There's a Kid in the Vents!
This is a hilarious one shot I made up in my twisted mind. Actually, this might be a two shot. I'm not sure. Be aware names of planets are made up. On with the Story!
"Rocket, have you seen my gun?"
"I've seen a lotta guns. Which one?"
"THE one. You know, the element gun?"
"Oh. Yeah. Your flarking gun's on the table."
"Thank you."
A sudden sound from above interrupted Peter and Rocket.
"What was that?"
"How am I supposed to know?"
"Geez. Just asking. It sounded like it came from the vents."
"Might be one of those evil dust rats form Scraq."
"Could be. I'll go check."
"Take your gun with ya!"
"I'm not actually going in the vents. I have a watching system up there."
"Oh. What other toys have ya got there?"
"A lot." Peter flashed a devilish grin. "Whatever's up there, I can make them come out."
"Nice." Rocket stood up and followed Peter to the Milano's console. "Did you find anything yet?"
"No. Hold on- THERE!" Peter yelled, pointing to a fuzzy looking object.
"Quill, what planet is this watching system from? Can't you increase the quality?"
"Yeah. Be patient- look! See? That object?"
Rocket grunted in response. "To big to be a dust rat, yet still pretty small-about a foot or two taller than me."
"Looks like it's humanoid...Rocket, I think we've got a kid in the vents."
…...
"Can you smoke it out?" asked Rocket.
"If I wanted to, but I don't want to kill it, so I'm not going to."
"Well, what CAN you do?"
"I can send someone up there to coax it- ugh, that feels weird- out,"
"Like who?"
"Well, let's see...who would be the least threatening?"
"Uh...considering we're a band of thieves and mercenaries, that's probably not the best question..."
"Yeah. I know. Well, Drax is a definite no, just because...well, he's huge and has tattoos, not to mention he probably wouldn't fit in the vents, and Gamora, she's...not very..."
"Friendly? Nice? Kind?"
"Um...something like that. And Groot is very friendly, but he's not even humanoid, so...I guess that just leaves you and me."
"You can take this one, Star Lord. I ain't going up in the vents with some kid."
"Then that leaves me. I guess I would be the best choice anyway, since I'm-well, half human."
"What makes you think the kid is Terran?"
"We just made a stop on Terra a few hours ago, and besides, what other species would stow away?"
"Fine. Hey, people,come here!" Rocket yelled to the rest of the guardians.
"What?" grumbled Gamora.
"What is the meaning of this, Quill and furry rodent?" Drax asked.
Groot simply said, "I am Groot." (What)
"Okay. First off, do NOT call me a rodent. Second, THERE'S A FLARKING KID IN THE VENTS!"
"Of what species?" said Drax.
"Terran," Peter looked up from the console.
"How do you know?" Gamora replied.
"The build."
"You're checking out a kid, Quill?" Rocket said, a little appalled.
"Not like that," Peter said, reddening slightly. "I mean from the- you know, just forget it. I know you guys know what I mean."
"Sure we do..."
"Shut up, Rocket. Anyway, guys, it's been decided that I'm going to be the one to go up there, and you know, talk to the kid. So... here I go." Peter shot a vent covering off, and climbed in it while the team just stared. "Good thing I made these extra large," his muffled voice called out.
...
Eli Williamson was having a rather...interesting day. First, there was the space ship that landed in her backyard. Second, there were the aliens that came out of it. They were yelling at each other. Loudly. At midnight. She was pretty sure she was the only one that had seen them, though. Then the human came out of the ship. He walked over to the grocery store near her house. An hour later, he came out with shopping bags.
The strangest thing was, Eli had decided to sneak aboard their ship. Just to see what is was like. But the next thing she knew, they were off the ground. So she decided to hide in the vents. Hey, it's what everybody does in the movies!
Eli figured out she could watch them if she looked out vent coverings. So that's what she did to pass the time. They were a weird bunch, to say the least. Two humanoids, a raccoon (a talking one, nonetheless), a tree, and a human. They bickered and fought like a family would.
