He narrowed his eyes as he studied the pair of them. That would answer the question of why Puck was throwing like a girl and why Quinn had upped her demon bitch persona, but seriously? They really expected him to believe that garbage? "Go on, ask me something," Quinn offered. "Ask me something that only you and Puck would know, anything at all," he suggested wearily.
"Ok," Finn muttered as he tried to think of the most obscure thing he could. It took a while. "Got it," he cried. "If you really are Puck, you'll know what happened the day your Nana Connie died."
"I stole a bottle of tequila from my mother's liquor cabinet, came over to your house then drank the lot," Quinn's bored voice recited.
"He could have told her that," Santana cried, totally unconvinced, she wanted to know what stupid games these two were playing.
"And when I puked all down myself, you stripped me off and showered me," Quinn added, not leaving out any of the embarrassing details, "and that's when you first found out that I take care of certain grooming and that I'd had my nipple pierced. It's also when you found out I have my dick pierced too, but quite a few girls know that fact," she added and looked directly at Santana.
"Ok, ok, so I have a question for Quinn," Santana cried, interrupting Quinn's voice. "What advice did I give to you the day you started your period for the very first time?" she asked and watched Puck's cheeks colour up as though he was embarrassed.
"You told me what products to use and what not to use," Puck answered hesitantly, looking at the ground rather than at Santana, his face was flame red.
"That's as good as a guess," Santana sneered, "see, they're just messing with us," she insisted.
"Alright," Puck shouted as he sprang to his feet. "You really want me to tell everyone what you said?" he demanded, Santana nodded, confident that he wouldn't. "Fine. You told me that I wasn't dying, that I didn't have some terrible disease that was going to kill me and then you told me where you were and what you were doing when you got your first period," he replied breathlessly, "shall I continue?" he shouted, Santana nodded. "You were at Winona Lake with your girl scout troop," he informed the team of eagerly listening New Directions.
"What-what was I doing?" Santana asked huskily, she gulped and closed her eyes, there was only one person in the whole world that she had told the true story to and that was Quinn Fabray, whom she had sworn to secrecy. Santana knew that Quinn would never have broken the oath that she had taken that day, if the next words out of Puck's mouth were...
"You were giving the life guard a blow job," Puck's voice said quietly, Quinn had not wanted to reveal that piece of information, Santana had sworn her to secrecy after all. "And after that he said he didn't want you anymore, you were too old for him, too mature," she added with a gulp. Quinn wasn't worried about the guy, about him being a danger to any other vulnerable young girl, justice had long since been served on him in the form of Santana's brothers and cousins followed by the law, but she was still incredibly worried about her friend, Quinn knew that Santana's promiscuity stemmed from something buried deep, deep inside her.
"I never told anyone else about that," Santana whispered tearfully. She looked up, her eyes locked with Puck's. "It's true, it's really you in there," she whispered before launching herself into a hug with him.
"Yes, it's me and I don't want to be in here, I want to be in me," Puck sniffed, giving in to the tears once again.
"Jeez," Quinn sighed heartily, "she can even make my fucking eyes cry. Can someone please figure out a way to help us?" he begged. "All this," he muttered as he nudged his round stomach, "is getting really old, there's a reason girls get pregnant and not guys," he added with startling insight. "It's because they can already handle all the emotions and shit, us guys just can't do it and to be fair, I really don't want to, I just want to be at the end of the bed to catch it as it comes out," he muttered a little mockingly.
"You'll be lucky to get in the room," Puck growled, frustrated by the insensitivity.
"That tells me everything," Mercedes claimed. "Quinn," she said to Puck, "good luck on getting a change of attitude from him," she added dismissively, "and you," she sneered at Quinn, "you should be so lucky to see that beautiful little girl come into the world," she growled.
"Chill," Quinn laughed, her hands raised in surrender, "I was kidding, honest," she insisted. "Carrying her, just for these few days," she said, her voice was full of wonder, "carrying her, actually being pregnant has been the most amazing experience ever, to feel her move on the inside, it's nothing like laying my hand on your stomach and feeling it from the outside, feeling her stretch, have the hiccups, it's just been the most fascinating, extreme, experience of my life and I wouldn't change a single second. Thank you," she said to Puck, gripping his hand, "thank you for not taking another option, for staying pregnant with our baby girl and I know you want to give her up, I know I've been causing you stress about it and I promise I will support whatever decision you make, but before you do give her up, I think we should name her, I think we should call her Beth, because even though we can't keep her, even though we don't have the support or the resources, I don't want her to think that we didn't want her, that we couldn't care less about her, I want her to know that we loved her, that if it were at all possible we would have kept her, ok? And I really, really want to be there, be with you when she 's born."
