Title: So long, so long
Author: Lilya
Genre: Angst/Drama
Summary: 1974. Sirius' last moments at 12 Grimmauld Place – through his brother's eyes.
Main characters: Regulus Black, Sirius Black
Rating: G
Disclaimer: They belong to J. K. Rowling.
My most heartfelt thanks to Daughter of Olorin, my wonderful beta-reader.
SO LONG, SO LONG
Your trunk is slamming against every step – it's almost a replica of your and mother's shouts.
"Sirius, please…"
Yes, I knew it couldn't't go on like this forever, I knew it was not healthy, I knew sooner or later this whole thing between you and mom would just burst…
But…
"Please, wait…"
Last flight of stairs, answer me damn it!
"You don't have to go, Sirius…"
One flicker of the wand and the trunk crashes in the middle of the hall.
This can't be real.
This can't be happening.
You can't be really leaving.
Please, say it isn't so.
"Just wait a bit… it will be all right, I'm sure…"
Why are you putting on your cloak? Take it off, didn't you make enough of a scene already?
"You…you don't mean it…"
You whip around to face me and I have to step back.
"Don't presume to know what I do or don't mean, ever!" you're practically growling in my face.
You're frightening, I've never seen you like this…
But you're my brother, you can't just leave! We're your family!
Oh, Merlin, there must be something, anything I can say to stop you…
Why won't the words come? Why can't I ever say what I feel, like you do?
"Please…"
Damn it, Regulus Arcturus Black! You give pathetic a whole new meaning!
You're already out of the threshold, dragging your trunk along.
…Is this show of wiping your feet on the doormat really necessary?
I see you wave your wand and the door jerks forward, but I'm already across the hall and grab it before it slams shut.
You're already halfway down the front steps.
Come on, Sirius – you must know I'm here, maybe you didn't hear me speak, maybe you can't feel me staring at your back, but you certainly didn't hear your expected last bang….
…you must realize I'm here…
You climb down the last steps, drag your luggage on the sidewalk, march toward the Muggle street, stick out your wand to summon the Knight Bus – and then you're gone.
Without hesitation.
You just walked away and didn't even look back…
My eyes are burning, I know I was staring at the point where you last were standing but it's all blurry now.
I can't let go of this door – I'm gripping the wood with all my strength. I wonder if I'm leaving a mark.
I wonder what would happen if I did let go – would I slide to the floor? Would I burst into tears?
Somebody's touching my shoulder.
Slowly, I look up – right into our dad's somber face.
I'm still trying to blink away my tears and swallow around the knot in my throat
"Father…"
"Come, Reggie." He says quietly. "I'll have Kreacher bring us some tea and biscuits in my study. Come, son."
Gently, he pries me off and wraps an arm around my shoulders, leading me away.
The door clicks shut.
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