AN: Bates's trial and everything happened in October, I am very sorry but for the purpose of this AU Bates has been hanged, it is sad but it gave me a strong reason for Anna to leave. I know they probably would not have had the ball in that situation but again I needed it for the plot.

Mrs Hughes,

I am sorry to say I have had to leave, I wish I could have spoken to you before I did but I find I cannot stay at Downton, the memories are too powerful and I will be no use to you if I am unhappy throughout, I know you need a hard working housemaid and if I am no longer suited to the task then I am saving you from having to sack me.
I am sorry to have left without your consent or knowledge, this leaves you without a senior housemaid but I am sure you will find one soon who isn't going to cause trouble for the rest of the staff. You will find my room empty and that which I have borrowed laid on my bed.

I have already given you my reasons for wanting to leave and I am sorry but I cannot be convinced to stay, I just cannot face being at Downton, almost feeling as it was before he arrived. It is not just that he is gone but I am his wife so I feel I should be somewhere else, it will not do you any good either if I am still here, you never said it but I know you felt guilty about what happened in the courtroom, but you should not. I've come to realise that you told the truth as was required of you. The information you gave was not the overall cause, you must not feel as though it is your fault Mrs Hughes. I do not hold it against you and I know he did not either. You have always been kind to me, taking me under your wing and guiding me through my role as housemaid until head housemaid. I am more grateful to you Mrs Hughes than you may ever know, especially in the recent months, you would go out of your way to make sure I was coping with my duties, you offered me compassion in a time when I saw none. You are an incredible woman Mrs Hughes, the staff and family are lucky to have you as part of the house and so was I – please do not ever forget how valued you are.
In the end the story will die down and you will all go about your own lives again, you can forget about the both of us and everything that has happened.

I need one last chance to say this or write it at least. I loved him more than anything; there wasn't one day when I would not look forward to seeing him, for eight years. The last few months have been the most difficult of my life, I cannot begin to explain how empty and lost I have felt without him. Now knowing he is really gone, I feel there is nothing left at Downton at least.
You need not worry about what I'll do, I have arranged to stay with Gwen for the foreseeable future, she will take care of me when I need it and no doubt encourage me to find my feet again soon enough. I am afraid however, I will not tell you where I'll be living, I feel in my heart I need to fully escape the walls of Downton and what they represent, as much as it pains me to do so.
I do not want to be there, forced to see all the places he has been, recalling the times when he would look at me from across the room and give me that small but heart-warming smile only I could see, there would be a slight glimmer in his eye before they would crinkle and he would have to stop before anyone noticed. I cannot bear to see all of that, I need to escape that, I will not be rid the memory of him, not entirely, I do not want to be.

One thing I must say though, although I have detailed my feelings to you, you have never did the same, you have never told me how you felt. I know you keep a stern demeanour in front of the other servants as their senior but when around me you were much more gently spoken and I know that is because it is who you really are. You may never speak openly about your feelings Mrs Hughes and I was never in the position to ask, though I wanted to many times. Sometimes I would see sadness in your eyes and I desperately wished to ask what was wrong so you could have the chance to share whatever burden you were feeling, the way you have tried to share my burden.

However upon my observing you at the servant's ball, my years of wondering and suspicions were confirmed. Many people, servants and family, joke that the Housekeeper and Butler act like an 'old married couple' but I always wondered if either of you felt something more than friendship towards each other. You would both stand up for the other if someone spoke against them; you clearly care deeply about each other. But it was last night at the ball that I decided it would be better to give you a little nudge in the right direction.
Last night, first when Mr Carson asked you to dance, I saw, despite your shock, that you were utterly ecstatic, your eyes sparkled in a way I have only ever seen in a woman so in love. I doubt you noticed that I was watching you, but I saw every little detail that would lead me to the conclusion that you are completely in love.
It would not be as obvious to others perhaps, I am not sure others were watching but I could see. You gasped when he took your hand, placed his hand at your waist and brought you closer – your eyes closed briefly. I could sense you were happy for him to be holding you so close. Your hand was slightly shaking, a combination of nerves and excitement I can imagine. He may have noticed this and just held you closer. You had to lean back so you could glance up into his eyes. Neither of you appeared to be focussed on your dancing but you managed to be the most graceful pair on the floor. Dancing a natural rhythm I can assume comes from years of working in tandem. I could see the way you were looking at him, with the same longing I have seen in countless ladies eyes. Forgive me Mrs Hughes if I am wrong, but you never looked away from his eyes, you both stared at each other, clearly both reserved and full of nerves for the implications of such a dance. But I can promise you, the way Mr Carson looks at you is the way John used to look at me, so I think you can rest assured he returns your feelings.

I have known you for a long time Mrs Hughes, the same time I have known Mr Carson but the two of you would never leave each other's side, you jointly ruled together from the start. To me it is so clear you're both in love, the kind of warm comforting love that comes from knowing a person's soul. I have known that love, and I wish for you to know it too.
Please know this, over the last few months I have learnt if nothing else that life is perilously short and you should not waste time pondering what might happen. I think, as soon as you have finished reading this letter you should to go to him, go and admit, it will not do you any good to hide your feelings any longer. Every day is the tomorrow you told yourself you would do something.

I am bold in saying all of this, I am aware, I probably would not have gotten away with it were I still in your employment but since I have no more to lose I feel I should tell you, you may be content with your position and your job but you were never so happy as you danced in his arms.

All my love and best wishes for the future,
Anna.

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