"Ok," Puck managed to reply, but only just.
"Ok, so how do we go about this?" Finn asked, looking at everyone else to come up with answers.
"Maybe we could recreate the explosion," Artie cried enthusiastically.
"Maybe not," Quinn replied quickly. For a full hour ideas were thrown into the ring only to be cast aside as either ridiculous or just plain impossible. "Guys, come on, we need to get serious here," Quinn insisted.
"I think we should form a circle around you both, you two should join hands," Rachel announced and encouraged everyone to follow her instructions. "Ready?" she cried. "There's no place like home," she called and looked around for everyone to join her in repeating the phrase over and over again. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no pl..." she was cut off by Puck's scathing retort.
"We're not in the Sound of fucking Music," he derided in Quinn's voice, giving Rachel such a mocking look and snorting in disgust.
"It was Wizard of Oz, you buffoon," Rachel growled back. "If ever proof was needed that they really have swapped bodies," she muttered to herself but it was really weird to hear Noah's thoughts and opinions coming out of Quinn's mouth.
"I think you just have to wish it," Tina announced. "I think, if you both tell each other the truth, the absolute truth, I think it will work," she said with hardly a stutter at all.
"Can't hurt to try, right?" 'Quinn' muttered. "Ok, I'll go first," she decided then took a deep breath. "I tried everything I could to get you to notice me before you started dating Finn," she - Puck - admitted. "And yes, I was waiting for you that day, I'd seen Sue give you hell, watched everyone leave, I knew that Finn was rehearsing with Rachel and I knew you'd be alone, I took my chance and here we are," he said with a shrug. "But we are both right where we should be, together," he added.
"I know I've kept saying that we have to give the baby up for adoption," Puck said quietly, almost too quiet for the rest of them to hear, "but I don't think I can," he - Quinn - admitted. "These past few days, without her inside me, I can't tell you how much I have missed her, and to think that I would have to go through the rest of my life and not have her here with me, with us? I don't think I can bear that, so, if you still want to..." was as far as she got before she was engulfed. "Oh, crap," she muttered as she dropped the picture from the last ultrasound the doctor had done, they both bent to pick it up, their heads clashed together with a sickening thud.
"For fuck's sake," Santana cried as they both crumpled to the floor, knocked out by the blow. "Do they both have a fucking death wish?" she growled.
"Santana just chill, go get some water or something," Mercedes directed, hoping that Santana would make herself useful instead of just grumbling. "Quinn, hey, Quinn," she said gently, giving Quinn's face a pat. "Quinn, hey, come on, girl, wake up, come on back...
"...Quinn?" Puck said gently, giving her shoulders a tap as he'd been taught on his life saving course. "Quinn? Can you hear me? Quinn?"
"Mmmmm," Quinn groaned. "Oh my God," she whispered as she opened her eyes and looked up into Puck's worried eyes. "It worked," she whispered.
"What worked?" Finn asked. "And dude? What the hell are you doing with my girlfriend?" he demanded, noting the closeness of Puck to Quinn.
Quinn glanced around and saw the devastation surrounding her. "What ha...? They blew up the lab again? Mr McCormick and his assistant?" she asked, confused.
"What do you mean, again?" Puck asked, puzzled. "This is the first time it's ever happened," he informed her.
Quinn tried to sit up. "I'm in my uniform," she announced as she glanced down at her slender body clad in her Cheerios uniform. "Where-where's my...?" she asked tearfully as her hands traced her smooth, flat stomach.
"Where's what" Finn asked, he was so worried about his girlfriend, she was rambling, she seemed like she had a concussion or something, like the time she fell from the top of the pyramid at the last game of last season. "Mr McCormick, I think Quinn hit her head, I think she needs to go to the hospital."
"Paramedics are en route," the science teacher, Mr McCormick, replied. "Puck too, he has a gash on his arm. Is anyone else hurt?" he called, looking round at his trashed classroom. "Oh crap, Principal Figgins is going to fire me, for sure," he sighed silently.
"Hello," a voice called from the doorway. "Paramedics. Is there anyone who needs us?"