She heard a loud crash at one end of the section of vents she was in. Eli could see a dark figure coming towards her. So she scurried away.
"Hey, come back!" a man's voice called. He sounded almost whiny.
Eli decided to have some fun with him. She crawled into a very narrow section of vents.
"Ugh! Guys, I can't reach it! We'll just have to wait for it to come out!"
"I'm a she, thank you very much," Eli yelled across the vents.
"Oh- uh, sorry. Um...can you come out? We only want to know who you are," the man said. His voice sounded very boyish. Eli was tempted to come out.
But she didn't. "My name is Eli,"
"Say what now?"
"Eli. Short for Elizabeth."
"Oh...well, Eli, can you come out? Please? We won't hurt you,"
"That's what all psycho killers say."
"Hey, we're not pyshco ki- well, I'm not a psycho killer!"
"Fine. You're the human right?"
"Yep."
"I'll come out and talk to you, but only you."
"You have a deal, missy. Hey, guys, can you blow off a vent cover somewhere?"
"Sure," Rocket responded.
Eli heard a loud blast coming from her right. She crawled to it, and tumbled out of the vents. She landed in some kind of living room.
The man was sitting in a chair. "Hi,"
"Who are you?"
"I'm Star- well, Peter Quill,"
"Eli Williamson,"
"So, Eli, uh, what exactly are you doing here?"
"Your ship landed in my backyard, so I went on when nobody was looking, just to see the ship, and...you took off with me on board"
"Oh. Sorry about that. Just a question...what's new on Ter- Earth?"
"What do you mean?"
"What has happened since...1988?"
"Um...I'm not sure why you would want to know that, but we have smart phones, tablets, texting, computers, phones, cars, better music,"
"Hey! We had computers, phones, and cars during the 80s! And you most certainly do not have better music!" Peter looked very offended.
"Sorry...it's just, I'm a kid, and I wasn't born in the 80s, so..."
"Yeah, I get you. Uh...what are smart phones, tablets, and texting, though?"
Eli's mouth fell open. "Do you live under a rock, or something?"
Peter blushed. "It's been a while since I've lived on Earth."
"Ohhkay, well, smart phones are basically a hybrid of modern computers and phones, and they do awesome stuff like email, call people, play games, and a lot of other things. Tablets are pretty much smart phones enlarged to, maybe, a foot by a half a foot. And texting is email, just on your phone."
"Email...as in sending messages to people? Electronically?"
"Yes."
"Technology has changed on Earth. A lot."
"Well, it has been 26 years."
"Yeah, but..."
"Well, now can I ask you a few questions?"
"Ask away."
"So aliens exist?"
"Far away, but yes."
"How come we- in we, I mean citizens of Earth- don't know about that?"
"Like I said, these aliens are very, very far away. Earth doesn't have sophisticated enough technology to know. And your government does know because of certain incidents, but they keep quiet."
"Why?"
"To avoid mass panic, more aliens coming to Earth, a multitude of reasons."
"Oh. Well, my next question is how did you end up in space, Peter Quill?"
"That's a long, sad story...not one a- how old are you?"
"Twelve, thirteen in a month,"
"a twelve year old should know."
"Oh...hey, you can tell me. I won't judge."
"Fine. Well, you see, my mother had some pretty bad cancer, and that night, in the hospital, was-" Peter spoke more softly now.
"when she died. And, there were some... aliens that were there to take me to my father,"
"Your father lives in outer space?"
"He's an alien...but a humanoid one...anyway, the Ravagers...that's what the aliens called themselves...took me, but they decided to keep me, and...here I am, I guess."
"Oh...uh, I'm sorry for your loss?"
"It's a bit late for that now," Peter said with a wry smile. "Any other questions?"
"Yes...how did you end up with your...friends?"
"Long story. To sum it up, we're a bunch of criminals who realized we needed to save the galaxy. We're... dangerous, but we won't hurt you."