"Yes, we have a girl in here, it seems like she has a concussion or something, she's a bit confused and this guy with a gash on his arm," Mr McCormick replied, pointing out Puck and Quinn to the guy in the blue uniform.
"Ok, we'll deal with you first, honey, ok?" the paramedic said as he knelt beside Quinn. "Can you tell me what day it is?" he asked as he began his immediate and basic checks.
"Errm, Friday?" Quinn asked uncertainly. She gulped when she saw the looks exchanged above her head.
"And the date?" the paramedic asked a little quieter as he peered into her eyes and shone a bright torch into them.
"April 15th?" Quinn replied, even more uncertain that she had it correct.
"What year is it honey?" the man asked as he touched every part of Quinn's head, feeling for any irregularities.
"2010," Quinn replied then burst into tears. "Stop looking at each other, tell me what's wrong," she wailed.
"Quinn, it's October 20th, 2009," Finn said gently and gripped Quinn's shaking hand.
"No, no, that's not right, it's April, we just chose the numbers for Regionals, Brittany and Mike are working on the dance sequences, I," Quinn looked at Puck, the fear in her eyes was real, very real, she certainly believed what she was saying.
"I think we should take you to the hospital, maybe get that head x-rayed," the paramedic announced reassuringly, when he saw that the two guys didn't seem to have a clue what the poor girl was talking about, she must have taken a serious bang to the head.
"No," Quinn cried, "no, no, x-ray," she managed to say before her throat closed up, Quinn was vaguely aware that she had heard Puck shout the same thing. The paramedic said nothing, he just nodded knowledgeably, he certainly had one idea of why the mention of an x-ray could cause such distress.
Finn rolled his eyes, Quinn had probably read another stupid internet scare that x-rays made you gain weight or something, really, he wished that she would just accept that she was perfect exactly as she was, she didn't need to diet, she didn't need to follow Ms Sylvester's ridiculous regime.
"Let's get you both loaded," the medic said as he stood up. "Do you think you can walk?" he asked Quinn. "We'll both help you, right?" he said, including Puck in his statement.
"Yes, I'll be fine," Quinn agreed and almost sank into Puck's side as his arm went around her back, Quinn was thankful that she had a legitimate excuse to be there, be in his arms, she had missed his touch so much.
Finn waited rather impatiently as he heard the quiet mutterings coming from the other side of the curtain surrounding Quinn's bed. The voices were far too low for him to be able to make out any words though. "What the hell?" he thought as the doctor came out and through the gap, Finn saw Puck lean over and kiss Quinn's forehead, he saw that their hands were clasped together, it certainly looked like Puck was comforting Quinn, comforting her way more than Finn was comfortable with.
"Hey," Finn said as he pushed through the curtains into the cubicle. "How are you? Did your mom get here yet? Did you get your x-ray?" he asked, glancing all around the cubicle rather than make any eye contact, he still wasn't sure what was going on but he felt like he was the intruder, that he'd interrupted something.
Puck stood up straighter and caught Finn's eye. "I think we should go outside for a minute," he announced and walked around the bed to Finn. Puck guided Finn, herded him out and followed him to the parking lot in front of the hospital. "They didn't do the x-ray," Puck said quietly as he turned to face Finn, his hands in the front pockets of his pants, "they couldn't," he added as Finn tried to speak. "And the reason that they couldn't is because Quinn is pregnant," Puck admitted.
"Pr-pregnant?" Finn gasped, he gulped as he felt the ground shake beneath his feet. "How? Wha-whe-how?" he stuttered.
Puck didn't reply at first, he seriously did not think that Finn needed him to give a blow by blow account of how. It soon became apparent that he did. "Jeez, man, it was a few weeks ago, you and the singing dweebs were off practicing somewhere, Coach Sylvester was riding Quinn about her weight, she got upset, I comforted her," he sighed when Finn wouldn't let it drop.
"Comforted her?" Finn demanded, his disgust apparent on his face. "You comforted her?" Puck shrugged, what was the point of answering the question, he'd already admitted that he was the guy. Finn spun away and almost ran to his car.
"Oh crap," Puck sighed as he turned and walked back into the hospital. "That could have gone a little better," he tried to joke as he entered Quinn's cubicle, "but at least he knows now, and you were worried that he'd think he was the baby dad...oh, crap," he muttered, his voice dwindling to nothing as his eyes locked with Mr Fabray's.