Eli breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. One last question, though. Is 80s music really that good?"
"You bet it is." Peter grinned. "Wanna listen?"
"Definitely,"
Peter pulled out his Walkman. "Do you know what this is?"
"Uh...cassette player?"
"Yes. But this, Eli, is the best cassette player. It's a 1980s Sony Walkman."
"Wow...it's a piece of history."
Peter frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well...I've never seen one of those before."
"They don't make them anymore?"
"No...sorry."
"Well, if Earth technology has advanced as much as you said it did, I guess that makes sense. But sometimes older things are better, you know?"
"I guess..." Eli said reluctantly.
Peter gently slipped the Walkman over Eli's head. There was nothing at first, but a second after, there was a vibrant burst of music.
Ooga Chaka Ooga Ooga Ooga Chaka
I can't stop this feeling
Deep inside of me
Girl you just don't realize
What you do to me
When you hold me in your arms so tight
You let me know
Everything's all right
Aah Aah Aah Aah Ah Ah
Hooked on feelin'!
The song went on. Eli had to admit is was pretty-no, really good. "Peter, I guess you were right. This is really good."
Peter grinned. "What can I say? I'm always right. I bet this is 10 times better than any crap you have today."
"Hey, now, don't get cocky. Today's music is...okay. I mean, some is good, some could be...better."
"See? I told you so."
"Yeah...since today's music kind of sucks, I'm stealing this Walkman."
"HEY! Being a thief is MY thing!"
"MWAHAHAHA!"
Peter and Eli chased each other for a second, then Eli raced out the door of the living room. "Stop her! She stole my Walkman!" Peter yelled to the other Guardians. Groot's arms snaked out, caught Eli, and plucked the Walkman off of her head. Groot then carefully put her down.
"I am Groot," he chastised. (Don't become Peter,)
Rocket burst out laughing. "Yeah, kid, that'll do you in!"
"What'd he say?" asked Eli.
"He said, 'Don't become Peter'!"
"Come on, man! How is that bad?"
"Do you want a list?" put in Gamora.
"Yes, friend Quill, there are many, many, many reasons why a child should not aspire to become you. Especially if they don't want to end up in prison."
Eli eyed Peter dubiously. "What have you done?" She backed up a little.
"Okay, so maybe I have messed up a little-"
"Try a lot!" Rocket interrupted.
"Shut up. As I was saying, everybody on this ship has been accused of multiple crimes, but we all- well, most of us- have hearts of gold."
"Not exactly," Rocket butted in. "Some of us have some metal mixed in too, namely me and Gamora,"
"Not important. Anyway, you should definitely aspire to be me, because I'm super cool and awesome, not to mention extremely good looking."
"Fine. Maybe I will aspire to be you."
"DON'T!" the rest of the Guardians yelled.
Eli made a face. She leaned against Groot, and Groot picked her up and put her on his lap. "Thanks, Groot." Groot nodded.
"Kid, c'mere," Peter told Eli. He motioned for her to come to the living room. Eli obliged. Peter put his mix tape into a radio. "If you're going to aspire to be me, then you need to learn my moves."
"What-" Eli said, a horrified expression on her face.
"Not that," he replied. "I mean dance moves. I'm the king of dance, baby!"
I Want You Back started to play. Peter wiggled his hips and started to dance along to the music. He strutted around the room and started to sing along as Eli watched in disbelief. "Come on, Eli, join in!" Hesitantly, she began to mimic Peter's moves. "Show some personality, kid!"
So Eli waved her arms, shook her hips, did every dance move she could think of, and began to sing along. Before she knew it, she and Peter ended up doing the tango, which quickly morphed into the air guitar, which turned into a kick line, which ended up as free styling, her and Peter singing along and basically looking like two crazy people.
"Not bad, kid!" Peter said, grinning, when the song ended. Come And Get Your Love came on, and Eli yelled, "DANCE PARTY!" and the crazy dancing started all over again. Peter took a small remote from his pocket, pressed a button, and a disco ball dropped down from the ceiling. "I've been waiting for this moment for a while," he confessed.
10 Jolt Colas, 1 hour, and 20 songs later, Eli and Peter collapsed. Looking up at the ceiling, Eli studied her Jolt can and said, "Am I even allowed to have this?"
"Who knows? I started drinking beer when I was your age,"
"What?"
"The Ravagers..."
"Oh."
Eli fell asleep.
Peter woke up, Eli curled up next to him. He had a splitting headache."Ugh..." he groaned. "Jolt hangover."
Eli groaned back. "I haven't felt this way since...never."
"Well, yeah. You're a kid. You've never had a hangover."
"Thank God."
"Yeah. Wait, what were we talking about?"
"I dunno..."
"Ughh."
"Agreed." Eli collapsed again. So did Peter.
…...
A few hours later, Peter could think again. And his first thought was, I think I need to take her home. He looked over at Eli, who was sprawled on the floor next to him. He decided to let her sleep and quietly went out to talk to the other Guardians.
The first thing someone said was, "What in the name of all things sacred were you doing in there?!" That was Gamora.
"Dancing..." Peter muttered.
Rocket burst out laughing. "YOU SOUNDED LIKE A STAMPEDING HERD OF REDWARKS!"
"We did?"
"My furry friend is correct. You were very loud. You and the Terran girl are actually good singers." Drax stated.
"I am Groot!" (It's nice to see someone else shares your passion,)
"IT SURE IS!" Rocket stifled giggles.
"Well, what I wanted to talk to you about was taking her home,"
"Mmm. I don't think I could deal with two Peters." Rocket mused.
"I would not mind having another girl on the ship. It would be nice to have someone with sense, instead of you." Gamora said in disdain.
"I think it would do you good, Quill, to have a child to look after. You act almost like she's your daughter."
"I do not!" But Peter did secretly wish she and him were related. Eli was a nice kid. Plus, she was a lot like him.
"I am Groot." (We have to take into account Eli's wishes, too,)
"Groot's right. We have to see what the kid wants to do. You don't want this to be a Ravagers repeat, do you?"
Peter had never thought of that. "Definitely not. I'm going to see if she's awake." Peter started off to the living room. When he got there, Eli was sitting on the sofa, listening with Peter's Walkman, dejectedly staring at the tape.
She reminded Peter so much of himself on that night...he almost couldn't bear to ask her. But he knew he had to. "Uh...hey, kid, do you think you want to go home?" Shoot. He sucked at this.
"I guess so...as much as I like you guys, I don't think I could leave my parents..."
Peter thought that made sense. He wondered about his grandparents...no. Best to push that out of his mind. "Okay. Well, I'll set course for Earth. You know, the rest of the galaxy calls it Terra."
"Isn't that basically Earth?"
"Yeah. But it does fit in with the theme of the solar system. 'Cause of the Roman names? Anyway, is there anything you want to do before you go?"
"Hmm...where's the nearest peaceful planet?"
"Xandar's a few light years away from our location."
"I want to go there."
"Deal."
...
They landed on Xandar in hour.
"So...what do you want to do on Xandar?" Peter asked Eli.
"Shop."
"Ughhh. Why do girls always want to shop?"
"For one thing, I'm not one of those girly girls who spends every second of their life at the mall. Second, wouldn't you want to have a souvenir from space if you got a chance to go there?"
"I guess that makes sense. Well, we're here."
The Guardians exited the ship and headed to some shops on Xandar. Peter and Eli walked together, commenting on people and places. Rocket and Groot stayed by a fountain, as Groot wanted to drink fountain water. Drax went to some weapons store, and Gamora went off to do who knows what.
"Ooh, this one's good," Peter steered Eli to a shop. "This one sells stuff from other planets."
"Wouldn't I want something from here?"
"That's not what I'm getting at."
Peter walked over to the counter. "Peter Quill."