"I take it that's you?" Judy Fabray asked icily. Puck took hold of Quinn's trembling hand and nodded, they both did, and then gulped, they both did. "Tell me," Judy continued, her eyes still boring into Puck, "what do you intend to do about it?" she asked, her tone was quiet, controlled, but at the same time, menacing, Puck knew that she was serious.
"I er- w-we haven't really had a chance to talk, to deci..." Puck started to say before his voice faded in the heat of Russell Fabray's glare.
"Decide?" Russell asked with barely controlled rage. "Haven't had a chance to decide? I'll tell you exactly what you're going to decide," he hissed. "You are going to have it then give it up and you're going to go away to do it, I will not have you sullying the name Fabray in this town."
"With all due respect, sir," Puck said although he felt no respect what-so-ever, "this is our choice to make, not yours," he reminded the hulking great man in front of him. "Our choice."
"And I choose to keep her," Quinn whispered quietly, she looked up into Puck's eyes, hers were awash with tears, "I can't give her up, please don't ask me to," she begged, hugging Puck's hand even tighter to her.
"I won't," Puck assured Quinn, he bent towards her to drop a soft kiss on her forehead. "My mom knows already, she'll help out," he promised.
"Looks like you have a place to stay then," Russell Fabray sniffed as he prepared to leave. "Your belongings will be ready for collection tomorrow, please come by whilst we are at work, I'd rather not see you again." Puck couldn't even formulate an answer to that, he was so disgusted with the man.
"Are you sure you're ready to cheer?" Santana asked Quinn two days later as they stood on the sidelines watching the Titans face the Lima Central Catholic School team.
"Sure I'm sure," Quinn replied yet again, Santana must have asked her thirty times already.
Puck glanced over at Quinn as the game got under way, she blushed slightly and covered her face with her pompom. He gave her a secret little wink. "Are you with us?" Finn snarled when it was obvious that Puck wasn't paying attention.
"Sure," Puck replied then shouted back at the opposition, traded trash talk with them. Finn managed to tune Puck out, he looked over at the sidelines to the cheer squad, saw Quinn and watched where she was looking, and it wasn't at him, Finn felt more than a little deflated, then he tuned in again, to Puck and his smart mouth. "...mother, in your bed, nice Star Wars sheets," Puck mocked then turned back to his team. "Let's do it," he agreed.
Finn glanced to the brunette in the stands, saw her hopeful face, saw Mr Schuester and Ms Pilsbury, saw them all nod encouragement, he nodded back, a smirk on his face, it was time to call in the big guns. Finn gave a pre-arranged signal to the tech guys. Everyone stopped for a second as the sound system gave a squeal of protest, and then the music started. The whole of the Titans team danced and pranced to Beyonce singing about Single Ladies, the other team were knocked sideways, they could not believe what they were seeing. Finn seized the moment, Puck had already hared off down field, Finn aimed, he threw, his heart almost stopped as he watched the ball hang in the air before it landed firmly in Puck's arms in the end zone, SCORE!
Puck celebrated for a second, gave his customary 'thigh chop' then he sprinted off, back to the rest of the team. Kurt gulped as he nervously made his way towards Finn. Everyone held their breath as Kurt set up his kick, he motioned for the music to resume, he took his steps, aimed, kicked and SCORE! Puck ran to Quinn on the sidelines and grabbed her, he spun around with her in his arms and planted his lips on hers, he was thrilled when her hands cupped his cheeks. Finn stood awkwardly in the middle of the field as he watched his best friend and his girlfriend - ex best friend, ex girlfriend - make out. Suddenly Finn was thrust up in the air, hoisted aloft on peoples' shoulders. Finn caught sight of Rachel again, saw her waving and cheering, his heart trembled a little, he looked back at Quinn and Puck, saw them wrapped up in each other, saw how right they looked together.
Three days later...
"Oh you do," Finn insisted, "you so owe me," he informed Puck.
"How?" Puck replied, his hands spread apart, a worried, puzzled look on his face.
"Because I forgave you and Quinn and I didn't kick your ass," Finn threw back quickly.
"Like you could have," Puck scoffed. "But fine, so we owe you, but it better not be something stupid," he added when Finn gave a scary smile.
"It's not stupid," Finn denied. "Choir room, after school," he announced, "and bring two more with you," he instructed as he walked away.
Puck's shoulders slumped in defeat. Choir room? Choir room? Oh crap, did that mean Quinn's dream was coming true? No freakin' way...