"Ah, Mister Quill! Your usual?" the cashier asked.
"Yep."
The cashier went into a storage room and brought out a box filled with 1980s Sony Walkmans.
"Your choice, kid."
"Wow...I'll take the green one," Eli replied.
"Cool." Peter gave it to her, and slapped some units down on the counter.
"Thank you for buying!" the cashier called out after them.
"Thanks, Peter. But don't you need a tape for this?"
"Yeah...which is why I have this," Peter pulled out a replica of Awesome Mix Vol. 1.
"I thought that was yours,"
"It's a copy. My mom thought I might lose one, so she gave me two, just in case."
Eli was silent for a moment. "This is priceless."
"Yes it is. Now let's go find another shop!"
…...
An hour later, Eli came to a stop at a jewelry shop. "Let's go in there," she said firmly.
"I don't know...jewelry is expensive."
"You're a thief. Why don't you just steal it?"
"I like your style, kid. Let's go in." They walked into the store. The store was very fancy, and the customers inside looked very wealthy. So heads turned when people saw two Terrans walk in.
"Excuse me, are you lost?" the rather snobby cashier asked in a soft voice. Peter was looking at her intently...too intently...Eli elbowed him to remind him why they were there.
"No, I'm here to look at a necklace for my friend," Friend... Eli thought.
The cashier looked at them with her eyebrows raised. "You?"
"Well, yes, as I'm the crown prince of Spartoi,"
"Why are you here without an escort, then? Why are you dressed like...that?"
"It's my vacation. And I don't want to attract attention."
"I need to see proof."
Peter handed the cashier something small that Eli couldn't see. The cashier looked at it, and her eyes widened. "Well, then, what can I interest you in?"
"What would you like?" Peter asked Eli.
"A locket."
"Then a locket, please."
"Oh! We have some beautiful lockets in the back. Let me get them for you." The cashier hurried off.
"Listen. The plan is you look at lockets, and I'll cause some distraction so the cashier will come over to me. Then, you take the locket you want, and walk up to me and say you didn't want any. Then we get the heck out of here," Peter whispered to Eli.
"Okay," she whispered back.
As if on cue, the cashier walked up to them. "So here are some of our-"
Peter was looking at some watches. "Excuse me," he called. "Can I have your help with something?"
"Of course, sir," the cashier said.
Eli looked at the lockets. She chose a polished silver one with three connected dots. She made sure nobody was looking, and pocketed the necklace.
Eli then walked up to Peter. "I didn't really want any," she lied.
Peter responded, "Oh, well. I guess we'll be on our way." Then then walked out, the cashier staring in disbelief.
"That felt good," Eli confessed.
"It always does," Peter said, grinning. They found the rest of the Guardians near the fountain.
"GO GO GO!" Eli yelled.
"You stole something, didn't you," Gamora said with an all knowing look.
"How'd you guess?" Peter replied.
The Guardians (plus one more) rushed onto the Milano and took off.
"Ship, set course for Terra," Peter reclined in his chair.
…...
The Milano landed in the Williamson's backyard. Before Eli got off, Peter handed her something. "Here's my card," he told her. It said, Star Lord. Legendary Outlaw. Press this button to call.
"Thanks, Star Lord," Eli said, stifling a laugh.
"Oh, sure. Make fun of it."
"It's a cool name," Eli said with sincerity.
"You like it?" Peter sounded surprised.
"Yeah, I do."
And with that, Eli walked off the ship.
"BYE!" the Guardians called.
She waved in response. Eli walked into her house. It all seemed so plain, so normal now. She saw a digital clock. It was 7:oo AM. It was a good thing her parents slept late.
Eli climbed the stairs and walked into her room. She sat on her bed, staring at the card Peter had given her. "Someday..." she whispered.
Whew! THAT took a long time to get out! I hope you like it! If you want a sequel, please leave a review or PM me! It would mean the galaxy to me if you review, favorite, or follow!
KEEP CALM
AND
LOVE QUILL